Some guy made a song about blogging from the hiphop music site

January 24, 2004
A (Sad) New Chapter in Blog History
Last week I jokingly acted like I wanted beef with another blog across town, namely Tiny Lucky Genius AKA the Unicorn's Tear hosted by Chicago's own Jessica Hopper. I was totally totally kidding, she seems mad cool and probably able to have me killed.

But I've always thought it would be fun if us bloggers had "blog beef", and made blog dis records about each other like all the cool rap stars do. The problem, of course, is where would we find a loser with enough free time on his hands to actually write and record a song about somebody else's blog?

As you have probably guessed by now, I am that loser. And since last week's tomfoolery gave me inspiration, I now present to you the world's first blog dis record, "I Know Why The Unicorn Cries."


Download the MP3 here , then read along below!

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I Know Why the Unicorn Cries
(beat courtesy of Vast Aire's "Look Mom No Hands", additional samples added by Jay Smooth in Cool Edit Pro)

PRIMO-STYLE COLLAGE INTRO

FIRST VERSE, STARTING WITH OBLIGATORY BIGGIE REFERENCE:

first things first, Ms. Hopper: ha ha, you're funny
amusing - but your emo ego is due for bruising tonight
cuz we're never losing a fight
we keep it tight, featured site up at movable type
I fill suckaz all over the blogosphere with dread
walk mean streets these geeks fear to tread
but every now and then I hear footsteps behind me
another small timer like yourself getting grimy
tiny.abstract about to catch a clapback
next time you post about me, watch your trackback
cuz I'm about to ping you with the real
when a unicorn cries tell me how does it feel?

CHORUS:

punk unicorn!
from your eye drops a tear!
sucka unicorn!
from your eye drops a tear!

REPEAT

SECOND VERSE:

you think your tiny sucky blog makin me feel fear?
I get more hits in a week than you get all year
you cry a tear cuz you're jealous about my fame
talk a good one but never call me out by name
it's just a shame, I dunno why you think that you could reckon with me
I represent New York, you're in the second city
small time dropping small thoughts for small minds
up against THE GREATEST HIP-HOP BLOG OF ALL TIME!? (portentous echo)
you better call time like chris webber
cuz it only gets better when this veteran gets clever and spits
i'm severin arteries mercy has never been part of me
so if you ask me to i'll enjoy thrashing you heartily in every post I make
roasting fakes you and your team are artificial
like the cream in the middle of hostess cakes
and that makes a tasty meal
so when i eat a unicorn tell me how does it feel?

CHORUS

FADE OUT

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Just to reiterate, in case the inherent absurdity is not obvious, I did this strictly for the sake of being silly and I have no quarrel whatsoever with tinyluckygenius (please don't hurt me). But, if any of you want beef, y'all know where to find me! There's plenty more where this came from.

Posted by jsmooth995 at January 24, 2004 06:06 AM | TrackBack

So my section of Elmwood was out of service today. I was going to get some work done before school today but I couldn't do anything without electricity.

I made me think that perhaps I was putting all of my eggs in one basket. I need some electricity free habits, abilities, and hobbies. I was totally thrown for a loop. I had no book I needed to read, nothing. I thought of killing myself but then decided that it would be more prudent to get something to eat and let my legs heal a bit from my evil laptop burns.

Terry lost where he was at in video game at the onset of the ectrical tragedy. Cars started to have almost accdients every five minutes by our street light. It was pure chaos from Lafayette to Cleveland. Even Blockbuster, owner by Viacom, didn't have electricity. So we left with the car destined to find Terry's lost debit card. We found it at Fat Bob's one of our local favorites.

When we came back we decided we wanted to eat at Manhattan Bagel and guess what - still no electricity. So we kept walking. Spot - no electricity. I started to think it was a local terrorist attack but we continued on to Coffee AND where they had electricity.

Once there we ordered pizza. I had the mediterranean one which was quite good. I really need to get started on the restaurant rerview site. Next project to come. The poor woman there seemed so overworked, but it was definately more economical than Spot. So while waiting for the Pizza, I saw Cyan and we talked for what turned into a 3 hour conversation. It was great. I really like her, I wish she had a journal because I always feel like I am learning from her. I wish she had a journal. Ironically, while searching through the records, I notice that she signed up for one but then never started writing in it.

So against my better judgement I spent several hours yesterday hiking at Zoar Valley. I used to really like it there. It is an old hippie, naked gathering, natural wonder. Unfortunately, it is also extremely polluted with both chemicals downstream from an old glue factory, and plutonium from West Valley upstream. Check out my December 26th journal (e:paul,30661) on the topic. Also check out Terry's poem about the hike. (e:terry,35457)

Well, it is also one of the most beautiful places I have seen on the east coast. It kind of reminds me of a mini, greener Sedona, AZ.

It was nice to feel the sun outside. We had a fun time hopping on mini icebergs in the creek. When we got back to the creek we initially crossed, most of our path had been eroded away and we had to walk on really thin ice. Luckily, we aren't to heavy!

This is the cliff where the two creeks cross and most people hang out and swim.



Here is another picture of the cliff from a different angle.



This is looking down the creek from the cliff toward the point peter cliff.



This is me in nature, with my pointy peter, lol. It fun to be naked outside.

We need to start a masssive information speading campaign to stop this. And we sure as hell need to vote Kerry, even if we hate him. George Bush must be taken down.

Go to this at the senate.gov page and type in S89. Read the bill yourself. Also search for HR163.

Check it out if you don't believe it. For more information check out emily's journal.

So now that I have finsihed the reading project, I can move onto the VR project, followed by the overdue independent study, followed by grading, followed by working on this site. I will add some fixer upers this weekend. Maybe sooner. Right now I just realized that the link list neds to be stripped of slashes. I might as well fix that now.

Other than that it is nice to see so many new people considering I have not advertised the site whatsoever. I guess we should probably have another party soon. Luckily it will be Matthew's birthday on the 18th of March, so I feel a party brewing.

Hey Paul,
dude i had the 1st offer for prints of my photos ever to night, and i owe this all to your site. i just put one up there this afternoon and this evening i got an email about someone wanting prints. i can't belive how many people actualy come and visit your site. just two or three days ago i had 66 viewings of my site and i checked today and now it is around 111, crazy. i am becomeing an e-strip addict.

i never have never really writen anything in my life and every day now it is gettin easier for me to put how i feel down on this site. thanks zack

Sincerely,
zack

So the weather is finally nice. I guess this year I will have to get a bike, although it is really quite unhelpful for my demanding schedule of distant treks. I can't see myself ever having enough time to bike out to UB North Campus.

I miss the days when I had time to not think. I seems that now I never even have a moment that goes by when some pressing issue is not on my mind. I can see how this type of mentally demanding lifestyle over a long period of time would lead to a mental breakdown of sorts.

I guess it should only be one more year of this but at some point it has to end, right?

I cannot wait to get the digital camera. I am so excited about starting photography but at the same time, I have a feeling it will become another demanding hobby, that becomes all-consuming. I seem to have an addiction to all-cosuming hobbies. My first photo set idea is about door locks. There are so many different kinds and it really a statement about the privacy and security issues of our people.

1.While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2.Now , while doing this, draw the number 6 in the air with your right hand.

Your foot will change direction and there's nothing you can do about it.

I am trying to finish up the reading simulation today so that I can continue to work on Josephine's project. I still haven't seen my signe dcontract or any money so I am not to motivated to hurry.

So on the way home from JB I decided to listen to Christian Radio just to give it a whirl and because I was so sick of hearing random officials justify the British spying on Koffi Annan and how it was "normal and accepted foreign policy." One offcial interviewed on NPR actually said that is what the UN was designed for. To allow each of the countries to share information about each other without having to resort to war, so it was perfectly within that vision that the British spied on Koffi Annan.

So anyways, next topic - there was a woman preacher on FM radio, and to tell you the truth she terrified me by reminding me just how fucking scary Christians can be. It started out with her saying "He he sows discord amoung his brethern is an abomination to God." Poor George W.

The scariest part of all of this is when the woman began to brag about how she only had a high school education and yet she preaches to thousands of people each week. The crowd of hundreds started yelling, and clapping, and getting all excited. Then she went on and on about how education isn't all its cracked up to be and about how the wisdom of God is enough. It was so scary to hear the people agreeing and hooting. As thos ethey were so oppressed by their educations. That is what I always imagined Christians to be like, but never spoke of because I figured people would say I was being Christophobic (I just coined that now, Paul 2004.)