So cleaning my room yesterday, I actually got sidetracked and started reading all these old cards and letters and stuff from my friends. WE were so ridiculous,partiuclarly me and (e:mk) I think. LIke when high school was ending and college was beginning and writing to each other about how things will never be the same and we hope we keep in touch and stay friends. And though we won't ever be the same again , at least hopefully we still talk sometimes. It was seriously crazy funny rading it now. Cuz um it is like 6 years later and we still see each other at least once a week, often more than that. We were so overdramatic about everything. (i know hard to believe a kid who made a 3 hours slideshow memory extravaganza oculd be overdramatic about going away to college). Is it unusual to still be so close with your highschool friends. While other pople have become my friends, my core group has been similar since like 9th grade. That is uncommon I think, but maybe not, I don't know. It is strange. I often feel at this point I am the glue holdikng eveyrone together, like I still am friends with and talk to everyone and so they stay friends through me but I like it. I guess we were just the right mix of poeple, or we are just really bad at making new friends and so are sticking it out with these ones, haha.

I also found this journal from like second grade. I might have written about this before but it is hilar I think. Here it is (with mispellings corrected)>.....

Today is February 28
Today is Erin and Mellisa's birthday. Erin and Melissa both got a magic nursery baby for there birthday. Last night the war ended. I'm very glad. Last night I went to cub scouts. TOmorow is a half a day. On Saturday my brother will have a sleepout for the homeless. On Sunday is the spaghetti for my brothers scouts.P.S. Happy Birthday Erin.

I love that journal because the end of the Gulf War took second billing to Erin and Melissa's birthday and got as much play as cub scouts. At first I was thinking I wish life was like that still and then I thought about it and it kinda is. How often do I really think about the war. I don't know it is weird.

So i went to the interview for the Real World today. I am so not as crazy as the other people so I am sure I didn't make it but we'll see. You find out at 9pm today I think he said if you make it to the next round. Even if I don't, at least I can say I tried!

So this afternoon I wasn't in a great mood as Sundays sometimes get me down. I really wanted to go out for lunch or for a walk but everyone was busy so I decided to go for a walk by myself which is fine and fun sometimes. I parked on Bidwell kinda near elmwood and then walked down elmwood to allen, then down allen to like the Days Park and Kleinhan's area and walked around there, and then back up Allen til Pearl, then down Pearl and down towards downtown more. And then back up Franklin/Linwood and back to my car. It was quite a long walk , maybe like 2, 2/5 hours which would have been fine because sometimes you just need that when you want to clear your head. Here's the glitch, I was stupidly wearing a new pair of flip flops. By the time I realized the pain I was as far as I possibly could have been from my car. My feet were sooo torn up and full of blisters and in pain now. It really really hurts. Thankfully I got a little respite when I stopped at the 44 and (e:carey) was on the porch and so I was able to sit for a bit and go in and get a glass of water (and my wallett which I left the night before). The wallet actually became an issue and I had to carry it instead of putting it in my pocket, because as some of you may know, My wallet has about 1.2 million cards in it, and my pants are a little big on me which equals pants falling down every two seconds when wallet is in pocket. So I had to carry it. Did I mention my feet hurt so bad?

Then spent some quality sun catching time lying at Delware park with (e:beast) and (e:maureen). I relaly realized I need glasses when (e:beast) pointed out a cute dog and I was like oh he is so cute, and then she was like um you aren't looking in the right direction. As it turns out what I saw as a cute dog was actually a little kid. Eh..it happens.

Then me and (e:jill) went to see Vacancy tonight. It was really scary though my threshold for really scary is really low. Reeally I waould classify even a jack in the box as really scary. Anywho we were completely curled up in our seats just from the preview. We don't know why we always go to scary movies as we always get terrified and keep our eyes closed for the majority of it.

It got us thinking about why cell phones never work around scary remote places. And then we were tlaking about how how they have things that block cell phone signals and some theaters and churhces have them. And then we thought what if killers started carrying those around and so you couldn't use your cell phone to call for help. Terrifying isn't i?

And i'll leave you with this pearl....on Nick at Nite right now they have a spoof called Ugly Betty White...and I love it!

How random? As you all know I do not partake in the 4/20 activities as I was the DARE poster child at one point in my life. But randomly my mom bought me the book Puff the Magic Dragon yesterday at a book sale. She was like I remember you used to have this book and loved it and so she bought it yesterdray. And isn't it all about smoking pot. Do you think it is a secret signal that she thinks I am a pot smoker because I am not!

Anywho, Why do I always have to take a situation that I have made super weird over the years and then take it to that next weird level. just the other day I was talking to someone about how I don't think I could make it any weirder but guess what...I FOUND A WAY. A few of you might know what I am talking about....why do I hav to get so creepy sometimes....

They are having an open casting call in Buffalo for the Real World. They are looking for people who want to live in a big city and work in the entertainment industry such as fashion, television, movies etc. OMG i think i have to go. I have always wanted to be on the Real World. I am sure I won' tget on cuz I am not interesting nor exciting or crazy but how can I let this opportunity pass me by. What will I say? I'm sure I will come across as really boring but maybe not. Maybe I shouldn't have posted it here cuz now my competetion might increase.

I can't believe that no one has mentioned that LARRY IS ANNA NICOLE'S BABY DADDY! Not Howard. Now not that I didn' tdoubt this for a second because if Howard really knew it was his why wouldn't he of had the DNA test a while ago as he would have had nothing to lose. HOw crazy though! That is like winning the lottery all wrapped up in a diaper for Larry! I hope the poor baby has a good life and he doesn't waste all its money. Like will it be in a trust fund or what? I had heard in her will she said all her fortune could only go to her son and no future spouses or children. That would leave the baby broke. But I also heard no judge would hold that up since her son was dead and that the baby gets it all. All I know is I wish I could have got a little Anna Nicole while she was giving it out for free, who knows I could be carrying home a million dollar bundle this weekend!

So I woke up and immeidately had a cup of the sweet sweet sauce they call coffee that I had given up for the last 40 days. I could not wait to get a sip of that. It was heavenly!!!! Then it took like 20 minutes to find my easter basket (yes my parents still hide my easter basket even though I am 23)! See it was under the couch which I never even looked at cuz easter baskets usually have handles that would yield them impossible to fit under the couch. The bunny was just extra sneaky this year I suppose. I got a whole bunch of goodies and Peter Pan the disney dvd that I love.

Then we went to church at Holy Angels whcih was my Nonna's church and the one I go to every week but my parents went with me today. The Capozzi's go to that church and are pretty big in the churhc and the whole family including Anthony were there. You know he is the guy who was in jail for the bike path rapist crimes even though he is innocent. There was all this press outside, it was cool and crazy. The priest said something about them at the end and everyone applauded. It was super juts feel good. LIke I think everyone visibly looked so happy for them. The applause seriously went on for a whlie. It was really really nice. It is a crazy ordeal they have been through. Also, there was this grandma with her grandkids a few rows in front of me. It made me really sad and I was taering up a lot cuz it reminded me of my Nonna. Like there is that kind of love that is only between a grandparent and grandchild and it was so visible in this lady and her grandkids and it just made me so sad to not have my Nonna still here. I really still think about her a lot especially when I am at that church!

Then it was over to my cousin's inlaws soooo much good food. They have like polish sausage and lazy pierogies and all this good stuff I never get to have so it was amazing. My cousin jenny and my uncle were both sick and not there which was kinda sad cuz we have a small family to begin with and so that cut down on the numbers a lot but it was still fun.

AND THEN TH E BEST NEWS EVER: I got my grade from my physics exam on friday that I was sure I failed and i got a 74 which I have no idea how that happened but was super exciting, but even better was that THE CLASSS AVERAGE WAS ONLY A 51, so I was like way ahead of the average. SCORE!!!!!!!!

I know I said I wasn't going to write but I had to warn you all out there. If you are already feeling sad or depressed, DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT, go to a casino alone at 11 o'clock on a Tuesday night. I mean prolly no time is real great to go. Casinos are sad. Everyone seems sad and solitary. I don' tknow what made me go , I have just been thinking of going there a lot lately. I have only been like once or twice in my life but like the last week or so I have been wanting to go and so I went alone tonight. I wanted to go alone. But it is overwhelmingly sad and soon you end up much poorer and tearing up at the Babushka penny slots while Bev (aren't all the crazy old chain smoking ladies at a casino called Bev?) tries to make it seem like its normal. The people in Happy Birhtday crowns are possibly the saddest because they are sitting alone and you wonder if their friends are just at differnt slots in different parts of the casino (woohoo what a birthdya , alone at a slot machine) or if they are celebrating alone. EIther way the casino did not boost my mood but only depressed it. So beware, don't go to casinos alone!

You prolly haven't noticed but I'm taking a brief hiatus from (e:strip). I still comment here and there but I think I am gonna take a break from writing my own journals. I just don't feel like posting much lately. Don't have much to say or don't want to talk about myself as much I guess. We'll see how long my break lasts. I don' tknow, maybe I will write about non-my-life items. I'm not sure. We'll see.

One question though does anyuone know where one can find jeans that fit a person built like me in the way I like in the wash/color I like. I like bootcut, I like not super faded and i DO NOT LIKE those lines from the fading that go sideways. I also don't like pre-ripped jeans. I want like darkerish jeans. I dno't know , I have tried on about 7,000 pairs from here to Toronto but cnanot find any I like. Maybe I should switch to year long shorts.

Did you know you can cry for so hard for so long that it looks like you got punched in the face, like it turns black and blue and red like the blood vessels popped around it.