So first at the gym tonight I learned how to use how the muscle building machines. I did all those to the point where my arms were about to fall off. Then I did some cardio with JIll. Once we were done and ready to leave we decided we wanted to try Pilates. But it was too late for a Pilates class at the downtown locatio nso we went over to the Bouleard location for Pilates. HOLY HECK! I was thinking Pilates is like YOGA! NO IT IS NOT!!! I thought i was gonna die. First off all i can't handle five pound weights with the exercises but that is what I tried to do. Secondly me and Jill laugh a lot and cause scenes. Of course at some point I dropped the ball that was supposed to be between my knees causing others to do the same as it bounced around and lots of laughing. The teacher also called me out on not following directions, such as letting my legs touch the ground. IF THEY DIDN"T TOUCH THE GROUND I WOULD HAVE DIED!! it was fun though, she said in a funny way not in a mean way. She also started luaghing at least once at whhat me and jill were saying to each other. I also was way too close to the guy next to me and we both couldn't really stretch out wihtout hitting each other. Next time I will know to set up further away....thatassumes there is a next time....that assumes I wake up in the morning and can walk and/or move my arms....that my friends is unlikely!

So I went to the gym by myself for the first time today. It wasn't so bad. Except in the locker room i couldn't figure out how to open the locker. Am I that stupid? Why yes, yes i am. I thought they were broken and so i kept trying different ones before figuring out how to do it. Then I tried three cardio machines that I couln'dt figure out how to start befroe taking my place on the glider thingy. It was fun and I did the rowing machine too. I am super pooped. I am super out of shape. I cna't wait til Jon just tells me what to do. It will give me a goal becaues right now when I am done I don't know if i actually accomplished anything. But al lI keep thinking is how fit and hot I will be this summer....be ready..........I think if i get realy fit , i will soley wear speedos for the entire summer...even to work.

Speaking of work...a girl threw up in the waiting area today...and passed out...we called the paramedics....she may or may not have had a disease we didn't want to catch. I got to close down the waiting area and tape it all up with signs while it was cleaned. Noone wanted to wait for their prescriptio while we were cleaining out the horrid vomit smell...so work was slow and life was fun.

So me and some friends are going to see Clue the musical at the Riviera Theater in North Tonawanda. I love Clue the game and Clue the movie so this must be good right? It is somewhat interactive I read. That's kinda cool and everytime it is performed it has a different ending. I don't now, we'll see. We also are going to try to go to eat at a new restaurant we have never been to. We haven't picked one yet, but we want to go to one in North Tonawanda near the tehater. Not that I have ever heard of any partiuclarly good restaurant in NT. We might try the HIdeaway Grill or sometihhng like that. After that hopefuly we go out to get some drinks...not as strong as the ones last night hopefully....seriously me, (e:paul), (e:terry) and (e:sarah) went out and had only one drink each I bleive and seriuly i was tipsy and paul was drunk and sarah still feels kinda hungover. THey were so freakin strong. Insanity. I honelstyl belive we eadch just got a big glass of liquor. ...lata gators.

So (e:paul), (e:terry) and (e:lilho) have set the bar high and set the good example for me and (e:jill) to follow. So in little under an hour me and (e:jill) will be at the BAC Downtown signing our lives away to a life of physical fitness. I don't see it going well but we'll see. I see lots of being halfway there and deciding to going out to eat instead. But maybe not...maybe in three months you will see us on the beach and be like "who are those hotties?" ...even more than you do now of course......wish us luck

Thakns to (e:paul)'s generous christmas gift we went to see Cirque De Soleil at HSBC last night. I thought it was reallly good but different than I expected. It had lots of tehcnology like three huge screens across the aud and like there were images constanly on them, sometimes just bigger sizzes of the live people , sometimes othere things completely and like at some parts the real people interacted with the screen. It was relaly cool I thought. I also can't belive the stuff the acrobats did. Like insane, I don't' know how thye do it why didn't they die kinda things. I only wish I had gotten glasses already so i oculd have seen it a little better as everyone seems to say seeing the definition of each muscle on the performers is one of the best parts. I relaly liked this one part where like water rushed across the screen and the man hanging from the balloon tossed in the waves. It was crazy cool. THanks Again (e:Paul)!!

So I was just looking at the Independent Healh Website and I found the perfect job. It is like a job to coordinate their presentaions of Medicare Part D program to customers and other people within the compnay. That is baisclaly waht i already did for Eckerd. Now I just need a resume!

First off, sorry that I missed what looks like a great time had by all the estrippers last night. So last night me, (e:jill) and our friend jen met (e:beast) and her sister at an art show on Franklin and Allen. Our friend laura had a music installation there. It was 37 song clips that she wrote all of them and sang them. It was really cool but we are always so awkward at art shows. We then headed over to Nietsche's for a reggae night but soon left there and basically went to every bar on Allen St and Jim's Steakout. Lets just say Jen going to the Pink for the first time was enjoyable, if any of you know Jen you know how much the Pink is not her style. At the reggae show it was weird because it was Bob Marely's birthday and the tribute band was all old white men. Odd..

At the Pink I talked with Laura (music artist) for the longest I have in a long time. We could commiserate in our similar circumstances. So by the by me, (e:jill) and (e:jen) run into a certain someone I always like running into. But it went terrible. They are definetely not interested, I probably have not been so upset about a person in my life. Like maybe their is still a slim chance bu tI doubt it and really should just write it off and move on, but you know I won't do that. I am relaly hit rock bottom soon in this situation i think. Sorry (e:maureen) for I'm sure the wake up call at like 3am but sometimes I just feel the need to talk to you, or even just your voice mail when I am relaly upset.

Superbowl tonight...should i watch? ... i like to know what people are tlaking about tomorrow bu ti oculd really care less...we'll see..

So today I decided I am going to make another slideshow for my friends. This one will encompass the last five years since highschool graduation. As some of you know, when I graduated highschool I made like a 2 hours mammoth slideshow/video montage presentation for my friends that each person got a copyu of and a soundtrack and i had a party with food from all the restaurants we hang out at. Like it was hardcore. Well I decided I want to do a new one but it is a lot tougher because obviously even though we stayed as prolly as close as a group of highschool friends can 5 years later we all went to different schools and so have different things from the last four years. I don't know what to include/what not to include. Maybe little parts for each persons's separate college experience and then the gropu partrs. Even the group parts are like less all together becuase it depended who was where when. I don't' know I hope it ends up good. Scanning all the pictures in is my least favorite part. It takes so long becuase you have to scan them, crop them, edit them, save them, burn them, transfer them to my labtop. IT TAKES FOREVA!!! Wish me luck...maybe i will make an estrip memories slideshow someday...we al lknow there are plenty of pictures....pletny of embarassing ones for sure....

Sidenote: The title of this post is sorta true in a kinda exaggerated way!

So me and (e:paul) were discussing yesterday how I often refuse to do "bad" things whatever I consider those to be: drugs, etc.. but if someone "forces" me to do it then I will. I'm really easily convinced into many things. Not all the time but for some things. Even just stupid things like I won't wanna go somewhere but we'll be in the car and just go there and i'll be like fine, I guess I'll go there. And up into more "bad" behaviors. Not that I do much bad (remember I was the DARE poster child)

Anywho I was rambling there but so anyway we were discussing what my life slogan really should be. We got part of it from my favorite made for tv movie ever, She Cried No starting Mark Paul Gosseler and Candace Cameron.

drum roll please...my new slogan is

[size=l]"I MAY NOT SAY YES, BUT I WON'T CRY NO!"[/size]

-if I wore a tshirt that said that do you think it would offend rape victims? Honestly, do you think it is a bad idea to wear a tshirt that says that becuase it would be offensive to rape victims. I mean I can think of many other reasons not to wear a tshirt that says that but that reason bothers me in praticular. What do y'all tink? Your input is greatly appreciated.

Last night me , (e:beast), (e:mk) and (e:maureen) went out to Frizzy's. (e:mk) and (e:maureen) drove and me and (e:beast) decided we would just see what to do about a way to get home since they both wanted to leave earlier than us. I saw jesse (not (e:jesse)) and he and some friends were going to Marcella's but (e:maureen) wanted to go home and (e:beast) watned to stay at Frizzy's and talk to his guy. So I left with jesse and (e:beast) stayed at Frizzy's. Sidenote: does anyone remember a drag queen named like Electra who had like reddish hair at Marcella's. I swear she was real but noone else remembered.

Anyway what this post was really about was so I end up at (e:paul)'s house at 4ish in the morning and was gonna stay there but decided I wanted to go home so I was gonna walk to the Pink where (e:beast) ended up but once I got to w. ferry and elmwood I figured I might as well just walk home. SO I WALKED HOME FROM (e:paul)'s to my house in Kenmore. It took like an hour or so and it wasn't as shady as I thought it would be though it is kinda scary between like buff state and the tops on elmwood. But alas I as not attacked. Then I was kinda offended like what do I not look clasy enough that I am carrying enough money to be worth robbing, and what am I unrapable? I was so excited to cross Kenmore Ave. yet the scariest part of the walk home was actually walking down my street where I know like the people in every house .But it was terrifying for some reason. It reminded me of the days I would run home from my friend Drea's down the street with my keys in my hand so I could use them as a knife. Mind you the girl lived like ten houses down. But there were lots of scary noises on Tremont. (e:paul) thought walking by porn store alley would be shady but that was actually the safest feeling part becuase there were people and lights. It's not like as shady as the darker areas. I kinda looked crazy too because I was wearing this hat that didn't fit and a scarf and was drunk. All in all a good night.

My friends think I act like I am invincible lately. I guess in some ways I am doing risky things lately like walking home alone at 4am and some other things but so far, so good. I guess I will try to be more careful. I don't know, lately I have just been in the mood to do more things and just not care.

Also, though I had fun last night I realize with someone I was with it is defintely just friend potential and nothing more. That is kinda sad but still it was fun so I guess I can't complain. I could live with becoming just better friends...I think!!!