First off, sorry that I missed what looks like a great time had by all the estrippers last night. So last night me, (e:jill) and our friend jen met (e:beast) and her sister at an art show on Franklin and Allen. Our friend laura had a music installation there. It was 37 song clips that she wrote all of them and sang them. It was really cool but we are always so awkward at art shows. We then headed over to Nietsche's for a reggae night but soon left there and basically went to every bar on Allen St and Jim's Steakout. Lets just say Jen going to the Pink for the first time was enjoyable, if any of you know Jen you know how much the Pink is not her style. At the reggae show it was weird because it was Bob Marely's birthday and the tribute band was all old white men. Odd..

At the Pink I talked with Laura (music artist) for the longest I have in a long time. We could commiserate in our similar circumstances. So by the by me, (e:jill) and (e:jen) run into a certain someone I always like running into. But it went terrible. They are definetely not interested, I probably have not been so upset about a person in my life. Like maybe their is still a slim chance bu tI doubt it and really should just write it off and move on, but you know I won't do that. I am relaly hit rock bottom soon in this situation i think. Sorry (e:maureen) for I'm sure the wake up call at like 3am but sometimes I just feel the need to talk to you, or even just your voice mail when I am relaly upset.

Superbowl tonight...should i watch? ... i like to know what people are tlaking about tomorrow bu ti oculd really care less...we'll see..

So today I decided I am going to make another slideshow for my friends. This one will encompass the last five years since highschool graduation. As some of you know, when I graduated highschool I made like a 2 hours mammoth slideshow/video montage presentation for my friends that each person got a copyu of and a soundtrack and i had a party with food from all the restaurants we hang out at. Like it was hardcore. Well I decided I want to do a new one but it is a lot tougher because obviously even though we stayed as prolly as close as a group of highschool friends can 5 years later we all went to different schools and so have different things from the last four years. I don't know what to include/what not to include. Maybe little parts for each persons's separate college experience and then the gropu partrs. Even the group parts are like less all together becuase it depended who was where when. I don't' know I hope it ends up good. Scanning all the pictures in is my least favorite part. It takes so long becuase you have to scan them, crop them, edit them, save them, burn them, transfer them to my labtop. IT TAKES FOREVA!!! Wish me luck...maybe i will make an estrip memories slideshow someday...we al lknow there are plenty of pictures....pletny of embarassing ones for sure....

Sidenote: The title of this post is sorta true in a kinda exaggerated way!

So me and (e:paul) were discussing yesterday how I often refuse to do "bad" things whatever I consider those to be: drugs, etc.. but if someone "forces" me to do it then I will. I'm really easily convinced into many things. Not all the time but for some things. Even just stupid things like I won't wanna go somewhere but we'll be in the car and just go there and i'll be like fine, I guess I'll go there. And up into more "bad" behaviors. Not that I do much bad (remember I was the DARE poster child)

Anywho I was rambling there but so anyway we were discussing what my life slogan really should be. We got part of it from my favorite made for tv movie ever, She Cried No starting Mark Paul Gosseler and Candace Cameron.

drum roll please...my new slogan is

[size=l]"I MAY NOT SAY YES, BUT I WON'T CRY NO!"[/size]

-if I wore a tshirt that said that do you think it would offend rape victims? Honestly, do you think it is a bad idea to wear a tshirt that says that becuase it would be offensive to rape victims. I mean I can think of many other reasons not to wear a tshirt that says that but that reason bothers me in praticular. What do y'all tink? Your input is greatly appreciated.

Last night me , (e:beast), (e:mk) and (e:maureen) went out to Frizzy's. (e:mk) and (e:maureen) drove and me and (e:beast) decided we would just see what to do about a way to get home since they both wanted to leave earlier than us. I saw jesse (not (e:jesse)) and he and some friends were going to Marcella's but (e:maureen) wanted to go home and (e:beast) watned to stay at Frizzy's and talk to his guy. So I left with jesse and (e:beast) stayed at Frizzy's. Sidenote: does anyone remember a drag queen named like Electra who had like reddish hair at Marcella's. I swear she was real but noone else remembered.

Anyway what this post was really about was so I end up at (e:paul)'s house at 4ish in the morning and was gonna stay there but decided I wanted to go home so I was gonna walk to the Pink where (e:beast) ended up but once I got to w. ferry and elmwood I figured I might as well just walk home. SO I WALKED HOME FROM (e:paul)'s to my house in Kenmore. It took like an hour or so and it wasn't as shady as I thought it would be though it is kinda scary between like buff state and the tops on elmwood. But alas I as not attacked. Then I was kinda offended like what do I not look clasy enough that I am carrying enough money to be worth robbing, and what am I unrapable? I was so excited to cross Kenmore Ave. yet the scariest part of the walk home was actually walking down my street where I know like the people in every house .But it was terrifying for some reason. It reminded me of the days I would run home from my friend Drea's down the street with my keys in my hand so I could use them as a knife. Mind you the girl lived like ten houses down. But there were lots of scary noises on Tremont. (e:paul) thought walking by porn store alley would be shady but that was actually the safest feeling part becuase there were people and lights. It's not like as shady as the darker areas. I kinda looked crazy too because I was wearing this hat that didn't fit and a scarf and was drunk. All in all a good night.

My friends think I act like I am invincible lately. I guess in some ways I am doing risky things lately like walking home alone at 4am and some other things but so far, so good. I guess I will try to be more careful. I don't know, lately I have just been in the mood to do more things and just not care.

Also, though I had fun last night I realize with someone I was with it is defintely just friend potential and nothing more. That is kinda sad but still it was fun so I guess I can't complain. I could live with becoming just better friends...I think!!!

Last night me , (e:beast), (e:mk) and (e:maureen) went out to Frizzy's. (e:mk) and (e:maureen) drove and me and (e:beast) decided we would just see what to do about a way to get home since they both wanted to leave earlier than us. I saw jesse (not (e:jesse)) and he and some friends were going to Marcella's but (e:maureen) wanted to go home and (e:beast) watned to stay at Frizzy's and talk to his guy. So I left with jesse and (e:beast) stayed at Frizzy's. Sidenote: does anyone remember a drag queen named like Electra who had like reddish hair at Marcella's. I swear she was real but noone else remembered.

Anyway what this post was really about was so I end up at (e:paul)'s house at 4ish in the morning and was gonna stay there but decided I wanted to go home so I was gonna walk to the Pink where (e:beast) ended up but once I got to w. ferry and elmwood I figured I might as well just walk home. SO I WALKED HOME FROM (e:paul)'s to my house in Kenmore. It took like an hour or so and it wasn't as shady as I thought it would be though it is kinda scary between like buff state and the tops on elmwood. But alas I as not attacked. Then I was kinda offended like what do I not look clasy enough that I am carrying enough money to be worth robbing, and what am I unrapable? I was so excited to cross Kenmore Ave. yet the scariest part of the walk home was actually walking down my street where I know like the people in every house .But it was terrifying for some reason. It reminded me of the days I would run home from my friend Drea's down the street with my keys in my hand so I could use them as a knife. Mind you the girl lived like ten houses down. But there were lots of scary noises on Tremont. (e:paul) thought walking by porn store alley would be shady but that was actually the safest feeling part becuase there were people and lights. It's not like as shady as the darker areas. I kinda looked crazy too because I was wearing this hat that didn't fit and a scarf and was drunk. All in all a good night.

My friends think I act like I am invincible lately. I guess in some ways I am doing risky things lately like walking home alone at 4am and some other things but so far, so good. I guess I will try to be more careful. I don't know, lately I have just been in the mood to do more things and just not care.

That person tha thas been in all my dreams lately...I just talked to them for the first time in a while today...and they moved out of town...random

I have been having really real like dreams lately. Just like I am at work or at the store or out for coffee or something. But in every single one one there is this person who I haven't seen in a while. In real life that is I haven't seen them. It isn't someone I ever even knew that well .But for some reason they are in all my dreams lately. Just so normally fit in that I keep thinking I saw them and then realize I haven't. strange....

So last night seriuosly the craziest thing ever happened to me. I can not even write it here because it is just insane and I am glad there was no Page 7 around to report it. Lets just say it involves one of my customers, an old friend of a relatives, someone who used to be my priest, one of jim's friends and lots of awkward moments. Who asks these things in the middle of Spot coffee?, while you're with a priest?, Who also happens to be pseudo-related to me? If you know me, ask for the details, trust me, its worth it, if you don't believe me ask (e:paul). I feel bad for Jim's friend, the innocent bystander in this crazy ordeal!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAUL!!! MY WISE ELDER BROTHER!!!! Hope you have a great one!!! Well I will be there so of course it will be great, as I always bring the fun!!!

So I think this story I am about to relate means I was a terrible person as a kid. My friend brought this story up the other day and really it is quite incredible. When I was in like maybe 6th grade a new girl moved in on our street and she was really annoying and so me and my other friends would sometimes tell her she couldn't come over because my little brother Jonathon was sleeping. Mind you I had no such brother. Ok, that's not the bad part but you seee when we thought the lie was getting out of hand and like we wanted to be loud and hang out at my house and she asked about Jonathon, I eventually told her that he had died, I believe it was of AIDS. That is terrible, who creates a little brother just to kill him off weeks later with AIDS. Sorry Jonny! I think she felt bad, ... I didn't...does that make me a bad person? I think though it was screamin gthis is a future soap opera writer!!!