So prolly anyone who knows me knows that once I hate a person it is pretty much for life. Sometimes I will decide something someone does bothers me to an extent that is really extreme and an overreaction but it doesn't really matter and it is pretty much how I will feel about them for the rest of my life. I know it's not my best quality but its definitely there. THere are a few exceptions and really it tends to last more on people I don't really have to deal with much if ever again.

Anywho, in my canisius orientation for college back in 2001 there was this kid that I just could not stand. I cannot remember why but I am pretty sure it was something to do with him thinking he was so great and so much better than anyone else. I am pretty sure we only interacted for around ten minutes but sometimes that is just enough for me to make an opinion for life. Maybe (e:Mk) remembers..she is the only person who might remember. Anywho, for whatever reason, which was probably legit at the time I have really pretty much hated this person for the next ten to fifteen years. Mind you I never saw them really , sometimes around town and in my head they kept justifying my dislike of them even though I actually had no interaction wiht them or any reason to really feel that way. As I"ve said before, it's not my best quality.

WEll anywho, maybe like a year or so ago I realized this person is now a drag queen that I have seen perform and frankly I enjoy their performances but couldn't admit it because my inner dislike was so strong.

AND THEN WEPA happened. Last night this was the performance. I never heard this song before but something about the song and the performance made me realize , maybe it is time to let the hatred (that I can't even remember why it started) go. I'd like to think maybe I"m maturing ...or maybe Gloria Estefan is just that damn amazing.

The funny part is letting go of the hatred really will change my life in no way. We have no similar circles or anywhere where we would interact but somehow it still feels good to let it go. Now thinking about it I hope they never see this journal because frankly I can admit I look a little crazy that i have thought about this so much over a ten minute interaction almost 15 years ago.

Here is Gloria's glorious song:

I'm going Friday to visit my friend Maureen who lives in Boston. We have been friends since sixth grade when we played the clarinet together. We have been the best of friends ever since. It was really amazing how quickly we just got along and really understood each other. We are very different but somehow it just worked. She was also my first true love and for obvious reasons that never worked out but for years I wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with her. She always understood my quirks and all my oddities.

She went away to college and hasn't lived in Buffalo for any significant period since but we have never lost touch and have always stayed close. Though we don't talk on the phone all the time or see each other often, no matter what I ever need , I always know she is just a phone calla way. And when she comes back or when I go to visit her in Boston , things just fall right back in place like they never changed.

We can spend hours just chatting about everything and anything. I can tell her anything and she always has wise words or just is able to help me get my mind off whatever is going wrong. Whenver I did something to mess up my life in some way as we all know I am apt to do every couple of years she is there to not let me off scott free, she lets me know I was wrong but she is there to let me know everything would be ok and things would always turn out all right.

Over the years, I have felt like it was unfair what a good friend she has always been to me and I don't know I can ever be the same to her. I am just not that person. SHe is the one that knows what to do , how to handle any situation, lights up any room and just makes everyone feel better. I have many amazing friends but I don't think there is anyone else who I turn to faster when I need someone to listen and give me advice...or go to the Taste of Buffalo with..we really are the best Taste of Buffalo partners. We have lots of rules but really it makes it the best experience.

I cannot wait to see her this weekend!

We also take really good pictures together and that is important in itself haha. Here are a few from facebook :

so sad..

last weekend we went to fantasee islands going away party at the underground. it was cray cray. like a million drag queens performed. I actually started crying after she did a little speech and lip synched to one moment in time. you know I am a sucker for any kind of of memories even if theu aren't mine.

getting ready to go to dinner at hutchs the night before I turn 31 wishing I had kept the promise I made to myself when I turned 30 I would get in shape before 31. note to self...our goal for this year is to have no belly hanging over my jeans by 32

my coworkers decorated my desk in an awesome metallic and faux diamond motif ! amzing ! and even andy cohen and a unicorn glass was included in the show !

I don't think truer words have ever been spoken.

Besides my post one minute ago, I really don't write on estrip much anymore. I htink it is because I don't use a ocmpouter much because I use my phone for a lot of things I used to use a computer for but I don't like using my phone to type out journals because it is a lot more effort and takes forever and has way more typos even though I have lots of typos on the compouter but less than on the phoine. I am going to try and write more again.

So usually I take my walks down to canalside and walk around downtown and back. ANd people are often like oh you need to be careful , it is so dangerous downtown and blah blah blah. BUt frankly I almost never even see other people for a lot of my walk. TOnight I walk down elmwood and I see two car accidents, i got asked if I wanted to buy coke, I saw a domestic dispute, people smoking pot on the street and somoene getting in an argument with someone else which lead ot one of them saying " i am not taking responsiblity for making you a terrible drag queen". IT was really quite a walk. I swear Elmwood is way sketchier but more entertaining than any walk downtown.

I was watching this gay themed christmas movie this morning ( I know it is August but christmas movies are always in style for me) ! ANywho it is about this guy who is out at college but not out to his parents back in minnesota or montana or wisconsin or something like that . It is a comedy with a little drama thown in . Anywho so his boyfriend who doesn't know he isn't out decides to show up at his parents house over christmas break and then of course hilarity ensue and eventually he tells his parents and they knew all along and it is christmas cheer. Anywho that is only the backstory really to my post.

Watching this movie made me realize how much I really have a great family. Not that I don't always realize that ( I think I have definitely written about it before) but I really do. My parents and my brother are really the best family someone could ask for. And we are so not the like picture perfect Leave it to beaver type of family but in our own way I think it really works. Sure there was/is/always will be lots of screaming and maybe throwing and smashing things and lots of disagreements and we all disagree about many things but in the end I truly feel like we all would be there for each other at any time and that has played out many times in my life. WIth two gay sons it could not have been exactly the life my parents had dreamed of but they don't let it show. I never felt they were dissappointed or loved me any less. I know my parents will be there for me no matter what i've done but not in a just excuse anything I do kinda way but in a be there for me and help me and work through it kind of way. They want the best for me and paul and I feel like they would do anything to help us with that yet at the same time don't just do and solve everything for me. I also know my brother has my back no matter what. If I tell him I have a problem with someone, he backs me up no matter if I am right or wrong with my problem with the person and eveyrone needs someone like that in their life. So many times he has said "if you hate them, I hate them" or something along that line. He also has always been there when I needed him.

THe four of us don't do dinners every Sunday, or act overly sentimental, or are overly emotional or anything like that but frankly when it comes right down to it, my family is really quite perfect in my opinion and I couldn't ask for anything more.