"So Upset" written by Mike on estrip.org

08/16/05 12:48 - 67ºF - ID#28868

So Upset

I've never hated myself or my life more than I do right now. It is not like a my whole life sucks thing just one part that sucks enough for all of it. I seriously hate myself. Like why can I not to such a simple thing as go up to someone and say hey, how are you, what are you up to. Something simple liek that to someone i have already talked to many times before. seriously how did I ruin this one? Ok i didn't ruin it yet but like if nothing happens it is all my own fault. Like it sees like there is such a simple solution and that what i have to do is so simple. WHy am i so afraid of rejection. No i don't' even think it is that, i could deal with the rejection, i already assuem the rejection, it is the actual act of trying to make any kind of cotnact that freaks me out for some reason. I have to get over it! I don't want to be alone for life, I don't' think?

And all I wanted to do was go drink a lot tonight and forget about it, but alas, noone would go out drinking with me. I wish (e:amanda) was in town and not in miami right now, she is always up for drowning our troubles in alcohol. Seriously I am so upset with myself and to top it all off i am completely sunburn. See (e:maureen)'s journal for proof. It hurts so baaaad! I have never been sunburned like this in my life.

lilho writes at 02:20:49 08/16/05 - Comment #637: lets look at it this way: you rock! look mike, life sucks, alot, but thats what makes life that much sweeter when things are good. you'll meeet somebody, just put all your eggs in one basket, theres alot of people who really care about.

p.s. i was just dumped for the second time. im pretty heartbroken, mad, confused, sleepless, etc. so, call me and we can cry together.

ladycroft writes at 12:38:53 08/16/05 - Comment #636: We've all been rejected, and we have all had to reject someone. It's only a small pin prick. Don't psych yourself up for a mallet to the head!

jason writes at 11:17:23 08/16/05 - Comment #635: Mike, you have to "man up" and face your fears. Talking to people is easy, you definitely can go and introduce yourself to someone. A simple hello won't result in your demise, I promise. You just have to be yourself and also be interested in what the other person has to say. It's something you can practice. Every guy knows rejection is a big part of life but if you want something you have to be willing to take the risks. Good luck!

judy writes at 09:43:51 08/16/05 - Comment #634: Mike, Don't u know that u have absolutely no control over those kind of feelings? Not to push drugs or anything like that but, try Prozac or Paxil. They work. The difference between hate & love, dark & light, contentment or misery.

leetee writes at 07:40:54 08/16/05 - Comment #631: The possibility of rejection is a hard fear to face for all of us. Know you aren't alone in that. Don't hate yourself.. for that, or anything!

maureen writes at 01:02:27 08/16/05 - Comment #630: Mike, do NOT hate yourself, ever, for anything. talking to people is hard, especially if you don't know them well. it takes time to work up to things...it will happen.

Permalink: So_Upset.html
Words: 269
Location: Kenmore, NY

08/14/05 11:50 - 65ºF - ID#28867

Initiative

I've been told i need to start showing some initiative in getting things I want. I can't let things just pass me by any longer. In theory that is a good idea but we'll see if I can actually do it. If only I had a little more confidence I could go and knock on that door.....

Permalink: Initiative.html
Words: 57
Location: Kenmore, NY

08/12/05 01:04 - 74ºF - ID#28866

Thanks Y'All

Wow! What a great group of people. I want to thank (e:ladycroft), (e:hodown), (e:metalpeter) and (e:tina) for helping me find that shirt. How great to know I throw a problem up here and in less than a day tons of people help me solve it. I love this place~

Permalink: Thanks_Y_All.html
Words: 53
Location: Kenmore, NY

08/11/05 03:29 - 74ºF - ID#28865

Procrastination T-Shirt

I saw a man the other day with a black t-shirt that said in white writing something like "Reason's I Procrastinate" and then started the list with a 1. and then nothing was wrriten after that. I WANT THAT T-SHIRT BAD! I CAN'T FIND IT ANYWERE! Any ideas on where to find it? is there an online like tshirt website anyone knows of? If you see this tshirt anywhere, PLEASE LET ME KNOW! I should have asked him where it was from but I didn't! PLEASE ANY INFO WILL BE APPRECIATED

Permalink: Procrastination_T_Shirt.html
Words: 90
Location: Kenmore, NY

08/09/05 12:18 - 74ºF - ID#28864

Couple Hijinks

So the last weekish or so my friend's boyfriend has been in town. I've hung out with them a few times, just the three of us and while they will not admit it I think it is wearing on them. Like I think they hang out with me because they feel bad for my boredness but it is really kinda awkward always hanging out with a couple, especially just like watching TV or going to a movie. I mean actually it isn't super awkward but I feel like it should be and so then I think it is even if it isn't. I also am not so sure her boyfriend loves that I am always around. Like I understand, they don't get to see each other that much in the summer since they live in different cities so I probably wouldn't want a third wheel hanging around all the time too. Though he is super nice about it and never said anything or acted that way, i can just sense or just assume there must be some not happiness with the situation on his part. Some things I 've said about them in the past that they both know only make the situation worse. Not that I said bad things, like it was good things, but just things you don't say to people, especially when you don't really know one of them. Though it almost seems sometimes like my friend is sometimes exploiting the situation to the maximum awkwardness. Ok probably not but that is just what I think in my head. Like she knows I think it is awkward and then she does things that will make me feel more awkward. But at the same time I am having fun too. And its fun thinking there's always the possibility that .....ok no there's not but maybe? haha (a few of you will know what I'm talking about)

Permalink: Couple_Hijinks.html
Words: 318
Location: Kenmore, NY

08/06/05 11:41 - 80ºF - ID#28863

Last Night On Allen

Last night me (e:maureen) and her bofriend Jeremy went out to Frizzys, Allen Street Hardware and the Pink. We started at Frizzy's but when we walked in what do we see but a 40 year ol dmand and woman and the man is bent over and the woman is spanking him with a big rod. It was interesting? So then we left....headed to Allen St. Hardware for a bit which was fun and then over to the Pink. There was this very drunk old man who took a liking to us, particularly Jeremy and he told us we were the three most beautiful people and he oculdn't believe we were al lin one room and it was too amazing. And then we left...Jim's Steakout...a few dry heaves and then we called it a night

Permalink: Last_Night_On_Allen.html
Words: 137
Location: Kenmore, NY

08/05/05 07:14 - 80ºF - ID#28862

Eckerd

Don't get me wrong, I love Eckerd. But boy am I getting sick of working there. I am so not cut out for full time work. Especially in the super nice summer weather! Next week I am down to 28 hours thankfully. I would ike 3 days off a week at least, maybe 4 some weeks. I realize that is a lot but you know what, I am 21, it is the summer and I JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN!!! Which I have been doing...mkaing me one tired Eckerd pharmacy tech every morning...the eventual crash is going to be bad....

Lastl night was fun after the Square. I don't love the Square but just going out afterwards is so fun, especilaly 3-4-1 drinks. At Skybar this whole new level about the bar that I swear was never there before!! It was neat, saw a lot of people and still got home at a reasonable time (possibly too early) and made it to work sorta on time...ok that's all for now

Anyone else missing Page7? Page7 where are yuou?

Permalink: Eckerd.html
Words: 178
Location: Kenmore, NY

08/02/05 07:29 - 77ºF - ID#28861

Laguna Beach, What happened?

So last season I totally loved Laguna Beach, the MTV reality show that was like the real life OC and followed some highschoolers in Laguna Beach, in Orange County California. I loved the seniors last year and they didn't seem to much like they were acting. But this season is totally different. It now like stars Kristen who was a junior dating one of the seniors last year. She was also one of my least favorite characterers. Her and her friends now seem waaaay to hard trying to act and ask certain questions. It also spent way too much time on like just people walking or driving and stuff with no conversation. Plus a new girl moved to school and is shaking things up. Yeah I'm sure she didn't move there because she watned to be on the show, yeah right?!

This first two episodes though did have the people from last year coming back from college which was enjoyable. Oh and a side note. This season seems like it will feature more sex. Like there was totally an implied innuendo and then I was like ew these are real people, who are like 16 or 17, that is something I shouldn't be seeing on tv , right?

Permalink: Laguna_Beach_What_happened_.html
Words: 205
Location: Kenmore, NY

07/30/05 01:08 - 71ºF - ID#28860

Low Bandwidth is my Savior

Holy Heck! Can I tell you how much I love low bandwith mode? My computer at my parent's house is circa like 1995 and we have dial up internet so you can just imagine the connection speed we have. It is prolly like 10bites/minute. Seriously! Estrip, like most websites with anything in them usually would freeze the computer and shut it down. But now with low bandwith mode it totally works fine! It totally has got me back into reading everyoen's journal because it doesn't take 2 hours to load each one! I love it and it has made me fall back in love with (e:strip)!!! See y'all at the party tomorrow...

Permalink: Low_Bandwidth_is_my_Savior.html
Words: 112
Location: Kenmore, NY

07/29/05 12:24 - 73ºF - ID#28859

Out on the Town with Maureen

Last night me and (e:maureen) decided to hit up Chippewa. It was lots of fun and we were nervous about going out just the two of us but it was super fun!!! Maybe I'll write more detials later but right now I just want to tell about something I saw. We stopped by Marcella's for a little bit and they were like patting everyone down and using the metal detector wand. I have never seen that there before, is this common? Then after going in, someone mentioned it was Hip Hop NIght. So do they only use the metal detectors and pat downs on Hip Hop Night? That seems a little shady to me, do'nt you think?

Permalink: Out_on_the_Town_with_Maureen.html
Words: 118
Location: Kenmore, NY