If it didn't happen then, when it seemed to have such a chance, then it probably will never happen. But I can deal with that. I can't keep wasting opportunities that come my way though. Gotta stop being scared.

Off to Toronto for a day of debauchery or shopping or both, we'll see. I mean I wouldn't put it past us to kill someone if they were trying to take the last item leftthat was really cheap that we wanted. I'll update when i reenter this land of ours.

So yesterday morning, the worst thing ever happened. I woke up like any other day, walked into the bathroom and then....what do i see....a gray hair sticking straight out of my head. This must be a dream, it can't be real I think as I pinch myself but alas it was the unfortunate reality. I'm not even at my 21 birthday and the gray is starting to come in. My mom went gray really young and I don't want that. I don't want to have a lifetime of having to dye my hair nor do I want the salt and pepper look at 23. Lets hope this was a one time crazy mistake in my hair follicles.

So I never thought I liked my car. We call her Sades cuz it is short for Satan. She doesn't do many nice things like she rains on the inside, doesn't beep when i leave the lights on causing many dead batteries, has no cup holders, is too small for me and has tried to kill me on numerous occasions but tonight realizing it was my last night with that car it made me really sad. It was a ridiculous amount of sadness to the point where me and Jill sat in her driveway and tried to pick songs about how Sades felt about me getting rid of her and every song on the radio was sad and about how like we'll always be together or all the good times we've had and stuff. I actually started bawling. Jill has pictures to prove it unfortunately or fortunately so next time I don't so carelessly get rid of car. After I dropped Jill off I continued to drive around for about an hour just crying and listening to the radio. I'm gonna miss Sades more than I thought. We've been through a lot.....she never was mean....feisty maybe but never mean. She always got me where I was going whether it was for coffee or my random sudden decisions to go to a mall in rochester. She's helped us stalk so many people, and almost gotten us in so many near death accidents. She treated me well these last few years and I'm gonna miss her. Bye Sades, this entry isn't enough of a memory. I need something more...I'll think about what that can be. I think part of this ties in to the end of Sades is kind of like an end to an era in my life. We are all growing up and moving on...so sad. WHy do I attach such value and emotions to inatimate objects? Sades, i'll always remember the good times...always. I think I'll need another entry devoted to memories of Sades cuz I never want to forget. This is tougher than leaving the Taurus cuz the Taurus was dead and so I didn't have a choice but Sades still works and I am just callously getting rid of her. I didn't think it would be so tough...sorry Sades...sorry

Today was such a fun summery day. I started my day relaxing and reading the paper and then sat on my porch writing my soap opera/tanning. I felt so writeresque. There I learned that our railing will fall very easily as I tried to use it to prop up the back of my chair but instead the chair just pushed the railing over....so safe. Then I got an exciting call from Teres saying she wanted to go to the beach so me, teres, jill and maureen hit up Beaver Island which was nice. Well it actually isn't the nicest beach but it was just nice to be on a beach!!! The water and mounds of algae are kinda gross but Woohoo for my first beach trip even though it is now August. Then me and MK went to DQ tonight (the new brownie blizzard is not as good as it looks in the commercial). Then some real food at Gabrielle's Gate with PMT. ALl in all a good summery day...

Also I want to welcome Julie to the site!!!

In search of friends who...

...like to stay up past eight o'clock more than one night a week.
...leave their house other than when their b/f is in town
...actually want to hang out without being begged to
...don't cancel on plans all the time

I long for the days that I thought I hated last summer when it was a pain working plans out everynight because there were too many of us that wanted to go out everynight and we couldn't agree on things. I would much rather have that back than what is going on now where everyone just sleeps or just doesn't want to go out! Is it me? Have I lost the funness that used to make people want to hang out? I fear it is but I hope it isn't. It is funny how we always talk about it will be weird when we are older and don't hang out a lot and like will have to schedule each other in every once in a while, but aren't we basically already there? Maybe I am just really feeling the strain of losing my 24 hr. a day partner in crime. Everyone else has been fading for awhile but I always had that....until now. I need something new and invigorating in my life. It's not that like we never go out or anything, it just isn't the same, and we all now how much I hate change....

I'm starting to feel like the cheese in the farmer in the dell but last night was kinda fun, I was in a weird mood. I don't know it was one of those nights when I just like expected so much and so much fun and so it couldn't live up to its hype in my head. It was still fun but maybe I should have went with Paul and Chris to switch up the scenery a bit but I didn't. It may have been fun. Then I decided to walk to Paul's from the Pink, it was farther than I remembered ....Chamille I'm glad I could help you survive the walk home. It's too bad I left earlier than you or we could have walked together. Boxerboi and Maureen and Yo what let downs for the no show last night....

I don't feel super well today but maybe eighties night at Off the Wall tonight?

Thanks to everyone who let us interview you last night at the Bidwell Park free concert. Sorry that some of them didn't work because Sarah did not have the microphone on. Everyone should check out the videos though to find out some local attitudes about elmwood and what is the best about it and what can be improved. I think the videos should be up in a couple of days.

Pink tomorrow....right? I think everyone is/should be there...

Wait is this summer or midfall? The weather outside is so not summery or good for my tan which has already almost completely faded from Florida...sad sad tanless mike....where is the sun?

Reading about Atkins in the Artvoice at Spot tonight made me nervous that there were all these carbs out in the world that need to be eaten. So I did my part by coming right home and eating a bowl of pasta and then a stack of crackers (if they're wrapped together, they're a single serving, right?). I may be losing some things lately but my fat belly will not be one of them.

On an even better note I am getting a new car. My uncle got a new car and so he is getting rid of his and said I could have it for like 1200 even though he was gonna sell it for 2500. I am so excited. I am not exatly sure what it looks like/is called/features but anything is better than Sades. Although Sades has I suppose served me well for the last few years. The only thing I need is a beepingi sound when the lights are still on. Although then I'll see a lot less of JIll if I don't have to call her everyday to come jump my car. I'm gonna go try it out tomorow prolly and decide for sure.

Today I am going to Maureen's mom's friend's sister's 50th birthday party. It is quite a loose connection but Maureen didn't want to go alone. I'm sure it will be fun and at the very least there will be really good food because whenever Mary is involved so is good tasty food. I told my parents how I might move after this year to wherever Maureen goes to graduate school since I have no other plans and could work anywhere and they were totally not for it. They seriously seemed distraught by the idea that I would move away and said they do't want me to move away. It wouldn't be far though but now I feel kinda bad doing it but I will be old and I think it would be fun so I will probably do it if nothing else comes up as me and Maureen both realize a million things could come up to change that plan. I think my parents are sad b/c Paul plans on moving away then too. We'll see, most likely Maureen will meet someone and they will move together. Luckily most people can't just move anywhere and have plans for their life, I have an advantage in that I don't and so I could go anywhere. THis is quite a change from the me who never would leave Buffalo before. But I just think like everyone will be gone, PMT are moving, Jill and Teres are going to Europe after this year, Jen is going to grad school in the south somewhere, Di will still be in Boston and the list of people leaving goes on and on so maybe I should leave too.

On another not I don't like the person I am becoming in some ways (not the person who wants to move, this is unrelated to the first paragraph sort of). I feel in some ways I am becoming small parts of what I hate about other people. Like the things that annoy me most about people I am becoming. Stop me please!