Posts from February 2007

i have gotten like zero sleep in about four days. three overnight in a row and two doubles. i feel exhausted and wound up at the same time.

a few questions:

1. how do we all feel about internet dating?

2. how do we all feel about the weird tin-foil thing jennifer hudson wore over her dress to the oscar's?

3. why did that stupid little groundhog lie about an early spring? i think he needs to be killed/starved/sent away.

4. why am i thinking about work, and i left almost two hours ago?

5. why is my mom way better than yours?

6. who wants like all of my stuff when i move? who wants to have a giant (e:strip) yard sale?

7. why does every man ever always check me out, but i never get asked out on a date?

8. why do i spend so much godamn time on this website?

• i currently love, au revior simone!****

i have decided that im going to move to Arizona. I've really made up my mind this time, and its not changing. it will be the end of an era, and im really excited to start a whole new life out there.

i feel like i have put so much effort into living here, with little gain, if any. im tired of putting out so much to get so little in return. i don't want to have a broken heart anymore. i don't want to feel betrayed by anyone. i will dearly miss the e:viscos , and e:matt , and @terry of course. other than that, there is nothing here for me. i have a dwindling supply of friendships, and ties to anyone in buffalo, and find myself becoming more and more lost and depressed here each day. i miss my mother, and the good advice that she gives(yet i never take). i miss feeling happy and being out in the sun, and being around family.

get it while you can, because im not going to be around much longer e:peeps.

p.s. im so sick of working overnights.

thats right, something to feel good about.

im getting a "lifesaver award" from work for saving a client's life using the heimlich. isn't that swell!

now, if i could only stop coughing and sleeping. my mother has come to the rescuse and is sending anitbiotics stat. im sick of sitting here, but don't really want to venture out and hack up a lung in public, i don't really think that will make me any more popular.

my sister is really sick now too and has missed two days of work. i think it is fair to blame it on me. im really sorry @hodown. i think perhaps my new nickname "typhoid mary" might me appropriate.

p.s. i think i have decided to move to az...

this is my theme song for the rest of the year. thanks @hodown.

i got home very late last night. it seems nobody ever wants to drive me to/pick me up from the airport. i do it all the time, but alas, i feel that i always put in way more than i get, from anything or anyone these days.

i took a cab home, which was actually fine, because i was really tired and didn't feel like talking to anyone.

the longer i stay here, the more i feel like i don't have enough friends. or really anybody to be there when i really need it. its ok because i learned to be fine on my own, but it would be so nice to live near my sister, or mother and have a friend/loved one always around. i guess im not the kind of person who likes to be fiercely independant. i like knowing that i can get help if i need it. plus, i want to be there for my family as well. i miss them so fucking much i think it actually hurts.

i know i always say, im not going to stay, but this time i really can't. buffalo is such a small little bubble, and i feel like i owe it to myself to want/have more. its so clliquey, and gossipy. i can't leave the house w/o seeing somebody i know, and half of them i don't want to see.

the problem is, where to go? new york is amazing and has basically everything i love, however, i just don't know if i can handle it there. its so big and busy and crowded, and expensive. arizona is beautiful and so is the weather, but it lacks the feel of an old city, which i love. the jobs there are plenty, and the pay is great. i wouldnt be poor like in ny.

i have a huge decision to make, and not very much time to do it.

p.s. the site looks really nice @paul!

i now have to literally force myself out of the house.

for one of four things:

school

work

food

entertainment

• i wish the coldness to end.

wish it was more like this...

i locked my keys in my car. this is the third time and less than three months.

i have lost way too many brain cells, or just wasnt born w/common sense.

either way:

• not only were the keys in the car, but it was on. from 12p until 11p.

• what a magical little car!~

on facebook, i attract a new black man everyday. nothing wrong with that. i like the dark chocolate. im pretty much open to any race.

however, is it because i appear to be hispanico?

do i have the ghetto flavor?


i just think it is funny. first an invite to the threesome, now the ghetto lovin.


back to class...

i thought class was gonna rock today. turns out, there is some issue with the ta not getting paid, so our dyes were not set up, and we could not do much of anything in fabric printing. blah.

i keep trying to post all of these godamn pictures i have, but somehow, they are the wrong type of file or something, and i have to post one at a time instead of all millions of them.

i swear, if this weather doesn't get a little fucking better, im just going on prozac. i can't handle buffalo anymore. it is my goal in the next year, to haul ass out of this godforsaken city. help?

anyway, i think winter has just made me a little crazy,and im seriously counting the days til i get go to nyc and hopefully have massive amounts of fun.

@paul we have to go to the gym tomorrow, i will pick you up @ 730.

p.s. my jbl spyro speakers will finally be coming home with me! my babies!!!!!!

i could handle the coughing, the sore throat and tiredness.


i can't handle the earache i woke up with this morning. the pain is unbearable, and now i won't be able to go to class, which i can make up. but, i don't know if ill be able to make it to work. this would be the third day I've called in.

i need stronger drugs...