so, i have been posting much less lately, as things here have been somewhat out of control...

unfortunately, this is not due to my drunken exploits or slutty encounters.

oh no, i just have the largest craziest extended family ever.


here's what was up for xmas:


(e:hodown) came and totally surprised the mom.


(e:hodown) was sick.


the mom was even more sick, and still sick. (e:hodown) has recovered.

on xmas. gift exchange was interrupted by emergency phone call and then emergency trip to grandma's. she has been on a slippery slope, and thing worsen by the day, and there is a 'death scare' most everyday now.

grandma's liquid morphine goes missing. rx addict aunt is staying with grandma when this is discovered. no one will confront crazy drug addict aunt.

my mom is avoiding her bf, who now calls me all the time to figure out what s up with her. i think she needs to dump him. i don't have a bf, and i don't want to deal with hers.

my sis has been very emotional this trip. i told her please stop; that is my territory, but lately, i am incapable of tears.

on xmas, my grandma wished me a "happy bday", asked "how my easter was", and also asked "how my bf with the dog is doing"... none of these questions made any sense.


basically my cracked out aunt who may have stolen the morphine drugged my poor little granny up to the point of almost killing her, and now granny is in hospice care.

my grandma who means the world to me, is not going to be around much longer. i am the favorite of nearly 50 grandkids, and it is a known fact. i have never dealt with death, so i am very scared. it is hard to explain, but my grandma has always been a kindred spirit, and there is so much of her in me. she has given me so much joy in life, and i just wish her a peaceful passing.

of course i don't want to say goodbye, but i know she is not long for this world. she told my aunt carol that she keeps seeing a room and that one day she will just walk into it. i don't know why, but that gives me nightmares. i can't imagine not hearing her voice again, not being able to tell her everything. i love her so much, and the bond we share is so strong.

saying goodbye is just so hard...


to end it on a more happy note, pretty ring (e:hodown) gave me for xmas, onyx and rubies!