My Nonna passed away this morning.I'm sure you've all read about it in (e:paul) journal and I've been wanting to write about it for the last few days about everything that happened but just don't' kjnow what to say. All I can say right now is she was an amazing lady...she was the nicest like most always thoughtful lady but ina totally sincere way. She would excuse anythign we did...I see this family tree picture frame sittting here that I had gotten her last year and was putting together the photos to put in it. I kept putting it off because I thought oh there will be more time and now there isn't. Its so sad that she devoted her whole life to everyone else and in a year I couldtn' even find the time to put together this photo frame. It will always haunt me.

SHe was so excited about my graduatin. It is all she ahs been talking about for months. She only went to school utnil second grade and so college graduation impressed her so muhc. She was so proud and she coldn't wait ot go out and celebrate my graduation. I am so sad that she coudn't see it. THe image of her grabbing me and looking despereately for help when i found yher in her ktichen will be frozen in my mind for the rest of my life. I don't htink I can ever forget it. Why did it have to happen then? Why couldn't we at least have had that one last nice day celebrating the hone thigns she had been waiting so long for.

Teres and Jll left for Eurpoe today. THey will be gone for six months so my my support system is gone. Marykate leaves tomorrow for a month. Timing for all this coudln't be worse. I honesly don't know how I am going to make it through. Right now I am a total wreck.I don't know if this is all waht i wanted to say at all , this was not the tribute I planned but it will come later maybe........NONNA I LOVE YOU...YOU WERE THE BEST NONNA ANYONE COULD EVER ASK FOR!!!!! On her table was the note she wrote me fro my graudtion. SHe must have just finsihed it as she hadn't transfered it to the card yet.....I'm glad at least I will always have that...she wrote it in Italian because I have finally learned Italian...too bad I will never be able to use it with er..........

I'm staying at PMT's crack mansion for the week while they are on vacation. I have to make sure their zoo house of animals survives without them. Thankfully (e:matt) did all the cricket feeding that needs to be doen for the week so I don't have to touch those scary jumping creatures!! This apt is much nicer than their old one in style and niceness but I liked the old one better because it was more in the middle of things. LIke there were always people walking by and I could go outside and see people and take walks. ALthough this one is only like a block away it seems like a different world. Plus, at the old one there were plenty of random visitors stopping by b/c they were in the neighboorhood, that doesn't seem to happen here....soo feel free to stop by and remember THIS SATURDAY AT OFF THE WALL: GOODBYE TERES AND JILL PARTY!!! Everyone must attend, it is like an order! Ok that's all for now

One paper left for this place we call Canisius! So why can't I start it? The teacher just extended the deadline from 5 today to 5 tomorrow so you know what that means more procrastination. So am I not starting it because I fear the future and what it brings and don't want to be finished with college. Is it a deep psychological desire to preserve what I have and not accept change and moving on? Or am I just a lazy procrastinator? I'll let the public decide for themselves on this one....

So tomorrow is my last day of undergrad college classes at Canisius!!! How insane!! College flew by and I can't belive it is over. I don't think all the tears will be shed like they were at highschool graduation but it is still crazy. I didn't think I would really care as I didn't get that attached to this school but lately I am starting to get upset about it!!! Well here's hoping that my last day tomorrow is a good one and Quad Party is superbly extraordinarily fun for my last time!!! Its already starting as a good day as I just checked my Canisius e-mail and found out I won $200 in a drawing for this test that they needed seniors to take about critical thinking. I wonder what I will do with it. Actually probably pay for my car repairs but still that is exciting!!!

OK because of Littleho's entry I am going to turn a sad event into a good one. So this weekend was kinda crappy because of some miscommunication or noncommunication. I kinda hate how things ended and wish we could have talked about it or something. I am very confused by the whole situation and I hope we get to talk again and work it out and be friends or sometyhing. I hope you had a good bday anyway and you know who you are!!! Anyway, now the positive....With the money I saved this weekend by not taking out to dinner and by returning the gifts I can give myself a nice little shopping spree!!! Shopping Sprees always make me feel better. I could use some sunglasses, shorts, summerwear in general. I need new flip flops too. By the by, I went to Kohl's the other day and it was not fantastic. It actually is really far down Niagara Falls Blvd (and i missed it the first time and ended up al lthe way at the Outlet mall before turning around) but also it was kinda just like bleh. They had some cheap stuff but nothing great and I hate the setup and the carts. I'm sorry but department stores just aren't built for carts!!!!!!!!! There is no room in the little aisles!! I like my department stores to be department store -like not discount store like , then I can just go to Target. Maybe I care about my store setups too much. Anyway this weekend I plan on having some shopping fuN!!!!!

How funny that like two days ago I was thinking, wow life is going really good for me. And now it is all down the tubes. Everything switched so fast. Maybe it is all my fault, maybe not, either way it sucks. I guess I just wasn't cut out for some things I thought I was. I never mean to hurt people, I guess I don't always realize what my actions say. What makes it worst of all is that today marks the less than a month point before Teres and Jill leave me forever. They are the two people I have either hung out wiht or at least talked to almost evryday for at least the last eight years. What I will do without them I do not jknow! Probably be sad a lot, I honestly have no idea how I will deal with it!!!! Of course there will be fun friends here in the b-lo to hang out with but I honestly can not imagine Teres and Jill not being here. Its just something I've never had to expeirece and I don't know how i will. I'm sure I'll write more abou tthis later but for now it is all very sad. Too many sad things hapenning righ tnow!

So the other day on the way home from school I innocently turn on to W. Delevan and then see a cop with its lights on behind me. So of course, I think what the heck have I done, and pull over to the side of the road. So the cop stops behidn me but does't get out or anyting and I don't know what to do since I have only been pulled over by the Kenmore Po before and they get out of their car pretty fast. Anywho then the cop car starts to honk at me. I have no idea what that means. So i stay pulled over and it honks again. So I begin to drive again but then it follows me again with its lights on so I pull over again. And it honks again. And I am wondering if that means like I did something really bad. Why won't it go past me I wonder? Like if it isn't pulling me over why doesn't it go around? So after it lays the horn on I start to drive again. Then I see another cop car speeding down the street towards me an dI think OMG he called for backup because I am evading them or soemthing even though I don't think I have done anything. So the second cop car goes and blocks the street on W. Delevan and Delaware and I think Holy Crap I am in so much trouble, even though I really didn't think I was being pulled over. AND THEN I REALIZE it was a funeral procession and I kept blocking it by pulling over. Like he couldn't lead the whole pakc of cars around me and was honking so I would keep driving. OOPS! But why coudn't the cop have made some kind of gesture to show or explain what was going on? Anywho I'm thaknslful that I wasn't carted off to jail but it was really a ridiculous situation. !

So I had basically my last two major projects of my college career due today and i started them of course around 9PM last night. Needless to say, my procrastination paid off once again. They both were stellar. I seriusly don't know how people do work like any earlier than they have to. If I didn't have the pressure I don't htink I would be able to come up with good ideas. I don't know I guess everyoen is different but I definetley need to wait until the last minute if I want a good final product.

So since a certain someone kept me busy all spring break I now have to read 100 pages of this boring book The Magic Mountain and write a paper about two themes in the book. HOW RIDICULOUS! I wish I would have started it before 11pm the night before it is due when I have to work at 9AM but oh well. It was definetely worth not doing work for the week I had. With (e:beast) and (e:amanda) in florida doing research and (e:jill) and yosepha still in school during my spring break, luckily a nice boy came along and tolerated me for the week. Too bad he is now back in L.A. where he came from (Los Angeles not Latin America). Well at least now I can get my work done and go back to my wholesome, clean, affectionless, self-centered world until the end of April.

Is this all a terrible April Fools joke? Is that not real snow outside but just a fake show in which my parents will any minute now will tell me that it is all just a cruel joke. "APRIL FOOLS" I will hear...and a smile will return to my face!