First off, my new userpic is a picture Jill drew of me senior year for my birthday as part of a pin the crown and mic on Mike game she made for me. I still don't want to put an actual picture of me up (even though numerous other ones can be found of me on the site) and so I thought this was a nice compromise for now.

So this weekend was Valentine's Day and Jill went out with Ted, Yosepha got three responses on JDate, Jen went to Niagara Falls for the weekend with her boyfriend, and I ....well I hung out with sine friends on the actual day and today I celebrated Valentine's day/mom's birthday withy my mom, dad, grandma, brother, terry and matt. I know what you're thinking, Too romantic right?

My Valentine's week horoscope (which i am starting to fear Artvoice horoscopes one syaing I'm going to die and now this one) was basically to sum it up that I need to just love myself and ask myself out on dates and by the end of the week ask myself to marry myself. Cool, everyone else's was about finding that other person or at least sex or something but no mine was about staying single...too cool.

P.S. I updated like three times in the last hour or so so just read them all, I always fear if I update too close , some entries wil be completely ignored.

We should all thank Jen for doing her part by "entertaining" our troops. Enough said.

So last night I went to Coffee & with Katrina, Amanda, Yosepha, Lisa, and Teres and Jill were there for some of the time too. It was an ecclectic mix, well I mean basically just more people than just me, jill, teres, and the occassional Yosepha. Anyway we missed the musical players that ended at 11 but I digress this was not the point of the story.

Katrina thinks I should go to her little sister's senior prom with her because her sister is really shy. I think it would be weird. I mean I love highschool and proms as much as the next person but I think as a junior in college I may be too old to go. Her sister is only 17 (although she will almost be 18 by the time of the prom) so it is pseudo-illegal well not really cuz we aren't having sex or anythign but it seems wrong. And it would just be awkward and weird. I mean I guess I could, I just think it would be weird.

And let's face it, I haven't been on a date in, well lets just say a long time, I am by no means a professional escort who knows the ropes of the dating scene. I think it would be a big letdown for her not the dream come true they tried to tout it as, but we'll see.

Unrelated sidenote, I need to stop getting carried away in my dreams and bring myself back to reality and seeing things for what they really are.

Can something be the best thing that has happened to you and the worst thing at the same time? Well not the worst, but like in one way it was a great time and I just loved it (THANKS TERES) but then it just at the same time reminds me of what I don't/can't have. So good but so bad. I don't know it makes more sense in my head.

ok i seirusoly have been searchign for a song for like an hour or more that applies to how i feel right now and cna't find one, i guess this one is sorta close, sorta in a way:

I don't know who I'm kidding,
imagining you care,
and i could stand here waiting,
a fool for another day,
but i don't suppose it's worth the hhprice, worth the price the price that i would pay
Everyone keeps asking, what's it all about?
I used to be so certain and I can't figure out
What is this attraction? I only feel the pian
There's nothing left to reason
WIll it ever change?


Ok that's not right at all now that I am reading it over again, wlel kinda but that sounds sad and I am not sad I am happyesque so hmm I don't know. I'll try to find a better one

Why oh why do I loathe thee scriptwriting class? I love writing scripts and thinking of stories but now that I am forced to do it for a grade, I can't stand it and the characters and stories I am creating are the worst. Well actually this last one Frank O'Malley is pretty good but it took me forever to com up with him and I keep changing what he is all about. We had to answer like 38 qustoins about our character and my sheet is covered in cross outs and redos.

On another note, I got the first spot next to the door in the parking ramp today! IT WAS AWESOME! Especially since it is snowing a little. I think it may actually be where they were piling the snow but enough had melted that I could get my car on it, Woohoo now hopefully i can just get my car out of the spot later.!!!

So things in my life seem to be changing lately, and anyone who knows me know I despise change more than anything in the world but yet for some reason this time it seems like it may be a good thing. I don't know, I think things may be changing for the better which is most likely a phrase I have never uttered before. We'll see!!!

Also, I wanna go see Movin' Out at Shea's. Has anyone seen it? Liked it? Billy Joel songs are good and so are musicals. I think it is next week though so I should prolly look into that soon!

Is it wrong to get the majority of your outlook on life solely from all the different MaryKate and Ashley Olson tv shows? I mean not solely Full House, but also two of a kind, their show with the models and their numerous movies? They just seem to have something to say about everything in life.

So they say doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is a sign of insanity....all i can say is uh oh!

I did two things I really hate myself for today, although they may not seem that bad to the outside observer but they are two things I swear against doing.

1. I was ok with a parking in a handicapped space becuase we had a parking handicpaped tag in the car. Peolple who do that seriously I usually think are the scum of the earth taking a spoace away from a handicapped person yet I partook in the devilsih practice todya. All I can say is my guilt is overwhelming and I will never do it again. I find some solace in the fact that there were two other spots that were open and so noone went without.

2. I left church right after communion and didn't' wait until the end of mass. But i coudlnt' get back to my seat and got frustrated and just left.

things are just slippinig out of control all around me and i don't like it!!!

So like for 5 nights last week I had dreams where I died. And I don't remember ever having a dream where I died before like I always woke up before I actually died but not in these dreams and so they freaked me out. Especially since my horoscope that week ended up being something to the effect of "look to your dreams for your future". So I was completely freaked out even thought I don't really buy into the whole fortune telling thing but still it was freaky. But now I have went about 3 or 4 days without a death dream and so I think I am in the clear. The dreams were all so weird, here they are.

1. I was on a show similar to Dallas but like it wasn't a show it was my real life but that is what it looked like. Anyway my brother(in the dream, not in real life) tried to kill me and shot me three times but I survived and so they were like ok you can live. But then I went into the basement where I found out my son (played by one of Jill's exb/f) was sleeping with my wife and so he shot me in the lungs and I died.

2. Me and my friends were outside what was suppposed to be Maureen's house and her aunt was outside but wouldn't tell us anything but said the paramedics were on their way. So we assumed that something had happened to Maureen. Then NBC called me to get the scoop on the story for them because they said they knew I would be there and they had my cell number (eh its a dream, crazier things have happened). Anyway as I am talking to them I begin to realize liek there is a huge crowd there and the people are like starting to all burn and are like rolling around burning. Then I realize it is a nuclear disaster of some sort and I burn to death as I am trying to run away.

3. There is a killer in my house and I can see him killing everyone like painfully and slow and I don't want that so I suffocate myself before he gets to me.

4. BY FAR THE ODDEST: Me and this girl Anastasia Brothman (who I went to school with up untinl 2nd grade and then she moved) were riding across Grand Island on a horse. As we were getting off the expressway on our horsees, mine fell over. I tried to pick it up but then it fell backwards and broke its leg. But i had to get to scriptwriting class so I left it and called my mom and asked her to call animal people that could save it. She said I had to go and be there or the SPCA would just leave it there if noone was there when they got there. So I left class but then I ended back at home somehow and my parents were asleep in bed WITH THE HORSE SLEEPING BETWEEN THEM!!! and then somehow the horse killed me and i ended up dead in a coffin. The thing is then when I woke up it soudned liek there were horse hooves outside, (it ended up being the rain) but it still freaked me out and I couldn't sleep.


SO THANKFULLY THOSE DREAMS ARE HOPEFULLY OVER

So I'm not doing so well in my scriptwriting class, which is sad, because that is what I thought I wanted to do. It's not that I'm failing or anything, I just don't feel like I have good enough ideas or can think the way they want us to. I don't know, I still want to be a soap opera writer. It seems so different than what we are doing which seems to focus more on movies. I need a story that doesn't, that is continuous and only bits and pieces at a time and can keep changing. Maybe I'll talk to my teacher about writing soap operas, she loves soap operas, it is like her PhD. We'll see.