"A reason I love Buffalo" written by Lilho on estrip.org

04/19/11 10:16 - ID#54095

A reason I love Buffalo

I love Buffalo because now that I no longer live there I can go and just be a visitor. Right now, I would love to visit and see my family and friends because I swear I'm about to peace out on AZ for good.

This semester has basically been one giant bundle of stress and confusion and the past two weeks have basically sent me over the edge. I'm dealing with so many things right now, most of which I can't really talk about and the last time I even felt close to this alone was probably before I left Buffalo.

The hardest part is trying to smile and put on a happy face for school and my internship. I guess I always look fine but on the inside I am really hurting. I am currently facing two situations that are bigger than anything I've ever had to deal with and I'm so lost...

I'm supposed to go to the Nicki Minaj concert tonight and I love her, but I honestly don't even want to go. I just want to stay home and have dinner with my family. I just want to be around my mom because she is the only person I can talk to right now.

She is telling me to be a fighter, and she's right but I feel like I don't have the strength.

The really sad part is, while Buffalo is the one thing that would definitely cure my sadness, I don't think I can visit for a while.

Permalink: A_reason_I_love_Buffalo.html
Words: 254
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Last Modified: 04/19/11 10:16

03/12/11 10:44 - ID#53811

for Josh

When my sister called to tell me the news I was pretty floored. I didn't have a lot to say...

And then I cried for a while because it just made me so sad and every time I think about Josh the tears come back.

Josh you were truly a great guy, someone who I genuinely had respect for and always smiled when I thought about you.

I am not even sure when I saw you last and I find myself really regretting not staying in touch because now there isn't another chance to have a beer or dinner party or run into you on elmwood.

The memories I have of you are all happy so I will hold on to that... I remember having a dinner party for you and Jason at pauls's house and I made gumbo and my sister and I mixed up some champagne cocktails. Its probably one of my favorite buffalo memories. We all had a great time and you were so gracious, you and Jason both. You were always singing praises for my sister and I, and it was nice to know a pair of siblings who shared such a strong connection.

My sister is my best friend, as Jason was yours. My heart goes out to you Jason, and although I'm far away I will always be here for you as a friend. :o)

My mom tells me that it is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all... I will remember Josh and like my sister said, Josh you will hold a special place in my heart.

Permalink: for_Josh.html
Words: 270
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Last Modified: 03/12/11 10:44

02/23/11 11:45 - ID#53693

haiku

My sister is
The ultimate Grand Puba
I'm still scared of her

In my writing assessment class we are doing a poetry unit and to be quite honest I'm no fan of poetry.

Anywho... I really have decided to DC my blog because its causing problems and I might start to use figment and write there or not at all.

The main reason I blog is for Paul, so we can keep in touch but ill just skype with him or call him or get him out here! Anyway, I don't care what people think of what I say however things other people say and do here aren't PG and that's what concerns my future career which I refuse to take any chances with. :o(

And I admit I love the drama. But ill keep it to watching and commenting on real housewives from now on since my life is already to full to handle any extra blah.

Permalink: haiku.html
Words: 158
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Last Modified: 02/23/11 11:45

02/22/11 12:04 - ID#53683

end of the blog

Was asked why I blog... Don't have a concrete definition.

I knew it had to come to end at some point but I'm a professional program where they have been stressing all semester to be careful with you put online.

Wasn't so careful in the past so I hired a company to clean up my act. It isn't so much my blog but others here I'm concerned about, controversial topics and all that ultimately affect my image as a teacher and while is isn't fair. It is what it is.

My laptop is being Le crap and my car needs $700 of work. Go tax return. No more splurging, just back to work and school and trying to not be a fool.

Assignments and tests galore and my bed beckons but alas I must plow through. Also my internship teacher is kinda not so good with the communication and I think she's upset with me...oh well I always call and can't get ahold of her.

Going to the zoo Friday should be fun!

Permalink: end_of_the_blog.html
Words: 173
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Last Modified: 02/22/11 12:04

02/20/11 02:28 - ID#53657

ok more to say

Hiked one of the more challenging mountains in phoenix yesterday and let me just say wow.

First off I didn't feel too well, which is nothing new since my stomach torments me %80 of the time but I just deal with it. However having that and a challenging hike to accomplish is like woah.

My cousin and I we just got down to business and it was windy omg! Then started to sprinkle. Then started to pour and the wind picked up even more, I'd venture to say around 40mph. Then it really started to rain more and the temp dropped at least 10 degrees and that when the hail started pelting us. Then I fell, fell and hurt my ankle and knee and then fell on a rock that jabbed my bum, ow. Especially embarrassing because we had or purple and green hoodies tight around or heard and we looked like the purple and green teletubbies.and there was a handsome man behind us who helped me up and made sure I was ok and why do guys always look great when they are all grungy in sweats? Not fair dude. Then I somehow led us off the trail and down and cliff type area.

We were so cold and soaking wet and I think it was the most fun I've had in a long time. I know I'm a high maintenance girly girl but I like a challenge and since I started working out again I notice little changes and some toning and weight loss and it feels great that no matter how much your day sucks you feel good after working out- like therapy. plus then I just want to eat healthier in general and I'm not sitting around thinking about food all the time like when I had the dreaded mono that almost made me obese.

Its raining again today, will I stay in bed and study or go hiking?

Why am I blogging so much. Taking a bath and blogging is so relaxing, like chillaxing to the maximum.

Permalink: ok_more_to_say.html
Words: 343
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Last Modified: 02/20/11 02:32

02/20/11 12:57 - ID#53655

why gay guys are a girls bf

My mom had a surprise for me the other night and it was a book with that title. She cracks me up.

She always asking how the gays are. Its cute she used to be weird about it but she really sees they are my boys for life and they really helped me get through the worst times. I forced (e:terry) to stay up with me as I cried and played Nintendo for about two months back in the day. And (e:paul), well he's my food buddy and always up for eating something interesting and delish. (e:) Matthew is the shy artist who appreciates beauty like me and (e:mike) is just the super fun witty socialite!

Is it odd most of my friends are guys and gay? I don't care because they are awesome and although they live so far now when I see them its always just the same...

went out dancing with my girls last night and the club became so crowded with so many nonclassy creepy people. I love going out dancing but some people should not participate in the dancing and just watch. Men also should not be making gross faces and grabbing when they don't even know you. what ever happened to a handshake and hello? I don't go out to meet dudes I just love being dressed up and dancing and being fun...

So much hw today and I'm thirsty and dying for gingerale and if you're reading and if live in scottsdale will you please bring me some? I want a concierge service.

One last thing... People still calling me khloe, as in the kardashian girl. I cut my hair... I thought that would help. Nope. Gotta start wearing my glasses out again. My friends boyfriend had a friend who liked me and was calling me khloe, what the heck?!

Permalink: why_gay_guys_are_a_girls_bf.html
Words: 310
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Last Modified: 02/20/11 01:55

02/19/11 07:33 - ID#53653

getting tough

its not hard to see I'm a pretty whiny spoiled person. I complain, I can be lazy and selfish and I often have a pessimistic view of things that should be fun.

But everybody has their faults and its never to late to strive to be better.

After numerous comments from numerous people about my attitude I suppose its time to work on that. I should be grateful for what I have and not expect other people to supplement what I don't have because I'm capable of doing this myself.

As for blogging about others and my feelings I have zero regrets about what I say. I'm honest and this is my way of getting things out.

Anyway I'm dead tired. Just hiked a tough mountain in the rain wind and hail. It was frezzing and I feel and hurt myself a few times but I just kept going. No tears and no complaining. That's who I want to be, not G.I. Jane but just a stronger me who uses my strength as an asset instead of making excuses.

I lost some friends this week, but from that I learned I should keep some things sacred. I also learned that true friends are willing to forgive. So with two lost friendships I was able to learn from it and repair one which I ignored for sometime.

I do think life is mysterious and odd and painful but at the same time if we can find joy in the tiniest things that's what keeps us human.

So I'm working on being more tough... Was first told by my mother I need to toughen up and now it seems to be resonating in my ears still from her and others time. As my late grandmother would say, "its time, its time."

Gonna nap before a girls night out. Maybe ill hike the grand canyon this summer...

Permalink: getting_tough.html
Words: 317
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Last Modified: 02/19/11 07:33

02/18/11 09:30 - ID#53635

eviction

Basically I'm not allowed to live in my mother's house anymore because I'm messy. I NEVER leave a spec of mess around the house, its just my room and bathroom. I have so many of the following: shoes, clothes, jewelry, books, scarves, makeup, beauty products and treatments, hair products... Art supplies, and I'm sure there's more.

I shouldn't live with my mother anyway so I'm moving out this summer. She's tired of telling me to be clean and neat and honestly that aint gonna change til I settle dopwn and have someone to clean for. Ill be neat and clean if I'm taking care of someone but for just me? I honestly don't even know how I have time to sleep I am so busy so things like laundry and dusting barely enter my mind.

So this adult child must move out.

On another note I'm pretty sure I have all As in my classes and that's amazing and its so much work I get stressed and can't sleep. I'm actually losing weight because I'm stressed and get nauseous or plain forget to eat or don't have time like yesterday. I don't condone this but I have tons of energy and then when I do eat its usually super healthy like a protein bar or banana or yogurt.

Anyway, my addiction to socializing and fun needs to be toned down so I make more time to do laundry and just relax because at this pace I'm gonna lose my mind soon.

Can't wait for blo! The whole fam is gonna be there for st pattys day!

Permalink: eviction.html
Words: 266
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Last Modified: 02/18/11 09:30

02/13/11 03:33 - ID#53606

i miss my mom

I miss my mom and we live in the same house.

The last time I saw her for anything more than a hi and bye was last Saturday. We went hiking with my cousin and the whole time we fought and she drove me crazy.

Anyway, the great thing about us is our arguments last about 10 minutes.

I do really miss her though and she's like my bff and the top VIP in my life so I have decided next weekend we are going to have a special adventure day.

:o) spa tomorrow...ahhhh! I need this so badly.

Permalink: i_miss_my_mom.html
Words: 99
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Last Modified: 02/13/11 03:33

02/09/11 07:05 - ID#53580

the gift of hearing

Like woah! Just went in to pick up my hearings aids and its loud!

I mean seriously its loud and I want to jump for joy.

To all of you who think you can say and do things because I am deaf, think again... My senses are in check.

The best part? I purchased them for the bargain price of 25 bucks. Insurance pays!

Um most joyful moment in a while.