I think Eva Peron is one of my favorite people in history. She is really what i wasnt to be i think. Like not really a politician but like sorta a leader of the revolution. And more importantly she gets lots of fancy clothes and goes to lots of parties. And people chant her name and carry her picutre in poster size. I think I could live with that. Ok so all I really know about her is from the musical Evita but I feel like hta tmust cover the importnat parts. Well I also have a book that has some of her writings.

What I really lik eabout her, well the musical version of her at least is she makes me think of two things I like to think about.
1. Like how she helped raise money for the poor and help them out but also smuggles the money to make herself fabulous. Like i always think about that with charity events and stuff , like wow what a waste of mney to make it so crazy cool when why doesn't all that money just go to the charity but then i think well if there want all the fanciness then no money would go to the charity. You got to be ostentatious to get the dough.

2. Ther is a line in one of the songs that is like "Better to win while admitting your sin than to lose with a halo" I guess it is really a does the end justify the means type of thing. I think like sure she may have been part of kidnapping and slaughtering dissidents but hey she made people have a slightly better life right? or at least have one dream come true through her foundation.

I guess there is one more too. 3. Like solving little problems when there are much bigger problems. She sent people on vacations and stuff and did little things for them instead of promising to like cure the world of war and stuff. LIke is it better to accept maybe little but achievalbe things or should you focus eveyrhting on the big almost impossible things.

I'll leave you with this, "They need to adore me, so Christian Dior me"

First of all I just want to say that my dinner party went off perfectly. Ok by perfetly I mean the food was done about 2 hours later than I said, I burned a few things, and used just about every dish and pan in this house preparing the food creating the largest kitchen mess ever. But it was still good fun and I tihnk everyone had a good time. me and (e:Mk) were quite the ultimate players at the celebrity game. it almost seemed unfair that we were on the same team. Hopefully, (e:amanda) or (e:mk) will post pictures soon.

More importantly though, the DISH network has pulled the plug on offering LIfetime to its customers. IT TRIES TO CLAIM LIfetime is BEING UNREASONABLE!!! Hmm if the problem is lifetime why don't they have the same trouble with other cable companies and satelite networks. THE DISH NETWORK IS THE DEVIL! Ok i don't even have the DISH and so tihs doesn't' relaly affect me but I don't like the idea of some corporation limiting an American's viewing of the Golden Girls or the Nanny. Small issue you may think...but you gotta pick your battles. First this, then what?

Ok so my dinner party tonight may consist of Spahetti O's . Ahhh I stlil haven't planned what to make and/or gotten the ingredients and people will be here in 4.5 hours. Why did I not plan this earlier. I thought I would get up early today and start, yeah...get up early after new year's eve, not gonna happen. So why am I here writing this...procrastination of course. Wish me luck!@

First of all, I am using the new computer me and (e:paul) got my parents for christmas and it is so nice to have a new computer. One that doesn't freeze every 2.5 seconds and take a good 13 minutes to start up each time. It seriously is a whole new wolrd. Next DSL or cable internet and who knows what will happen. The only problem is my scanner for some reason is not like showing up on the computer and I have lots of pictures I need to scan by Sunday....

that leads me to my dinner party. Every year over christmas break I have a dinner party for my friends from highschool. It is like a rebonding every year thing. There are about 10 of us and now the significant others come too. Let me tell you I am no cook but for one day a year I do a pretty fantastic job if i do say so myself, haha. Really these twice baked cheesey potatoes win everyone over and it doesn't matter what anything else tastes like. Any suggestions for some fun appetizers I could make? I do have a whole book full of fun appetizers thanks to (e:paul) but more suggestions are always welcome. I also want to have some kind of updated slideshow/video movie thing to update with our college years since my mammoth highschool one is now almost 5 years old...but alas I need my scanner to work.

So this is the first Christmas since I was born that we will not be going to my nonna's house, obvioulsy since she passed away this summer. It really is much sadder than I thought it would be. She is really what made Christmas special becuase now it is just my brother, terry, matt, my parents and me at my parents house. Not that that won't be fun, it just isn't the same. I loved going over to her house where Santa would also come for us, and sitting around and eating and chatting all day and eating way too much as always is the way at her house.I miss her so much all the time but today it is much more extremely hard. It just doesn't feel right without her. More than any of my other grandparents I really miss her because i knew her so much as an adult where we could really bond beyond the child/grandparent relationship from when I was younger. Nonna...I miss you, I love you, merry christmas somewhere out there!

So, I really feel lately like I need to get into a relationship of some sort. I never really cared to date anyone that much well there are times I do but in general I didn't but lately I really want to. And its weird because normally I feel that way when all my friends are in pretty serious relationships but that is not the case right now yet I am so wanting to be in one. Ok I'm not saying I have tried very hard to meet people, I really don't try hard becuase I don't really know how, but the only peoploe I have met basically just have stopped talking to me. One problem is I do develop enfatuations with people that like completely consume me . I can't even fathom anyone else while I am enfatuated with them and that perosn I get to afraid to even talk to and so I end up alone. Like currenly maybe there is one person with potential and actually the potential is probably only in my head. Whenever theyare around I freeze up and look stupid and an't carry on a conversation let alone try and show any interest.

Some say I am self defeating becasuee I don't' believe in myself. maybe.

I am at the point where I don't care if the they date someone else,hits me, is like 10,000lbs , missing all their teeth, and has the IQ of a chimp as long as they show in terst in me like one day a week...maybe wednesdays.

So my christmas cards are almost done. And they are amazing if I do say so myself. OK, maybe to the untrained eye they don't look so good but they are relaly good. Ok for me they are, even if my skills are like those of a 7 year olds. I was up all night working on them and have to finsih them tonight. When you see one you would think hmmm....that must have taken what 10, 15 minutes tops. Well no, it took me forever for each one because I have no artistic skills really. So many of you watch in your mailboxes in the days to come (likely after Christmas) to see my glorious creations. Paul, Matt and Terry were the first recipients, they are the only people who have seen them so far. Ok that's all for now......

Oh wait, me and (E:terry) were discussing. Can you put stuff in people's mailboxes. I remember learning that you cannot put anything in a mailbox that does not have a stamp but I am not really sure why that would be and so I am not sure if it is true. I thought of just dropping off many of these cards myself so they will get there on time. Anyone know? THanks,

So I a little bit stuck to my drinking less plan. I did not drink nearly as much as I usually do and stayed at like an ok level. Not sober by any means but I did not pass out til like 4 and didn't really throw up at all. By the by (e:lilho) may we always share tiny little bottles of like pure alochol that burns us as it goes down. 99proof I think? Wait is that a lot? If it is then that is prolly what it was. It was good to see everyone again and I am glad (e:beast) and (e:jesse) made it out to the party. Thanks (e:ladycroft) and (e:lilho) for letting my autograph your breasts. You hsould prolly never wash those becasue they will be worth tons one day. Plus the fact that the big J. Ho was there always means it will be a good time. She is my ultimate corruptor. Who kmnows? If it was n't for her maybe I wuld be successful or have goals or something.

Now for the advice...

So their is this person I met at a party like a month ago or so and we hung out a few times. Like I'm not gonna say we got al ong great or antyhing but we got along and things went ok I thought. It was weird becasue after a lot happening the first time we hung out then after that it was much more like friends but enjoyable anyway. Anywho, liek the last time we hung out I got quite a bit drunk and went back and hung out at their apt and slep there, like literally just slept, and that night and when I left in themornign eveyrthing seemed ok but then I left for Boston. And when I came back I asked if they wanted to go to dinner and they said maybe but htey might have had some work party or something and then they texted me later that they couldn't but maybe some other time. And I had already kinda felt like I was always the one like asking to hang out so I already wasn't sure if they were really intersted so I said ok just let me know if you want to hang out sometime. And then I haven't heard from them since really.... so do I just let it go? Liek it is weird cuz it didn't seem like anyting was wrong really besides the fact I was durnk and stuff but it seemd ok at the time.


So my question is , do I contadt them and just make sure it really is they don't want to hang otu with me anymore? Like I would say maybe it is obvious they don't but as most of my friends will telll you, I tend to exaggerate and alssume people won't want to hang out with me and like I twist stories to make it sound like they don't. Hmm I don't know if this made sense. advice is appreciated

So as some of you know, I think I need to stop drinking so heavily at parties and things. I mean I only drink at parties or get togethers really but I always seem to drink myself into oblivion and really is that necessary? Sure it is fun, but necessary? I think I could probably still have fun and not be that drunk. After every party I or someone get photos developed and I am like wow why do I drink that much and become that embarassing. With the recent photos I just developed from Halloween and my eckerd work party and others over the year I think the proof is in the pudding...here is some photgraphic evidence.




Ok why is there always a photo of me throwing up/about to throw up. Though dressed as a fraggle I think the posed over the toilet look actually comes off as kind of endearing.




Why do I always make this face that I think will be sexy at the time (haha!) but always comes out bad and with triple chins.



And here the face strikes again.

Me and JIll went to see the movei last night and itw as relaly good. I have been rereading the books lately in anticipation of the movie and really the movie was quite closely followed the fbook. Though I don't remember Santa Clasue in the book but maybe I just forgot. I also liked how inthe end the professor told Luci he had never been able to go back throught he wardrobe imppying he hade been to Narnia before. IHWen i read the book i always knoew like it was sorta impolied the professor had been to narnia but i wanted him to say it out loud like he did in the move so i loved that. The Aslaan eyes were so realistic . LIke those eyes were like whoa emotinal. Alsol wow there was something weirdly attractive about the relationship beween Tumnus and Luci. Me and Jill both thought so and we don't often think half goat/half men and 6 year old girls can have so much sexual tension.