"im done with life" written by Lilho on estrip.org

10/17/07 02:52 - 69ºF - ID#41691

im done with life

why are there balloons still on this thing?

ok, my post trip depression needs to go away. i am displaying some not so good signs:

1. need for sleep all the time. i shouldn't be so tired.

2. need for food all the time. i shouldn't be so hungry. i am going to become a blob full of food. note to self: stop being so goddamn lazy and go hiking. you lazy pathetic piece of shit.

3. need for t.v. grey's or is it gray's and private practice. why live my own life when i can watch make believe ones on t.v.

4. inability to focus on what matters, school and work. i have no desire.

5. no desire to go shopping with birthday money. so wrong.

6. no desire to wear pretty dresses and shoes. even more wrong.

7. feeling like i could cry at any moment.

in conclusion, i am in a rut. i hope said rut only last a few more days. it could be the coming of my period which would also explain a ravenous need for chocolate. i don't like feeling like such a crazy person, and it is unlike me lately.

on the upside, i did get my side of birthday hookup, and it was delish. oh my. i never tire of sexy men, and i wouldnt mind some right now. actually, i think i got the most birthday loving i ever have in my entire life. its funny because i have the ability to get more sex now than when i was in a relationship. the next person i date better be willing to put out when i request.

could i be anymore dramatic? so, i think i should focus on sexy men, and getting my goddamn homework done. im having issues people.

oh, and how embarrassing is it that i like that jordin sparks song? i have a love for bad radio. i think its the teen inside me that refuses to die.

so, i think i am going to see across the universe this weekend, that should help cheer me up. that and some really strong gange.

Permalink: im_done_with_life.html
Words: 351
Location: Buffalo, NY

10/15/07 04:04 - 47ºF - ID#41657

post-trip sadness

i think i have had a huge issue with this for a long time. i think since i was able to understand what saying goodbye means.

being back in blo made me realize what amazing people i left behind, and while i think i made the right choice my coming here, i know this week is gonna be really rough.

what will i do without my (e:PMT)? seriously, its amazing how good of friends we are, and i always have a good time with them.

i also realized i am a huge asshole, and have definitely taken advantage of someone who i thin has always really cared about me. turns out, they are a pretty thoughtful person, and they know me better than most people. but, now i am here, and i will just leave that one up to fate, because its just such a long, long tale with many twists and turns.

so, i am back here, and sunny az, and i will be working my ass off. however, we have already planned a fun winter camping thing, and when i come back it will be for at least a week this time around. three days is not enough time. plus, im sure ill be missing the snow? ok, maybe not, but it will be nice to see!

ill post pics tomorrow, its been a very long day.

Permalink: post_trip_sadness.html
Words: 230
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: youtube

10/13/07 05:56 - 55ºF - ID#41629

let me borrow that top!

Permalink: let_me_borrow_that_top_.html
Words: 3
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: transport

10/10/07 05:18 - 57ºF - ID#41578

i am missing brain cells, lots

what happens when your emergency brake is not fully engaged?

you go to check your mail, and you car rolls backwards down the hills into another car.

like screaming out, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!", was going to stop it.

collision, nope. fucked up car? very.

do not want to go home. must move out/run away to mexico.

my car is sick, and i think i have brain issues.

and im really really scared of what is ging to go down tonight. do not move back in with your parents and develop shopping addictions. word to the wise.

and i just bombed my midterm. lucky me!

on the upside, im really glad there was a large truck there. if not, my car would have sailed through some lucky persons living room!

Permalink: i_am_missing_brain_cells_lots.html
Words: 128
Location: Buffalo, NY

10/08/07 09:03 - 73ºF - ID#41554

life never turns out the way you planned

so, im talking to my friend in blo. he's saying, "life's crazy right now, blah, blah, blah." i thinking, alright the usual.

then...

he says, "im gonna be a daddy."

WHAT? WHAT?????

ok, this is too weird for me. we used to date, or something like that, and we still keep in touch, but what??? um. you idiot. you got your ex pregnant, because you didn't use a condom, and she said she was on the pill. ok. you are only 21. good luck with that.

i want to be supportive, but i was almost in tears. he is just going to become a stereotype, and end up having to drop out of school to support this baby, for his crazy gf, who he isn't even in love with. it just seems shitty.

how sad. im so glad im not preg. if i was, i would say, "bye,bye, baby!"

seriously, i am not in the right place for chlid rearing. not for at least three years, no way.

anyway, now i don't know if i should see him when i come this week, it would be weird. why do people have to go and do stupid shit???

on the upside, (e:hodown) and i are planning to go on a vaca this spring. i wanna go someplace super fun, and super not in this country! because, now that i work like a mofo, i can afford trips. woot.

also good news, i see the (e:peeps) so soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Permalink: life_never_turns_out_the_way_you_planned.html
Words: 250
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: party time

10/07/07 03:11 - 69ºF - ID#41525

night 2

i was supposed to stay home and sleep. didn't happen. i am tired.

people get all sorts of crazy when drunk, and start fights. best time to start a fight. when your brain is mush, and you are being silly.

drunk people, chill the eff out, ok? thanx.

work sat + sun = no fun. night!

Permalink: night_2.html
Words: 54
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: party time

10/06/07 05:20 - 66ºF - ID#41513

night out...ha.

so, i went out tonight.

that's all i really have to say about that. these stays, staying in is so much more appealing, and so wrong for me!

what is a ho, without the madness? i think i will learn to sew and bake some more, and be "marthaish".

except for my four day hiatus to the blo. that will not involve baking, well it might... but not in the same way.

i have to be to work at 830 tomorrow morning, which is really not cool considering i am still up, and in this state.

stop reading this. i think my posts are becoming pointless banter, or i think they were just always that way. i think pointless banter can be one of my life themes. because, we are so small compared to the rest of the universe, and we seem so insignicificant compared to it all.

done typing, will not type anymore. does not compute.

Permalink: night_out_ha_.html
Words: 156
Location: Buffalo, NY

10/02/07 01:55 - 65ºF - ID#41446

tell it like it is

ok, i did my attempt at a wordy post. but it just wasn't me, ya know?

i am done with boys who think they can just get it whenever. ok?

sorry, but if you want to hang out with me, give me some incentive. i don't want to see you once a month to make out/do it. i can take care of those cravings myself, or find someone hotter than you.

i don't want to text back and forth. we are not in high school anymore, let's just get past the texting and actually call, assholes!

don't pretend like you really like me, when all you want is to as (e:jason) says, "get your dick wet".

if you want it that bad, get creative, and maybe, just maybe after a really nice kobe beef dinner, and about 3 peach martinis i'll give it up. but porbably not, because i'll be full and sleepy.

so, moral of the story is that sarah (yes, i speak in the third person now) is slowly realizing that she has the power. yes, i have the power.

and, shopping frankly, has proved to be way more enjoyable than any boy lately. and i get cute clothes out of it! the shopping here is fab!

and i am now a self-professed workaholic, and i'd rather make money and help people than deal with you silly silly creatures.

and, i miss my friends!!!!! friends, where are you????

Permalink: tell_it_like_it_is.html
Words: 241
Location: Buffalo, NY

09/30/07 10:35 - 59ºF - ID#41415

want to sleep

need a day off.

please god, just one? i am tired, but its not like i could ever sleep in anyways. the sun is so bright and intense, by 830 i have to get outa bed. i start to feel like a warming coal, and my room heats up to about 90 degrees.

maybe i should ask god for a rainy cloudy miserable day. then i could stay home and wear a hoodie, and boxers, and watch movie after movie, and bake banana bread!

instead, i am off to the "house of misfits", for a twelve hour shift. must think of the next two weekends, and how fun they will be!

why monkeys? they make me feel happy. as does andy warhol!

Permalink: want_to_sleep.html
Words: 122
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: life

09/27/07 05:03 - 64ºF - ID#41349

quarter life crisis

i only have 3/4 of my life left to do something with "it".

i've not done anything yet.

i HAVE to do something. i feel like i haven't done anything.

wait, i take that back. i have done 7 NOT GREAT things:

gluttony

avarice

sloth

lust

greed

pride

wrath

i wrote about two pages full of personal thoughts, and then thought, "hey, that's way too personal for the internet." so, you will just have to wonder about what i wrote and then deleted.

but, anyway, i need a new fucking ten year plan people. and i need to not fuck it up this time.

just to end it more positively, i love this piece by roy lichtenstein. i love pop art, and the drama of it. i feel like it is very me. very dramatic, over the top, and kinda crazy, and all over the place, in a 92% good way.