"a night of quiet reflection" written by Lilho on estrip.org

07/23/04 08:07 - ID#26010

a night of quiet reflection

it friday night. i'm staying in.

wow. this is huge. i remember the days when friday night was party night, but i ust don't seem to have that urge lately. maybe its because everyon who i would be partying with just aint around, or maybe its because im a silly, still-a-little-sick sleepy-head.

instead of going out, i will spend some time in my room; hopefully drawing, listening to music, and cleaning the mounds and mounds of clothing. i have so many things to wear, but i really only wear a few things. maybe i will be thirteen again and plan out my outfits for a week. i used to lay them on the floor like they were on me, kinda cute, kinda weird.

i feel like there are so many things happening right now, and it is hard to know quite what to make of it all. i have work to do, financial stuff to figure out, an apartment and roommate to tag down, car stuff(which is always the worst ever, i even put off getting gas until i have to), friend stuff, family stuff, work stuff, school stuff, doctor stuff...yea. but, i assume i am just babbling, and that all of you have the same exact things on your mind as me. i am determined however, to overome my fear of adulthood, and learn to face it all head-on. i will no longer avoid problems and pretend that they don't exist until they get so bad that i have to deal with them. i will just be a go-getter.

congratulations to it being the weekend. i've been a good kid, or at least tried to be. i am gonna go eat something right now, preferably something meaty. i love meat. i know its bad, but i can't deny my carnivorous instincts.

i hope p, m and, t have a safe trip on their canooing/camping adventure. guys, the christians are praying for you!

Permalink: a_night_of_quiet_reflection.html
Words: 326
Location: Buffalo, NY

07/22/04 07:47 - ID#26009

what a day for a daydream...

its only 20 to 7. why has this been the longest day of my life? not the longest day that is a bad day. it HAS been the longest day thus far, but the best long day. i would try to write something poetic about this, but i am not a poet. it would just be bad, god-awful poetry.

good things about today:

chicken in homemade sauce.
work.
people.
fruit.
baquette.
paul.
matt.
rachel.
valentine's.
sun.
flowers.

i would go on, no, i wouldnt.

i still am yet to use the spell check. incorrect spelling is the new black.

Permalink: what_a_day_for_a_daydream_.html
Words: 97
Location: Buffalo, NY

07/21/04 04:22 - ID#26008

what a day

1. i hate the zoo. its just an afwul sad smelly place. i also hate the zoo when it is 90 out. way too hot. way too stinky. too much chasing around crazy girls in wheelchairs. (i was also wearing jeans and a long shirt, whoa baby)

2. i hate the dmv. they still havent sent me my registration renewal and it is nearing two months. those bastards. they are impossible to get ahold of. the check cleared, but no registration. what up with that?

i like the sun and hot weather, but i think i will opt for a nap before i venture out this fine evening. i think i smell too. i need shower.

i tried finding people to swim and eat ice cream with, everyone is working. i am going to find another job. peace out.

Permalink: what_a_day.html
Words: 136
Location: Buffalo, NY

07/19/04 10:52 - ID#26007

robin, i feel ur pain

so, i was just reading your journal. i read it a lot as it is one of my favorites. i owe my mom a lot of money, and she keeps paying my bills for me. and now she moved to az, and i m still here, but not even in my own place; staying with some friends of the family. i feel like i don't want to stay here anymore. i hate coming home. i have no real home, unless i decide to go there. or i could move to nyc. sell my car and just go there. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i can't find anyone who needs a roommmate. does anyone on this site need a roommate? i need a roommate, i or have to move far away. maybe i should just move far away. at least i wont suffer through this awful weather anymore. but then there is the problem of people and missing them and all that.

i can't make a fucking decision, and now im sick again, and i don't know why i have gotten aout 8 sinus infections this past year. the doctor doesn't open until 11 and i don't want to be here. i don't feel welcome.

Permalink: robin_i_feel_ur_pain.html
Words: 198
Location: Buffalo, NY

07/18/04 05:54 - ID#26006

oh lazy sunday

i just typed this whole long entry and then realized that it was all a bunch of garbage. whenever i try top write something interesting here it turns out to be a bunch of blah.

what was the name of that game where you had those little red zit stickers?

i don't know why i am saying this now, but i really, really, really hate the police. they are useless. i just watched fight club. if i could fight anyone, it would definitely be a police officer, POW!

Permalink: oh_lazy_sunday.html
Words: 88
Location: Buffalo, NY

07/15/04 03:54 - ID#26005

sickits and burning poo gas

im a sickypoo-poo. you know that feeling when you first feel you throat hurting. its all scrathy and you drink a million glasses of water, and ur still so freakin thirsty, you feel like you need a trough to drink out of? well, thats me. give me water. give me a trough to drink it out of.

work is good. call into second job today. one job was enough. schools are a breeding place for germs.

i was reading the paper this morning. the news has absolutely nothing of value, except stories about men lighting a cig in the johnny on the spot, and all the methane from the poopoo lights the place up and the man must be treated for burns. what a dumbass. no matter how bad your day was. at least you didn't get burned by shit. hahhaha.

delirious, need sleep. pimples be gone.

Permalink: sickits_and_burning_poo_gas.html
Words: 147
Location: Buffalo, NY

07/15/04 03:54 - ID#26004

sickits and burning poo gas

im a sickypoo-poo. you know that feeling when you first feel you throat hurting. its all scrathy and you drink a million glasses of water, and ur still so freakin thirsty, you feel like you need a trough to drink out of? well, thats me. give me water. give me a trough to drink it out of.

work is good. call into second job today. one job was enough. schools are a breeding place for germs.

i was reading the paper this morning. the news has absolutely nothing of value, except stories about men lighting a cig in the johnny on the spot, and all the methane from the poopoo lights the place up and the man must be treated for burns. what a dumbass. no matter how bad your day was. at least you didn't get burned by shit. hahhaha.

delirious, need sleep. pimples be gone.

Permalink: sickits_and_burning_poo_gas.html
Words: 147
Location: Buffalo, NY

07/14/04 09:41 - ID#26003

all work and no play makes sarah :O(

where to begin...

i have lost contact with all estrippers. some of them aren't talking to me. some of them forgot about me. i forgot about some of them. and most i just don't know anymore. thats ok. time is limited. 60 hr work week makes me crazy. so does a big lonely house with no one in it. i want to go home so bad. i miss my mom. i miss my sister. i miss my room. i don't know what to do. i feel like a huge baby and i don't want to give up, but im not sure what to do.

i feel guilty for making people feel like they need to take care of me. i should be able to care of myself right? i just know don't know what to do. if i stay i am so so far from all of my family. if i go, i am so so far away from everything i know. i don't want to keep working so much. i just want to feel like me again.

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.
Anatole France

i guess im not done dying yet.

Permalink: all_work_and_no_play_makes_sarah_O_.html
Words: 218
Location: Buffalo, NY

07/09/04 03:52 - ID#26002

how to be a loser

i have found out the secret to boringness... just work a million hours. all you will want to do is sleep, or work more. working makes me feel good though. especially at one of my jobs. those kids really need us. i question what kind of care is being given at home. kids come in unbathed, without lunches, no breakfast, dirty clothes, bruises, cuts, scratches. but we have a good old time and spoil them and love them and we're just there for them. what a great job. i get paid too. as for my other job, i just get paid.

i miss sister, mother, and even brother now too. aunt is in hospital. i don't see granny enough. sunday is my day for catching up.

one boy i work with; he was not born disabled. his mother's boyfriend was driving drunk, and he was asleep in the back seat. he will never live a mornal life, but he is so happy and such a hard worker. his name is chris. he was 8 at the time of the accident.

life for me is good; great.

paul, matthew, terry, return safe from your trip! hopefully i will see/hear from you soon!

jill, good to see you. we always welcome you at premier! :O)

Permalink: how_to_be_a_loser.html
Words: 213
Location: Buffalo, NY

07/07/04 11:48 - ID#26001