"i guess we all get lost" written by Lilho on estrip.org

03/15/04 05:54 - ID#25917

i guess we all get lost

so, i m officially at the crossroads, and i have to make some major decisions. the problem is, i have no clue what to do.

my sister and her man called me today to discuss my lack of ambition, and i just started to cry. i know i have done dumb stuff, but u didn't know that i had hurt her. well, i know i have hurt her. i am just selfish and lazy, and stupid. i know she called out of concern. i just don't know what to do.

here is whats up. my mo is selling our house(her house), and leaving for the grand state of arizona. i feel that it is bad to go there withher, when we are not getting along so well. and, it is also bad if i stay, when most of my friends aren't here anymore, and i will be without any family. so, where i am supposed to go? i could go to seattle and live with my aunt and uncle there, or n.c., but that doesn't seem right. i could go to az, but that doesn't seem right eiher. i don't think ican stay her, and i have no money.

also, i have basically wasted two years, and lots of moeny on school, when i hate t and i don't go. i feel like iwish i could go back to the days of being the good child and never doing anything bad. how did i turn out like this.

to make myself feel better, i am gonna say that i have not ever gotten in trouble with drugs or the police. i intend to not do either. i am just trying to figure it out...help!

jess is gonna call me tomorrow, and wants me to have a game plan. i can't even decide what to wear most days, how will i decide what i am going to do with my life. this is too much for me to think about, and i need some guidance.

they say to do what is best for me, but how do i know what that is?

p.s. i still really like the new look of the site. good job paulsy. and, there shuld be a spell check feature as hodown said before, i don't like having to reread and check for errors.

Permalink: i_guess_we_all_get_lost.html
Words: 391
Location: Buffalo, NY

03/14/04 01:20 - ID#25916

stoned soul picnic

this is more like it! can you hear the music? i can and it sounds good n nice.

i ate the worst chinese food of my life. i took some bites and then moved on to the beers...always satifsying.

i hope all the elmwooders are having a stoned soul picnic, and thinking about how pretty the site looks!

Permalink: stoned_soul_picnic.html
Words: 59
Location: Buffalo, NY

03/14/04 12:52 - ID#25915

friends dont let friends get drunk

Wow. i just read my last journal entry, which, by the way; I have no memory of. It is quite funny, and really stupid. Oh the joy of getting plastered.
There are too kinds of drunk. The first involves consuming yummy(special) beverages with yummy(special) people. The second involves getting plastered with boys who are trying to get some play, or ignorant people who can't even cook a piece or chicken. The latter or the two groups of people should be avoided at all costs when drinking.
This is all you need to know have a happy(special) the next time you enjoy a cocktail.
My house is officially for sale. Goodbye Buffalo, you were good to me, I think.

ST. PATRICK'S DAY IS SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Permalink: friends_dont_let_friends_get_drunk.html
Words: 126
Location: Buffalo, NY

03/13/04 06:53 - ID#25914

cell phone should be illegal for drunks

oh dear, once again, i have made the drunken phone call. the one that involves a former lover or such, and angry talk, and blaming, and all that shit. do i even care? apparently i do when i am drunk. at least, I didn't fall asleep during the call. and as least i am the cuter one with way sexier, glossy lips. even more cause to have way glosssier lips when i see this one in the future.
tonight was fun, full of liquor and talk and nice boys who want to please me. not in a dirt way. but, in a way that they give me nice backrubs and stuff like that. i am done with kissing and all that stuff. it is bull, i am done. boys are toys, and i wantto have fun. but only if you have big lips, ohterwise, it feels like kissing a chin, or the end of a nose.
i apologize to hodown, who happens to be the older sis. but really jess, when you have the dsl, you have to have a boy with big lips. am i wrong? i don't have a boy, but if i did, and of the ones i have kinda, none of the lips are good enough. i shall continue in my search.

p.s. my cousin is in jail, how fun.

Permalink: cell_phone_should_be_illegal_for_drunks.html
Words: 225
Location: Buffalo, NY

03/11/04 11:51 - ID#25913

im just a girl that cant say no

oh dear....

last night was one to remember. i went to mixers to meet rachel, and geoffrey. so, we was a chillin. tina was there too, of course. desi left for a while, and we got to play bartender. that was definitely a good time. playing bartender is way better than playing house! one of the purposes of this little gathering was so i could meet this "hottie" eric. well, me had to go to the movies or something like that...blah, blah ,blah.

we ended up at rachel's, and i answered geoffrey's phone when what's his face called. apparently he told mr. g(short for geoffrey) that he was "going to attack me like a wild animal", or something along those lines. uh, that's weird, i just met the dude. then we end up in desi's room, and he's all wanting to get busy in her bed. sorry fellows, i ain't easy like that. i just don't know. i kissed this boy, who i barely know. i don't wanna kiss boys who i barely know. i don't even know about boys anymore, i seem to not be feelin it lately. and the one i am kinda into, seems to be too shy.

lesson learned, mixers was fun. being pseudo bartender is great. geoffrey is so goddamn cute, why isn't he straight? rachel is fun. i officially have some new peeps to hang out with.

oh, and rachel said i can stay her place for three weeks, when desi will be outa town, how cool is that?

Permalink: im_just_a_girl_that_cant_say_no.html
Words: 257
Location: Buffalo, NY

03/10/04 02:44 - ID#25912

somebody reads my journal, and emails me

ok, knowing that someone reads my journal makes me happy. it makes it even more fun, when people email you. it is fun. the same kind of fun that used to have while passing notes in class when the teacher's head was turned...oh to be young again. well, even younger than i am.
i want everyone to know that rachel is cool. she emailed me today, and we are gonna hang out. she has a boy for me to meet. my life has no excitement, so these are the things i look forward to.
i think that there needs to be a st. patty's day celebration, i want to meet more of the people of this site, who are you all? anyways, i plan on going to the parade, and drinking some fine beverages. whoever else thinks that would be fun should contact me. i am irish, even though i really just look kinda spanish.
and to all those that think you can boil down a banana peel and get high, you can't. on of my links is to an urban legands website, its pretty good for reading funny stuff when you want to waste time.
my newest music love is metric, so everyone download some of their stuff, i am lovin it. the sounds are pretty cool too!
the sun is out today, and that makes me happy. yay for sun! i think i am gonna go take some pics!

Permalink: somebody_reads_my_journal_and_emails_me.html
Words: 242
Location: Buffalo, NY

03/09/04 03:40 - ID#25911

doesnt anybody stay in one place anymore

oh boy. paul is a lucky one. he gets to go to ny and visit the greatest sister ever. she will cook for him, give him special treats, and if he is sad or homesick, she will cheer him up with a cup full of whipped cream. i want to go, however, this ho has obligations this weekend. i must consol a heartbroken one coming from toronto, house one who waits to go home to long island, and entertain the aunty, and spend special quality family times.

i have come to the conclusion that extanded family can just get annoying, especially when you see at least five a month and they stay at your house, and possibly in your room. there is something about people sleeping in my bed that i just don't like. i guess i never really learned how to share.

i do love my granny, and she is not doing so well. her heart is pumping like is used to, and she doesn't know. i need to be a better grandaughter.

i just read emily's journal, and what she said about what you wrtie having to do with who you are. i don't know how accurate of a reflection my journal can be of me. i think it is hard to say when you cannot see someone or hear their voice, but the journal thing is fun, does anyone ever read this?

Permalink: doesnt_anybody_stay_in_one_place_anymore.html
Words: 235
Location: Buffalo, NY

03/07/04 08:19 - ID#25910

dirty martini, dirty bastard

people i miss:

jessica kim ho, i miss that girl like crazy. most of the time i just womder how much fun my life would be with her in it. she could be possibly the greatest person of my life that i never see or talk to anymore. jess, i shall visit soon ,or loose my mind trying.

friends away at school, such as jpo, nikki, amy, julie(even though she has forgotten me), i miss you all, and i miss rusty and spending crazy times with him and maria

i miss some realtives, the ones who aren't crazy, that only leaves a few

i miss those crazy elmwood folk, matt, paul, terry and the like that i seem to not see as much lately

i miss the boy that i love, who is great, who i have never met

why i don't write ever:
i fear i have nothing to say that would hold your interest, or anything that really matters in the big scheme of things. apparently, my life lacks substance. i need to just see my sister and get this horrible period over with

p.s. a shout out to all the dirty bastards of the world, i would like to order a dirty martini and throw it in your face. have a nice day!

if i didn't make this clear, i will go to great lengths to get to ny to see that crazy grand puba, maybe even become a stripper, as i was told this morning, it is where the money is. go figure. fuck college, just call me "candy ann ho".

Permalink: dirty_martini_dirty_bastard.html
Words: 267
Location: Buffalo, NY

02/16/04 06:14 - ID#25909

sicky-poo-poo

sometimes paragraphs are just too much trouble so i shall list:

last week:

drank a lot of vodka and beer...fun for me!
still didn't get school stuff done, now i am soooo behind
finally met the dreadlocked polock(a dream come true)
ate a lot of yummy food
realized that the constant ringing in my ear needs to stop, does anyone have this? if you do, we should talk
plaster=fun. i made these cool little fishie guys, which i didn't nk would turn out, but apparently, plaste i not that hard to do, in fact it is kinda fun
made the decision to live in the dorms next sem!
made the decision to really start doing well in school
decided that i miss my sister way too much, and i shall visit ASAP

this week:

not sure how i feel about boys, or dating, or even bothering wit them at all
kinda sad, about lots of things
really happy that i have an awesome friend here, really happy
excited about camping
badgers,badgers,badgers, mushrooooooms, snake!
being sick and having your head feel like it is going to explode is no fun
new haircuts are cool

i guess i have nothing of interest to say, well except for oe very important thing. treats others as you would like to be treated. i sounds very cliche but it will come back around to you. be honest, kind, and generous when you can, you will feel better about you, and other people will be better too. *i didn't rhyme on purpose*

p.s. getting valentine's day cards in the mail, with cd's is so fucking rad.

Permalink: sicky_poo_poo.html
Words: 274
Location: Buffalo, NY

02/12/04 02:27 - ID#25908

read my journal!

i want to be the leader of the journal entry, read my journal...gross pictures and all. i must win. why is this a competition. the two greatest things of my week have been my child(vodka) and a new special friend(who i will not name, but they(he) has made my day), and finding nemo. that movie rocks, really it is great.
best quote from the movie:
dori: "i shall call you squishy, and you shall be mine!"

Permalink: read_my_journal_.html
Words: 80
Location: Buffalo, NY