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lilho’s journal

im so confused!

· · 🌡️ 61°F

ok, so i have really been thinking about a lot of things lately. i don't know if this is good or bad.

it's just that i feel like i am at this strange point, where i can just totally move on from past experiences and relationships, or try to bridge the gap and reconnect or make peace with people.

i am just not someone who can totally forget everything and pretend it doesn't affect the person i am now, because it really does.

there are really only a few people i don't feel that i need to have any sort of closure with, well one, and i have no issues with that.

but, in other places, i feel friendships and people floating away, and it's now or never to decide what to do.

i'm rebuilding a connection with an old friend, and in this case, she seemed to drift for a long time, and i let her. i was angry for a long time, but i think since my grandma past, i really feel like it is important to take the opportunities we have when we do. she was going through an extremely hard time, and that is ok. i was just hurt that she pushed me away. the most important thing i realized is that there are so many time when she was there, and how many memories we share and that our friendship is a big part of what makes me, me.

anyway, this is sappy but true. don't hold grudges, it hardens your heart.
257 words

💬 4 comments

  1. paul ·

    I hope this is Jessica and not Nicole. I went through too much drama for you to be friends with Nicole now.

  2. jason ·

    I'm really impressed. I've taken a personal inventory before, and part of that was to try to connect with old friends and apologize to people you've hurt. You're doing the right thing.

    I know that when I go through rough periods, I pretty much shut people out too. When things are rough you don't want to be a burden, you have little energy or motivation, and it usually has nothing to do at all with how you view the people around you. It's really easy to forgive people for sinking into a hole.

  3. lilho ·

    not nicole. i think she still needs to be punched. by me.

    ps. you are allowed to have one or two enemies, or just one nemesis. because, sometimes there are people that are bad seeds, and there is just no getting around that.

  4. hodown ·

    Um didn't I tell you this before? I Think sometimes when people are going through hard times they withdraw rather than reach out because it may be just too hard. I'm glad you guys are back togehter

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