Journaling on estrip is free and easy. get started today

Last Visit 2016-05-07 18:36:56 |Start Date 2004-01-01 03:50:14 |Comments 1,671 |Entries 1,171 |Images 455 |Videos 13 |Mobl 214 |

Category: relationships

06/04/08 12:49 - 61ºF - ID#44538

im so confused!

ok, so i have really been thinking about a lot of things lately. i don't know if this is good or bad.

it's just that i feel like i am at this strange point, where i can just totally move on from past experiences and relationships, or try to bridge the gap and reconnect or make peace with people.

i am just not someone who can totally forget everything and pretend it doesn't affect the person i am now, because it really does.

there are really only a few people i don't feel that i need to have any sort of closure with, well one, and i have no issues with that.

but, in other places, i feel friendships and people floating away, and it's now or never to decide what to do.

i'm rebuilding a connection with an old friend, and in this case, she seemed to drift for a long time, and i let her. i was angry for a long time, but i think since my grandma past, i really feel like it is important to take the opportunities we have when we do. she was going through an extremely hard time, and that is ok. i was just hurt that she pushed me away. the most important thing i realized is that there are so many time when she was there, and how many memories we share and that our friendship is a big part of what makes me, me.

anyway, this is sappy but true. don't hold grudges, it hardens your heart.
print add/read comments

Permalink: im_so_confused_.html
Words: 257
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: oil

06/02/08 11:21 - 63ºF - ID#44521


i was reading the news at work yesterday. our census is so low at the hospital, and so things have been really slow, leaving me hours of sitting idly.

anyway, the price of gas in france is 11 or 12 something a gallon. in venezuela, a gallon of gas is 12 cents. lets all move to venezuela right?

i guess that it isn't as big of a deal in france, because gas was always way more expensive and it has only gone up 90% compared with 170% here in the u.s.

imagine filling up a hummer in france. what would that cost you? 250?

gas prices here are cheaper than in ny, but i definitely find myself wanting to drive less. wayyyyyy less. it makes a difference not commuting to school for the summer, and my work is relatively close. i drive with the windows down when i can.

all this makes me wonder, when will we finally stop using oil???

did anyone see charlie wilsons war? i think it is so crazy that the u.s. gave the afghans all those weapons to kill the soviets, and now we want to kill the afghans.
print add/read comments

Permalink: oil.html
Words: 190
Location: Buffalo, NY

05/29/08 08:54 - 59ºF - ID#44486

i've stepped up to the plate

or so says (e:hdown). she says i've become a nice young woman, or something like that. and that our grandma would be proud.

all i have to say is wow. this is coming from the person who does not give compliments often, and the same person who has been teasing me since my wee years. like the time she told me the foam in the ocean is fish pee, and i didn't swim for 5 out of 7 days.

anyway, it means a lot. it's just nice to hear that someone really thinks highly of you, especially when things around you seem to be crappy.

i really really wish that me brother could just get his shit together. if you have a sibling that constantly seems to be barely staying afloat, i am sure you understand. it just sucks because i love him, but i know that it will always be like this. every holiday a mess, with my mom sad because he isn't there, or he is there and not doing well. and we want her to be happy, because she has worked so hard for whats she has, but i know that when you are a mother, the burden of your children always weighs heavy on your heart.

the more i think about it, the more i am not sure if i ever want kids. i like to sleep for one. i like being selfish. and most people don't realize how hard it is to raise a healthy happy person. i honestly think that if i decide i want kids, i would rather adopt. i think there is something more relieving about that. plus not having to go through almost a year of torture and then being fat and having to lose all that weight.

so many people in my family are so messed up, and with my dna, i don't want a baby that has a severe hearing loss, or addictions issues, or mental health issues, that would absolutely break my heart.

none of these things are anywhere in the near future for me, but i have just been thinking about it a lot.

i played hooky today, and got my nails did. and i bought a new dress. yippee. i am going to see the new indiana jones movie tonight. to smoke or not to smoke?

i am so sick of my one job, and the urge to quit looms. i will not though. i am on the "summer 2008 pay off my car and other debt" plan. wish me luck. i think the plan would work better if i stopped buying dresses and getting my nails done. but i loooooooove getting nails done. and the place has a uv dryer for hands and feet. it's the bestest ever.

oh and death cab is coming, and i am going to see them, and that is super exciting.

and i know this is random, but i am so sick of stupid bitches at work who refuse to talk to me. i really think it is because i dress girly, and i am pretty. i am not saying this in a bitchy way. because everyone who knows me, likes me, but that is such a lame reason to dislike someone. maybe i could be the same way sometimes, but this is redic. anyway, they have bad fashion, so i should just feel sorry for them right?

ps. the mormon keeps calling me. i am so done even talking to him. the thought of him repulses me.

for some reason, everytime i try to post pics it doesn't work, and i have a million. wah.

and this has nothing to do with anything, but i really hate madonna and her grossly muscular man arms. i just really am so over her.

if you read this far, you need to find something to do.
print add/read comments

Permalink: i_ve_stepped_up_to_the_plate.html
Words: 642
Location: Buffalo, NY

05/27/08 01:36 - 61ºF - ID#44459

say a little prayer

(e:tina) was in a bad car accident with her boyfriend. she is ok, but he is in rough shape. so, just say a little prayer, whoever it is you pray to, and even if you don't pray, just send positive energy.

i'm not really one to pray, but i can hope for a speedy and full recovery, and just try to be there for my dear friend, even though i am far.

love you tina, and jeremy!!!!!!!

print add/read comments

Permalink: say_a_little_prayer.html
Words: 78
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: summer

05/22/08 12:16 - 46ºF - ID#44416

it's hard out there for a pimp

aka, me. but i'm not really a pimp so.

ok, when i finally have the time to blog, i get lazy.

i have decided to post my ten wishes for this summer, ya'll feel free to post yours as well. i like lists, they are easy to write and read, which really is important for me as far as blogging goes.

1. see (e:hodown) . people, it is number one, why you ask? well, she thinks all my jokes are funny, even the not funny ones. she is the only person i enjoy shopping with, ever. and she always know where to find the best restaurants, with cute chefs that we find ourselves wanting to make out with.

2. see the ocean, and swim in it. okay, i did see ocean, and put my feet in, but it was really cold, and i need a full day at the beach, a real beach.

3. enjoy le pool and have at least two pool parties.

4. pay off car, and most other debt. note to self: you do not need a new outfit every week, this is rediculoud and frivolous and you do not want to end up like edie sedgwick, even though you do not have an inheritance to blow, and you are not thin or famous or a druggie, or friends with andy warhol but still.

5. find a girlyfriend that likes art and is arty and fashionable.

6. eat kobe beef.

7. lose 10 pounds. this is really always a wish, its like a lifeforce actually.

8. go to blo. sorry it is so far down on le list, but sista comes first, and then work, so here we are. if not summer, then early fall. i hate oil and cars and all that. and the fact that american airlines now charges to check bags, wtf?

9. read at least 5 really great books. im open for suggestions. but no thrillers or mystery or anything scary.

10. hike camelback at least once. this is more like a death wish, but i just need to do it to prove myself or something.

there it is, once i get the photos of my cousins wedding i will post. later peeps, stay cool.

print add/read comments

Permalink: it_s_hard_out_there_for_a_pimp.html
Words: 360
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: travel

05/14/08 02:08 - 51ºF - ID#44334

too tired to exist

um, i worked thirteen hours today. and then i ran some errands, and then i ended up here, in my room.

my suitcase is always overweight. i hate going places and not having access to my complete wardrobe. how am i supposed to be the best i can be???

i mean really, i think i am the most unrealistic packer. who else need 6 pairs of heels alone for just as many days? i am not a socialite, i just pretend.

i spent the better part of the previous weekend near the mexican border. all i can say is that part of arizona freaks me out, and i do not wish to go back. the border patrol is insane down there, with their drug sniffing dogs, and big ass rifles and whatnot.

a photo journal of that trip is soon to come, maybe when i am waiting at le airport tomorrow.

anyway, i am either going to finish packing now, or just fall asleep and get up at 4 to finish.

trips are so overrated.

oh, and fuck the rule that says no white to a wedding. because my dress is part white, but in a so not wedding dress way. more in a party dress with a big back bow way, and its short and it looks good. i have come across half who think that it's fine, and the others are appalled. ok, plus the way i am accessorizing(not a real word?) it, i think it will be great. well, i have a backup dress, but i am not returning the other one, i'll find somewhere to wear it to, even if that place is home. people just don't dress for home like they used to.
print add/read comments

Permalink: too_tired_to_exist.html
Words: 287
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: dating

05/09/08 04:42 - 59ºF - ID#44285

high maintenence

last night i went on a date. he was like 45 minutes.

but he called to tell me, so i wouldn't leave yet and sit there and wait.

i think he is somewhat racist, but denied it when i called him on it. he made a comment somewhat to the effect of,"the clubs have go downhill around here because of the kind of people that go now". this means that the clubs are crappy now because mexican and black people go there? ummm, wow.

plus, he said he wouldn't date a black girl. and i guess some people just prefer different things, but i can see the beauty of all races, and i could never say, "oh, i can't date that someone of that ethnicity."

plus, he told me he flat irons his hair. ummm, what? way too high maintenance for me.

print add/read comments

Permalink: high_maintenence.html
Words: 143
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: rihanna

05/02/08 10:38 - 62ºF - ID#44219

girl crush

i really can't even describe how hot i think she is. her clothes, her makeup, her hair, the hot bod. i am in awe.

print add/read comments

Permalink: girl_crush.html
Words: 27
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: scorpion

05/01/08 09:48 - 47ºF - ID#44205

i woke up to this

i am scarred for life. and scared for life as well.

i found a scorp in my bathtub this morning. at quarter to 6. not really awake, but that did the trick.

i was peeing and there it was. thankgod my bathroom is being redone and i can't use my shower, imagine if i had gotten in the tub...

the momma ho was here and i swiftly woke her and she saved the day with her amazing shoe smashing techniques.

i must get strong and learn to smash as well, if i want to survive this rugged desert life.

it kinda looked like this. it makes me want to puke.

print add/read comments

Permalink: i_woke_up_to_this.html
Words: 128
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: school

04/28/08 05:22 - 44ºF - ID#44171

a little bit proud

sometimes we get lame projects in class. so, i made this video, and i had to remake it.

i think it turned out pretty nice. it made my mom cry. she's sappy. but it makes me cry too.

i love kids. especially ones that need help.

print add/read comments

Permalink: a_little_bit_proud.html
Words: 107
Location: Buffalo, NY



New Site Wide Comments

paul said to ladycroft
Nice to "see" you. I let the CPR ads stay because at least it was something lol...

ladycroft said to joe finger went spastic. ...

ladycroft said to joe
Happy Birthday! I had my 30th with two of those peeps as well :) Remember the failed (but awesome)...

ladycroft said to joe
Happy Birthday! I had my 30th with two of those peeps as well :) Remember the failed (but awesome)...