if there is one thing that i absolutely cannot stand it is being ignored, or being avoided. the manager from the restaurant i started at called me off on sunday because it was going to be too busy?! ok, so then she said she would call me monday. no call. so i called her, it is now wednesday morning and still no call.

it is safe to say i am done with her and her shady ways. if you don't like me or want me to work for you, just tell me. i won't cry, unless you really yell at me and call me worthless0 then i might cry.

the icing on the cake is she is getting married this weekend and asked me to cater at her wedding, yeah right lady. i bet she will call friday or something... idk i don't care for her ways but the money would be good.

really, if you know me and you avoid me or have before, you know this is not a good idea. why can't people just face each other and say what they have to say in an honest way without being intentionally hurtful and then move on?

so, it was such a waste of my time to fit that endeavor into my schedule. seriously, i don't like my time being wasted. i'll figure something else out, i can be a nanny on the weekends i am sure. really working with children is like my calling because there is never a shortage of children and parents who seem to really love me. i'll take this as a sign!

i got on the scale and it says i weigh 3 lbs more. i think it's water weight but it's irritating me.

i need to hike and i want someone to just call or text me and say, "you can do it." just for that extra push.

it's the end of the semester and i am lacking enthusiasm for any type of school related activity. i can't wait to just have a break and do nothing but work, work out, paint my nails, do laundry, watch movies, sleep, and literally nothing else.

my life is simple one these days, save for my vegas and blo trip which i'm sure will be action packed. life is better when it's simple... 2012 is the year i rely on my strengths to get where i need to be.

i feel like doing nothing today... when i need to hike, intern, work, project meeting, hw, laundry, cleaning.... paint nails(not going to happen). blah.

I swear my life is filled with these. I attempt to avoid people and places in order to lower the risk of these situations but they still occur.


Went hiking again today, was definitely more challenging than yesterday but I made decent time and pushed myself to the top.

So I ran into a former coworker on the mountain. Not exactly a place you can avoid someone... We didn't really care for eachother either. Anyway, we played nice and exchanged pleasantries and went on our way.


I'm so excited. I lost 10 lbs in about 3 weeks just by eating healthy and working out. I even cheated a few times. I can't wait to see how fit I can get. I feel great and I'm really proud of myself. :o)

Just did a 4 mile hike up and down scottsdale mountain... Cray-mazing is how beautiful it is, and how good I feel during and after.


Its seriously so beautiful. It reminds me I am blessed to live in such a beautiful place with mountains all around- even though I don't want to live here anymore. There are far worse places to be.

Hiking leaves me feeling so refreshed, its great time to think and gain perspective. Also, a great cardio workout.

apparently this corporation has been releasing toxic chemicals into the air for more than 30 years....

lots of people have unexplained illnesses, and it's right near where i grew up. buffalo is such a toxic dumping ground.

it makes me sick to think that people get away with these kinda of things, they know what they are doing and they continue to do so without any regard

On the swingset with my love who inspired me to become a teacher.


:o)

Now she's driving me nuts... Children.

Children think licking ranch off of carrots counts as eating a veggie.


I beg to differ.


I also served lunch for a little boy on a hello kitty plate, typical of me. Didn't do it purposely, but its still funny. He doesn't mind...

I really lost track of what I've been eating daily...


Oops. I slipped up the day of wedding... Anyway, school and work took over and I haven't had the time or energy to document it all.

I'm pretty sure its been around 1,300-1,500 calories a day.

I need to workout, does chasing children around count?

I have training tonight for my new serving job, and I realized yesterday I'm working about 50 hrs this week in addition to school. I am a fool.


They say when one door closes, another opens. I've had a lot of doors close lately, so the opportunity for extra work is my open door I suppose. I'm excited to keep extra busy and make some extra much needed money. This means I don't have to worry so much about student teaching...

My goals are to lose 10-15 more lbs- I have lost about 6 so far. I need to maintain my A's in school, and get that pesky C+ up to an A. And just stay focused and work, work, work!


I'm so excited for Thanksgiving and Christmas... I really am just loving my moms, sis, and bro so much right now. And those little cutie nieces too.


Must, work, out. Going to do some pushups now. Maybe.

This is an all inclusive I am sorry for every person I have ever made feel bad, used, didn't appreciate, said mean things about.

To be on the receiving end is pretty bad. Words really do hurt...

Especially when you're told that you're a bad person and undeserving of love. Everyone deserves love.


I have some wrongs I need to make right and I need to work on being a better me. However, I would never insult someone's character just to be cruel.


Holding back tears.

well, i went to a wedding yesterday and the reception was at this amazing steakhouse, capitol grill and i totally cheated. at least i got my cardio in yesterday morning.

then i felt so sick all day, pretty much until now. that's what happens when you eat mostly veggies for a couple weeks and then gorge on steak, wine, bread, cake, crabcakes, .... so yum.

i was just offered a serving job, and i start next weekend. this scares me, but it will be good for me. no more anti-socialness. plus i will make decent money on the weekends and i won't have to worry about having a job during my student teaching year!

the restaurant has really yummy tapas food, and it's super close to my house which is awesome. i have a good feeling about it, and it's kinda perfect the way things work out sometimes.

i am headed there now for some training...

what to wear?

i'm nervous.

the wedding yesterday only had about 20 people in attendance, do these people not have friends? anyway, i missed the memo to wear black and wore a mustard yellow flowered mini-dress. i felt so awkward.... but i thought i was going to get to flirt with lots of young single guys! that's what you do at wedding, right?! leave it to my friend craig to expose me to the most awkward situations ever.

i have some correspondence in the last with week with some friends turned enemies or something like that... i think sometime you just have to accept that all friendships don't last forever. if you made a mistake, apologize and move on.

then there are other relationships that just go bad, and it's hard to let go... those are the ones you lose sleep over, cry about...

i want so badly to be the kind of person who sees good in everyone, and doesn't harbor anger. i think maybe that is the hardest thing to accomplish in life... to let anger go and forgive people. that is the key to happiness, i think. i could be wrong.

not sure i am gonna workout today... does training for a new job count? this week is going to be so insanely busy... in a good way.

day 8:

protein bar

turkey chili

hummus

carrots

grapes

banana

coffee with hazelnut creamer

triscuit crackers

i really can't remember what else...

day 9:

protein bar

banana

apple

hummus with pretzel chips

lobster spring rolls

at sushi bar: yellowtail and tuna, both raw...mmmmmm

saki martini

vodka soda

tiny bit of hummus and carrots

spoonful ben and jerry's

• this was a cheat day because i forgot that spring rolls are fried... oh well, and alcohol is loaded with calories.

(e:enknot), i spent 3 months eating burgers and not working out. i think i can take a break from that for a while. i also find that eating better has better for me digestively, since i have lots of problems. i don't feel bloated or sick to my stomach as much. it also feels like such a waste if i workout and then eat crap... kinda pointless

it has really been a rough year for me, getting fired for retaliation and fighting that, meeting my father and dealing with those issues, and struggling to stay on task with school. i also have had many friendships that ended, and that's always hard. however, forcing myself to work through all of this and the depression i am pretty proud of myself. it isn't to accept certain things in life, especially mourning the absence of a parent. the point i am trying to make is, it is really rewarding to not give up. i finally feel like i am on the other side of things and my hard work is paying off... i am so close to graduation and i can't wait!

i never thought i would want to teach high school, but the teacher i work with is so amazing and inspirational. the students know she really cares and they respond to the way she treats them with respect. the students are also so respectful of me, and they get excited to see me. i think this is probably the best feeling in the world. i know a lot of my peers having really bad placements and don't want to teach high school, or maybe teach at all. i think working with a great teacher makes all the difference, because teaching is truly a talent not all people possess.

hopefully, i'll make a good teacher. i really love building relationships with students and getting to know them. it's so different than any other job i've had.

i was invite to the honors society, but i am too busy now... maybe next semester. it's cool to be invited either way.

i found out that some student are being investigated for academic dishonesty. apparently they took a test online and submitted the same written responses. the teacher said was an open exam, so why would you even consider completing it with someone else? if they have to appear in front of the dean, they will be kicked out and who knows if they can attend university again... all of that work wasted when they are so close to graduation.

i have my tickets for vegas and blo!!!!! i'll being spensing lots of time with those cute little baby nieces of mine, and my brother and (e:tina).... and the boys.... so excited!!!! bl- dec 27-jan 2, woot!