i feel like the world's biggest loser right now.


right now, i am reminded of the death cab song, which goes, "so this is the new year and i don't feel any different..."

except i think everything is quite different from last year, and much improved.


i am not going out. i am probably going to be sleeping my midnight, ok, it's not even 8 yet. let's change that probably to a definitely.

i am so over the whole new setting thing, and just ready to actually meet people here i like. anyone.

it's not that i haven't been invited out, but i can honestly say i would not have fun.


they say you have to give new places two years to adjust. f that.


i want new friends now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


new years resolution: meet cool people. join club or something....

at least i will be perky for a nice hike tomorrow morning. nothing says happy new year like a fit new bod....


p.s. i am also going to take belly dancing classes.

this is jessica. sarah is playing drunk haircut with me. im kinda scared.

so, i have been posting much less lately, as things here have been somewhat out of control...

unfortunately, this is not due to my drunken exploits or slutty encounters.

oh no, i just have the largest craziest extended family ever.


here's what was up for xmas:


(e:hodown) came and totally surprised the mom.


(e:hodown) was sick.


the mom was even more sick, and still sick. (e:hodown) has recovered.

on xmas. gift exchange was interrupted by emergency phone call and then emergency trip to grandma's. she has been on a slippery slope, and thing worsen by the day, and there is a 'death scare' most everyday now.

grandma's liquid morphine goes missing. rx addict aunt is staying with grandma when this is discovered. no one will confront crazy drug addict aunt.

my mom is avoiding her bf, who now calls me all the time to figure out what s up with her. i think she needs to dump him. i don't have a bf, and i don't want to deal with hers.

my sis has been very emotional this trip. i told her please stop; that is my territory, but lately, i am incapable of tears.

on xmas, my grandma wished me a "happy bday", asked "how my easter was", and also asked "how my bf with the dog is doing"... none of these questions made any sense.


basically my cracked out aunt who may have stolen the morphine drugged my poor little granny up to the point of almost killing her, and now granny is in hospice care.

my grandma who means the world to me, is not going to be around much longer. i am the favorite of nearly 50 grandkids, and it is a known fact. i have never dealt with death, so i am very scared. it is hard to explain, but my grandma has always been a kindred spirit, and there is so much of her in me. she has given me so much joy in life, and i just wish her a peaceful passing.

of course i don't want to say goodbye, but i know she is not long for this world. she told my aunt carol that she keeps seeing a room and that one day she will just walk into it. i don't know why, but that gives me nightmares. i can't imagine not hearing her voice again, not being able to tell her everything. i love her so much, and the bond we share is so strong.

saying goodbye is just so hard...


to end it on a more happy note, pretty ring (e:hodown) gave me for xmas, onyx and rubies!

umm, i get to see my sister in like 9 hours, and i am so excited!

i haven't seen her since august which is way too long. pretty much, if my life were myspacey, she wouldn't be top 8 always. more like top two...

i hope she isn't too sick the whole time, and if she is, i will nurse her back to health...

i think this xmas is really go to rock... around the palm tree!


i really don't even want any gifts or anything, i just want to be with my family and for them to feel happy and loved!

i wish my brother was going to be here, but hopefully i will make it out to blo soon and see him and all of you crazies!


merry pre-kissmas!

me and my granny, it's a funny photo, but she is doing much better, and she will be home for xmas, which is great!

britney's little sister is preg. just when you think that family couldn't get any trashier, they take it to the next level.

she is 16, and the star on a nickelodeon show. seriously. she will for sure be fired.


and the daddy is some country boy no one. and the parents were allowing him to live with her. who lets their 16 year old daughter have a live in boyfriend?


what the fuck is wrong with those people?


but i kinda love it, because it makes for great tabloids.

i am sad because i thought jamie lynn is way prettier and could be the britney 2.0, but i guess not. well, maybe she can in the way that she may end up crazier than britbrit....

there is also some other headline that they are going to test britbrit's kids for drugs. and she is not allowed at the four seasons in l.a. anymore.

get yourself together (spears)women!

so, i have successfully completed another semester of school! hooray. my stick-with-it-ness seems to be improving.

the whole special ed thing really excites me, since i practically already am a special ed teacher, without the degree, and the better pay. im sick of people saying, "oh, there isn't any money in that". blah, blah, blah.

people, if i cared about all of the money, i wouldn't me be. anyway, even though i may appear shallow on surface, underneath, there is a person who likes to help others. i wouldn't feel complete even i didn't give back somehow.

there is a big stipulation though. when i am ready to transfer, where od i go? well, hopefully where it is cheapest. that means asu, or back to nys, and go to a state school there. now, i don't really want to come back to blo, but it could be beneficial. i could get my old job back, or probably a better job. i could get the excellent education, andh ave more choices of where to go.

there are only three state schools here, and two of them aren't in phoenix. flaggstaff is cold and fuck, so i might as well be in blo. and i don't know how i feel about asu, or ua(which is in tuscon).

i guess i will just apply to all and see.

now that i feel like my life is going somewhere, i am not so concerned about it all.

what i am concerned about is the fact that i banged my knee so hard it is bleeding, and that i am nowhere near done with xmas tasks as planned. it looks like i will kick into high gear friday morning, when i know i have 7 hrs to do it all. because right now, i feel like being lazy!

my granny is doing so much better. i think those hospice people were overmedicating her. to the point of her just seeming like a totally different person. they took her off a few meds, and she is soooo much better!

good day mates!

some call you (e:hodown), others call you a variety of other names:

jhova
jho
ho
jess
jessica
jhizzo
grand puba
jessy
jessy messy
boobers

i call you sister! and, i love you, i love you, i love you! happy birthday!






see you friday!

xmas tree(cactus), is my dear dear little old granny.

she is really really sick. she can't come home from hospice. she hasn't been doing so well.

i am not ready to say goodbye. i love her so much, and she is so important to me, and there isn't enough time, well for everything.

just seeing her laugh or smile, makes my day. and i feel so awful for not seeing her as much as i should have.

so, i don't want any presents, i just want my grandma for xmas. that cute little granny, under the tree.

i have always been so close with her, its like we are soulmates. we connect, and we had the same bedroom growing up. when my grandma was a little girl, she had the same bedroom as me! and her little best friend grew up in the same house as mine!

what will i do without her? what other cute little old lady will i have to joke with? who will teach me more about the art of apple pie baking?

this makes me so lost.

i sent my sister my nano today, she is without ipod, which in nyc is a sad sad state of affairs. i can't imagine the hours of train and travel with no soundtrack for your day. i finally have a decent car and sound system, and i cannot tell you how much happier it makes me throughout the day. i can't wait to get into that lil cutey "tercel 2.0", which is what i have named it. its actually a 02 protege, ill post a pic soon. anyway, i expressed it off the to nyc, and (e:hodown) will have the pre-xmas gift of music very soon!

how could i not, when i had two and she had none? plus, this gets me on her good side, which is never a bad thing. two hos are way stronger than one.

this guy keeps wanting to hang out, and the thought of it makes my headache worse. when will i meet someone, romantic or not that does not make me want to run in the other direction. honestly, its not even about dating anymore, its about finding human connection.

i admire people with passion and talent, and a bit of selflessness. if you are selfish, i really don't think we will get along. so, i am thinking of finding some volunteer work, to maybe meet people. i just can't take anymore of these surface, money obsessed trashbags.

p.s. i bought a multitude of art supplies today, so the need for human connection has been decreased by 50%!


a toy for a tot, named jho...

Missing Image ;(

web design confuses me, and therefore makes me angry.

in my life, will i try every possible thing and hate it?


really, i don't think the whole web design thing is for me. another career plan foiled.


we are headed into major recession says (e:hodown). i need to stop taking forever, and just grow up damnit.

right now, the stars are pointing me towards special education...


i think i could get a bachelors in a few years, but the whole europe plan will be foiled. i may have to settle for just a month or two of backpacking, and then come back and buckle down. it seems like such a cake career, and one i think i will really love... i really think i just hate hate hate school, unless it is art, and at is pointless for school because i don't need 4 yrs and 80,000 worth of debt to be poor and talented, i have that now.

here is a list of people i wish to visit me in the next 5 months:

(e:hodown), and she is coming in less than two weeks!

a divine intervention

(e:mike)

(e:pmt), no animals! and i will cook for you!

(e:brit), but no british national anthem

(e:tina), yea right

i keep wondering, will i be one of those people who wanders back to blo after a short stint elsewhere? its so expensive here for everything, and so much driving, and aside from my family, and the weather, i don't like it so much.

i mean, the weather part makes a huge huge difference, but it really is so expensive, and i am sick of seeing all of the stupid rich people. with money thats seems to just fall from the sky and their rediculously extravagant lifestyles. how are all these people so rich? all they talk about i money, and that seems to be all that anyone cares about here.

so, in short, i really miss blo, but we are having a bad weather spell here, and its not even that bad and its majorly depressing, so i don't think i can come back, because i hate being cold more than anything else, and i am cold right now. so, ill stay here for a bit. or at least until we run out of water, which could be soon.

im going to go see granny now, she always makes me feel better!