sometimes your heart just breaks for other people. and you just wish that it was you going through it instead of them- because you worry that they wont be strong enough.

a hug would be great right now.

i think im going to cry and then go to bed.

first arizona tears. at least i held out for almost two months.

in better news, i had the most mazing drink of my night last night, which was this delicious grape vodka soda-y combo, complete with fog rising out of it, and a glow stick inside, and it bubbled all crazy. how the fuck did they make that shit????

not even neccessarily when i get my monthly dues, but i always have a few days out of the month, where i feel like a psycho overemotional person. don't think I've cried since I've been here, so maybe thats why. and for those of you who don't know me, thats a record...

my brother just found out that his gf is a cheating whore. it breaks my heart for him. i know EXACTLY what he is going though, and unfortunately, a broken heart is the worst pain out there. id seriously rahter break my arm. it just makes you feel so alone and helpless, and empty. i know he'll get it it, we all have, and do.

it just sucks that the only thing i can tell him is that, it really takes time. time really does heal all wounds. life is funny like that. its funny that i can look back at when i had a broken heart and laugh at myself and all of the ridiculous things i said and did, because i really just thought my heart would stop beating.

you want to sleep and you can't, because you are too afraid to close your eyes and dream of that person. you want to eat, but you can barely force a bite down your throat. it feels good to be drunk or high, but you just feel worse the next day.

poor guy. the one thing i will say though, is that it is a HUGE life lesson, having your heart crushed. you learn to not push so much emphasis on someone else making you happy, and learn to be dependant on yourself. you learn to be ok being alone, and spending lots of time alone. learning more about who you are can only make you more ready for what life brings forth, especially in new relationships.

i just hope he doesn't make a huge mistake and take her back. once a cheater, always a cheater, and he would never be able to fully trust her again. and no matter how she feels now, she will eventually regret it, and probably always wsh she had done things differently, unless she is a completely heartless person, which i doubt she is, because most people aren't.

its just so strange looking at this sitaution from outside, when i was in a similar one myself. i definitely feel like I've grown, and forgiven and all that, but most importantly, I've moved on. im really proud of myself. i finally feel like im working really hard towards a goal that is completely my own, and i have any clue what the future holds, but i feel like i am ready for it!

my sister comes next week, and it should be a good time! hopefully i can provide some fun for her, and maybe take her out for dinner, or something nice, even though she will onyl want to lounge by the pool. i do actually know some cool places here, thanx to the fact that i have actually made a few friends! woot!

i kinda feel like I've been a really selfish person lately. i havent been thinking of others enough, and doing the things for others that i want to do. i need to work on that. i need to see my grandma more, and be a better daughter to my mom, and better friend to my friends. there are only so many hours in the day, and its not enough damnit!

school starts next tuesday i think, and im getting nervous. the financial aid people are pissing me off, and so is the whole registration process. i think i may have to just show up in some classes and beg the porfessor to let me in, because half the classes i need are closed. grrrr. the way they do thing here in AZ can sometimes be a littel to lax/ backwards for me. the oldsters set the pace for this resort style life.

im done talking. going to go to work now.

im going out tonight with this girl i met the other day. shes kinda crazy, but seems really fun. we are going to this punk rock bar, in tempe.

what to wear???? must look hot...

not sure if i want to keep seeing this one guy. he seems kinda needy, and i just can't deal with that now. and the one guy i really really like has vanished??? i decided to call him, and his phone is off- must play detective and get down to the bottom of this-or not.

im making some nice money with all these jobs, and aside from forking over $600 to the mother today for a car payment, i should be able to swing a ticket to blo for the end of august/begining of september! that will be really nice, i feel so homesick right now!

things here are going good, I've been so busy with work. 12-14 days are wearing me out! its good though, i like keeping busy, and i think ill be able to afford that macbook in no time...

love and miss you blo peeps!

i swear im gonna order that usb cord off of ebay today so i can post pics soon...

or i just went water skiing/tubing.


fucked up arm. all black and blue. bump on my leg.

the rest of my body is mush and it take much effort to stand let alone walk.

i am proud of myself though. i got up my first time trying water skiing, and some of the boys couldn't even. i also stayed on that damn tube just as long as the super strong guy i was riding on it with.

apparently im strong, for a chick. and now i feel very very sore.

at least i havent sparkly new shoes and dress to wear to work today!

still kinda upset about the missing brit. he wasnt even the hottest ever, just that supser sexy accent, and all things british. plus he was super smart, and loved to debate. meh.

im still getting paid by my job in blo????? they just deposited 250 into my accoint friday. anyway, in not going to question how this happened, but it means that i can do a couple things....


pay bills


buy clothes


buy plane ticket to blo!



what to do?

i've been working so much, i don't really have anything interesting to post.

working at a hospital in real life is nothing like general hospital. no hot doctors. some scandal, but really not very many hot people.

what kind of shallow shell of a person have i become???

anyway, im not that shallow, just REALLY REALLY boy crazy lately. ill take one or a million or just all of them, with a hard candy shell coating, that i can lick off. ok, not that crazy, but i do love me some man. and i need more eye candy to get myself through these long ass 12-13 hour days.


ps. im currently in love with arizona. and apparently the new tegan and sara album is really not that great, which makes me sad.

weird things happening today:

• people are acting in my favor

• tried to go to work, but the only way to get there is blocked off. not sure i'll be going anywhere today

• apparently i have lost some weight without even really notcing, because i dared to try on my super chic black skinny jeans hat didn't even fit when i bought them, and surprise! they look super hot!

I am thinking today/tonight could turn out to be one of the best in a whole! Granted the open Shea, and my evening plans aren't destroyed...

whenever i go to read someone's journal, especially new people, i like to take a look at their profile, but so many people haventfilled out their profiles. why?????

don't you people understand that this is highly irritating??? if you havent filled out your profile, and you have a journal here, fill out your damn profile. i would like to know a little about you, and of course what your favorite drink is!

but, really, i just read (e:tinypliny) journal, and im thinking, oh i don't know her, ill check out her profile, and no fucking profile. if you don't know what i am talking about, or you are confused im sure (e:paul) would be more than happy to help you out!

on to other things... it is monsoon season here, which means some rain and clouds. well, this makes me very unhappy, although, the clouds are a break from the ever intense heat. i have decided that i am a sun-lover, and can never live somewhere where it isn't sunshine most of the time. life without sunnyness(that may not be a word, but it is now) is my demise. i just love sunshine, and the feel of it, how it brightens everything, and makes me feel happy. that being said, i need some damn sun today. i swear, if it is cloudy all day, my mood is going to be somewhat somber. i didn't move here for clouds, this is bullshit.

anyway, i am proud to display the (e:strip) sticker on my car, but i get many wierd questions about it. am i a stripper? no. is it a porn site? no. are there naked pictures of me there? not completely. anyway, this brings me back to the question of blogging/nonblogging. how fun is it to know people are reading what you write when you want to say thing about THEM??? wait, or is it more fun??? im just going to write shit about people good/bad and if they can't deal, whateve.

i had another date last night, and it went pretty well. the guy seems very sweet and kinda innocent. not really sure what it is with all of the foreign guys, but i've got another foreigner on my hands. i guess you could say he is tall dark and handsome, which aint too bad. i think we are going to do something today, maybe see a movie. for some reason, movies that come out in the summertime are never my cup of tea. its a lot of cheesy comedies, and action movies. ok, ill admit, i like some action, and die hard was good, however, i can do without movies like "chuck and larry". i'd prefer something with a real story line, and a meaningful ending/message.

anyway, this british guy for sure seems like a real player. all of this phone tag nonsense, and im really just getting sick of it. not sure why i always go for the "asshole" type, but i just love a guy with a larger than life ego. plus, he's a smooth talker and could probablyl talk his way into anything. i just really get the feeling that he is up to no good. we'll see, considering i haven't seen him since last wednesday, and have only spoken to him a few times, mostly late at night and he wants me to come over. i'm gonna go ahead and say, i think i am done with this whole "big boys who play little games nonsense." you like me and want to hang out with me, or you don't. also, if you really liked me, you would be calling and making dates and he just isn't. his argument is that, we have a "strong" connection, and that he is just playing it by ear, and letting it happen naturally. i don't know, that sounds like a lot of bs to me. because im not getting so much the playing by ear thing, as "playing", resounding in my head.

apparently i look about 20 lbs heavier in pictures, and when this guy saw me in person, he keot saying how surprised he was that i wasn't heavier. i don't know whether to be somewhat offended or happy about this. i guess i need to stop looking so fat in pictures, shame on me.

also, people can't enough of the fact that my name is in fact, Sarah A. Ho. laugh people, get it out of your system. i know, its funny. i think i go through this with someone every day. pretty sure all of the other members of my family do as well.

apparently, i had a lot of things to say about nothing really. im going to go and read my book, and wait for that pesky little sun to come out.

oh, and im on a mission to wear a dress every single day. if i buy one a dress a week, in place of a few meals out, i think this could work. also, i am a major bargain shopper. people really should dress up more, its just a classier, more attractive way of life. everyone looks better in some nicely tailored clothing, and they also seem to look more intelligent as well. down with casual!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

good day peeps!!!

p.s. how great is it that lindsay lohan was arrested again, AND had coke in her pants, but she says, she is innocent and it wasn't hers. OKAYYYYYYY. because, i sometimes randomly have drugs in my pants that don't belong to me; they just end up there. i can't wait until she goes to jail. can't they just make a reality show already? celebds in jail, it sounds like th best tv ever!

There is going to be additions to R. Kelly's Trapped In The Closet, released August 21st!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Ya'll be ready for some more of that sweet sweet goodness. I know (e:terry) is gonna be excited as well. Who doesn't love a good does of Bridgette, a midget, and some cherry pie!!!!!!!!!!!!

A sidenote that had nothing to do with this post: I was seeing this guy, and then he kinda disappeared. I thought, "Wow, I have been totally written off." I spent a day upset about it, and then he texts me saying he was away for the weekend, and left hs phone at home. Okaaaaaaaay. Some family emergency. Alright. So, he says he's gonna call me later that night, and I miss the calland all him back and no answer, so I leave a message. No call back. I called him last night, and no call back. We once had this talk about having the decency to let someone know you are not interested, but he has yet to do that. So, he must be one if these things: 1. A major player. 2. A major liar. 3. Looking to get a piece when he has nothing better to do. 4. He has changed his mindand just isn't interested in me(How could that be possible???). 5. He's so busy he doesn't have time to call me(Highly unlikely)

The point of all of this is, I would just like an end to all of this silliness, so I can not care. Return my damn call, and just tell me you are uninterested. Instead, of avoiding me for a few days, and then calling, and repeating this whole pointless cycle. Guys can really be immature.

At least I can look forward to new segments of Trapped In The Closet!

cartoons just plain suck nowadays. now, david the knome, that was show with some reall substance. and really cute little knome people!!!!!