i seem to forget evey month why i become a complete bitch and pyscho, and eventually i realize that its time for the monthly dues. sorry boys, but its an issue that must be discussed.

i start ravishing the house for chocolate.

i feel tired and lazy as hell.

i am angry with anyoneand everyone that irritates me the slightest bit.

i start getting cramps anywhere from 1 1/2 to a week before it actually comes.

im more horny than usual. if possible.

its always late, and i begin to wonder...although, most of the time, its not even really possible. but still, a nightmare to think about.

its really really fun.

• note: i might really just be this way all the time.*

there is a boy/man i really really likey. and i hope is gentle with my po' lil heart!

this is the first time since i've been here, that i feel like i might cry.

no specific reason, just a lot of things.

and for the record, men=douche bags. its always the one you want to call doesn't, and the other won't leave you alone.

argh.

i really think i might just decide to stay single a while longer. these people don't impress me at all.

really boys. just wanting to screw me isn't enough.

basically, i miss those nights of crazy drunkeness. i want to get super wasted this weekend, and dance, and wear a pretty dress.

things are all go for work, and it looks like i will be getting a second job, to pay for that pesky little car.

i hope i get enough financial aid for school, as out of state tuition is not cheap. i really don't want to go p/t. i want to be out of school, and make some damn money.

the whole boy situation has now become a bit confusing. the boy i've been seeing, well, i don't really know what's going on there. you never know with guys, do they really like you, or just want a piece?

anyway, this guy is definitely not my boyfriend, the boyfriend status has to be acquired over time. however, i feel like it may be headed that way or something.

so, this other guy keeps calling me. he sent me all these pictures, and i must tell you, he is one of the FINEST mothers i have ever seen. so, we talk on the phone, and he has this sexy italian accent, and he's singing me all these love songs in italian. i'm like wtf??? where did this guy come from?? i guess he just moved here, and will be going to grad school in phoenix. he's in nashville now for a cousin's wedding, and won't be in town for another week.

this man has me majorly intrigued. seriously, believe me when i say he is possibly the hottest man alive. i keep checking my email just to stare at his pictures. i'm thinking, he is really not that good looking, or he wants an easy lay. if he really is that good looking, he could get any girl. he says he wants to talk on the phone and then meet when he comes.

so, the question is... do i continue to see british guy, and talk to italian guy??? and then meet italian guy when he gets here?? is it ok to have two boyfriends???

i'm really going to try and avoid being a huge jerk, but all i have to say, is may the best man win!! ;o0

oh, and i'm paranoid about people finding out about my blog, so hopefully these dudes won't.

how could i be "racist" against white men???? i've dated mostly white men.

ok, i made the mistake of calling wihte men "whiteys", it was supposed to be funny. the post was not against white men, just stating my preferences.

don't get your panties all in a bundle about this people. i am just stating my preference for other ethnicities, as others often do. because a woman prefers other woman, does that mean she dislikes men, no. she is just not sexually attracted to other men.

i'm sorry if what i said seemed insulting, that is not what i was looking to do.

so, my mom has some real issues with me dating a black guy. i don't really know what its all about, but it really upsets me. especially since this guy i like is black, and she is being all weird about it.

of course, she isn't the one who makes the call, but i also feel like other family members have issues with this. seriously, we are in year 2007. im not even completely wihite, and now with my tan i totally look like a mexican. what is the deal with this backwards attitude???

im finding myself attracted less and less to white guys. sorry, whiteys, but white just gets boring for me.

this new guy said he'd never experienced racism until he moved here a while ago. he said that in europe, people's attitudes toward race and beauty are completely different. i just don't understand why skin color is so important.

would it be better for me to date some asshole and have people approve just because he isn't ethnic? or date someone i really like, no matter what race they are.

i feel like this shouldn't be a controversial issue anymore, but it seems like it is? why? i don't get it.

the point here is. i don't really care if people have issues with it. i will date whomever i choose.

basically craigslist is a hot spot for losers and, well, im not interested in anybody there. but boy, there sure do like me. anyways, i think there is this guy who wants to take me out. someone i met in person, but you know, i just don't know.

i feel like i don't want to bother if they aren't like super great and everything. and lets face it, how many super great people are there really? not many. exactly.

ok. onto more important things. the hiking is going really well. its amazing how just a few weeks of exercise really gets your body going. by the end of the week, im going to be ready for something more challenging. which is pretty exciting, because i am determined now to get into shape. hell, i aint got much else to do.

I've been hitting up the library a lot, and I've gotten back into reading. and working on the tan.

i am now almost ready to be an official stick shift driver. after many stalls in intersections, blood, sweat, and tears.

i like the weather here. but nys really has a much better state gov system. a lot of people here are just strange and backwards thinking. its kinda getting to me...

now, im not gonna name names, there would be too many.

but, why don't ya'll call me back bitches? you are all worthless assholes.

thanx.


do we really live in that kind of world now, where are too fucking lazy too call the people we "supposedly" care about???

what is the issue here???

(e:pau) , you are exempt, because you never call and it could almost be considered a personality trait of yours.

the rest of you are going to die a slow lonely death. or something like that.


one last thing. would you go on a date with someone you "met" on craigslist?

and, go see die hard.


that's all.

started my job.

seems pretty sweet.

um, can't drive stick. might very likely kill someone.

radio shack tried to charge me $20 for a f'in usb cord for my camera. im buying that shit on ebay.

headache that won't cease, combined with stomachache.

going to force myself to hike in the heat. apparently im going to need to be able to bounce a quarter off my ass/all body parts.

life without friends is kinda boring/i drink way less.

i have fallen in love with t.v. i love you t.v.!!!!!

started reading again. yay for the library.

ok. going to hike. hopefully i don't fall down again today...

oh, and my mother said "fuck" several times during the driving lesson last night, and i have been laughing out loud about it all day. poor car :O(

so, i have decided that since i have zero friends here, and it ain't gonna happen in a day, i will hike at least three times a week.

sunday hike: bad news!!! hiking in the sun in 110 degree weather, is not nice. my cousin and i made it about a half mile up the steep rocky bitch and decided to head down. in her words, "i felt like someone had put a blanket on me." i laughed my ass off when she said that. that is really what it felt like.

monday hike: i was flying up that mountain. seriously, it felt really good, and i was kicking my mom's ass. it helped that we were in the shade. on the way down, not so good. my ankle decided to give out and down i went! momma wrapped up my ankle, gave me some ibuprofen and i hiked down. i iced it immediately, and aside from some soreness and swelling, it seems okay today. i can't wear heels for a while, but i don't really go out anyway. anywho, i am determined to hike again tomorrow, and do four miles. wish me luck! i need to get back in shape!

my tan is doing very nicely! i spend about an hour or so in the pool every morning. i think im going to get some water exercise stuff and work out in the pool. fun times.

i had an interview today, and it looks like i will be starting work on thurs. wow, that didn't take long at all. the pay is decent, and it is similar work to what i was doing in blo. working with developmentally disabled people. the agency i'm going to be working for is really super chill, and very flexible with hours. i can work as much or as little as i want, and i am looking forward to getting out there and making some money!!!! i gots to save for my blo trip in august!

i get pretty bored and lonely during the day, but i'm sure it will get better now that i will be working. i definitely don't get myself into any trouble...thus far. there's no one to cause trouble with! i guess it has been easier than i thought so far, but i do really miss the familiarity of home. i don't know where anything is, or where the cool places to go are. i miss being able to call people and hang out.

i don't miss all of the drama. i don't miss the rain. i don't miss not having a car. i don't miss all of the stupid boys in buffalo who gave me the run-around.

i guess so far, it feels like i am in the right place, for now.

everytime i go to call someone, i always forget the time difference, and it doesn't really matter anyway, because no one calls me back. i guess that is what happens when you move away!

i think i am going to color my cousin's hair this weekend, and take her to see evan almighty. we are having a family party on saturday, that should be fun. i missed all of the family stuff sooooooooooo much, and it is really nice to have them around again! even if they are all crazy, i still love them. they will be my friends for now.

a wholesome (e:lilho) ? who would've thunk?????


p.s. i miss you (e:pmt) ! call me????