people are being shady this week. i'm always shady, but when it comes to setting a time and date, i commit.

1.) i had a date, but he didn't pick up when i called him after work. i gave him 45 minutes, and then ditched that plan to hang with another guy. if you don't get right back to me, i make other plans.

2.) my boss wants me to call her, and she doesn't pick up or call back. wtf?

3.) i am supposed to go on a fun field trip to the giant mexican market, and i show up at the school today. it turns out, the teacher repeatedly told me the wrong day. she said, friday about 20 times, and friday is tomorrow. today is thursday. please, get your days and times straight lady. of course, no one in the office believed me, and she won't either. i never would have said i could go on thursdays, as i have class and work later, and friday is my only day off.

so, what does this teach us? don't flake out people. if you make a date, stick to it, or else i find fun elsewhere.

p.s. i am now obsessed with shopping online, and have made at least three purchases this week, including clothing, beauty products, and footwear. i need help for my addiction.

i drank last night. but only two shots and a beer. omg a beer!!!

i think it's ok though, i hiked 4 miles, four time this week. that's 16 miles.

i didn't hike this morning. i went to sleep at 6, only to wake up at 8:45, with a loud banging on my window. i quickly got dressed and answered the door. it's the tile guy and his son, and they are here to work in the bathroom.

great. i prob reek of booze and club, and i didn't wash my face, so i looked like a cheap whore who just got raped.

anyway, i pulled myself together, and made myself respectable. i played with the little boy. he loves photo booth, and gremlins, and cats, and milk. we walked up the hill to the mailbox to check the mail. he told his daddy i am "bonita". he's four. haha! he was so cute, i just wanted to hug him and kiss him.

i love kids.

anyway, the tile guy is hot, and he works at the hospital where i do. he's a nurse by day, jack of all trades by night apparently.

he is married. but he does always say how pretty i am. i would never, ever. but it is fun to think about!

that being said, i should focus more on the hiking. i got new shoes yesterday, $100. dayum, i better have some mad hiking super powers now. i can't wait to try them out tomorrow morning!!!!!!!

the fact that the little half spanish son of my co-worker called me "bonita", totally made my day. it's just so cute!!!!

i am going to nc for my cousin's wedding mid may.

i haven't been there since i was 16.


i haven't swam in the ocean since then.

i also have an excuse to buy a perty new dress!!! i am going to wait until the week before, because hopefully i will look somewhat different/more fit, and i can buy a size smaller!


maybe a miracle will happen and i will regain a part of me that was lost when i stopped seeing and feeling the ocean. i miss it so much.

a reminder that i also have six weeks to get into beach shape! oh no!

ps. i have actually gained weight, and i'm hoping it's muscle. i look better though, so i'm not too worried about numbers.

i think i've decided to cut out alcohol. oh well, that doesn't mean i can't have other things!


ocean here i come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so i am now fitness obsessed. i am wondering, what is my calorie intake supposed to be.

i read that you shouldn't go under 1200 a day. that's about where i am at, with like 3.6 miles hikes 5 times a week, and weights and all that mumbo jumbo in between.


i just don't want to be under the limit so i stop burning...



who knows???

i was just looking back at (e:paul)'s old journals. it makes me miss the old days. and also not miss the old days, due to the shitty condition of my life.


the only part of my life that could be considered any part shitty now is the act that i miss my friends. and everyone is so skinny here, that i now only eat fat free and salads, and hike a million miles so i can lose 15 lbs and look super hot in my bikini.


workouts are my new boyfriend. screw dates, who has time for that when you need to complete a 2 hr workout? maybe i can have workout dates now or something...


i think i will visit blo in june................



HOORAY!

im really sick of this whole wildflower, prettiness bloom that has hit the phoenix area. while the hills are alive with the sound of pollen, my head is alive with the sound of misery.

im pretty sure my massive allergy attack had led to a vicious sinus infection.


wtf??? i thought my allergies would be better here, and they have been, but now i am being attacked.

i think it's becasue we had a record amount of rainfall this winter, and things are now blooming.

this has foiled my hiking everyday plan, and i struggle to make it through the day.

i don't want to take antibiotics again, and pseudophed(sp?), makes me crazy and sleepless.


so, now i must ho find a natural cure.


i just read this thing about salt caves, and supposedly they are really great for breathing and allergy issues, but the closest one in still far...



help!!!!!


i will hike tomorrow morning if it kills me, i can't take the sedentary lifestyle anymore! (it's only been three days.)

i would like to live in a bubble.



this photo i stole online, but these are the same damn yellow flowers that are hindering my well-being. i hate them. forever. it's like i am constantly walking through a field of wildflowers, which i think is like number one on my allergies list, maybe even worse than cats. but i still hate cats more. i hate the flowers second.

so, i haven't blogged in a while. im preoccupied with life or something i guess.

i ditched the mormon, the way he spoke to me was not ok. plus, im prtty sure that he thinks women are here to serve men. f that. i will serve no one. ok, maybe my mom, but that's it. the rest of you can serve yourself.

everything else here is just dandy. im obsessed with hiking now, and try to go 5 times a week. it's an intense work out, and who knows what this mad fitness streak will lead to.

i love arizona.

i did not love this message:

"f you wanna some sex by webcamera, just wright me: cz1000 AT mail.ru and we will spend very good and tender evening together"


wtf? i never get messages, and now i get this? can someone send me a nice friendly message so it can negate that one? please.

here's a pic of the place where i hike:

i took this last year. i think it's a great shot, enjoy the festivities ya'll!

where everybody knows your name. and they're always glad you came. you wanna be where you can see, your troubles are all the same.

this pretty much sums up how i feel right now. what i would give to be around great friends.

i was supposed to go out tonight, and then my friend cancels at the very very last minute. this is lame.

i did my hair and makeup. i look fly. so fly to sit at home.

i need to be constantly busy right now. i need need need to. otherwise i have time to be sad. my grandma past last week, and i don't think it has totally hit yet. she was/is so important to me, and now she is gone. i feel so lost, and sad, and really like i need to be busy. my mom is leaving for like 5 days to go to buffalo for the funeral, and i don't want to stay here alone. i don't want to cry, because when i do it is so hard to stop.

i miss her so damn much, and i wish i could tell her how i feel right now, she always knew the right thing to say and how to make me feel better. it was such a simple beautiful love. to know that the person you are looking at, is looking back at you, and accepts you completely, and loves you, and thinks you are the greatest. you don't get that very much.

it's hard not to think i keep losing people i love, and i need to start gaining. i am so tired of goodbyes, they are too hard. i am trying really hard to not let it make me want to close up. but, losing people you love is so hard.

i hate broken hearts. i don't want one anymore.

i don't want to deal with the difficulties of romance, or the disappointment friendship so often brings. sometimes i feel like the only one who will never ever let me down is my mother and sister. honestly, i know this. they have given me so much, it is like no one else is ever good enough. no one else can ever meet that expectation.

i want to tell my granny about it. i want to hug her, and make her laugh. she would make it better.

i know it will get better, but it's so hard right now. it's really just the hardest thing i've done. to say goodbye to her. i want to pick up the phone and call her, or stop by, and bring her a treat. i want to tell her i love her, but i can't.

i think i need to go pour myself a strong one. and cry and hug my mom.

maybe i should buy some new shoes this week. retail therapy is a good short term remedy.

and i get into the hospital today, and my manager and the CEO pull me in to their office to have a talk. i'm thinking, "why are you bothering to ask me about my grandma, when you are about to fire me?"

well, i was wrong.


they pulled me in to tell me i am getting a $6 raise. hot damn, i love this place so much right now. not only do i love it, but i am now oicking up all of the hours i possibly can here! yippeee!

now, if i switch agencies with my other job and get a $4 raise, i'll be so money.


i am finally feeling like i am past that whole minimum wage thing, by a lot. and it feels good.


go me!