"i got a little crazy in me" written by Lilho on estrip.org

10/22/07 01:45 - 69ºF - ID#41742

i got a little crazy in me

i don't know what is wrong with me.

can't focus.

can't sit still.

can't stay awake.

can't sleep.

sleep too much.

definitely eat way too much. stop eating everything. and STOP eating 70% cheese. that is so sick.

i can't take anymore of this not sex all the time. i think that is my problem. and, hope to god my mom doesn't read this shit. or my employers. but i sorta also don't care.

my new plan is definitely europe this summer, all summer. ill be an au pair or something. or something. everyone should go to at some point, and it will like an international partay!

and, oil painting is all sorts of complicated. i think my shit is gonna be shit.

ok, this is funny, this boy came over, and i really don't like him. and he really kinda irritates me. plus smallest penis ever, and i was like, "i hope we don't have to hook up." i love that i am such a slut. ok, jk. but, i didn't want to really hang out with him, but i wanted to trap someone and make them listen to me talk. apparently he wasnt down. so, he said, "we are going into your room to makeout, and we went in there. and i continued to talk, talk, talk. and, i was reading a bunch of different magazines, and enjoying my drink. then he just gets up and decides to leave. and i was laughing, and he is a douche. but, whatever he had to drive all the way out here. didn't get drunk, or stoned, and didn't get any!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

haha. loser.

i will now attempt school shit, or just get more drunk.....

Permalink: i_got_a_little_crazy_in_me.html
Words: 292
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: life

10/18/07 11:58 - 70ºF - ID#41707

advice needed

so, all of you more experienced (e:strip)pers, give me some help here!

here is my situation:

i have the opportunity to move out. to a nice apartment in a nice area, with two people i know i will get along with.

however, i have a lot of debt right now. a car to pay off, and get fixed now that i have fucked it up. i have school to focus on, and two jobs as well. moving out would add more stress to my full plate.

moving out would also mean a very very tight budget, and i would have to work even more. i wouldn't be able to eat out, go out, etc, very much at all, but when i did, i would have no one to answer to.

the place is reasonably priced and in a very central area for work and school. but, now i have no furniture but a bed and some other things....

my mom wants me to stay here for a while and get on my feet. i want to move out so i can start my life. i don't know what to do. its not bad here, but who wants to say they live with their parents after a certain age? i feel like a huge loser.

basically, i move out and be broke. or stay here, and save mad money and get a sweet place/move somewhere else for school when i am ready.

what do i do?

i think i am stuck here for a while.

lilho writes at 05:14:21 10/20/07 - Comment #26645: shiznat! thanx for the advice (e:peeps)! my other question is; move back to blo, yay, or nay? i know, nay, but i freakin miss it. :O(

kookcity2000 writes at 01:11:57 10/20/07 - Comment #26642: so you allready got like a pile of advice but it sounds like you know its would be better to stay at yer ma's place.

I mean like you have to ditch the tentative roommates but you can always hang later.

save that bank up: who wants to scrimp and save in the land of the big sun!?

metalpeter writes at 05:38:10 10/19/07 - Comment #26615: What it really comes down to is what place will cause more happiness and if you want that now or later. You know you can go to school and live on your own cause you have done it before. I think that you should stay at home for now. Renting when you have debt isn't really a great idea. I think it would be wise to try and pay it off now. I admit that I don't have a roommate. But I know that if I did getting homework down at home would be much tougher and so I would have to stay at school to do it. Yeah have roommates can be fun but they can also make it a lot tougher on you when you are allready so busy.

jason writes at 02:46:35 10/19/07 - Comment #26608: Ditto, if I had the opportunity to have bunked with the parents for a couple of years in my early 20's, I would have definitely done it. I would have had a giant tub of cash to spend on a new house, etc. if I had that option available.

And don't feel like a loser, or whatever. You're not. Many things, but loser is not one of them. Losers do not go to school and have two jobs. You're doing fine. Just keep at it, stay patient, and keep your goals in mind.

james writes at 01:55:11 10/19/07 - Comment #26597: The way you wrote this indicates that you want to stay.

That aside, staying sounds like a grand idea considering the financial situation.

jbeatty writes at 09:46:23 10/19/07 - Comment #26586: As someone who has not lived with my parents since HS and have gone to school for 5 years within that 10 year period I think you would be wise to stay living with your parents. It's not exactly fun always I can imagine, but the stress that is removed from your life while you are trying to succeed in school is well worth any trade off of the feeling of freedom in my opinion. If I had the option at any point to do what you are doing, there is no doubt that I would have stayed living at home.

joshua writes at 09:04:58 10/19/07 - Comment #26582: You don't want to be a 'tweener - parasite adult losers aren't attractive. You, however, are not a parasite adult loser because you actually want out, as opposed to adults who are perfectly comfortable staying at home and letting mommy take care of things. So stay for a little while, take it in stride, suck it up for a few months, then get out when its right. Its not what you might want to do at the moment but you'll be FAR better off in the end. Moving far from home isn't easy, and you have the luxury of being able to at least have the option of getting yourself stable before taking on the costs of living on your own.

drew writes at 08:52:49 10/19/07 - Comment #26581: Stay AND stop going out, etc. With two jobs and no rent, that should mean your debt can be wiped out quickly--then you can get a nice place and a nice life to go with it.

imk2 writes at 08:11:54 10/19/07 - Comment #26579: stay. i live with my mom, even though i have a real job with real money. i come home and the house is clean, there is dinner on the table, and i don't have to pay for either. you're going to be more miserable when you see those super, cute, funky boots that will be out this winter and you can't buy them because it's either boots or bread.

tinypliny writes at 12:12:02 10/19/07 - Comment #26576: I would take staying with parents and saving money over the heartache of getting even more in debt and misery, anytime. I am not sure that the "freedom" that a new setting may buy is even worth it in the long run.

From what little I know about you on this site, I think that you hold yourself in too high an esteem to care about what other people may think or not think about your staying with your mom.

Remember that prudence is *ALWAYS* at the heart of success.

brit writes at 12:08:47 10/19/07 - Comment #26575: stay...milk the parents for all they're worth man

Permalink: advice_needed.html
Words: 256
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: video

10/18/07 03:43 - 56ºF - ID#41699

oh my god! a video us of, by me!

check it out. (e:southernyankee), (e:paul), (e:terry), and i! woot!

Permalink: oh_my_god_a_video_us_of_by_me_.html
Words: 19
Location: Buffalo, NY

10/17/07 02:52 - 69ºF - ID#41691

im done with life

why are there balloons still on this thing?

ok, my post trip depression needs to go away. i am displaying some not so good signs:

1. need for sleep all the time. i shouldn't be so tired.

2. need for food all the time. i shouldn't be so hungry. i am going to become a blob full of food. note to self: stop being so goddamn lazy and go hiking. you lazy pathetic piece of shit.

3. need for t.v. grey's or is it gray's and private practice. why live my own life when i can watch make believe ones on t.v.

4. inability to focus on what matters, school and work. i have no desire.

5. no desire to go shopping with birthday money. so wrong.

6. no desire to wear pretty dresses and shoes. even more wrong.

7. feeling like i could cry at any moment.

in conclusion, i am in a rut. i hope said rut only last a few more days. it could be the coming of my period which would also explain a ravenous need for chocolate. i don't like feeling like such a crazy person, and it is unlike me lately.

on the upside, i did get my side of birthday hookup, and it was delish. oh my. i never tire of sexy men, and i wouldnt mind some right now. actually, i think i got the most birthday loving i ever have in my entire life. its funny because i have the ability to get more sex now than when i was in a relationship. the next person i date better be willing to put out when i request.

could i be anymore dramatic? so, i think i should focus on sexy men, and getting my goddamn homework done. im having issues people.

oh, and how embarrassing is it that i like that jordin sparks song? i have a love for bad radio. i think its the teen inside me that refuses to die.

so, i think i am going to see across the universe this weekend, that should help cheer me up. that and some really strong gange.

Permalink: im_done_with_life.html
Words: 351
Location: Buffalo, NY

10/15/07 04:04 - 47ºF - ID#41657

post-trip sadness

i think i have had a huge issue with this for a long time. i think since i was able to understand what saying goodbye means.

being back in blo made me realize what amazing people i left behind, and while i think i made the right choice my coming here, i know this week is gonna be really rough.

what will i do without my (e:PMT)? seriously, its amazing how good of friends we are, and i always have a good time with them.

i also realized i am a huge asshole, and have definitely taken advantage of someone who i thin has always really cared about me. turns out, they are a pretty thoughtful person, and they know me better than most people. but, now i am here, and i will just leave that one up to fate, because its just such a long, long tale with many twists and turns.

so, i am back here, and sunny az, and i will be working my ass off. however, we have already planned a fun winter camping thing, and when i come back it will be for at least a week this time around. three days is not enough time. plus, im sure ill be missing the snow? ok, maybe not, but it will be nice to see!

ill post pics tomorrow, its been a very long day.

Permalink: post_trip_sadness.html
Words: 230
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: youtube

10/13/07 05:56 - 55ºF - ID#41629

let me borrow that top!

Permalink: let_me_borrow_that_top_.html
Words: 3
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: transport

10/10/07 05:18 - 57ºF - ID#41578

i am missing brain cells, lots

what happens when your emergency brake is not fully engaged?

you go to check your mail, and you car rolls backwards down the hills into another car.

like screaming out, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!", was going to stop it.

collision, nope. fucked up car? very.

do not want to go home. must move out/run away to mexico.

my car is sick, and i think i have brain issues.

and im really really scared of what is ging to go down tonight. do not move back in with your parents and develop shopping addictions. word to the wise.

and i just bombed my midterm. lucky me!

on the upside, im really glad there was a large truck there. if not, my car would have sailed through some lucky persons living room!

Permalink: i_am_missing_brain_cells_lots.html
Words: 128
Location: Buffalo, NY

10/08/07 09:03 - 73ºF - ID#41554

life never turns out the way you planned

so, im talking to my friend in blo. he's saying, "life's crazy right now, blah, blah, blah." i thinking, alright the usual.

then...

he says, "im gonna be a daddy."

WHAT? WHAT?????

ok, this is too weird for me. we used to date, or something like that, and we still keep in touch, but what??? um. you idiot. you got your ex pregnant, because you didn't use a condom, and she said she was on the pill. ok. you are only 21. good luck with that.

i want to be supportive, but i was almost in tears. he is just going to become a stereotype, and end up having to drop out of school to support this baby, for his crazy gf, who he isn't even in love with. it just seems shitty.

how sad. im so glad im not preg. if i was, i would say, "bye,bye, baby!"

seriously, i am not in the right place for chlid rearing. not for at least three years, no way.

anyway, now i don't know if i should see him when i come this week, it would be weird. why do people have to go and do stupid shit???

on the upside, (e:hodown) and i are planning to go on a vaca this spring. i wanna go someplace super fun, and super not in this country! because, now that i work like a mofo, i can afford trips. woot.

also good news, i see the (e:peeps) so soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Permalink: life_never_turns_out_the_way_you_planned.html
Words: 250
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: party time

10/07/07 03:11 - 69ºF - ID#41525

night 2

i was supposed to stay home and sleep. didn't happen. i am tired.

people get all sorts of crazy when drunk, and start fights. best time to start a fight. when your brain is mush, and you are being silly.

drunk people, chill the eff out, ok? thanx.

work sat + sun = no fun. night!

Permalink: night_2.html
Words: 54
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: party time

10/06/07 05:20 - 66ºF - ID#41513

night out...ha.

so, i went out tonight.

that's all i really have to say about that. these stays, staying in is so much more appealing, and so wrong for me!

what is a ho, without the madness? i think i will learn to sew and bake some more, and be "marthaish".

except for my four day hiatus to the blo. that will not involve baking, well it might... but not in the same way.

i have to be to work at 830 tomorrow morning, which is really not cool considering i am still up, and in this state.

stop reading this. i think my posts are becoming pointless banter, or i think they were just always that way. i think pointless banter can be one of my life themes. because, we are so small compared to the rest of the universe, and we seem so insignicificant compared to it all.

done typing, will not type anymore. does not compute.

Permalink: night_out_ha_.html
Words: 156
Location: Buffalo, NY