"finally" written by Lilho on estrip.org

Category: life

03/08/07 01:15 - 22ºF - ID#38397

finally

i feel totally fine being alone. i don't feel like i need anything or anyone.

ok, maybe i totally need my ipod! and lipgloss of course.

i'm actually so ok, that i've pretty much lost any interest in dating. im more interested in getting good grades, getting ready for my huge move, and going to work. and of course, having great times with friends!

this feels good! :O) have a great day everyone!

Permalink: finally.html
Words: 73
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: the blues

03/02/07 10:46 - 34ºF - ID#38333

dont bother reading

ok, its almost os ridiculous, so i may just laugh. or sit and paint and listen to emo music...

the 15 hour shift begins...

and only a few aren't going to know what i am talking about. so ju8st ingore this post. i just want to keep a memory of these times so i can look back and laugh, and remember why i moved.

sorry, (e:peeps), im still in high school.

Permalink: dont_bother_reading.html
Words: 72
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: life

03/02/07 02:54 - 38ºF - ID#38329

the minimalist life

so, living by yourself is a bitch. its expensive, nobody has dinner for you when you get home, and its expensive.

i have decided to cut back in anticipation of said move, and the fact that i NEED a new car. here's what i will be saying goodbye to:

netflix

internet(ok, maybe)

my car, i loved you while it lasted

alcohol for the most par

any sort of clothes shopping, at all. but i do need to get new sneakers, so that doesn't count

im gonna keep my gym membership a my one luxury. im sure between all of the walking plus the gym i will be in tip-top shape in no time.

also, the fact that i will no longer have a car, means i can really be green party, at least for a short while.

ps. the police will never ever have your best interest at heart. don't let them catch you ridin dirty...

Permalink: the_minimalist_life.html
Words: 157
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: sickness

03/01/07 01:13 - 29ºF - ID#38318

not feeling well

yesterday. worked my ass off in class. fabric printing is a bitch, and the work load never seems to end.

then, i ran some errands, went home, ate dinner, and then went to the gym. after the gym i decided to enjoy a pipe, and some wine. bad idea. i swear i only had two glasses. well, i woke up throwing up at 5am, got very little and poor sleep.

now i am in between class. going to a three hour class, and feeling like puking again. i hope i make it through.

this is a strange sickness. my whole body hurts, and im just so tired. i actually don't think even think it is illness, its exhaustion. work is so shortstaffed, and i barely have time to think.

anyway, i went to the gym last night, and now my legs feel like they might break off at the knee. i supposed it doesn't help that i am wearing heels, but after five days of jeans and sneakers, i had to return to my girly self. even if that means a little suffering in my part.

good day all. hope you are still enjoying this lovely winter. its my last. ha. ha.

Permalink: not_feeling_well.html
Words: 202
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: perez

02/28/07 06:30 - 33ºF - ID#38309

i heart perez hilton

he makes me lol everday day!

Permalink: i_heart_perez_hilton.html
Words: 8
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: insomnia

02/27/07 01:46 - 28ºF - ID#38295

this is rediculous

i have gotten like zero sleep in about four days. three overnight in a row and two doubles. i feel exhausted and wound up at the same time.

a few questions:

1. how do we all feel about internet dating?

2. how do we all feel about the weird tin-foil thing jennifer hudson wore over her dress to the oscar's?

3. why did that stupid little groundhog lie about an early spring? i think he needs to be killed/starved/sent away.

4. why am i thinking about work, and i left almost two hours ago?

5. why is my mom way better than yours?

6. who wants like all of my stuff when i move? who wants to have a giant (e:strip) yard sale?

7. why does every man ever always check me out, but i never get asked out on a date?

8. why do i spend so much godamn time on this website?

i currently love, au revior simone!****

metalpeter writes at 06:55:07 02/27/07 - Comment #16077: 1. Nothing wrong with meting someone on line first

3. The ground hog didn't lie the entire concept is stupid, there is no way to know if the groundhoug saw his shadow. You can watch what he does in reaction to what he sees but that dosn't mean he actualy saw it.

4. When you are at work that much your mind adjusts to being there so much. Then you think about how you don't want to be there any time soon. Either that or there was some isssue at work that needs to be resolved.

7. Well some guys check out everygirl they see and think things like "yum" Or "that dress would look good on my floor" and then keep walking it maybe is just a guy thing. Or maybe the people who know you and check you out think you are hot or cute or what ever word you want to use but don't think there is enough in common or there isn't that spark.

8. You like reading posts, chating, having your posts read, like being on line and don't visit any other blogs sites, ?

mrmike writes at 10:18:46 02/27/07 - Comment #16066: 1. how do we all feel about internet dating? Not sure, never dated the internet

2. how do we all feel about the weird tin-foil thing jennifer hudson wore over her dress to the oscar's?
Looked a little like a sandwich wrapper

3. why did that stupid little groundhog lie about an early spring? i think he needs to be killed/starved/sent away.
Never get your weather forcast from something that Elmer Fudd should be hunting

4. why am i thinking about work, and i left almost two hours ago? Because you give your all to the unforgiving man

5. why is my mom way better than yours? Not sure, perhaps the estrip Mom-off is a worthy experiment

6. who wants like all of my stuff when i move? who wants to have a giant (e:strip) yard sale?
I'd come but I think there should be a special estrip discount.

7. why does every man ever always check me out, but i never get asked out on a date? Because we frighten easy or some of us are too bloody old.....

8. why do i spend so much godamn time on this website? Because collectively we're a hoot.

enknot writes at 09:56:14 02/27/07 - Comment #16064: 1. No one dates on the internet, they all date in the real world.

2. I didn't see the oscars

3. there's not going to be any punxtauney phill eating, don't be absurd.

4. cause you're dedicated

5. caure you're wrong

6. You're not going anywhere, where will I get my regular dose of fabulous? Don't be selfish.

7. You don't smile enough, but you were really hot pants. He thinks, she's hot... and mean, oh well.

8. Cause pauls the supa fantastic, and you're freind, and you're a mild celebrity withing the confines of this domain name.

9. Cause you miss tony since he's dropped of the face of the earth, so you'll probably go to lunch with him and (e:paul) sometime soon before you go crazy.

10. Because the Family Guy is the best show ever invinted and they already released a movie that was way funnier than the jokes in this ridculous simpsons farce could ever be, and yes the word farce makes everything less funny.

11. Who the hell is au revior simone?

12. Yeah I think I'd have more fun with you than (e:ingrid) any day, but that's cuase I know you're crazy and I enjoy it!

museumchick writes at 08:22:46 02/27/07 - Comment #16056: 1. what kind of internet dating? Someone off the internet who lives in the area, or farther away?

2. I think it looked okay, a little wierd, I guess.

3. I'm not sure... good question.

4. Another good question.

5. I think my mom is pretty cool.

6. The yard sale sounds like a good idea.

7. Maybe they are shy? Maybe you attract sweet, shy guys.

8. Because its addictive.

Permalink: this_is_rediculous.html
Words: 155
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: crush

02/28/07 01:14 - 29ºF - ID#38289

i am officially a loser

i have an online crush. i know, i know. but it's fun, and who knows...

let me have my fun, i haven't had ANY in a long long time.

goodnight!

Permalink: i_am_officially_a_loser.html
Words: 30
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: moving

02/25/07 05:35 - 31ºF - ID#38278

leaving for good

i have decided that im going to move to Arizona. I've really made up my mind this time, and its not changing. it will be the end of an era, and im really excited to start a whole new life out there.

i feel like i have put so much effort into living here, with little gain, if any. im tired of putting out so much to get so little in return. i don't want to have a broken heart anymore. i don't want to feel betrayed by anyone. i will dearly miss the (e:viscos) , and (e:matt) , and (e:terry) of course. other than that, there is nothing here for me. i have a dwindling supply of friendships, and ties to anyone in buffalo, and find myself becoming more and more lost and depressed here each day. i miss my mother, and the good advice that she gives(yet i never take). i miss feeling happy and being out in the sun, and being around family.

get it while you can, because im not going to be around much longer (e:peeps).

p.s. im so sick of working overnights.

Permalink: leaving_for_good.html
Words: 192
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: work

02/22/07 02:14 - 34ºF - ID#38242

im a getting an award

thats right, something to feel good about.

im getting a "lifesaver award" from work for saving a client's life using the heimlich. isn't that swell!

now, if i could only stop coughing and sleeping. my mother has come to the rescuse and is sending anitbiotics stat. im sick of sitting here, but don't really want to venture out and hack up a lung in public, i don't really think that will make me any more popular.

my sister is really sick now too and has missed two days of work. i think it is fair to blame it on me. im really sorry (e:hodown). i think perhaps my new nickname "typhoid mary" might me appropriate.

p.s. i think i have decided to move to az...

Permalink: im_a_getting_an_award.html
Words: 127
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: location

02/20/07 11:58 - 38ºF - ID#38219

leaving new york

i got home very late last night. it seems nobody ever wants to drive me to/pick me up from the airport. i do it all the time, but alas, i feel that i always put in way more than i get, from anything or anyone these days.

i took a cab home, which was actually fine, because i was really tired and didn't feel like talking to anyone.

the longer i stay here, the more i feel like i don't have enough friends. or really anybody to be there when i really need it. its ok because i learned to be fine on my own, but it would be so nice to live near my sister, or mother and have a friend/loved one always around. i guess im not the kind of person who likes to be fiercely independant. i like knowing that i can get help if i need it. plus, i want to be there for my family as well. i miss them so fucking much i think it actually hurts.

i know i always say, im not going to stay, but this time i really can't. buffalo is such a small little bubble, and i feel like i owe it to myself to want/have more. its so clliquey, and gossipy. i can't leave the house w/o seeing somebody i know, and half of them i don't want to see.

the problem is, where to go? new york is amazing and has basically everything i love, however, i just don't know if i can handle it there. its so big and busy and crowded, and expensive. arizona is beautiful and so is the weather, but it lacks the feel of an old city, which i love. the jobs there are plenty, and the pay is great. i wouldnt be poor like in ny.

i have a huge decision to make, and not very much time to do it.

p.s. the site looks really nice (e:paul)!

theecarey writes at 04:02:37 02/21/07 - Comment #15888: if you are feeling the draw to go, then go for it. you've thought about this on and off many times, yes? I can say that the feeling doesnt go away. Dont worry about where you might be happy- you dont really know that until you try out a few places. Start with something familiar- NYC/AZ.. and keep an open mind from there. Life is an adventure, have fun!

ladycroft writes at 03:21:31 02/21/07 - Comment #15887: Wherever you go, there you are. You don't know what's waiting for you out in the world until you jump in it. While you will always carry your heart wherever you go, it is easier to move forward with your life when you're in a new milieu. Change scared into excitment!

jenks writes at 03:04:45 02/21/07 - Comment #15886: Sarah I have to say I agree with you. Not that you necessarily need to leave Buffalo, but that it's a very small town. That is one thing that has always struck me about this town- that it seems the vast majority of people here come from the area (or at least from NY), have never left, and have no intention of leaving. And then are mad at you if you dare suggest there are other places in the country/world worth living besides Buffalo.

And as far as friends/family- mine are the most important people in my life. But, I pretty much think that unless they're in within an hour's drive or so- they are probably a flight away. And if you have to fly, it doesn't really matter so much anymore.

So go where you're happy. And remember- even if you do move somewhere, and you don't love it- you're not stuck there, you can always move again.

Moving to a new city all alone is certainly scary, and difficult. But honestly I think the friends I have made during that process (all alone in a new place, FORCED to go out and meet people) have become closer friends than the 'automatic' ones (people from high school, etc.)

Either way, good luck, and have fun. But you are right. There is more to life than Buffalo. It's a big country, and I think it's silly not to try to get out there and see some of it.

joshua writes at 08:56:49 02/21/07 - Comment #15881: No, there is absolute truth in the sentiment that Buffalo is economically handicapped and is generally a miserable place to live half of the year. Theres nothing "stupid" in admitting that you are better off somewhere else, particularly when you've BEEN THERE several times.

So in this respect, Sarah is correct and certainly so am I.

jason writes at 08:53:58 02/21/07 - Comment #15880: You're right, now is the time if you're going to make a move. You don't want to wait until you have real commitments, a hubby (gasp!) or something else that would make it so that you really couldn't go.

I do have to correct you on something. I do not have my family here, other than Joshua. In fact, half of my family I know nothing about. You see your family about as much as I do, possibly more. I've lived away from my family since I was 18 years old. It's almost 11 years since then.

And when I lived in Jamestown I thought exactly the way you're thinking. This place is too small town. The people are small minded. I am bigger and better than this place. I can't be successful or happy here.

Really I was being ignorant, and I hadn't done a damn thing in my life for myself, even in Jamestown. I blamed my own problems, and lack of money or happiness on Jamestown, which is pretty fucking stupid and thoughtless. Josh talks this way all the time.

The irony is that I have never experienced the kind of unhappiness in Jamestown that I have gone through here in Buffalo (shitty girlfriends, lay offs, "treatment" at multiple clinics).

Do what you think you have to do for yourself and be happy. That's really what is important to all of us. It's good to move around and see different parts of the world. I know both Josh and I plan on leaving someday, possibly California.

lilho writes at 02:52:34 02/21/07 - Comment #15878: jason,

ive really only stayed here because im afraid to go anywhere else else. ive seen so many people move on and be much happier. cold and snow make me very unhappy and im leaning towards az, however, i think family is extremely important, and the members of my family happen to be my friends as well. as i say with most who think im just running away, you have your family here, and it would be much different if you didnt. no matter how much you dislike them, if they are around and you are here, you dont understand. also, a huge part of why i want to leave is for a better life, and brighter future. there is no such thing as clinging to family, if i was clinging to them, i would have left a long time ago. and personally, i think that buffalo for the most part, minus this website and a few other places is very small town and small minded. i want to live more than once place my whole life, and this is a great time to do so...

jason writes at 04:17:49 02/20/07 - Comment #15869: I think you need to give it more thought. You need to know why exactly you are leaving, where you are headed, and why you are going there. Leave if you must, but don't do it because you think your misery is tied to this place, because it is not at all a logical thing to do.

You've already mentioned things you don't like about both AZ and NY. I'm assuming you are considering either. Do you have friends and acquaintances in either place, or would you be clinging to your family?

If you go someplace where you really do only have 1 or 2 people, you have to be prepared to put yourself out there and make new friends. If you aren't ready for that you are going to be extremely unhappy, like I was in my first 6 months here on Elmwood.

(The real reason to go anywhere is to set yourself up for success in the future, and to increase your quality of life. It may or may not work because in the end it is still up to your own ambition and drive to work for these things.)

If I had to choose between NYC and Arizona I would pick Arizona in a split second. It's not even a thought or a choice for me, NYC is visiting material only.