so i feel like i have really set into a man eating pattern. i do get the short end of the stick as well of course, but i just really go through them like water.

i never hang with more than one guy at a time, for the most part. that's just wrong.


it's not that i don't find ones i like. but the thing is that i have a really short attention span, and if someone doesn't keep on me, i tend to stray.

i do actually really like someone right now. but i was kinda a jerk before, so i'm not sure if i'm supposed to be proving myself or what i'm supposed to be doing. it all confuses me and so i kinda tend to just give up after a while.

and then, if a guy doesn't call for a few days i automatically assume he's a player and get pissed and delete him.

i really wish i could just put it out there, but i am so fickle and then guarded.

i think it all boils down to that fact, that i had no real male influence in my life growing up and so i just don't feel so comfortable with men. and then the one serious relationship i had was kinda just a huge scam that i spent so much time and effort with when i should have been working on myself and not crying over a guy.

i really have never had more self confidence in myself when it comes to guys, but i just think that a lot of the time, it isn't even worth my time. and i have a really hard time opening up.

perhaps this is really all just a sign that i should stay single a while longer? it's not so bad, and i'm having fun.

but i do wonder when and something "right" will happen? and do i just not give anyone the chance???

after the last guy, i really think all my tears are cried out and in this sense, i have emotionally become a man. maneater.

ok, im off to glam it up for the country western bar. you heard that right. i refuse to wear any fringe or cowboy boots or line dance. i'm really only going because it's an excuse to spend two hours playing with hair and makeup and clothes...

in a perpetual state of blah. things seem to excite me for a very short while, and then i come back to this place.

i don't think it's depression, just a sense of blahness. and also the feeling if having all of the people i care about scattered here and there.

it seems the older i get, the farther away everyone and everything gets.

also, this woman told me as a teacher i will be doomed to a life of poverty.

i don't know, i know lots of teachers that have played their cards right and done well. i'm not looking to be rich, for now at least. and i thin i will be infinitely happier working around children all day.

that said, i am headed back to blahness, and some coke and pringles.

ps. a really great trick to lose 6 pounds in two weeks is to take a crapload of antibiotics and probiotics, at least for me.

it's acutally getting coldish here which means i can kinda break out my massive scarf collection. you have no idea how happy this makes me.

i need to find some winterish clothing, as i will be headed back east in a few months. i am going to be an aunt...yikes!

whiskey and beer...


a blend for true americans. not so tasty, but it's doing the trick!


yesamesh!!!


i need a break from birthdays and babies...

i am so excited!!!!!! obama!!!!!


but my mama is not. she says i am to blame for the reason there will be no money to leave me in her will. she brought the lolz, as perez would say.




but i am so happy.


i also learned a valuable lesson today... words do actually hurt, so if you don't have nice things to say, keep it to yourself, or share with drinking buddies. don't trust people at work, they will use the first chance they get to stab you in the back.

all that being said, i am going to work on being more positive and less outspoken; which for me is waaay easier said than done.

i voted! yay! how exciting, i can't wait to hear the results, even though the popular vote doesn't really count...

but it's exciting to see so many people out there at the polls execising their right!


also very important: i voted no on prop 8, or prop h8te.


notice the sticker!!!!!


ps. my wound is much better, almost completely healed!

what a special halloween.


turns out its mrsa.


i had it lanced. it hurt like a mother but its better now. now a second course of anitbiotics. my stomach is not happy about this.

the doctor said that i should be ok now, but what i have could have turned into something very serious if it wasn't treated right away.

im a little scared of working at the hospital now...

i had what looked like two bug bites.


turned into giant infection thing.


must wear giant bandaid.


can't sit on bum. ouch.

i really like her. i like the fact that she is so voluptuous and beautiful and not the hollywood standard.

and i loved her in dreamgirls.... she stole the show! that voice, that rack!!! yowza!


someone murdered her brother and mother today, and i can't even imagine how horrible that would be.


then having to deal with the fame thing along with that, it seems unbearable.

the stress is never on any specific person, and it is supposed to be a group effort.

well, eff that.


next time i am going to protest to work alone. because at this point, everyone else gets to take credit for my work.


it is also less time consuming to do it alone, rather than having to edit other people's typos and add in missing info, and then complete all of the other parts that are missing.

im pissed and im going to bed.

this is the ecard, (e:hodown) sent me. i have decided to no longer date younger guys, because they are idiots and have no clue what they want, or how to deal with me. anyway, i am now an older woman, and this is le card... i'm reverting back to older nice guy approach.


raaaarrrrr...




i didn't really get a gift from my momma yet. i can either get a savings account with some money in it, or a necklace of my choosing. i don't really want/need anything... so i haven't decided yet. plus i have 12 hours days everyday and not much time to shop or even go anywhere with her. plus, we had a nice dinner and drinks with friends the other night, and that was generous enough.

and cougars have jobs and can buy their own things.