happy birthday granny. i miss you so much!!

i'm taking a children's literature class, and while the professor is really annoying and one of those too happy people, i enjoy the reading assignments.

i just finished, "the daydreamer" by ian mcewan. same guy who wrote atonement.

it's odd because that book was really depressing and a downer, and this book is so cute and fun. it's a collection of shorts stories told through the eyes of a very imaginative young boy.

i found myself laughing out loud many times, and i will definitely by reading this book to my kids one day.

when i was reading it, there were so many times when i remembered being a child and having the same thoughts about random things.

it's an easy read and will definitely keep you entertained, and it's even better when your friends read it too, so you can talk about all of the funny situations!

ok. so when (e:hodown) was here, she's on hey lappy, which is the same as mine. i prefer a streamlined look when there are other laptop users around. the momforce is stuck in laptop land circa 8 years ago, but (e:hodown) has the same lovely macbook as me.

and she has the black one. i like it dark.

anyway, she's looking at all these sites, and she always has the scoop on the nyc social scene. who's awesome, what to wear, and which bloggers we love to hate.

[link=]http://nonsociety.com[/link]


so it's these three girls who apparently all come from money and they blog about their pointless lives. i must say the techie one seems actually pretty smart, and i guess was super geeky until those other girls got ahold of her and glammed her up a bit.

the other two are insanely annoying. i seriously don't know anyone even here where all the richies live, that can afford to wear jimmy choo, and manolo shoes everyday.

it seems they spend their time picking out outfits and going to fashion shoots and doing juice cleanses, and getting colonics. they range from 22-26ish, and i am just in awe.

i would be totally fine if they were more trashy or slutty or interesting, but the site seems to have no purpose or intellect.

i mean, i will be the first to admit that i would love to be in their shoes, but i would at least do something worthwhile and give to charity or try to give back somehow.

plus, for all of the primping and money they have, i don't think they look that great.

this site however has some super hot chicks who are stylish, super smart, and funny, and actually care and write about things that matter...

[link=]http://jezebel.com[/link]


i am still obsessed with nonsociety though.

i need a new web obsession.

i need to get a life of my own.

it scares me how i really think i have entered adulthood. i am now constantly finding things to clean and organize. then when i start i don't stop. i don't think i have had a bathroom or room so clean and organized ever. and i'm thinking of organizing it all by color now.

and this has nothing to do with anything, but i am the first picture/link when you google video chat. i have to avoid ichat now at night, or really all the time, because i get creepy men wanting to video chat with me. thanks (e:paul).

working at a hospital is many things, and even on the borings days, really weird crap happens.

only in az would you find a baby lizzo running down the hall. i caught it in a cup and set it free. everyone was rooting for me to kill it, but i don't like the kill things. not so much because i don't want it dead, but i fear the feeling of something crunching beneath me.

a little boy was found in the waiting room touching himself and talking dirty. the receptionist found him. he also shut all of the blinds on the day room windows, which is right in front of the nursing station where i work. i went over to open them back up and he grabbed my hands and put them behind my back and told me he was going to lock me up.

what a pleasant little boy.

i took my other job back. my financial aid still hasn't gone through, which means i have paid for my tuition and books with my paychecks. um, my bank account currently has -1.35. i honestly don't think i'm going to get my money until december, which means i am so broke until then. then with the cost of gas and all of the extra driving, this is causing me to end all socialization and extra driving and only go straight to work and school and home.

at least when i do get the money, i will feel rich for a day or two, until i use it to pay bills, and pay more off my car.

the good news is, i will be debt free in one year, and when i am done with school, i can have all of my loans paid off.

in the interest of saving money, i am going to attempt to cut my own hair today. hopefully it turns outs not to crooked in back- it won't matter so much because it is long, but i swear when the ends get too dry it really becomes a fire hazard- especially in combination with the hair dyer.

oh, and some guy i hung out with a few times last year. i mean last july or something texts me last night and says hi, it took me a while to figure out who it was, and then i was like wtf???? he stood me up on a date and i cut him off, and i have a policy of not redating. he can't find someone else?

off to the self haircut...

is up for sale. i read it on perez yesterday.

apparently it was part of the evidence from that big molestation trial. and they are in the original evidence bag and everything. and they are unwashed.


sexy.


i bet some weirdo is gonna pay big bucks for that nastiness.



if you want to know about selling your undies for cash, you can just ask (e:paul) he did it once or maybe a few times. you can really make some money.

in my current broke state, due to repayment of debt, perhaps i should consider this...

not really though, im just gonna take back my other job.

ever since (e:hodown) left, i've been hit by this awful wave of depression.

i get down sometimes, but this is really rare. all i want to do is sleep. or go to target. as i just told (e:hodown).

and some xanax wouldn't hurt. but she says there things are no good.

i shouldn't even complain about my life, or feel bad about anything. i have it made in the shade.

but i jut get so lonely sometimes. i've only made a few friends, and it is hard. it's hard having to put yourself out there and try to meet new people.

it's also hard not knowing what you want. i really only know what i don't want. -like christina from "vicky christina barcelona"

i thought by 25 i would have more things figured out, but i have nothing figured out.

i want it figured out damn it!

at least i know i want to be a teacher, if i can ever finish school...

and i know i want to stay away from men for a while. they only cause harm.

that i could be so stressed that i am making myself sick????


seriously, i have no clue what i could be allergic to.


for the past day two days. my body is attacking me. not just hives but a fever, and upset stomach.

and body aches. it was all i could do to get out of bed this morning.

and i went to bed before 9 last night after spending only two hours awake since 10 am.

i can't call into work anymore and i can't miss class. so i am just going to push through but this really sucks.


what also sucks is having (e:hodown) nowhere in sight or any friends really. anyone who really gets me.

and although i live with my mom, i never see her, since mon night i've seen her for five minutes this morning. and she will be gone all weekend.

i swear if i wasn't allergic, to everything, including myself i'd go get a dog...

i am now going to do homework and will the hives and fever away!

to start i really like, target, pronounced as if it were a french store. i think if i had to choose only one place to shop- i could really get by there. plus it is one of the only places to shop in fountain hills.

that said, i went today with (e:hodown). i was allowed to make some purchases. among those was a sticker collection that pretty much sums up me. she pointed it out, and it went into the basket of fun. not really sure what i will ever do with it, but i love it.

• also note, that it was on clearance, which also something i not only like, but love.

i am thinking of some buffalo commercial jingle where they sing, "and never pay full price again", and i think that could be a motto for my life. i wish college courses could come at a discount...

i also wish that my financial aid wasn't completely effd up right now, all of my money has been sucked up by the school, and one of my loans went into default, because my status is showing as withdrawn. one of my friends says she had the same issue before and it was easy to deal with, but they couldn't have notified me sooner???? my faith in computers is failing me, as i'm sure this is some sort of computer glitch...

i must remind myself now that it will al be ok and throwing a giant tantrum will not solve the issue, waking up at 6am on tues will. also, i am so glad i live here and not in louisiana where there is a mandatory evacuation right now.

i have a family that loves and cares for me, and i have glittery stickers. and i get to be the dd and go to some irsh pub to watch a irish rock band play crappy music... that should be interesting.

anyway, here are the stickers that perked up my day.

i love you! and wish i could be there to get cracktivated with you! you are such an important part of my life and an amazing friend!

i have now added a new category to my blogs.


deafness.


sometimes i forget about it, because i deal with it everyday. but i came home from school today just wanting to cry.

when you can't hear 40% of what happens in class, or anything your classmates say, it is so hard.

my one professors speak in an almost mumbly whisper, and when i look at her smiling face, i want to punch her. i also would like tp punch the rest of my classmates.

the class is children's lit, and how the hell is this class gonna work if no one speaks up???? you'd think that people who are going to be teachers would have great speaking voices, or at least be aware of the need to speak loudly and clearly.... nope.

i have had to drop many classes before because of this very issue, and i am considering just standing up at the beginning of every classes and letting everyone know that i am pretty much half deaf, and they need to speak up.

this really doesn't work either, the volume goes up and then people forget and start mumbling again.

maybe this is why i hate group activities, or presentations.

if i could make one wish for my life, it would be to have better hearing, all of you who have it, im sure take it for granted.

it makes my life so hard sometimes, and it doesn't help that everyone makes a joke of it. it can be funny, but at times like now, it makes me sad.

what will i do when i go completely deaf???? i really think it is going to happen one day.

i need hearing aides, but they cost about 6,000 for the good ones, and i lost my old ones which sucked anyway. health insurance considers cosmetic, and doesn't cover the cost.

then i worry about my kids, will they all be deaf. i seriously don't wish it on anyone.

i am also dumb because i am so embarrassed by my hearing loss, that i don't tell people. and then they think i am ditzy(which i am, but not that much) or just a giant bitch. when i do tell people, it doesn't make any difference because they think it is fun to make jokes and "test" my hearing by repeatedly whispering my name at different volumes.

it's getting to the point where i don't even want to try to bother having a conversation a lot of the time, because i know i will constantly be asking people to repeat themselves, and they get frustrated and just end up saying "nevermind".

my ears also constantly ring, which is called tinnitus, and i try my hardest to not hear it, but sometimes it gets so loud, it is hard to hear anything else. the tinnitus gets worse every year with my hearing. however, even if i was completely deaf, i would still hear the ringing, as it has nothing to do with actual hearing. people have had their hearing removed, and still heard the ringing and it made them so crazy that they eventually committed suicide.

i am not thinking of killing myself or anything like that, but sometimes it is a lot to handle having a disability that is considered too mild to get any sort of help; when it affects my life in pretty much every way.

i know this was a big huge vent, but i don't complain about my hearing loss very much or even tell many people about it, and it feels better to just get it out.

:(