Last Saturday, I really started my search for a place to live this year. After taking the advice of my sister and friends, I headed to Spot for the newest Artvoice, and to check the message board for any possible apartment lisitings. To my surprise and liking I saw a sign posted for the Nickel City Coop , remembering a few people that I had met at parties there, it seemed like a pretty cool place to live. I dialed the number and the application process began.

I arrived at the house to grab an application and Lindsay answered the door. She was the same person I had spoken to on the phone and seemed pretty friendly and eager to meet me. After a tour of the house and a detailed explanation of how the house worked, I began to get really excited. A nice place to live, with everyone helping out to make it a home. This all seemed like a great fit for me, since I am so used to helping out around the house. I grew up having a chore list everyday, and although I have always had more responsibility than my peers, it had been rewarding to know that I can do certain things on my own.



After filling out the application and meeting many of the members, old and new, I left in an excited mood, looking forward to Sunday dinner and getting to know the rest of the co-oppers. On Sunday, I arrived a bit before 5 with wine in hand, open to whatever came. Dinner was tasty, talk was abundant, and the wine was great. I really felt like I had made a good impression. After Sunday dinner, the house members had a meeting discuusing house affairs and the a prospect of new members. I was told that I would find out that night, or at least recieve a call to hear of my status. That was kind of upsetting since I had spent a lot of valuble apartment searching time to make a strong effort for the coop house. I did recieve a call that night, but to my dismay, I learned that many of the members weren't there for dinner that night, and no decision could be made about my rejection or acceptance into the house. I was to wait a week and find out tonight.

I recieved a call at exactly ten this evening, but was unable to answer the call as I was away from my phone. The message went something like this, "Hi Sarah, this is Lindsay. I'm really sorry to have to tell you this, but we had a meeting tonight and it doesn't seem like a good fit. However, we would reallylike you to come over for dinner and get to know you more. You can call or come over Wednesday for potluck." Then she said someting along the lines of goodbye and that was it. No coop living for me.

The thing that upsets me is that I feel very judged right now. Why am I not a good fit. I guess I can't prove my good nature to anyone, or make anyone like me or want me to live with them, but I feel I have many good qualities. I can cook well. I'm friendly, caring, helpful... and other things too. I'm just disappointed because I feel like I wasn't looked at, had my application looked over, was quickly tougt about and ten pushed aside, and heard the news of this on my voicemail.

If you have seen or heard of the coop house, it might be the right place for you, but they might not feel the same way. The coop house seems like a great place to be, but also very selective in their process of selcting wo is to there. This to me is sad and unfair in a world and city of many diverse people.:(

Let's see here... I suppose there isn't anything interesting going on, well, nothing that you would find interesting. Just got back from camping, hmmmm. what can i say about camping? I can say that I am definitely not a camper, never was, never will be. as a child and young adult, I have been spoiled with many luxury vacations, i.e., big beach houses, trips to visit wealthjy relatives in L.A. and Seattle, many, many, many trips down south to hang out with the fam and chill at the beach and pool all summer. So, I guess I just have never come to appreciate the joy of camping. In fact, it just doesn't make me very joyful. No indoor plumbing, sharing a nasty shower with many, many people. The most uncomfortable crappy cot bed ever. To add to it all, it was so freakin cold, I am now sick. Oh, and I was having stomach problems the whole time. I guess I'm just used to being very spoiled, and these days i'm not. It's good for me, I think i need to learn that life is not always coming up roses, although, that wold be very very nice!

The good things about camping? Spending time with a loved one...hehe. Bip, as always(if you don't know Bip, he is my friendly little penquin friend; he's been loaned to me). Bip always follows the rules and is just pleasant to be around in general. He was my travel companion on the way to Alleghany. There was some good food, hiking was fun too.

I'm tired now, my back hurts, and my tummy. Enough complaining for now. Must sleep then make many phone calls to far off people. Why can't everyone that I need just be here? Where the hell are you Tina? I have so much I need to ask/tell you. I miss you. Come back to me safe and healthy.

I know, you think I'm annoying. You would be annoying too after three days of sleeping on those things(or lack thereof), you would.8*

so, i applied to live in the co-op house, which i am excited about, but also nervous. not nervous about being there, but nervous that i won't be voted in. the members are all having a meeting now, and either i get voted in tonight, or i don't hear til next sunday. if i don't hear tonight, i wont be very hopeful. i have to find a place in the next week or so, so, if i don't hear tonight, the search will continue, but i will still be in a stage of waiting.

it was nice, everyone was very friendly, happy and talkative. it is fun to bve around a lot of people, all happy and eating and talking. id say, if i don't get in, then they don't want me there, and i8 don't want to be there either, im gonna try and go with the no hard feeling thing, but, i don't know how that will work. please let me in! i like you! i will be good for your house! i am a good person to live with, i swear.

cross ur fingers folks!

i was so right, that party was not worth it. well, it was just to be with the epeeps and friends. rusty is always fun at parties too. i ate a disgustiing amount of food last night before bed, and now i am unshowered and looking for apartment. having a little more luck today. good day all ;)

parties suck when you don't want to go




i want:



a job


a place of my own


a trip to az and nyc




i don't think wishing on stars works, so i have to try this on my own.

[size=m]hey sqb, that number didn't work? i wonder if you wrote down the wrong number or what happened? get back to me, if you can. hey, thanx for helping!

in other news, well there really is none. i need new job, new aprtment, new roommate. i need out of the dread and horribleness of the suburbs. it take me near an hour to get from my home to downtown. thats just sad. god, i'd even live in kenmore again. getzville? that place sucks. a bunch of green lawns, split levels, and mini-vans=me puking my brains out. it might have been worth it for the pool, but the sun doesn't like buffalo. oh well.





[/size]



[size=l]the hunt continues![/size]

[size=m]

yea. im basically kinda freaking out right now. i need to get a lot of stuff done fast. money should have been invented, created or whatever it is; its evil, and it puts so many boundaries on everything for everything and everyone. well, unless you are an heiress. why can't i be an heiress? huh. oh well, i guess i will just have to do things the low-class peasant way.

its a beautiful day. good for us.[/size]

I NEED A ROOMMATE, MUST BE OUT OF HOUSE BY SEP 1ST. ANYONE KNOW ANYONE? PLEASE HELP ME!

so, i am writing here again today. just wanted to say that sometimes it is neccessary to do the uneccessary. if you feel like something isn't working, fix it. if it can't be fixed get rid of it. your life will feel so less cluttered.

hmmm, am i being too vague? well, if you don't like your job, lose it. it your friends suck, ditch em and find new ones. ditch the bad feelings and feel good about who you are, there is only one of you. don't stay stuck on the past(which i think i have done a little too much), the future is whatever you make of it. just start by having a great day today!


i am off to enjoy the second half of my already great day. to matthew, paul, terry, rachel, tina(wherever you are), hodown, thesimeon, flacidness, mike, jill, diana... and the rest of you crazy elmwood people, "thank you for being a friend"-part of the jingle from the golden girls!:)



life is so much better being just a little crazy.

i decided not to go to work today. partly because i just don't want to work, and partly because i hate them and i got the shaft big time. the girl that i was working with now has another aide, so i fill in for classrooms who need extra help. this sucks. linda's class was great. she is always happy and so kind. the teachers that i have been working with the past three days blow. the kids in the one class are way beyond help, but the other kids are 7-10 and so damn cute. all they want to do is run arouns and play. i feel bad for them because they spend so much time doing boring work with a boring teacher. yesterday, i was put in her room, and she didn't even want me there. ok, was i supposed to just go home and not work? b***h. i have taken matters into my own hands and decided that i will not go in today, for the fear of going on a field trip with a horrible class once again. i choose to not be pinched, slapped, and kicked today. i will stay home and read.

im really exciting for this afternoon. matthew and i are going to some party in canada. i will finally meet the people that he nannies for. i feel like i kinda already know them, that weird. anyway, no work, and beach today, holla.



my justification for not working today, is that i worked extra long yesterday. right after the 8-2 school job i headed to grannies for four hours to be her helper. i was glad to help. you know you love someone when you will clean the poop off their toilet bowl. i think i said too much. good day all.:)