ever since i saw the movie "adaptations", i have loved orchids. they are now my favorite flower. i want one sooooooooooooooo much. they are hard to take care of though. pretty things just require a lot of care i guess.

nausea; no fun. i hate taking pills. thats about all i have to say for now. except for a couple more things.

professional sports are a waste of time.
the zoo is just a bad poopy place.
i miss my sister already.
cars are a huge ripoff, they just fall apart and cost tons of money.

i think im gonna go home and puke now. bad bad pills go away.

oh today, what a day. it all started with a trip to the airport, to see the sister off. she started to cry, and i was to tired for emotion. however, i did manage to get out a tear or two on the ride home. she is definitely a sibling worth having. she gets the, "best ever" award.

i returned home to go back to sleep and woke up late, at 1130. spent a quality half hour with a special somene and then headed to work. work was decent; boring, but decent. it is nice to wander around completing mindless tasks, because i get the time to think about a lot of things, which seemed to help clear my mind today.

the ride home wad going smoothly, until, CRASH, SNAP, CRUNCH, and my rearview mirror falls to the ground.we both get out of our cars, and he starts yelling and swearing at me. I am just in shock, thinking about how much this mf-er is going to cost to fix. the accident oocured conveinantly close to a car dealership, and we head inside to work it out. this is when the tears come, i just started crying, as all the car salesmen stare and continue to ask me if i need help. at last nothing fell off of me right? i called the mom, and she rushes to the scene. shes the best, because i had no idea what to do.

accident over, i head home following the mom. we walk in the house to brother burning the shit out of yet another pan. most of the silverware is missing. so many things missing. how do you deal with a brother who steals and lies? am i supposed to just forget him and move on? do i tell him how hurt i am?

the day is almost over, minus the cleaning and work i have to do. i am without a mirror and a brother.

p.s. who wants to go to the junkyard to help me find a new mirror tomorrow?

paul, i tld you not to post that picture, i look cuter in the other one. can we fix this problem?

i think it is possible that i will have arthritis at a very early age, my knees, back, feet, shoulders, ankles; they are hurt. im an old lady.

p.s. why is the world a toxic waste dump?

hmmmm, how to say this? life is a precious thing. it is happy and sad and beautiful and ugly all at the same; but in the end, i would like to think that the good stuff makes up for the bad. i try to be happy or at least content, most of the time, but, i think it is good to just let it all out. whatever you are holding inside, any doubts, fears, bad feelings; it is better to just let these go. afterwards, you will feel so much better.

some people, hold things in, with the belief that it is silly to let these emotions out. no emotion is petty or dumb, or without reason. without feeling, life becomes numb, boring and mundane. it bothers me to think that some people around me, people that i love and care about, let past experiences or bothersome emotions gether inside them. they might think i don't see that they are hiding these things, but i do. if i know you, and care about you, i want to know what is bothering you. i hate it when people are not honest with me.

it is not good to be conditioned, or condition yourself to hide emotion. it can even kill you; if not that, it can create heart problems, high blood pressure, and a whole slew of other problems. basically, all im saying is let it all out. we all go through tough times, and we should all be there for eachother. after a good cleansing, everything just seems more clear; life seems easier to tackle; and you can continue on your day with a smile onm your face.

i know i will go to bed with a smile on my face. i love my friends. i love my family. i love summer. i have a job. i have my health. the possiblites are endless...life is good.

>>Posted By: lilho

what a night. tina and i are still awake. after two nights of no sleep, i am still going strong. we went out with tk last night, and saw shrek and then headed to the pink. tina said she never stayed for last-call, so we stayed for the "superduper last call." the dude(bartender) kept asking us if we wanted drinks(tina and i), but we were at the mercy of tk's wallet. we took some sips here and there, and managed to make it through. someone took stuff from my car, tk's stuff, we think. my mask is missing too. that thing took 20 hours of grueling work to make, mind you. i will miss you mask, you are not forgotten. tina and i laughing/crying right now. that mask was not appreciated, and that thing was the bombdiggity. ub art school, someone went into my car and found that mask, and wanted it enough to take it. whoever you are, godbless you.

all of this makes no sense, unless you are me, or tina, maybe tk. go see shrek 2, but only for the puss in boots...so cute!

i really really wish he would stop taking stuff from me. who knows what he has taken in the past year. why don't you just take everything? why don't you just spit in my face? that might get your point across quicker. just because i don't see you take, doesn't mean i wont find out. lets see: my car, my pearl and diamond ring, money, any drug you can find, cds, discman, headphones, more money. hey, maybe you could take me and sell me for money.

soon, it will all be over.

so much to do, so little time. wanting to sleep. i keep not being able to sleep at night and getting tired during the day. sleepovers are fun!

Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better.
-King Whitney Jr.
Inthe midst of the crazyness that is life, I have decided to take on a new art project. My home, that holds so much history, will soon be gone. I plan to make a video documentary including myself, and my grandmother, that willbridge the gaps in history to see what growing up in our family home has meant to us, over the past hundred years. It is tribute to family, and history, and the house that holds all of our families' memories. I will present it at the huge bash I plan to have for my mommy before she moves to the desert. Yikes, I have a lot to do. Yikes, this is going to be a hella good time.

let's see... I just feel very strange right now, the same way I felt all last night. It's hard to explain I guess; it seems I am feeling a mixture of things. I will try to explain further. Have you ever realized that you don't quite fit in where you used to? The place and people that were a part of you just seem like they have no clue. That is kinda it. I don't like it. Maybe the tv just completely put me off. Dont get me wrong, I do sometimes indulge in the horrible spectacle machine, but never when I am at a reunion of sorts with people I never see. Are we that conditioned just just turn on the picture box, rather than creating some sort of entertainment for ourselves? I should think that I have stuff to say, and that friends would want to hear it. Well, some people are still in the little bubble that they came into this world in. No, the Gap is not a good place to shop, and I don't care about their stupid tank tops. I don't care about American Idol, and who is going to win and produce one of the most horrible records ever. The Swan is awful too, and why would you ever want to become a lab rat, and let someone completely transform you without having any say, or even being able to see yorself. The power of transformation should be self-given. Why do Americans feed into such complete bullshit?

Sure, I like to shop, and wear makeup, and dress up, but I like who I am, and what I look like. I am not trying to look like J.lo or Britney, and I don't want to. I am sick of girls who obsess over being thin, as if it will bring happiness and glamour into their lives. Guess what ladies, you will only look sick and hungry. Plastic surgery is just bullshit; we are look different for a reaosn, and I believe that is what makes us beautiful. When it all comes down to it,who the hell cares? Life is about finding people that you can love, who will love you back. Life is about trying to make changes in a world that is in need of change. Life is about laughter, and friendship, and finding your place in the craziness. Life is not about t.v. Life is not about trying to be rich, or the most hot, or sexy. Just be who you are, and like it. there is nobody else out there quite like you.

I feel better now. I just had to get that out. Two years ago, I would have never thought like this. I guess it is when I started to become friends with PMT that I started to change. I didn't change becuase they said to, and I take everything anyone says with great assault, but, they have helped me to use my head a bit more. I still have a long way to go, but I just want to say thanx. Without your friendship, I would be lost, probably, in the Gap somewhere.

Now I shall go rollerblading to burn off the extra steam.