waking up at 530 to workout. i hate it.


but i love the results im getting already and its only been a few weeks.



it takes hard work and dedication, and a verrrrrry early bedtime.


i have given up social life for exercise.

its much easier to get what you want if you just make it known. and even if you don't get it, you will be happier knowing you spoke your mind.

ps. exercise and eating right are addictive.

i found out this morning before work that a young man i knew from ub was shot and killed a few weeks ago.

i was completely shocked and upset. although i didn't know him too well, he seemed like a nice guy, and we kissed once. i hung out with him and a bunch of ub people one night and we drank and had fun and craziness. it was one of those random great nights that stay clear in your memory.

what is even more odd is that i have lots of photos of him in my laptop, from that night we hung out, and me and friends would look at them sometimes and laugh.

he was 23, and was murdered the same day he graduated. luckily the cameras in main street caught the murderer. the poor guy's mother had to spend mother's day making funeral arrangements.

it makes me think... i want to really live each day with meaning and be full of life. i know life is hard, but at this age i(and everyone my age) have so much to look forward to, and so many decisions to make and ways to shape my life....

i just don't want to live a wasted life. i don't want to ever feel sorry for myself again and or wish i have something i don't. it can all disappear like that.

i doubt i would have ever talked to him or reconnected with him, but he made an impact on my life. it's a wake up call, to realize how amazing my life is...

i am grateful to be here now.

i had this dream last night that the world was basically/possibly ending.

there was this giant flood everywhere and it destroyed most of the food.

i was somehow in blo and when the flood hit i was with my brother, and i was swimming with one arm so i could save my laptop, which i did.

then i met up with (e:paul), (e:mike), (e:terry), (e:hodown), and (e:matthew) and we headed to wegmans to buy lots of meat and some canned fruit and veggies.

we were living in some house in the sorta ghetto, maybe like one of (e:paul)'s first apartments.

i ended up in charge of the food, surprise, and, i decided the men should eat more so they could stay strong.

other people weren't taking the whole ordeal seriously but we were preparing for the worst, in the most fun way possible of course, with peppercorn covered steaks.

i decided, if the world does end in 2012, i would like the end it with these peeps. however, i really hope there is no end of the world in sight.

the remaining cost of my plane tickey to blo, 80 cent.

i was using up a voucher. it was actually too low a price and i had to call in to purchase it because the website kept getting all messed up.

i will only be in blo for a few hours... im coming there first so i can travel to aruba with my friend. if i flew from here it would be a 24 hour fiasco, which isn't my thing.

plus better to travel together than alone.

aruba by way of blo here i come!!!!!

women tell other women not to trust men.


but really they are trying to divert your attention because it is other women you can't trust.


most will knock you when you're down, and then try and deny it later.


i have less of a problem with men because most don't pretend to be completely honorable.

i'm going in the pool now.

i am going to aruba in sept with a friend for a wedding.

plus (e:deeglam) is coming in july and we are going to resort it up here.

so, i have a little mini-fun weekend plus a big vaca to save for!

i think i am going to start looking for an extra job, just to bring a undred or two more home a week to save.

i think in addition to already having a f/t job and then working a few hours at my other job, and taking summer classes i am really just going to have no social life.

but i have little of such as it is.

anyway, i'm really happy and excited about all of these fun plans!!!!


i already have a fancy designer dress for the wedding, oh lala!

i need to start my workout plan!

he is calling me and asking me to come out and play but i must work.

i was supposed to get the entire weekend off, but the other sec. needed saturday off, so i was only off yesterday.

now i must work mon-wed, and then off thurs/fri and on next weekend.

and next weekend is a holiday which will be the third consecutive holiday i've worked. somehow this doesn't add up.

oh well i get time and a half for holidays.

i just thank god i don't have to work work with the crazy this week who makes up stories about my non-compliance and cell phone usage.

i can't wait until thursday, when i can return to book reading and the pool. my two current fav things.

i attribute the title of my post to (e:hodown) who had something about the salute in a previous journal.

so, i am saluting all of the jerks and liars out there and the world seems to be filled with them.

in general i really do try and do right by people. sure sometimes i slip up and i end up on the jerk side, but one thing i am not is a liar. i never pretend to be someone i am not, it's here take it or leave it. i am not a genius or super accomplished at this point or really accomplished at all. i am not the nicest or the most in shape or the prettiest or the hardest worker.

i am just me.

now what i don't understand is why so many people live their life in a huge lie. just be you, it's better than putting on a mask, because eventually people will see through that mask.

i have had people say to me, "your world is so small", well i prefer to keep it that way because i have a system of taking out the trash. most people are actually not worth getting to know because they will screw you over the first chance they get, or they will just play you for a fool and take advantage of you.

i think so many women maybe don't feel this way because they take everything at face value, but i expect more from people. the world is not sugar coated and i don't just ignore the bad things.

this week alone, i have discovered more than one person living a huge lie. and i actually feel sorry for these people because they are putting so much energy into something that isn't real.

why bother?

i just don't understand!!!!! why don't people care about being decent and treating others with respect and dignity???

for now, i will keep my circle small, because i have no room for false pretenses, and i don't want to hand out anymore "double middle finger salutes."

(okay, maybe i want to hand out just a few more.)

and on a completely random note, you should check out this book: Nine Parts of Desire: The Hidden World of Islamic Women by Geraldine Brooks. if i was an islamic women and had a blog, and i had written this blog, i would surely be stoned to death tomorrow. the reality of what those women face day to day is enough to provide nightmares for months.

and i just can't hide it. you get the point!

(e:deeglam) is coming to visit me in july!!! for 4th of july weekend, and that one of my fav holidays, because it involves sun and swimming and yummy barbeque food and margaritas and fireworks!

i really think this is going to be my fav 4th ever which is hard to top since the last two were so much fun!

i have to say i am so glad we have reconnected because hse is kinda the last of my childhood friends i am actually in contact with, the others i seem to have fallen out of touch with, or we both changed so much, or they turned out to be bad friends.

anyway, i am so so so happy she is coming, and it really makes me feel good that she is coming all the way here for a visit because no one ever comes to visit me minus (e:hodown) who comes all the time, but its cool because we lost touch for a while and it's good to know that even though you go through rough patches the true friends always find their way back and it's even better than before!

hurray for friends!!!!!! :O)