"all work and no play makes sarah :O(" written by Lilho on estrip.org

07/14/04 09:41 - ID#26003

all work and no play makes sarah :O(

where to begin...

i have lost contact with all estrippers. some of them aren't talking to me. some of them forgot about me. i forgot about some of them. and most i just don't know anymore. thats ok. time is limited. 60 hr work week makes me crazy. so does a big lonely house with no one in it. i want to go home so bad. i miss my mom. i miss my sister. i miss my room. i don't know what to do. i feel like a huge baby and i don't want to give up, but im not sure what to do.

i feel guilty for making people feel like they need to take care of me. i should be able to care of myself right? i just know don't know what to do. if i stay i am so so far from all of my family. if i go, i am so so far away from everything i know. i don't want to keep working so much. i just want to feel like me again.

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.
Anatole France

i guess im not done dying yet.

Permalink: all_work_and_no_play_makes_sarah_O_.html
Words: 218
Location: Buffalo, NY

07/09/04 03:52 - ID#26002

how to be a loser

i have found out the secret to boringness... just work a million hours. all you will want to do is sleep, or work more. working makes me feel good though. especially at one of my jobs. those kids really need us. i question what kind of care is being given at home. kids come in unbathed, without lunches, no breakfast, dirty clothes, bruises, cuts, scratches. but we have a good old time and spoil them and love them and we're just there for them. what a great job. i get paid too. as for my other job, i just get paid.

i miss sister, mother, and even brother now too. aunt is in hospital. i don't see granny enough. sunday is my day for catching up.

one boy i work with; he was not born disabled. his mother's boyfriend was driving drunk, and he was asleep in the back seat. he will never live a mornal life, but he is so happy and such a hard worker. his name is chris. he was 8 at the time of the accident.

life for me is good; great.

paul, matthew, terry, return safe from your trip! hopefully i will see/hear from you soon!

jill, good to see you. we always welcome you at premier! :O)

Permalink: how_to_be_a_loser.html
Words: 213
Location: Buffalo, NY

07/07/04 11:48 - ID#26001

more on that

im a crybaby. and im not that interesting. i need to take interest in something rather than me.

I've started drawing againich feels nice. after all those figure drawing classes, it seems i only want to draw naked people. go figure-no pun intended.

my sister is the greatest. she is going to go to az to surprise our mommy. oh grand puba. one day i will live in the same big city, and we will have fun excursions all the time.

when we there be an estrip party? if we all co-fund it can work right? if i had a house, we could have it there. i don't.

aint it funny that we live in a city that rains 6 outa 10 days. i will learn to love rain. but i really wanna get a tan; in the rain.

i want to fly
and never come down
and live my life
and have friends around.
good day mate!

Permalink: more_on_that.html
Words: 156
Location: Buffalo, NY

07/06/04 09:59 - ID#25998

this too shall pass

i am going to call my mom tonight. i miss her. probably because i know i can't see her anytime soon. it will be me calling and then crying. thats what i do when i am sad and i talk to mommy.

things i want to do:

go home, sleep in my bed, cook food in my house, sleep on my couch. just be home.

not work 65 hours a week.

live in a place that does not rain 6 out of ten days.

more on this later...

Permalink: this_too_shall_pass.html
Words: 86
Location: Buffalo, NY

07/05/04 08:27 - ID#25997

pic of salami

i forgot to mention she got it at the carnegie deli. i would have saved the salami and made fifty more sammies and given them to 50 lucky random homeless people who would dance for a salami saniwich that i paid 11 dollars for. i drew the sandwich, nicole wrote, or tried to write "salami".

Permalink: pic_of_salami.html
Words: 54
Location: Buffalo, NY

07/05/04 08:22 - ID#25996

salami

nicole is funny. when she was in nyc she got the biggest salami sandwich ever. she ate half. she paid 11 bucks to eat part of a half of a huge salami sandwich containing only samlami b/t two pieces of bread. thats a lot of salami. seeing and discussing this experience(she had pics of the sammi)inspired me to have a salami sandwich of my veyr own. it was good. lesson learned: never ever pay 11 dollars to eat a pound of salami, you will habe a tummy ache. and also, take note at the smaller things. they can be very funny.

week one of no home and no mommy has gone much better than planned. this week will be rough, but fri starts the week of me and house, which = me and house, alone, or with people and drinks and hot tub?

taco....wooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. the end. publish.

Permalink: salami.html
Words: 148
Location: Buffalo, NY

07/01/04 11:23 - ID#25995

estrippers and stripclubs

the site is getting so crazy and big. paul has done an amzaing job. i just feel like i enjopyed it more when it was smaller. i felt like i could read everyones blog and get to know them. i even got to meet some people in person that i didn't know. now, its getting so big, and i feel not so connected. i like small groups, call me crazy, but i do. how do i get unlost in this big crazy growing site of estrippers?

p.s. sometimes when i say estrippers, well actually everytime i say it, i think about strippers. i am highly opposed to paying to see trashy naked people. if i want to see a naked person i will just look at myself. if i want to see a naked boy, i think i have someone in mind. does anybody else think strip clubs are just dumb? and how do they get that area so smooth and hairfree? wtf mate? must be a lot of work.

Permalink: estrippers_and_stripclubs.html
Words: 171
Location: Buffalo, NY

06/30/04 01:24 - ID#25994

its gonna be a lonely day

mommy's left for az. she's got a long drive ahead of her.

ny was fun. sisters are fun. jersey city is fun. i heart ny. i will live there in a couple years. maybe one and a half.

i miss my room, i miss my house. i want to go home. i wish this to be al over with. miving is absolutely the worst thing ever.

being an adult is no fun either. i hate work. poo poo.

i will write again when im in a better mood.

p.s. who are all of these strange new people? this site is too big for me now.

Permalink: its_gonna_be_a_lonely_day.html
Words: 106
Location: Buffalo, NY