ugh. i don't want to move to arizona, but the more i think about it, the less of a choice i have. i have no money, in fact i have negative money, and lots of it. if my mom goes, i have nobody here. this really sucks to think that in about five months, my life here will be non-existent. it seems right now, that there is nothing that i can do. i will worry about it when it comes.
my rich aunt and uncle came today. i drove my aunt and my cousin to the mall, where my aunt proceeded to drop a couple hundred on ugly clothes for my cousin, which i am positive she doesn't even need. and by the way, why does it take 15 minutes to pick out a tee shirt when they are all the same? well, minus the fact that each one has a different idiotic saying on it. the mall should be burned, who wants to help?
my cousin doesn't need clothes. i need 330 to pay my fucking car insurance. i need 100 to pay ub for tuition. i need 250 for books and art supplies.
not only do i drive them, and then find all the right sizes, but i carried in my cousin's bags. what the fuck" they might as well put a stamp on my ass that says "servant".
i am really sick of being used. being taken advantage of. i won't name names, but, you should feel bad, because i am having a shitty life right now.
and my neck still kinda hurts from sleeping on it the wrong way.
list of things and people i hate right now:
moms
relatives
brothers
boys...one specifically, all others are hated by default
winter
arizona
my car
my neck
salt
i will stop now.

we gon watch finding nemo tonight...fun times...during all the madness. my granny comes home tonight, i shall be happy to see her. i bought her some flowers, yay for granny. yay for maria, and yay for nemo. oh, and yay for eigthies.

I was read some stuff for a class i am taking, and it is pretty interesting. so, i have decided to share with you.
just a little trivia about color...

colors and their meanings:

red= blood, martydom, sin, war, anger, fire, the sun sexuality, evil, fertility, masculinity, festivity

yellow= treachery, cowardice, light, truth, warning, cheerfulness, spirituality, the sun, gold, radiance, earth

blue= heaven, the celestial shpere, water, baptism, space, coolness, eternity, faith, serenity, wisdom, feminine

green= spring, ressurection, envy, holiness, charity, regeneration

black(which is actually not a color)= death, evil, darkness, vod witchcraft, sadness, mourning, time, rebirth

white(not a color either)= light, air, purity, marriage, death, redemption, innocence, surrender

I think that color is possibly the greatest thing ever, at least for me. it is sad however, that i live in such a bland place.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO PAUL, MY SPECIAL MONKEY BIRTHDAY BABY!

grand puba, grand puba, go go go go...
i luvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv you jessica kim ho, having a happy chinky china new year, from the lil' ho!

i am not sure what day chinese new year actually is, hold on, let me check...ok so i lied, i don't know. but let's celebrate anyways. now, onto the real topic.
have you ever become uninterested? not suicidal or anything dramatic like that. but, just uninterested, in everything. well, except for alcohol, parties, lipgloss, boys, and all things fun. oh, and don't forget maria, she's always up for whatever.

seriously, i have notcied that for maybe two years now, i have had no passion for anything, and that is sad. at the least, life should provide us with one thing we really love. and,i can think of lots of activities i used to love, soccer, skiing, painting, theatre...but nothing seems to excite me anymore.

this "cycle of uninterest", as i have chosen to title it, needs to end. i am challenging myself to find one thing i really really love, and to learn about it as much as possible, and perhaps that wil lead me in the right direction. and, if you as well are having this problem, i challenge you as well.
i think that it would so great to wake up and have something exciting to learn about or do...

changing the subject...i really like this whole online journal thang. but, i don't want to seem really unintelligent. i think to myself, when people read this do they dislike me? are they bothered by what i write? i suppose, i should say i just don't care. and, if you do have an issue, bring it forth and email me! i have never received an email though the site. imagine that.

paul's bday is tomorrow, and i for one am really excited. i think it is sad that the first thing i think of when there is a celebration is always, "what will i wear?" this is sad, but oh so fun, it's like dress-up, but real life. perhaps i can be passionate about dress-up, because it is seriously the most fun game ever invented, and when the farm comes to life, i think there should be a dress-up room with a little stage for performances! how fun? a ton o fun.
we can put on shows and stuff, for shits and giggles.

tomorrow, i shall wear my ripped jean mini, with the snap stiletto boots, and prob just a tee, slutty, but oh so fun...

did you know that eating meat may be a contributing factor leading to male impetence...interesting.

today's subject will be meat...it is obvious that the meat industry is fucked up, and beef is just out of the question. however, is lamb ok? it tastes good, that is for sure. i guess the answer is obvious.

i think it would less painful to have a vagina chopped off than a penis. paul pointed out that it "would have to cored out". what a pleasant thought! he even listed some items you might bw able to find in your home to do this, a rusty cut up can, or even an apple corer. did i spell "corer" right? is it even a word? anmyway, that was probably the most interesting conversation i have had today.

president bush should be impeached...

this girl i work with had a shirt on that said "pussy killer", i want one.

this whole journal thang is really fun, and interesting, however, i feel that i need to be given a topic. otherwise, i will just write nonsense about my life that really doesn't matter. so, to all those reading, i would like a new path of discussion...feel free to start the discussion...
on to the tedious stuff. what i need to say, is that karma exists. it is ever prestn in your life, so treat others as you would like to be treated. give people space, who need space. don't be disrespectful. don't hesistate to say what you feel. don't ever take advantage of someone. and most of all, get to know people you don't agree with, if you only hang out with people you agree with, you will never learn anything.

p.s. i love you big sis!

point blank, t.v is bad

if you need to know more, check out the kill your t.v. webiste...


if you disagree, you are just dumb

some exceptions might be good movies, but please don't bother watching them with people you get along with, human interaction is much more fun than staring at the color tube..

At pano's, with the creator and master of the domain, paul, and tk, who didn't create anything. Fun times, feed the tummy.