It is nice to have parents that care. I am going to add this message so that I can always remember even if I don't live in Buffalo.

::DOWNLOAD SOUND::

The internet pretty much runs most everything in my life but it is expensive and with my $500/month student loans and $300/month rent, credit card bills, and health costs, with no real insurance for the 7th year in a row - I definately need to consider my options. Especially, considering I don't really trust in anything now and tomorrow is Friday the 13th. I have really had to completely re-evaluate my life and what I have been doing for the last four years.

Internet Costs
Server for elmwoodstrip.com - $39.95 per month
Server for paulvisco.org - $7.95 per month
Server for Alamedlink.com - $9.95 per month
Wireless Internet(sidekick) - $29.95 per month
Broadband Internet at Home - $59.95 per month
Total Internet Costs - $147.75 per month

I suppose I could just halt all of my experimental projects like the google maps based history engine, the GPS tracker, the grading system (80% done) and get a regular job at bank again like when I was 18. The grading system can definately go. I am thinking at this point I would rather work in some meaningless cubicle than invest my heart and soul in anything job related ever again. At least that way I could just do my job and hate it, then come home and do the work I care about.

I really have no idea how I am going to pull off everything. I guess is really the point where my parents idea of, saving money would have came in handy. That was really hard to do making $16,000/year for the last 4 years while paying for grad school. Why did I ever believe in that place. There were like 3 years when my job was going to go full-time and never did.

Maybe it's time for a whole new everything. I could just forget about the fact that I am highly trained in really useful stuff and become a dishwasher. I could at least write a book about it.

Sitting outside freezing and locked out, the cell phone died, a cat came, I only ate icecream, and then all of a sudden at 1:15am a taxi arrives, care of Jesse. It was to take me to North campus. Unfortunately, this cost me about $23 which is more money than I care to spend with my not so secure future. At 4am his girlfriend gave me a ride home.

I've decided that today has to in fact be a better day. Or at least a day where I put very little effort into anything. I have a bunch of 3D models to complete for a Virtual Reality piece and nothing could make me more unmotivated than yesterday.

I broke a mirror last night. Honestly, in the shower. I then had nightmares all night followed by losing my job.

So after hearing about the job I kind of wanted to hang out with someone. (E:terry) is at work, (e:matthew) at work, cassie no response, lisa in CA, (e:mike) at work and I have no car and $100,000 in student loans.

Anyways, so jesse sends his girlfriend to get me but she instead brings me ice-cream which is great but it turns out I'm locked out of the hose and its freezing. One more hour to go. Terry gets out of work at the galleria at 1:30am. It is so dark outside, it like camping.

Do I really have to wait through seven more years of this? I hope not.

It is so weird to look at your co-workers and bosses, etc after you no longer are attached to that paradigm. They just become people, maybe even only a portion of the structure itself. It's all so silly really how titles become power, and power becomes money. It's not like anyone is really better or more worthy than the others and least not by title alone. That seems like a lame attempt to make myself feel better but really if you think about it -it all means nothing. I would challenge any titled person to a Digital Media Dual, ;)

[hide]xboxerboix: it sux that you put your life on hold only to be told you worked too hard and mediocrity won out[/hide]

I was listening to a pod cast and they are talking about those real sex dolls that someone wrote about a while back. Elena Dorfman who has taken a series of photos with the dolls in very human situationl. Here is a gallery of her work. How crazy is that?

The service at the old 138 has been discontinued.

Well, Jesus sent me a loud and clear message today that working for him was not my intended cause. I never worked so hard for a job as I did for the one at Canisius. I put hundreds of extra hours in training myself to learn new software and taking tons of extra time helping students via IM and email on nights and weekends when I was "off duty." I know just about every single graphics design program and everything you can do with them. In addition, I am able to effectively explain things to even the most stubborn and idiotic students.

My portfolio covers just about every aspect of Digital Media Arts outside of video (and only because I haven't had time) and I'll have an MFA with 3 years of a 4.0 average. I have student recommendation letters like this and recommendatiosn from professors like this So what happend?

Someone named Erik Day got the job. He is someone that google doesn't seem to know very well, otherwise I would have posted a link. I heard he has about 10 years in animation experience. I guess my teaching experience and portfolio really didn't matter. Neither did the outfit, haha.

I just wish I hadn't turned down all of those jobs this year. I am not too worried because I can seriously do just about anything with a computer. On the otherhand, I am a little pissed off at the school for wasting my time. I mean it was Barry Berlin that told me to go get my MFA so that I would be ready for a job as a full-time professor at Canisius when one came up.

I never had 10 years business experience
They knew from the get go that I could never have 10 years business experience. Obviously for the last 3 years I was working on my MFA while they paid me $15,000 (which is pretty much slave wages.) It wasn't even really enough to cover the cost of school. I kept turning down job after job because I was determined to live and work in Buffalo, and this was the opportunity that could make it work.

Then in my last three weeks of grad school, when I would have been working hard on my thesis and other stuff, I instead prepared for this interview, bought new clothes, redid my portfolio, wrote my CV, etc.

At any point they should have just told me not to apply, if they were looking for 10 years of business experience. I thought that they were looking for someone who can be a jack of all trades in their smorgasbord department. I guess the same people picked Thomas Wolfe, so anything was possible. I hope they got themselves another one.

Moreover, why would they not hire a Buffalonian over an outsider. It seems that all of the ties I have with the local community didn't mean anything either. Too bad because that would have benefited students so much.

Anyways, here is to art and not trusting Christians. Cheers.



Maybe I just diversified my portfolio too much. I should have done a bunch 3D videos and handed those in. Who would have thought? I figured that VR and web walkthroughs, and video game programming were more important considering they were most interested in video games and not high poly and NURBS based films.

On another note, does anyone want to hire me. I can do anything but require at least $40,000 per year.

I took this picture with the sidekick shadow in it so you could see just how bright the sun really is. It has been non-stop beautiful weather for a while now.

I also took this pic of (e:terry) watching a bird in the backyard. (e:matthew) has turned our yard into a bird sanctuary. According to him we get all the fanciest ones on Linwood.

Each Spring, Midwest Burners hosts a Regional Burn called InterFuse.

At InterFuse 2004, hundreds of people from 14 states enjoyed primitive camping, fire performers, drumming, geo-domes, art, music, dance, and the burning of the Wheat Man.Quoted from: Midwest Burners / InterFuse