So I may make this private this is the first time on line writing about this

I wanted to post this a few weeks ago .....

Not sure how long ago it was maybe about 2 months ago .... work was very busy I think the guy who was off with surgery was about to come back or was back and had a day off I can't remember ... In any event we had a lot of work so I did my alarm goes off at 4:30 wake up and get out the door to the bus ..... Well like an Idiot my area is generally safe .... Playing on phone (Bad Idea ) , But honestly the guy would have had jump on me anyways nothing I could do ..... It isn't like in the movies where you know Kung Fu things slow down and you hip toss the guy ...... I bring that up cause like the movies guy had bandanna like a bandit with a gun the entire empty the pockets code to your phone thing argh .....

So I called the cops and got things that I could turned off and got someone to get me to work..... As crazy as that sounds there are a couple of reasons 1. I have an alarm code and it was in my wallet 2. I couldn't call in the bosses phone number was in 2 places the phone and wallet both gone 3. There was a lot of RAGE I don't mean being angry this is a different feeling I think things would have got smashed .....

So I go into work and talk to my boss and tell him the Basics and go to work .... And Yes I was rattled for sure not as much as one would think I would be ... It almost didn't seem real .... In any event I couldn't talk to anyone about it ....

...... I wasn't really late or maybe I was but people noticed I wasn't there so they knew something was going on. Hence people where guessing stuff and that did make me feel better but I did wind up explaining stuff ... So People at work knew but not sure how far it went and family knows but unless people noticed the way I posted changed maybe someone or people figured it out .... But not posting over there .... Granted I have alluded to something here and there but I won't post anywhere else ......

I don't know a lot about Trauma I get that this is not as bad as other Traumas and I'm not saying that mine is more then anyone else's ... But what Is messed up with mine is : I thought I was ok that I was getting over it past it but I'm not .... I can't go to the same Bus Stop yet when it is dark not there yet ... Also every day I go to work and it is dark you feel it not stress kinda anxious but not really ..... I was going to go to a musical I could not go at night I just couldn't Hard to explain ... It is hard to know what is ok to say nothing is going to happen I will be fine I tried that it didn't work so went to a Early Saturday show .... I at least know I have more work to do ..... It also makes one see things different way .... I like James Bond and enjoyed the movie but the guns in it did get to me a bit But they don't on TV shows ? I see people on there phones and notice how much they only see what is on them ..... I use to be one of the people that would look down then up and be pretty good at it ......

I sorta lost my way but I still re live it .... In the small things like getting a new regal card cause it was stolen .... I don't re tell the entire story or even type in phone number at walgreens same thing .... It is not like how they show it on TV where you see the object and then you re see the entire thing thank god ..... But I am hoping that the reliving it ends at some point maybe it never does..... I would assume that your body doing that is a way to protect one .... This Wends I have another appointment where I guess I have more stuff to talk about .... I thought I was getting better .... Most days are ok but and now that it is not so dark if I need to leave early it isn't as bad .... Sometimes stuff just hits you .......

It doesn't help when the Work place has a lot of BS and Stress ..... I don't know if any of what I wrote makes sense or is even clear

So This blog or somewhere it might be called a note or something is not like one of those had these goal and made them didn't make these type of things It isn't really specific either really ......

I am Hopeful that 2015 will be better but I doubt it...... Now I do not want to say 2014 was bad but it sure felt like I missed a lot of stuff I wanted to go to like the entire Halloween Weekend .... But I think I am often like that but maybe I just noticed it more this year .... But yeah there have been some rough patches for sure...... Some of that is part of getting older I guess ......

But some times when I did miss stuff and some stuff there is just no way to go to it and get back there really isn't but I mean stuff where I said ok going to go to that..... At least most of the time I tried to make the best out of it at home .... I missed so much cool Infringement festival stuff this year but also ran into some I didn't know about so.... But there is still many things I planned to do or where like a strong maybe I missed or that is how it felt at least .....

Our bad sports often fun to still watch doesn't help with the mood.... But that brings up kinda a point... I think that say something good happens it Yeah this is awesome and fun and wow and it is great .... But then something (and not in a fun way ha sorry had to) leaves a bad taste in your mouth or is Negative and it Hurts more then that good feeling and lasts longer ......

Some things I have enjoyed where TV moments now this sounds odd but sometimes over on Twitter one can have a lot of fun ... I sometimes wake up tired or don't feel well and I missed something pretty cool so watched the 2 Sharknandos and talking about it live with everyone was a blast... And last year started out talking about the parade and whom ever was in the Winter Classic that was a fun day.... It isn't the same as talking about it and yelling with a bunch of people but it kinda feels sorta the same way sometimes ... If it is a talk and not just a comment .....

I can admit that there is something still kinda odd about all forms of Social Media ..... So Sometimes it is tough to know how much to share and you know this person from this one thing and this person from that other thing.... So sometimes the political stuff can get way over heated and can drain one .... And there has been some bad stuff we all have seen this year and we all have different views on it..... But debating can be fun but it can wear you out also...... Hoping to be civil hope I was last year... But it is tough cause words have two meanings and codes so you can say one thing and people think it means something else.... Hoping to be more clear next year if I wasn't this year .....

Sorta lost my train of thought I just hope the new year is better then 2014 we shall see........

So I never really post about what I'm going to do... But little scared , little stressed, little nervous .... Sedation Dentist today .... Pulling teeth .... Part of what lead to this is my long day or seems long to me every day.... and me in a way being old school hard to explain here really ... But part of it is that we have all worked with people who where great at there job and people who aren't and the second part scares me a bit... Even great workers make mistakes and there is a part of me that is scared it could be me...... I'm sure that it will be fine ... But also the not knowing and the wondering about what the drugs will do ??? Well we shall see I guess ....

So Sunday was such an odd day I knew the guy was coming to spray my place but wasn't sure if it would really be on time.... Bills game would be on at four no movies started till like 1.... So I was going to sit out on Mothers porch and look at ads and read Paper but it wasn't there.... So now what do I do wasn't sure about going out to say Galleria and if there was a movie or just hang out if I would be back by 4PM game ..... The plan for after the paper was CasaDiPizza food and watching football there.....

So with no camera went down to Canal Side ...... I had no camera I had no idea The Peacemaker was still here ... It looked great and was really tall and I noticed something it looked and I might be wrong is taller then skyway um that might be a problem Yes you can go around it but wouldn't it be cool if you wanted to go through that way.......

It felt so odd not naked really but a strange feeling to not be able to take photos...

It was Brisk down there aka cold to me... So props to the people out in the water in kayaks ouch... I also saw people getting on Miss Buffalo and some band bet even with the cold it would be fun band and bose but still Hardy or is it hearty ?

I also saw this Really cool little girl or maybe it was the parents green dress and top with tiny green hat and like leather fighter pilot glasses yeah like steam punk or what you might call alt modeling getting her picture taken ....

I finally saw the new Hispanic Memorial that is really nice what I mean is the craftsmanship is amazing it is kinda scary in a good way ......

had to go to that tall observation deck and there is all kinds of stickers on like a water pipe interesting....

On my way out there was some kind of bike thing there where a bunch of them or is that people on them that there was a bunch of it isn't like they rode down there or like dropped their bikes off to hang out .....

Then it was off to CasaDiPizza on Elmwood didn't know how filling the loaded fries would be couldn't finish my double order with soda pop but had them after the Bills game as I enjoyed the Emmys but not the loss of my teams.....

It is hard to explain how odd the waterfront felt but still a good time....

They did spray at my place for the bugs and I have other stuff to do like vacuuming gotta figure out why it over heats and stops though......

I admit I've been debating if I should write this blog all week... Have a bad day then gets better when I get home...

There are some amazing (e:Peeps) with amazing lives.. Won't call anyone out ... But love how people can travel for a concert, are in love, just like show up at a concert, Just show up and Kazoo the protesters (Yeah that was amazing those guys where in shock that was great).....And on the twitter and face book as well.... I love seeing the pictures and reading all the great stuff.... and love seeing pictures that are so much better then mine it is a lot of fun.... But.....

don't get me wrong I know I have it better off then some in some ways... and I love my wrestling and my sports and taking photos but it seems so often only reason I'm happy is looking forward to that stuff... I wonder if I've all ways really been this way......

I'm also starting to think that maybe I'm the problem at work... I've had to start screwing off some... So something there is all ways pissing me the fuck off... If I'm not getting pissed off it is because I wake up sad or depressed....

I know it isn't good to compare your life to others but can't help it....

Tough to explain really.......

So when I started on (e:Strip) one of things I strugled with and I'm still not sure about is how much should one put on the blog you know that internet thing.... And currently Not sure If I should really post this....

So we are all brought up different ... I never liked how I was brought up but feel like I can't change how I was... I wouldn't say I was the dirty kid... Wierd Kid sure.. Tough to explain I'm naturally messy and all ways spill food all over the place but maybe that is a new thing.. But I'm also very visual as well so when I want something I kinda need to know where it is .. I have to be able to see ... These two things makes for a very messy place.....

Now when I bought my own computer one of the reasons was so that I could do things like pictures and being on line at the same time as TV so I could do other things and have more time.... Took some time to get to that point....

So at work I saw I had marks on my arm had no idea what they where at all... I do physical work looked like my arm broke out in some form... So after time someone told me I had bed bugs on my coat... ARGH not work.. So I've been doing some cleaning get the place a lot better... Things like washing and drying clothes to kill them and bag them up.... I think before I knew I had them not sure I Infected my mothers place .... I paid her to get her place sprayed it was supposed to happen today.... We where supposed to go to opening day for her birthday ... I'm still going and with extra tickets will sit by my self they don't want to take the chance that is fine......

Now I've been spraying and killing them and doing what I can... But the thing is that ... I have video tapes, photo albums, stuff I collect stars wars and stuff and dressers on walls and my land lord said no.. on bringing in an exterminator... Everything has to be off the wall... I don't have the room yet.... Grumble Grumble... Hoping to get there by end of April we shall see..... My orginal goal before I knew I had bugs was Sunday... to have people over for wrestlemania but the bugs killed that idea grumble grumble.... So I can't go to anyones house or have anyone over..

Now I'm ok with this if and when I get things good enough I can get things in the middle...

Now some of you may know I have a sisster but she isn't on here and for good reason I didn't tell her.. She is Drama.. Yeah Drama.... When she was a kid tantrums and as long as I stayed at parents I moved out cause I couldn't stand her and parents going at it... Plus I needed a place you know for "Company" and stuff... Doesn't mean I don't love her.. But she is a bitch a lot of the time... I blame a lot of it on parenting but that is just mean... And that ugly ness rooted its head tonight.......

I'm sitting on line reading some #Twitter (Why did I do the hashtag that makes no sense) and Facebook as I'm watching ABC family lineup and she mesages me... I mean yelling at me about how I have to throw all my stuff out get an exterminator (yeah caps bitch argh) and how I'm picking my stuff over Family.. I need to start over with a new place and get rid of all my stuff... Couldn't take it so I just logged out we shall see what other messages she sends... ARGH not looking foreward to it..... Oh yeah about how I'm taking them to work and how I can't go any place in public... I do spray and check the coat everyday....ARGH.

Now I have for some time felt like burning it all down and kinda starting again .... But it isn't like I can move to NYC and find a job or say Charollete or something.... Besides I don't have money for new stuff and what if I get rid of every thing and my photos get infected those can't be replaced ? ARGH ARGH.... I guess this is it... But I wish I could just start over again.. But see I've been single for so long it messes with your mind..... And also with out roomates the place gets out of whack real quick or can... One can't just throw out bank statements and pay checks with SS numbers... ARGH.....

Yeah nothing like be yelled at and bitched at when one is trying to relax that is why I keep to my self so much... I can't deal with this shit... But I think I'll be ok...ARGH.... OK lost my point... Oh yeah sorry if anyone is reading this my spell check doesn't work and when it does it only tells you it is wrong and not any suggestions.... Oh yeah hoping if I get enough done that I might be able to get stuff to the middle of each room we shall see...

Ok onto better stuff go Bisons.. They are now the farm team of the Toronto Blue Jays ... I know they have some new stuff or changes at Coca-Cola field but not sure what... Hoping to make it through entire game it will be cold..............

-So I can admit I haven't been posting much.....

-There was Monday Night Raw but so many pictures and matches I had no idea how to post photos and give the over all taste...

-There was a bandits lose so wasn't into posting or was it 2 ...

-Then I've been sick

-Been trying to get the house nice I mean apartment but so much to do..... where does one start

-In the middle of that found I have bed bugs argh..... Normal bugs I wouldn't care cause they don't spread and don't bite

-Plus when I'm on line it is often talking Wrestling over on twitter that can get pretty intense sometimes and it is tough to keep up let alone do something else on line....

-Wish I had a huge piece of soft plastic that might help

-Political stuff wise don't have much to talk about lately

-Plus with the cold weather and cold winds and other things haven't gone to skiffle in some time....

-Wish it was going to be warm for St.Pats Parade on Sunday... Hey maybe it will get nice but it isn't supposed to... What ever happens hoping I get some great photos to post and it will still be a good time....

-Oh Yeah new Pope... Wonder if his world views and what he wants people to do will change at all....

-FoodTrucks are trying to get the permit fees lowered...
some trucks could move to another city... Hope this doesn't happen hope they get a good deal.....

-OnTop of cleaning so many good shows so much DVR stuff......

-Strange Fog and snow today....

sure I forgot something.....