So after the square I get a text message from someone I used to just be a F* buddy on occasion. Then I get a call from a co-worker wanting to "hook-up" before she goes off to the Chip Strip tonight. I didn't go through with it with either of those two.

I felt a bit bad after talking to me Ex today after she was informing me that she was going on a date tonight. The thoughts going through my head were, "Man I just should have done it!" I don't know I get propositioned but still I know deep down inside it would never work with any of the above long term. Yea I feel great in being wanted, but at the same time I feel so alone.

My one friend was right in giving me shit a couple of months ago when she basically said that i need to find someone that will give me that dropping down the first hill on a roller coaster feeling. Anyone else currently is just there and not too much else going on. I don't know if I just settle like some bad Death Cab for Cutie Song but with the E-Funk going around it is just another version of it I suppose.

On the funny side of things with all of that going on I did run into the one "friend" that gave me the passion speech. I ended up going to the Italian Fest to grab something to eat and just experience something since I have to work early A.M. Saturday and had to miss The Karma Police Show. She looked at me, gave a scared look and took off quickly with her girlfriend. I don't know what I am going to do. I have people around me but I'm so alone.

The kicker was as I was leaving the Italian Fest after saying goodbye to me friend Tom my phone rings. It's my Ex and she tells me that her date with this guy was a disaster. Yea on one level I felt vindicated but honestly we have to move along somehow sometime. So the entire 38 minute car ride back home was just us talking about our relationship and just analysing ourselves.

July is always a strange time of year for me. Last Year I think I looked and felt much better than I do now.








Then again I was on vacation exactly a year ago today.

Who knows what is going to happen with my life. Things are really uncertain right now. Just turn on any cable news channel. At least I took on part of my fears [crazy italian fest crowds, getting there, parking, eating the food] and survived. My lack of good game bums me out, but it is just a symptom of a bigger problem. Tackling that is the main goal.

Well it's Thursday and it is the one day of the week where I feel like I am not wasting my summer and life.

So I am pretty pumped to catch the reincarnation of Jim Morrison tonight @ The Square






Jeff Martin




So I am going to be attempting to have a good time today. Not before I attempt to go drop off my laundry and stop by Target and look for the new Sage Francis CD.

I stopped by the Youngstown Coffee Company today with my Mom and ran into my neighbors/parents friends. It was descent and the Egg & Steak Bagel was pretty good. There is nothing like the laid back scenic village of Youngstown during working hours in the summer. Watching the kids ride to Jr. Sailing the old ladies trying to do something productive and the people that are retired or independently wealthy just sipping their coffee trying to have a really profound intelligent conversation with people that kind of listen.



If anyone is looking for something to do tomorrow night (FRI) my buddies are playing Mr. Goodbar. I most likely cannot attend since I have to work the next day @ 6:45am :-(

If you do go print this flier out, it is good for a free drink at least. If you are in the neighborhood and you have nothing else to do, and you're like the music of Radiohead check it out.







OK now I feel like a total whore, but it's for a free drink....

In a bit selfish way I am a bit relieved to see that I am not the only one that is in a "Funk." At least I am not the only one that is going crazy. Now I don't feel so all alone.

Usually when I am in one I stay away from (e:strip) for the fear that my down emotion will be contagious and bring people down. That's why I have another blog in another place.

My Ex always said to me to find joy in really pointless stupid things.

So here is a pic I took last week when I was tearing up Allen and Delaware on Thursday:

Bubbles make me Happy!!!!



:-)

After work I made a mad dash toward downtown Buffalo for the taste. After a weird couple of calls I ended up pulling into the apartment complex of my Ex. We ended up going together and I ended up parking in a lot off of Elliot since I wanted to avoid the traffic that would be a nightmare on Niagara. So after we passed some kind of book festivile on Washington she needed to get to a Key ATM. We ended up walking up toward Chippewa, but we ended up running into these two girls. They had on these trendy white skirts and brown tops, THEY MATCHED!! So after walking around Washington and Main to Chip we ran into them again and again. They were apparently lost at first looking for the taste and then the other times they were looking for a M&T ATM. It was weird they couldn't have been older than 20, but they were wearing ambercrombie, young and skinny. Me, Ummm. Yeaaa OK. My EX talkative and in a messed up way was FLIRTING WITH THEM FOR ME in a weird kinda way?!? WTF?

In all I never really had a barbie kind of girlfriend. I suppose my personality is not the alpha male that will be the kind of subject like that Nickleback song "Next Contestant" Having guys constantly wanting to fuck someone that I'm with and trying it in front of me is not my idea of fun.

So if it is my the way I am or the universe directing me I find a woman with a brain more appealing that a young, skinny, rich designer of the moment wearing, dramaqueen.

I get hard if you tell me you read books more that how much you like Paris Hilton's new song.

The sick part is they were kinda following us around. They even gave me their facebook usernames!!! Too bad that I don't have a .edu email addy. ;-/ j/k ha ha

But, yea it got the the point where I couldn't handle it and just wanted to run. So in actuality it was a good thing that I was with my Ex. Then again being the somewhat suspicious person that I am; What if they were thinking I was WITH my Ex and they were trying to pull one of those let's mess around with him since "He's with HER kinda of thing and 'What kind of thing does SHE have on Him?'" Like I would get from people once in a while when we were dating.

I just don't know what was actually going on yesterday. All I know is my "Game" is pretty weak these days.

The Taste of Buffalo was not a exciting this year as in years past. I guess I'm getting sick of the same places and menu items year after year. The beer tent and the entertainment was more of my thing this year. Lance Diamond was a blast as well as some Rock/Metal band that was playing on the stage across from the Statler beer tent.

Ok enough whackiness for now.

Went out tonight with my old college buddy Eric and his wife Jen they also brought along Jen's friend Jen. So it was a bit of a wedding party reunion tonight. It is funny as I learned that they actually met on a start-up match.com. Take into consideration that it was 5 years ago now and back then people were just about to write you off as a freak for having to resort to the Internet to find a mate. It was one of those "Free Trial Periods" as they were promoted back then as they told me.

So the evening started off at PJ's or the sit down portion of Pizza Junction, a North Tonawanda institution. Not a bad meal filled with a bit of gluttony.

After attempting to brainstorm for idea's we ended up hitting JT Wheatfield's for a while. I just couldn't hack that place as I was just totally freaked out by the clientele and had to leave. Luckily Eric felt the same way and he came up with the idea of going to the comedy club.

So we ended up hitting up the Comix Cafe. Upon sitting at the bar for a while before the doors opened we learned that Rob Lederman of 97 Rock Morning Show Fame sold the place. There wasn't a stand up act as they had this I'm not too sure if they bought the place or not but the show was not bad, it's just that I prefer the stand up stuff. Would I go again? Probably but I would not get too excited about it. Then again one could get lucky and hit it at the right moment.

Sorry ((e:ladycroft)), ((e:nejifer)) and ((e:decoyisryan))

I had every intention of stopping by on Saturday. Unfortunately my schedule is pretty shitty these days and instead of having 24 hours to play with on Sat/Sun I have only 6 or 7 if I'm lucky.

My good college buddy Junior was moving back to NYC on Sunday. My original plan was to stop by and say goodbye and then head up to 3's company land. When we started talking and reminiscing about old times, friends and games it was 1:30 and I had to drive him somewhere to get something at the last minute. But, although I love (e:strip) I had to get a night with him for one last time.





So other than that I have just been the nice emotional friend for my Ex-Girlfriend. She is having a real tough time lately and I have been trying to be there for her as the best that I can without overstepping boundaries.

This entire week my other good college buddy is up from Northern Virginia with his wife. Now I get the entire "Hard Sell" to move down there this entire week. The thing is that lately I have been considering it more so than I have in the past. Their company during football season, Jobs, [single professional hot desperate women that outnumber men my age]. I have been told that if I moved down there Jen (my buddy's wife) would have me set up for a month with all of her single friends that she works with in her school district.

I have missed them terribly every fall during football season and they have likewise missed me. The people that they have tried to watch the games with for the last 4 years just are not compatible with our mindset. It's a bit to explain, but trust me on this one. So after work I'm going to head out to Fort Erie and meet his extended family at the racetrack.

At least as the thoughts of a normal weekend goes, since my schedule is going to change a bit for the next 6 weeks or so. That just means that I am going to try and attempt to take it all in this weekend. I think subconsciously i took it easy today, although missing Blues Traveler was a bit of a bummer. The way I look at it 54-40 actually means more to me as a Canadian than John Pauper although BT does rock and kick ass. Heck it is right before Canada Day on Sat. so it will be my own Canada Day celebration of sorts.

So, yea I am just feeling compelled to attempt to go a bit nuts this weekend. The nuclear option of a bar tab using my plastic is in play. I know Hardware has a top shelf that I have been ignoring for a long time, due to my affection for PBR and a Mickey's fetish.

I won't be driving but getting a room downtown is not out of the question no matter how much they ask. I won't be driving obviously. So join me or find me for one.

DISCLAIMER: *this is not set in stone, but a weekend out like this is my ideal way to go into work hibernation for about 6 weeks. Bars, Locations and Plans may change due to the discression of the Designated Driver.
This is not an offer or solicitation for any ...and does not constitute......in any way......

People:
1. How did you find out about/why did you become of estrip?

It was ((e:theecarey)) that put the idea in my head and ((e:ladycroft)) that put the nice pressure on me to join. On why, since I was always stopping by some of the parties anyway through Carey I decided I may as well join the fold.

2. How "out" are you about having a publicly accessible online journal. Do your friends know? Does your family know? Do your co-workers know? Does your boss know? Do you use your real name? Do you use your real photo?


Most of my friends know that I have my presence online somewhere. I doubt that they have stopped by and read any of my stuff or even gone to all 3 locations. My Family no way, except the remote possibility that my little cousins may have come across my LJ through logging through their home computer. My coworkers know I have one but don't have a clue on where I am or how to find me ( I work with really simple people). Boss, Yea right, ha Ha. I post my real name, or part of it here and Yes, that it my real photo (probaly keeps the women away!)

3. How many epeeps have you met real life?

Just the one's that attend the parties or happen to be working the Adelphia booth at a Sabre game or a go out with your EX night out :-)

4. How has estrip changed the way that you meet people, on and/or off line?

Well Online people here on this site actually meet up and do things, which was a breath of fresh air to myself. Offline Humm...maybe has made me a bit more open to giving a person that I have meet for the very first time more of a chance instead of running up against my aloof defense mechanism.

5. How has estrip affected you love life?
No, just made me more philisophical in regards to the human condition of people born in the 1970's in trying to create a love life.

6. How many of your friends have joined estrip because of your influence?
Zero

7. Are you from Buffalo/do you live in Buffalo?

Born in Canada, just live out in the scenic country with ((e:theecarey))
in supposedly the best small village in WNY according to Buffalo Business First

Equipment:
1. What type of hardware or software purchases have you made as a result of using estrip?

Actually upgraded to Adelphia Powerlink since my old dialup and this site just did not get along. With Dialup the e chatter was just horrific! Thank You to ((e:mrmike))

2. Have you used the mobile version of estrip? Why or why not?

No, I just never quite understood or found the mobile post user friendly. I do mobile post in LJ all the time, especially the VoicePost Feature(Paid Account)

Lifestyle:
1. In what way has estrip changed your Internet surfings habits? Describe the amount of time you spend on estrip, when you use it and about how long?

My Habbits are pretty much the same. I usually spend a half hour on the site reading entries. Sometimes longer if I am posting a journal myself as in this instance.

1a. How many journals do you usually read per day?

Depends on the amount of time I have at the moment and how fast the entries scroll down from the top 12.

2. In what ways has estrip changed the way you perceive your local community?

I have to say that it has given me a better perspective of the Elmwood district. I get info and vibes that I would not get from living with all of the birds, chipmunks and squirls as I do out here.

3. How has journaling about your life affected the way you spend your free time?

Not really but if there is an event I am sure to attempt to attend.

4. Has estrip changed your living situation in any way?

No, I have it pretty good out where I do. If my job changes then who knows what the future may hold.

5. Do you find that you mediate/document more of your experiences now that you share them with others?

Actually it depends on my mood. When I first started blogging it wsa about 4 years ago and I only updated the major stuff. Then I had a run where I was just multiposting on a daily basis. Now I pretty much document the major stuff, but the intermediate and minor stuff just depends now on my energy, mood and time available.

6. Has publishing on estrip affected the way that write?
It has made me a better speller.

7. Do you have other online journals? If so, with what service and has estrip affected your usage of that journal?

Oh, I do still keep and update regularly my Livejournal and I have had it since 2002 and do not see myself giving it up until the day 6 Apart falls apart and or shuts down the site.
It has affected it in the sense that i do not post as frequently over there as much as I have in the past. There are times where I do a "Double Post" and simulcast an entry. It is just that they are seperate but equal, (Yea, Yea, Really bad term to use) My LJ is pretty much my "Dark" blog. The security measures help in that regard since I can control who views entries. my Estrip Journal is my "light" journal. Not that one is better than the other one, it's just two different aspects of my life that balance each other out as I see it.

8. Have you ever gotten in trouble for using estrip at work?

I secretely wish that it would :-)

9. If you have stopped using estrip, why?

No, still here until people get sick of me and stop reading

I think every morning I just love getting up early for the longest day of the year. Stepping outside and just seeing the contrast of the moon with the violet and orange just imprints what beauty this world holds. Yes, the birds are chirping wildly but again the there is just something about being surrounded by them that puts me at ease.

So I come in this morning and find out that there was a guy last night around midnight that leaped to his death from the 4th (blue) level of the parking garage. They say that he "was not a patron" but come on. Why would you go to leap into the coach bus parking area as your final act on earth if you were not at the casino doing something else in the first place?

It is just another brick in the soul-sucking aspect of this place. The major one that is troubling me is in my LJ and under the rarely used for myself "FRIENDS ONLY" security level.

So I took the day off yesterday and after running around for really important things I ended up in Niagara Falls Ontario. It was a bit later than I wanted to but it was satisfying none the less. The only downer was for some reason I wanted to go to this beer patio on Clifton Hill. it doesn't exist in its old form any longer as it is now a patio bar for the Chilli's downstairs. It's not don't like Chilli's but there was this Karaoke act by this name named "The Wrench" back in the day and it was hilarious. It is funny that in some aspects they are trying to bring back the good stuff from about 15 years ago. Just look at the Ferris Wheel that the reconstructed, that was once in the Bus Parking lot of Casino Niagara.

So I just walked down the hill and took in all the "Honky Tonk" and proceeded to the Casino Niagara Poker Room. After about 5 hours I doubled by $80 buy in on the 2-4 LIMIT game and called it a night. In some weird was I was pretty satisfied just being a "tourist" over there yesterday. I spent some good times in the building Casino Niagara is housed in when it was Maple Leaf Village and a really tiny amusement park. Now almost 20 years later I'm going to take my mind off of thing, all be it in a more "adult" way but still something about it just made me happy. Yea, it could have been me winning a bit but still the bright sun, warm air, mindless tourists, gaudy tourist attractions, gambling, beer, young and old people the Falls down the street it just seemed perfect.