I really thought life was progressing well.. But lately, i feel as though i take one step forward and two steps backwards.

I was finally brave enough to learn to drive. It mostly had to do with landing what i thought might be an amazing job. Government work, but doing something i may have done in the private sector. But it is nothing like what i expected... and not the subject of this paragraph.. or post. It's driving. Why i learned. Why i bought the car. My Blue Bitch.

I have had the job since early June. A minor windfall allowed me to get a car. Not an expensive one, i could not afford that. But just under 3 grand, that i could do. And i found it. Shocked me that finding a car for that little was possible. So, in late May, i bought my very first car ever. A 1998 Saturn SL2.

I learned to love her, 'cause i didn't at first. At first, she was just wheels. I hated her, too, when her transmission started to leak. Then, just last week, some nice man told me what the problem was, and for about 30 bucks, she was almost good as new. Yay!

Then, it happened. Life went from being not so bad to unfair. While at a full stop, just doing what i was supposed to be doing as a responsible driver, a less responsible driver plowed into the back of me. I smacked into the car in front of me. And he banged into the poor 20 something year old who was just trying to make a left into his own driveway.

No one was hurt. Not seriously. But i think the dude in front of me is pulling a whiplash.... i got a letter from his insurance company.

I also got the accident report. The 79 year old man was inattentive, it says. To say the least. I think he should have been ticketed with reckless driving, too, since i think he was accelerating to go around me illegally.

Dealing with insurance companies is mindnumbingly frustrating. Of all the drivers, only one was not insured with Allstate. And, of course, they do not want to fight themselves, so they seem to be willing to sacrifice me. The one and only innocent bystander who does not have a car that runs. The other two have dings, but they can drive their cars. Who gives a shit about the stupid old man that was at fault. It is his mistake and he is the one that should suffer from it. Not me. Not the man in front of me. Not the man in front of him.

I did not have collision on my vehicle. Isn't that more or less the norm? Older car, no collision? But, even if i did, the claim would not go through my policy, but the person who is at fault.

I have had the car for less than 6 months.... and they want me to take a grand less than i paid for it? No. I cannot replace it for the price i paid. I just want a car that runs as well...

I wish i could take that amount from the insurance company for them to write off my car. Then, buy a reasonably similar car and sue the stupid old man for the difference... because no matter how you look at it, i am going to be at the very least $2000 poorer trying to find another car. No way my luck would allow me to find 2 decently running cars for $3000 within the same 6 months.

• sigh*

I can't believe how angry i am. Sitting here with my morning tea, a car that is not driveable and wee little black and blue and/or tender bits all over my arms and chest. When i think about the accident, i feel such rage at the man who caused it. I drive an old car, and did not carry collision on it... so, looks like unless i want to try some home repair on the driver's seat that is bent backwards or want to be on Judge Judy, i am carless again. Poop.

Well, it took less than 6 months. My first car accident. Nowhere near my fault, thank goodness. I was stopped waiting for someone who was waiting for someone to make a left hand turn into his own driveway, when some dumb fuck of an old man plowed into the back of me. He had been weaving for a mile or two behind me, i assume to try and pass me, the guy in front of me and the guy in front of him because we were all going the speed limit of 35 on Brighton, headed west near Delaware. So, when we all stopped, he either did not realize and tried to swerve to his right slightly, catching the left hand side of my back bumper. Or, what i think happened was that he excelerated to pass me on the right by going on the shoulder and, well, didn't, missing the shoulder and hitting my bumper instead.

As if i wasn't bruised enough from all the times i needed to be poked to get enough blood for my tests (3 more today, to get the 3 tubes of blood needed).

If anyone saw a redheaded chick driving a stuttering blue Saturn with bandaids all over her arms around the Buffalo General/Roswell Park area late this morning, then you had an (e:peep) sighting.

How is it possible that 2 phlebotemists could not manage to draw 3 viles of blood from any vein in any part of either of my arms? Needles in the back of my hands hurt like mad and i let them try both hands. They tried around both elbows. They tried the back and front of both arms, above and below my elbows. I feel like someone took a baseball bat to my arms. And i get to do it all over again.... tomorrow or the next day; whenever i am brave enough, i reckon. Shit, i am sure i could have done a better job myself. I never had trouble hitting a vein before.... but my motivations were slightly different back then.

On the upside of life, i may have stopped the stuttering of my car. I hope the dude at the Valvoline Oil Change in West Seneca was right, i just needed a new transmission filter... 'cause damn, if my Blue Bitch isn't running smoother than she has run since i got her.

(e:MrMike), i am such a bad fellow (e:peep)... i was at the zoo today, checking out the new exhibit and i did not call. I hang my head in shame. And, i totally need to get your work number (again?), so i won't ever repeat the social faux pas another time. Nice digs, though. I am looking forward to being on zoo grounds in the middle of winter in that nice toasty 80ish degrees... and be somewhere without getting rammed in the back of the legs with a stroller!! Woo hoo!!!

Today, (e:Uncutsaniflush) and i decided to go for a walk at the new Greenway park at the waterfront (Buffalo News ). When we got there, some idiot Canadian with bikes was having a hard time parking, so we decided to take the very first spot by the entry.

When walking towards the pathway, we saw some broken glass in an empty spot and thought that perhaps someone left their car overnight.

Perhaps not.

When we returned from our walk, approaching the parking lot, the young couple that had just passed us with their toddler in a stroller were freaking out. My first thought was that they were having a fight. Then, i heard her say something about a credit card. And, there it was, a bright yellow SUV with a smashed passenger window.

She was very upset, holding her child, and he was trying his best to calm her and clean up the mess of wee square pieces of car glass.

(e:Uncutsaniflush) lent him his cell phone so they could call the police, but after about half an hour of waiting with them, the Buffalo Police still had not arrived.

We asked if they needed anything else or use of our cell phone before making our way back home.

So, (e:peeps), be very careful if you decide to go for a walk at the new Greenway waterfront park and want to park your car in the Bell Slip parking lot. At the very least, hide your valuables.

Today, while on my way home from a Day Hab on Millersport, my car started acting up -- AGAIN. Damn it.

Unfortunately, i was on Millersport in a 45 MPH zone, but my car would not go over 25 safely, so, i moved over to the right and put on my 4 ways. Not much else i could do while i sputtered along, waiting to get to the next time i could get off that road for a slower paced one.

Would you believe some asshole took the time to tail me, honk at me, give me the finger, then when i thought he was finally going to pass me, he decided to hurl a loogie at my window? Some asshat actually spit at me because my car was going too slow?

I fucking hate the suburbs...

I am cranky today. I should be happy go lucky, but i am not. I have a headache and i feel sorry for my husband, who got shit on almost the moment he walked in the house. You might be right, (e:Vycious)... what is wrong with women?

I coloured my hair... just the same old boring red/brown. I did inquire about how far i can go with hair colours with work and was told anything is ok so long as the individuals i serve are ok... and one might not be, so out of respect for her, i am not even going to chance it.

I am going out to dinner with an old work mate tonight. I miss her... the only person, other than my best friend, Mark, that gets me when i am being mean and sarcastic and doesn't ask " was that a joke?" She is moving to NYC next week. Finally. Sheeet... been trying to chase her out of Buffalo and SB for the longest damn time.

I wrote my final exam yesterday. Best grade yet, but i still debated (argued?) with my teacher on some questions. If no one teaches me that one of the side effects of antihistamine can be nausea and diarrhea, how am i supposed to know it? I said that the side effects were drowsiness and dry mouth. And i don't care what anyone says, you cannot "pour" meds out of a bliss pack. I maintain that only pills are kept in them. Still i guess i cannot complain too much about a 97%, right?

I got called in to work on Friday, my only other day off this week. Seems i need to be at a meeting in which the information will not be relevant to me in at least a month. On Saturday, i get to train someone else to do the grocery shopping. Would have been nice if someone had trained me... ha ha ha.

I waited on hold for someone to answer a phone today for about 45 minutes, and yesterday for my entire 30 minute lunch hour. Thanks for the recommendation, (e:MrMike), but your doctor is not accepting any new patients. Anyone else have a recommendation? Please? I have started looking through the phone book, 'cause i have no idea what else to do... Any suggestions?

Well, now that we have health insurance, i want to go to a doctor. Still have not seen anyone about that high blood sugar reading i got the other day.

But, i would rather have a doctor, rather than go to an urgent care place again. They were ok, but i found the PA to be a bit condescending... yeah, i do know the difference between a cold and a throat or ear infection, that's why i am here. Duh.

So, in general, i know how to go about getting a primary care physician, but i thought i would ask ya'll if there is anyone who really likes their doc and wants to recommend him/her to me and (e:Uncutsaniflush). We live on the West Side, but i work in West Seneca, and he works, well, anywhere and everywhere in the area, so location isn't that much of an issue.

Anyone love their doc and want to be willing to risk seeing me or (e:uncutsaniflush) (or both of us) in the waiting room?

OK, i should be studying. I am rewriting so much.. right now, on the differences and the different kinds of seizures... partial, simple and complex; general, tonic clonic, absence, myoclonic and atonic.... *sigh*

So... i thought i would answer your questions from my last journal, (e:LeeTee,45086), (e:imk2)!

wow, so do they give you a credit card to pay with?

yes, it's a Wegman's card with a pin number. every unit/house/dayhab has one for their location. i have to sign for it and sign the two receipts.

Wegmans must make a mint on us, i saw at least 2 other units shopping today at the same location.

and do they give you a list of what they want?

yeah, it all revolves around the meal planning. since everyone has special dietary needs (some may, for example, be diabetic, or be on meds that require little or no calcium), there has to be a list. the first one i was given was very specific, now, it just says (example name only), "Bob's cereal, 2 boxes". the meals are planned by a dietician, based on nutritional standards and all that stuff.

and why so much groceries? how many people is this for?

the number of residents has varied in the time i have been there for many reasons that i can't get into without concern for the privacy of those we serve, but i can say that i have to purchase food for anywhere between 15 to 20 people, 3 meals a day, plus snacks for all the residents and the staff.

since one of the things we are required to do is model appropriate behaviour and socialization, we must eat meals with the individuals we serve. it would be inappropriate, rude, demeaning and all sorts of other things if we plunked down a plate and stood behind/beside them watching them eat. so, it is considered a good time for teachable moments of appropriate behaviour and socializations. family style meals with everything in bowls that must be passed around, the appropriate amount taken and passed to the next person without fingers in bowls and hands grabbing is a big thing with the ddso.

how do you decide what is the best deal, do you get trained for this?

not really that much training. i was given general guidelines... such as, if they run out of, oh, i don't know, the $3.99 wafer turkey from the deli, i cannot substitute a higher price point, but i can substitute a price point that is the same or lower. budget issues. most often, i am told to get the Wegmans brand of something unless otherwise specified. Like coffee... oh, lordy, do NOT buy anything but Folgers Classic!!!!!!!!!!

When i am not in training or studying for an exam or sleeping, lately, i am at Wegmans.

Since i am a "non-participating" staff member (not fully trained to be fully engaged with the individuals we serve), i end up doing some odd jobs.

One of them is grocery shopping. No big deal you say? Might even be interesting you say? Yep... except try, go ahead, just try to purchase about $1000 of groceries all by yourself. I usually need 2, sometimes 3 carts. And the looks a fat chick gets with that many groceries is, well, interesting, let's just say if we do not want to get too negative.

Yesterday, i only got about $600 worth of groceries. Today, i am shopping for the unit next to ours. I wonder if their van has brakes and steering and how much i will spend for them?