kook;where are you? are u ok? let us know! update: you've been found. good!

Far out, I picked up my diploma today.

It is weird to see the culmunation of all that studying, reading, researching, thinking, and sacrifice on paper.


Now what?

Need to figure out my next step--I'm ready to get going on starting something new... and that feeling will only continue to grow.

work is going well, but that is only one facet of my life.

Heading to B-lo soon

(e:ladycroft) I shall bring what you requested :)


later gators

John malkovich has strange eyes- not a bad thing--he has an interesting energy about him in Amadeus- I was a kid when that movie came out, and I thought the same thing then.

Its a bit chilly out there, yes? such wet darkness, makes me sleepy.

Curling up in front of the fireplace with a soft blanket and a glass of red wine sounds so good right now.

but I am too tired to make it happen.

But doesn't it sound nice?

• yawn* literally, a super long day at work; it started too early and ended too late-- I think I may just go to bed instead..

..will have to save wine and fireside ruminations for another night.

I dreampt about evil kittens and purple squirrels.

They were frolicking in the back yard of the house I grew up in. I kept picking them up and putting them down; then I determined at some point in my dream that the kittens weren't *really* evil. After scooping up a couple of them and walking through the yard, I found the purple sugar glider. They look good in purple!!

Not sure what that was all about..


Then, my dream proceeded to a little reunion with my recent college classmates. In my dream, two members had become engaged..or something.. whatever it was, they were now 'together'.

and I was envious or jealous or something that made me uncomfortable to know that they were now deeply involved.

While I was sleeping I analyzed my dream, well, I analyzed myself as though it had really happened (while in my dream)

I couldn't figure out why. I didn't want him, I have no ill feelings towards her.. I am not one to be jealous-- as anything I want I work for. And so I was confused in my dream as to why i felt this way.

And oddly, in my dream, I began to try to figure it out.

In my dream, I determined that my envy stemmed from the knowledge that these two people, as with everyone in the cohort, worked so hard together and went through so much for so long, that a bond was formed between us. For two people to get together romantically, it was with the ability to get through two years of high level stress and challenges-- not, oh you're cute, lets hook up-- be on best behavior and be deluded into liking someone/being liked. No, this was getting through some rough shit and having each others back no matter how insane it got. During this program, you could not be 'on your best behavior'- who you are comes out quickly-- and then you grow...its crazy..

And that is what made me feel envious-- that they got together in the way that I would (apparently) want to be with someone-- being able to work on stuff together, to work towards something, to get through the stressful moments and still be going strong through it all. To have a mutual undertsanding of hard work, making goals a reality, pursuiing something with passion.. and being able to share that.

Did I know this before now? maybe had an inclination.. but I don't pursue a "relationship".. I meet people and can figure out real quick what they will be to me. On a rare occasion I am truly interested..
I am much more apt to pursue a temporary "not likely candidate" source of amusement. This past year I have been trying to keep away from that. Its been hard at times.. REALLY hard.. I could toss that thinking all away..

Anyway, no wonders I have discerning tastes. Its not so much being picky as it is that I wont settle for less than what I need and what I can offer- in regards to "relationships". "Temporary amusements"-- those with "expiration dates" don't count--as not much thought goes into all that-- just a different set of standards, heh.

In the discerning tastes-- I refer to the more indepth thought process that goes into deciding if I am going to allow someone into my life. Thats a big thing.. In the meantime, just snap shots..

I enjoy life, I like working on things-- working towards things.. I reach a goal and keep going. I learned a long time ago not to sweat the small stuff-- if it isn't going to kill me or disrespect me, than I am totally laid back about the matter. However, I know that if I want soemthing, want meaning, want to feel alive and happy-- then that is all on me-- only I am accountable for that.

so thats that :)

I have been writing without concern for grammar or spelling-- not like I ever really do.. but I think i have been overcompensating as my work writing has to be perfect- specific and very clear.

here, I just run my fingers over the key board and hope for the best :)

p.s. for my own notes.. stalker dude continues to try to make contact. Three phone calls this month. 26 months later. wtf?

p.s.s you only need a SMALL amount of green curry paste when mixing it in with your jasmine rice, bean sprouts, broccoli and coconut milk. Just a little.. haha

all by mmmmyysellllf...
i'm sitting here in buffalo,
all by mmmmyyselllf............

hmmmm, maybe I will take a bath.. a few minutes of relaxing would be good for me; there is so much going on in my job-- good thing I kinda gravitate towards the sticky/chaotic situations.

now the challenge is to let my mind rest..

ooh, I hear someone, is this friend or foe...????

"Heroes" is on tonight; think I just might watch some tv! Is this the first episode? or has it been on? Suppose, I'll find out if I tune in at 9pm.

I'd really like to catch up/rent all of Greys Anatomy- I have enjoyed the few episodes that I remembered to watch. I usually don't watch anything as I rarely remember to watch it, or I don't feel like watching tv or I just don't like being forced to continur to watch something week to week. Usually i prefer instant gratification- where once I choose to watch somethiing it is over 30 to 60 minutes later; a nice clean break. I don't have to tune in again if I don't want to. Law and Order, Roseanne andf Will and Grace re runs is perfect for me. These dramas that go on week after week? too much effort. Suppose I have a bit of a commitment phobia-- not sure if I can handle a television relationship.

But then, maybe it can't hurt to tune in once in awhile.. see if there is something out there that I may really like and am willing to remember to watch every week. Maybe get some use out of my VCR, haha.. now thats pushing it.

Anything really good on tv?

Wonder how this "Heroes" is/will be?

I'll find out in less than an hour.

update: Heroes was pretty damn cool-- I like the fantasy element of this show- pure escapism with a tiny wist of realism. I have a creative imagination and enjoy suspending disbelief as I choose. Its fun to jump into a world of make belief. This show just might do it for me. Now, if I just remember to watch..

Not quite used to my schedule.. getting in closer to 7 pm, rather than shortly after 4. On a positive note, it kinda works better with my sleep/wake schedule-- but it is seriouly weird to be sitting here and realizing that it is 8 pm already. Oh well..

keeps me out of trouble.

later gators

j'adore musique!

Thought I would turn in early tonight..

until I decided that I need to add songs to my iPod.

which I am sure you know..once you start, it is hard to stop. A few hours later and just minutes before my usual bedtime, I am done. -- or atleast I am forcing myself to be done.

Added a bunch of classical (bach, mozart, chopin, beethoven) which I have been really into lately- have always been a fan but the past few says it is all I have really wanted to hear. Also downloaded some Frou Frou, Herb Albert, Trans Siberian Orchesta, Arielle Dombasle (french singer), a few singles of songs of the past; ie, blu cantell, escape club, mmmm maybe more. My music tastes are eclectic. I dig a whole lot of music, minus just about all country. yuck. But I have an open mind and am always adding to my auditory experiences..

miss arielle. I like her website:




P.S. Anyone see the commercial for Trivial Pursuit 80's ?? It has a whole bunch of actors/actresses from that time (Kelly Lebrock, Cory Feldman, Tiffany, The Hulk, etc.. ). Here is a little bit of it:
From Cyndi Lauper website as she directed the commercial:
Good night!
Bon Nuit!

thank you all for the (e:strip) birthday wishes:

You guys rock!!!!!!!

(e:leetee)
(e:vincent)
(e:mrmike)
(e:paul)
(e:codypomeray)
(e:mike) Thanks so much for your journal shout out!!
(e:metalpeter)
(e:ladycroft)
(e:twisted) (I saw the chat! Oh and I hope you are '100% actual' coming to B-Lo soon!!!!!!!!! Otherwise I will have to stow myself away in Paul's luggage!)
(e:libertad) (I lost count of the spankings, haha)
(e:imk2)
(e:pyrcedgrrl)

hope I didn't forget anyone..

(hehe, and a later entry, thanks (e:carolinian) and (e:jenks) ; who is correct, she left me a yahoo IM message, which I signed into after posting this. I find YIM to be endlessly amusing!)

Lots of year-31 B-days (e:pyrcedgrrl) , (e:vincent) , (e:ladycroft) , moi .. and I know a few more of you aren't too far behind ;)

I love on going B-day celebrations. I think everyone should enjoy a mandatory three days of celebrating (at the very least-- a week is even better!)

It was a nice weekend. I did not go too crazy- declined having a party for a few reasons- but certainly enjoyed time with a few friends. Its been a whirlwind of a month (summer, really) and I am slowly getting back into a groove; even though so much is still unsettled. The pieces are coming together and then some. And so, a quick run down of my B-day weekend (the bday I almost forgot!)

Friday: came into work with my desk decorated with streamers, a card, a poster and a gift card to Barnes and Noble. Fun.

Friday evening, (e:terry) , (e:paul) and myself finally went to the new sushi place, Kibarashi. We stuffed ourselves on an assorted platter of sashimi, nigiri and maki rolls (my fave). The pile of fish eggs is ALL yours paul, dear. (blech, I just couldn't do it). See one of his recent posts for a picture, haha. I was in the mood for some Sake, but they currently do not have their liquor license- hopefully soon. However, I did buy a bottle afterwards. Not sure if I like semi dry rice wine; it was a bit harsh for my preference. I like all sorts of red (grape) wine, though. Fortunatley I also bought gummi bears and lik-a-maid fun dips to sweeten things up a bit.

I still want to make maki rolls soon!!

I think Friday night was when I had a squirrel jump on my head around 3am. It was hilarious and scary- thought maybe it was the ghost cat.. I ducked my head under the pillows before investigating the darkness, fortunately it was a little flying furball who was out adventuring in the night looking for someone to play with.

Saturday: (e:pyrcedgrrl) and I intended to go to see David Usher at the Niagara Casino, but we got sidetracked over at the strip club instead. The boys have gotten *very* naughty-and that is all I will divulge at this time; its a story in itself.

Sunday: went out with family. My mom helped pay for my new Pocket PC-- she now has my razr, so she made totally made out on this. I am stoked-- and basking in the glow of geek. ahhhh..
I went and bought myself some nerdy books after a good meal at Roadhouse Grill. I had been there for lunch before, but never for dinner. I was pleased. We were going to do Thai (yum) but then decided on this at the last moment. Good choice as everything was really yummy and the service was very good.

Unlike (e:mike) who seemed to have half a dozen birthday cakes, I did not have a single one! If I assert my right to a week long birthday celebration, then (e:pyrcedgrrl) still has time to make me a cake and babaganoush. hooker. :p xxoo (we've been friends for 20+ years if no one could tell.. )

dammit, now I want cake.

:)

and I want to go bowling. Anyone up for some bowling soon??


shit- somehow I deleted my journal, yet had a backup (which I updated), was able to repost-- and see that I totally lost the comments from (e:mrmike) and (e:jenks) !!

I am working on purchasing books from a long reading list that I have aquired over the past two years. When professors reccommended a book, I wrote it down. Or as I did my research, I would come across people that I found interesting and wanted to know more about and how they contrivbuted to the things that I study. This list is pretty much comprised of authors and resources pertaining to my graduate degree. I have read ALOT of information in this area, however, I need (and want) to keep building my skills and knowledge set.

The funny thing about learning is that you have to keep at it, as very little information is crystalized. In other words, if you don't use it, you lose it!

Fortunately (and gratefully) my new posiiton is directly related to my degree so it is only doubly beneficial for me to continue to reinforce what I have learned and to continue to add to my repetoire. I am also working on re reading a few books from my graduate program and looking into areas of interest that I didn't have time to explore-learn about before. So the list is long and it doesn't even include the books that I hope to gobble up for sheer entertainment.

By the way, I managed to lose the thriller I was reading about a month ago. I read half of it in one sitting, then only read a few pages at a time before bed- although it is (was) really interesting, I couldn't stay awake long enough to get more than a few ages read at a time. Then I picked up a work related book and have since been unable to find the half read thriller. odd and bothersome as I hate knowing that there is a book out there that I have not completed. argh!
yeah, so, I read.

I had received a couple of B&N gift cards recently, so I have been hanging out at that store in my free time. I have purchased a few on the spot as I couldn't wait to see if there were used ones I could purchase for less money online. Since I have a huge list and I want to get working on adding those to my library, I spent this evening at B&N collecting author and titles that I will plug into a used book search. I can't see shelling out $30 a book if I can get it cheaper elsewhere. I know some people who have the boks that I want. Perhaps I can offer them a deal instead...

any book fans in the audience? Know of any really good used book stores? There is one I would like to check out on the boulevard, the "book outlet" i think it is called.

I meant to spend the day cleaning out my garage or working on the yard. It was a nice day even with the rain. The warm rain smelled good.. Instead I got sucked into a movie on tv (40 days/40 nights Josh H is yummy- dig the flower scene), then as I grabbed a blanket and settle down to read a work relevant book (a book I bought last week on 'The First 90 Days'- transition to new leadership position, hitting the break even point sooner, etc.. ) my kitty cats purring lured my into a nap, which I didn't need-- but if you have ever been the victim of sleep seducing cat purr, you know exactly what I mean. I dreampt about odd stuff..


Also meant to go get a hair cut and perhaps have my nails done. Not sure if that puts me over the girly quota or not?! I like them sporty short or they annoy the hell out of me and I can only deal with them for 4-6 months then they have to go. This would be ok if the original nail wasnt all busted up looking until it grows out. I'll think it over for a few days. Maybe I'll just give myself a nice manicure. Well, I aim to get up early in the morning to get some of this done, so maybe I will need to figure it out sooner than later. If that is the most pressing decision I have to make, then all is good, right? :)

Looking for insurance for my Cingular 8125. At the time of purchase the store did not insure pocket pc's. Yet when I was online this morning, I see that Cingular does offer insurance for this model. Bah, I hate making phone calls! I still need to figure out how to use my phone as a modem for my lap top. I havent really tried it yet.

I have a PDA, pager and cell phone for my position. I would happily use my pocket pc if they reimbursed for any of it. They almost made me pay for personal use of the work cell phone. I suppose they assume that anyone who has a work cell phone will use it for personal calls as well. I can support that yet I KNOW I have no need to use it for myself. I always have my phone on me if a personal call is necessary. 5 bucks a month and I could use it for personal use. Thats a great deal if I wanted to ditch my personal phone-- but no freakin way now! I was very uncomfortable with paying for anything I wouldnt be using. 5$ isn't a lot, but over a years time, its 60$ that I would be paying for something I don't need to use. Why would I when I have my own phone? I'd rather donate that money to the organization I work at for helping the kiddos. I guess they are allowing me to opt out, somethig they don't normally allow? glad that worked out- it was worth inquiring about.

What else?

Its a nice night: mild, smells good, can hear the creatures..

oh and I need to take care of my herbs!! I have a bunch to harvest. I hear that I can toss them in the freezer or I can hang them to dry. ThenI heard somehting about putting them in a brown paper bag, but I don't recall what that does.. does it help it dry quicker?

Any suggestions?

P.S. Firefox has some cute themes/skins ready for download. The Halloween theme is fun. Spider webs, pumpkins, withches, ghosts, bats, cats, skulls and other Halloween coolness. It looks great with estrip orange theme!

find firefox skins here:


Thats about it!

Be well and good night, peeps :)

Voelkers 9:30 come out to play!! See you there!