09/29/06 07:15 - ID#36049
It is weird to see the culmunation of all that studying, reading, researching, thinking, and sacrifice on paper.
Need to figure out my next step--I'm ready to get going on starting something new... and that feeling will only continue to grow.
work is going well, but that is only one facet of my life.
Heading to B-lo soon
(e:ladycroft) I shall bring what you requested :)
08/24/06 11:56 - ID#36020
atleast for now :)
Last class ended a little while ago..
last projects, presentation and speech completed.
Portfolio returned-- aced it.
now just awaiting my diploma :)
(e:paul) is done too WOO HOO!
now on to bigger and better things...
so, mark this day, Thursday August 24, 2006.
08/02/06 10:33 - ID#36002
crunch time tonight.
I am finishing my Portfolio tonight; it must be handed in tomorrow.
I have section one completed-- select individual assignments from each class, cover sheet, table of contents, etc etc etc All of it took a lot longer than I planned on. Its taken days.. But that part is done and looks damn good.
I am still working on section two-- the paper. I am taking a very personal approach to it. I have a list of deliverables, which I will address, but I am exerting my creative flair. I am integrating a certain level of personal honesty and reflection to this section that would require it to be written in more lay terms for it to be done justice. Section One is full of specifics and the Masters language. I am making section two alll about me. Will it fly? Not sure.. but that is the approach I have decided to take.
Maybe I will even put in a plug for (e:strip), seeing as it has been my experimental public blog--initially written in for the purpose to see if I can be more 'open'. There were many 'tools' involved, but this mean has some of it chronicled.
Without going into it at this time.. I used to be very reserved-- it was difficult to pry anything out of me.
skip to--> you've read my posts, haha. I am not an open book, but I seem to write them on occasion. Before, that would be kept stricly to my personal paper journal. The craziest and juiciest of it all still goes in there..
Maybe one day I will trascribe ALL OF IT and make it publicly available. Word count will shoot up a few million..
eek.. one step at a time Carey. baby steps...
Anyway, this post may not make any sense. I am rambling yet am trying to clear my head for the next round of writing. I have already hit my page minimum, um, 4 pages ago... but my segue into the topic went on for pages and pages. I am telling a bit of a story before I get to the meat of the paper. It is relevant.. but I need to wrap it up soon. Its late, I am tired.. Thursdays are super long for me... but I have to keep going. Its due tomorrow.
And I havent procrastinated.. it has all just taken a lot of time.
3.5 weeks to go...
05/19/06 12:31 - ID#35938
a cup of tea, relaxing music and a computer game or two should help..
or just turn off the lights and day dream until I am pulled into sleep.
so.. graduation ceremony is in twelve hours. (1 pm)
I need to get up early...but I am not tired at all. Too much energy, too many thoughts. I could use a mental diversion..
If I wake up early enough, I would like to take a long walk before I get ready to do the "walk" across stage.
Afterwards, no plans.. some of my classmates want to go drinking/bar hopping; but that just doesn't appeal to me. At all.
Instead, I will probably come home and do some homework, heh.
Happy Friday :)
04/27/06 09:54 - ID#35928
I sometimes (often) have trouble maintaining my focus on the lecture portion of the evening. The class runs 5 hours... after a full day at work.. and I often come to class early (yeh, yeh, say what you must).. it all makes for a very long day. Not that I would change a thing ;)
Well, except for the paper I wrote today.
22-23 pages. I'm neither gloating nor complaining. I am..
FREAKING OUT! (well, thats an over statement.. let me continue)
I think I may have "missed the marK" on it. I interpreted the expected deliverables in a manner that is different than what the instructor expects. UH OH.
I've been known to take "artistic licsense" in my writing, research and eventual end product. I take risks.. I know what I am writing about, it is well organized and it has a point, really.. :) In the past, my work has been regarded as exceptional.. for taking those risks.
So, its one thing to purposely take the paper another route, quite another that I would have missed it without awareness. What is that?? How did I miss that?
Initially I freaked. Well, I began to get a little warm, getting all itchy--am I breaking out in hives? nah.. just need to get in the shower once in awhile.. ;) (if you are wondering, I am kidding). So, I feel a little parched.. heart is beating a little faster..
When I gave myself a moment to reflect on my actions, it came down to that fact that I am not deterred by ramifications that others impose on me. Whether I was aware of it or not, I chose this route. I had begun the paper utilizing a particular frame work, then I abandoned it. I thought my new idea was better than the original idea. (I didn't know that my original idea of how to set up the paper is what the expectation actually turned out to be). I had the opportunity to pull together another paper, during class if I had to. The task seemed daunting as I would have to abandon the information I had previously researched and written. Yet it wasn't that that stopped me from rewriting the paper. I decided to go ahead and hand in my creation. Not sure how it will go.. but I don't care. My only regret is not putting in as much time and effort as I should have.
This isn't a snag.. its a "wrinkle in my universe" to learn from :) Taking chances is good for character. The positives outway the negatives in my world. I'm not worried about poor grades, or external influences. Only the internal ones, in which, I will not allow myself to procrastinate to this degree ever again.
Anyhow, I would never do failing work. If anything, I sometimes do not perform to my own expectations. It is my work, I am taking what I want/need from the course and I test authority/expectations. Usually to the betterment of myself..
not to be a jerk :)
yeh.. 'cause I am sooo mean. arrrr!! grrrr!!
Anyhow...now I am super curious as to what the instructor thinks about my written creation, haha.
OoooOOOooohh class is about over..
got to go!
be good, friends..
03/08/06 07:25 - ID#35897
It isn't over yet
- climbs down from roof*
Ok.. they really aren't done..
and I have never taken a shot gun to my dirty dish collection, although it isn't a bad idea.. maybe work on some pent up hostility ;)
What is *really* done.. hehehe... and done quite well, so I think (hope)
MONSTER CLASS PROJECT!!!!
It isn't even all that long..
No longer than one of my classic (e:strip) posts (4 thousand words or so..) haha
But each sentence.. yeh.. it all works together.
I am not too proud to say that I need some pampering after this week..
I need to call about that massage... I sooooo need it now.. Sitting in one spot all day long
((minus the Corn beef, cabbage and Guiness lunch.. )
.., is killer on my back.
Do I normally whine this much?
Anyhow.. got my car back.. it was the gas line.
- bounce* I am happy that I have the project done.. now I just have a final tomorrow that I havent prepared for due to said monster project.
wish me luck..
and sweet dreams.. I need them.
- positive thoughts in-- nasty negative maladaptive whiny thoughts out-- positve thoughts in...*
Take care, lots of mushy love and sloppy kisses
02/08/06 10:39 - ID#35874
Will I ever learn?
Here I am, in the last minute rush to get my work done. I will be in a mode of panic tomorrow afternoon, when I realize that all of my procrastinating has left me scrambling to catch up and complete the school work that is due.
Sometimes I just need to have my brain shoved into action; and somehow, doing things last minute really helps. The thoughts are formulating in my mind. I know what I have read, I understand what I have researched, I have opinions and arguments, I am more than capable to take on whatever the task may be..but not yet. When? I don't know. It has to happen and it will.. but until then, I fret. The time ticks closer to the deadline.
I am also sleepy. Of course, I want to go to bed.. but because I can't, I really want to. That is how I work. *yawn*
ooh, come to me.. come on, come on, come ooooooooonnnnnnnnn.. words of wisdom, academic enlightenment, international business fairy, and whatever else I need to write two papers. A kick in the ass maybe?
Go ahead--kick me: *bends over*
k- back to my temporary mental block...
oh one more thing..
Who is doing what this weekend? 'cause I can't stay in an study *all* weekend :)
and one more thing.. I shouldn't complain, but I am in the mood for a blizzard. The kind that closes school (because I work in a school and go to school, get me?) yet everyone is safe and sound all snuggled inside sitting by the fire drinking scotch yumminess or playing outside; skiing, hiking, rolling around in the snow, doing donuts w/ your car.. whatever you prefer. But yeh, I am in the mood for that..
Mostly because Y-Town is still pretty much snowless.
now, I am back to my school work..
02/03/06 12:09 - ID#35869
The class is going to challenge me. In everything from content to writing style. I look forward to having my performance challenged. It will be good for me.
Besides.. its politics! Domestic and foreign.. hmm.. lovely. It is so my thing!
I had been tempted to skip class. I felt grossly underprepared and ashamed of myself for not getting my work done. I thought if I skipped, then the problem would go away. Besides, i have missed only one class in the past year. One stinkin' class. I thought I could use a skip day.
But I didn't. I knew I wouldnt. Instead I worked my ass off for two and a half hours and cranked out some good stuff. I managed to get the work done and then some. I knew what I was doing without being aware of it. In class, I was all over the discussion. Funny, how I think I am not prepared yet I am. Why the concern?
I procrastinate, that is the problem.. yet I work so well under pressure. Things will just come to me in those moments. So, in some ways, I count on the craziness of doing things last minute.
ugh..I need an APA refresher. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
Ok, its past my bedtime.. so hard to go to sleep after getting in from class.
Good night.. sweet dreams.
01/20/06 12:13 - ID#35859
I should be in bed
Class was good tonight, as always, with this fucking fantastic teacher I have. I managed to get through the teaching/presentation thing alright. We made a video and just had a lot of fun putting it together for tonight. Never had so much fun in a Starbucks bathroom.
We are all part of a study group, which we use to learn from each other and work on group assignments. We meet for 4-5 hours weekly to take care of such assignments. Through this, we really get to know each other and come to depend on each other. The relationships deepen over time and it is fun to have that constant rapport.
In the beginning of the program, we choose our group mates. I had three lovely gentlemen and myself making up the study group. (I *knew* just what I was doing). I get teased about it all the time. Recently one of my mates moved after getting a police job offer down south. Another group was experiencing interpersonal issues that could not be resolved (I had been working on this for many classes, being the class rep) so one of their members came to my group. Now we have an even number of girl to guy, as with the other groups. We have a lot of fun during class and outside of class, which our other class mates have picked up on. There had been an occasion awhile back where we were huddled close together talking about something that I no longer recall. Whatever it was, was over heard by a classmate, and was taken out of context. It was hilarious, as they thought we were talking about something sexual. Not a big deal, but since then, things have built on top of that... now it is an inside joke that keeps getting bigger and bigger. I am apparently the Ring Leader of Perversion. "carey's the ring leader", cracks me up everytime. The fact that we ended up in a Starbucks bathroom (becuase the background music was too loud for our voice recordings for the video), just adds to our strange group tales. They aren't as risque as they seem..
SO tonight, while in class, I was in a fabulous (e:chat) on hot guys and fellatio -complete with pics. Yay! I am a very visual person. I could not concentrate in class.. at all. No blood going to my brain, I turned immediately stupid. I had to keep my laptop turned away from everyone as I feared they would notice and reinforce my moniker. My school issued lap top is full of interesting images. If anything happened to where it would need to be serviced.. yikes. It will be officially my laptop once I graduate. Speaking of which:
My graduation ceremony is May 19th (?). Although I am not officially done until August. It scares the hell out of me that it is now just a few months away. Yikes.
Yesterday I had received a phone message from the doctors office asking me to call back regarding some bloodwork I had done. They say nothing, other than to call back. I really could have used a "Nothing to worry about, just call us at your convenience.." No, this was a stern request to call back. Of course it is past office hours, so I would have to wait until the next day. I called shortly after waking up.
I get bloodwork done a couple of times a year to check my Thyroid levels. My Thyroid is underactive, No big deal, I take a little pill daily to get the furnace going. Then every few years, they check cholesterol, this is one of those years. I guess they also do CBC-complete blood count as well, I had no idea until they told me. Not sure what they look for in that.. I will have to do a search to find out (and I did not think to ask, I was not quite awake yet when I called).
Everything is totally fine. All looks very good, all the numbers are where they should be or better. HDL,LDL, TriGlyc, Overall, blood sugar, CBC and the thyroid.
My point??They could have just said that in the message. Ok, maybe not the specifics.. but don't leave a messsage that sounds like, "omg, you must call us asap".
I swear they were hoping for bad cholesterol. Sounds paranoid.. but the last conversation I had was about my weight gain from my injury and how I have not fully taken it all off yet. I am getting there! Comments like, "You've only lost 20 lbs in the past year".. when overall, in the past two years, I have lost over half of what I gained during the injury/recovery phase. I lost a lot the first year I was back to normal Yeh, i have slowed down, but 20lbs is still pretty damn good. I am active, I eat well and it will just take time. In the mean time, I enjoy the extra fluff. I have no hangups.. It is just interesting, this whole weight business. I also did not want to drop it too quickly. I agree that I need to step it up a bit, but to say "only 20 lbs"?? NOT HELPFUL. Then they proceed to contemplate what my cholesterol must be like. As though I am sowing on prime rib and twinkies all day.
So yeh, I tell them to flip back the chart a couple of years.. to see where I am at "normally".. then to look at post injury info and then to really look at the progress I have made. Every single time. I want to strangle them...
But I wont change doctors. Its just a once a year hassel. And by the end of summer, they wont have to be that way anymore anyways.,
One minute to Friday!
I thought about, with the added brain power of (e:ladycroft) and (e:metalpeter), that I might check out Glow in the dark putt putt, a haunted house and maybe grab some food somehwere... like Hard Rock or East SIde Marios.. depends on the time and what we actually decide to do. Depends on if our plans change.. but any more ideas on what to do in Niagara Falls, would be great..Too funny..
Good night, all!
10/27/05 09:04 - ID#35818
I love education
"Very engaging and creative format-- great understanding of the subject matter. You are a great communicator. Very impressive work" 98% (& overall grade:A)
The things I did for that grade.
(ya know, hard work, drive, tenacity, commitment, blow jobs, pursuit of excellence)
I think my current teacher is under the impression that I am limited in my cognitive ability. The format of this class includes multiple papers that while submitted regularly, we can choose a select few for evaluation later on. With this bit of understanding, I am playing the procrastinate now, kick ass later schema. With return of my papers, I receive feedback. I am usuing this as a gauge for formulating future ability specific papers.
So I get to school two hours early. Within a half an hour, he too has arrived. I am alone. He goes right into the topics, my papers and doing what he can to engage me in conversation. I was not feeling sociable nor contemplative. I came in with the desire to relax and veg out..either online or read the Wall Street Journal I picked up earlier.
I attempt to posture myself to deflect interaction. I reach for my iPod, I pull out my school books, I turn slightly away, mutter close ended comments and try despretely to will him to go away. If I had my trusty little gray hoody on, i would have pulled that over my head and pulled myself into a fetal position. Not that even that would have worked, as the iPod headset didn't do anything for my situation..
Hmm.. hoody over the head, turned away, book in face.. posturing for non interaction.. this sure feels familiar.
Oooh, I think we are getting out early. Sweeet. I could get used to this. I have been going non stop since 6:45 am.
And I didn't get the best sleep..
but not complaining. My very personal thoughts sustanined me all day long...
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