I am in class.

I sometimes (often) have trouble maintaining my focus on the lecture portion of the evening. The class runs 5 hours... after a full day at work.. and I often come to class early (yeh, yeh, say what you must).. it all makes for a very long day. Not that I would change a thing ;)

Well, except for the paper I wrote today.

22-23 pages. I'm neither gloating nor complaining. I am..

FREAKING OUT! (well, thats an over statement.. let me continue)

I think I may have "missed the marK" on it. I interpreted the expected deliverables in a manner that is different than what the instructor expects. UH OH.

I've been known to take "artistic licsense" in my writing, research and eventual end product. I take risks.. I know what I am writing about, it is well organized and it has a point, really.. :) In the past, my work has been regarded as exceptional.. for taking those risks.
So, its one thing to purposely take the paper another route, quite another that I would have missed it without awareness. What is that?? How did I miss that?

Initially I freaked. Well, I began to get a little warm, getting all itchy--am I breaking out in hives? nah.. just need to get in the shower once in awhile.. ;) (if you are wondering, I am kidding). So, I feel a little parched.. heart is beating a little faster..

When I gave myself a moment to reflect on my actions, it came down to that fact that I am not deterred by ramifications that others impose on me. Whether I was aware of it or not, I chose this route. I had begun the paper utilizing a particular frame work, then I abandoned it. I thought my new idea was better than the original idea. (I didn't know that my original idea of how to set up the paper is what the expectation actually turned out to be). I had the opportunity to pull together another paper, during class if I had to. The task seemed daunting as I would have to abandon the information I had previously researched and written. Yet it wasn't that that stopped me from rewriting the paper. I decided to go ahead and hand in my creation. Not sure how it will go.. but I don't care. My only regret is not putting in as much time and effort as I should have.

This isn't a snag.. its a "wrinkle in my universe" to learn from :) Taking chances is good for character. The positives outway the negatives in my world. I'm not worried about poor grades, or external influences. Only the internal ones, in which, I will not allow myself to procrastinate to this degree ever again.

Anyhow, I would never do failing work. If anything, I sometimes do not perform to my own expectations. It is my work, I am taking what I want/need from the course and I test authority/expectations. Usually to the betterment of myself..

not to be a jerk :)

yeh.. 'cause I am sooo mean. arrrr!! grrrr!!

Anyhow...now I am super curious as to what the instructor thinks about my written creation, haha.

OoooOOOooohh class is about over..

got to go!

be good, friends..
Carey

Its so good to be back to work, although it will take awhile to get back into routine. Everything from sleeping, cooking, eating, cleaning, exercising has been off whille on break. I am working on the sleep schedule and trying to remember to eat and eat well. Cheerios and tuna doesn't cut it. I need to actually cook/prepare something. Everything else will fall into place within a few days.

I needed to clean my apartment.. and search for the missing spider-monster. It is still elusive.. bah Anyhow, I love the feeling of a freshly cleaned home. I lit some vanilla candles, added sandlewood oil to a diffuser, plugged in a set of patio lights (they were too nice to limit their use to outdoors in the summer), and set the iPod playlist to OAR and Morcheeba (oh, and a little Lords of Acid).

I did not attend to much school work today, other than working on an administrative problem (I am class rep for my program and do extra stuff as needed) . I will be doing all of the paper/project tomorrow after work. That is the only time I have to work on it.

This full time work-full time grad school- and class rep hat is making me feel a little fizzled. Partly because I am focused on the future and am concerned about my next step. I will be done in four months.. then what??? So instead of focusing my energy on class, I am burning out my thoughts on my impending time of transition. Now that I have written it and admitted this to myself, I can work harder at staying focused in the present.

So until tomorrow, I will rid myself of any substantial thought. I will just relax my mind, drink tea and allow myself to drift to sleep.

My deepest thought at the moment is this: Should I get bangs? lol.. yeh, I am actually asking about how to get my hair cut next. I told ya, nothing deep from here on out, tonight. So, on any given day it is long, wavy-curly-bed headish, parted down the middle or slightly to the side. Lightly layered/shaped for movement and remove heaviness. Sometimes I straighten it for a more polished look. Not sure how I came to wonder about bangs..

Oh and I want a PUPPY.. my biological dog clock is ticking or something.. I want a dog and I want one NOW. (I am not having children.. been planning on having a dog. Sounds like a good deal to me). This is what I have always wanted.. a yellow lab :)



It has come to my attention that I could have a dog of that size in my apartment. Now, its a matter of working on the landlord. I also have a lot to learn before I get a puppy.. but I really want one!!! NOW! :)

OK.. thats going to be it for now. Otherwise I delve into other, more substantial thoughts.. and this isn't allowed tonight.. besides, Im not up for writing three thousand words right now. ;)

So I end this with:

The lyrics to my user sound, which is, I'll Stand By You by The Pretenders. I like this song based on the lyrics. It has a nice sentiment... basically, you are there for that person no matter what..they are accepted as is, no matter what...

Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don't be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
cause I've seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you

So if you're mad, get mad
Don't hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well I'm a lot like you
When you're standing at the crossroads
And don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
'cause even if you're wrong

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you

And when...
When the night falls on you, baby
You're feeling all alone
You won't be on your own

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you

I'll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Wont let nobody hurt you
Ill stand by you

Take Care
carey

Never too early to start thinking about the weekend:

Ideas??

here's one (e:vincent,35) brought to my attention:

Broadway Joes (3051 Main Street)
This Friday, April 28th
10pm
The Karma Policee www.myspace.com/tkpmusic




In other news..

ahh. Nope, got nuthin'

other than one or two ruminations..but, thats the standard operating procedure of my brain/heart


Proudly, I managed to do a little school work tonight. I had to send out a part of a group assignment, so atleast that much is done. Other school work is preparing a paper/project for a final due this week. This one has me nervous..


Off to do some late night tidying up before bed..

later peeps and sweet dreams!

(delayed post due to computer issues..)


My fearless and fuzzy warrior, adventure seeker and Ferocious Bug (and marshmallow) Slayer. My Joe (Joseph, Joey, Jo Jo No Beans), the king of the apartment jungle...

When he is staring intently at something 30 feet away, I have learned to investigate, although occasionally to my great horror and distress...although, most often to my amusement (and occasional annoyance, "Joe, please don't pounce on my head at three am. My long tresses are not evil serpents of doom, really.")

This wasn't one of those amusing times.

"What are you looking at Joe?"



He's looking around, following something that I can't see, as lamps and curtains are in the way. But something is there, heavy breathing, licking its chops..

"Joe..?"




"ok, Joe.. what is it..?"


I was barely awake-- pretty much just rolled out of bed... so, rubbing my eyes, I go in to take a closer look..

OMG- Its HUGE! Kill it!! Kill it!!!!!!!!!

Ahh, its a giant, hairy, multi-legged fang baring monster lurking in my apartment. Staring, waiting..AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!





I get up on a chair, "EEK!".. no, that's not right..thats for mice. OK, I get up on a chair, to take a closer look at the hulking mutant. I'm scared silly but fascinated just the same.. Joe climbs onto the furniture and up onto his cat perch to try to see what *I* am going to do with the spider. "well, what are *you* gonna do about it, huh?"

Trying not to scare myself off the chair..




(it was looking at me, sizing me up and down- I expected it to fling itself at my face)



upon much closer inspection..

• shivers*

(found that spider on google, not on my ceiling)

so, I abandoned the spider, as there was no way I was going to mess with it. I was afraid hulking Big Momma spider would come out and kick my ass. So, Joe and I went and sat down on the floor next to the front door and relaxed for a few..

ahhhh, sunshine and fresh air..

Last night was quiet, overall.

I was tired and not terribly talkative. For those that know me, I am normally chipper and locquacious. I kept yawning even after two full cups of coffee..

A glass of Guiness almost sent me into a coma.. more yawning.

why so tired??

And so today, I fell asleep on my couch for almost three hours...I could keep on sleeping..

I should go outside even if it is a bit dark..

I want to do something but I don't feel like actually going anywhere. Maybe that will change.

I could grab a cup of coffee and hopefully have enough energy to clean/do laundry.

We'll see.., maybe it will just be another quiet night..

what does it say when you..


put the toilet paper on the kitchen counter..

..and the box of Cheerios in the bathroom..

Super quick post

Hehhehehe I am posting, yay! I am too excited about this...


Last night my internet connection left.. poof, gone, buh bye.

and yeh.. oh shit,.. I have a paper to resaerch and write.

So I find a hot spot (end up at SPot Delaware).. and hang there for a few hours.. do some research-- connection isn't quick enough so it began to annoy me.. and I had to leave.

oh.. and a parking ticket awaited me. Its apparently been awhile, as I noticed the $30 price tag on that little piece of paper stuck under my wipers. Back in the day.. hehe.. they were $10. Yep, i am the resident law breaker. Bad to the bone. arr >:P

OK, so I come home.. still nothing.

I was not sure what to do with myself... I walked around aimlessly.. looking at my computer.. wistfully.. hoping that little green light would appear, telling me those beloved words: "wireless is now connected"

nada..

then,instead of bed, I called Verizon, at 1:00 am- girl can't sleep-

and they were HELPFUL.

I was hooked up in no time. They prompted me through a few things, then VOILA, Thee Carey is thee happiest!

YAYAYAYYAYYAYYAY


Will post later on fun stuff..

Good night and be good!

I passed on a traditional Easter basket this year. I thought it would be best not to have ten pounds of candy within my reach. Usually I need to be in the mood for candy-- but if it is just sitting there, I will gnaw on it until its gone. Living alone has the drawback of not being able to blame the depletion of the contents of an Easter basket on someone else. Can't *always* blame the cat. Although according to the pic in my prior post, the Easter bunny wasn't making his rounds anyways!

My mom brought me 4 or 5 perrenials that need to be planted and some other gardening stuff, Pier 1 votives and holders, and a vanilla Yankee jar candle, yum.

We went to see The Benchwarmers. I giggled through the whole movie. "I like beef stew" has taken on a whole new meaning. Then we went to the casino and ate a very nice dinner at the Italian restaurant. My friend runs the place...He hooked us up..made sure we were well taken care of. It was an extra nice evening with wine, appetizers, entree, dessert, coffee. I am not so happy with the way my hair smells and eyes burn after walking around the smokey casino. It was particularly bad today.

I think I will spend some time this week working on cleaning up the yard and flower beds. Get out the shovels, rakes, red Radio Flyer wagon, radio and gloves ( I don't mind the dirt, it is my hate of touching insects that propel the need). I should shop for mulch, topsoil and check prices on a gazebo I saw last year. Need somewhere to drink my mojitos (made w/ home grown mint) on those gorgeous hot summer evenings...

Weekend was over too quickly. Good conversation, laughter and music (and a few drinks) was a great way to spend Friday evening. Saturday was spent outdoors, of which I got a little pink on my chest. A couple hours at Spot reading TS Elliot was a catalyst in applying what I read to my life--I jotted notes. Maybe I will get to rounding out my thoughts later in the week. I totally crashed by 8pm that evening and woke around 1am to spend a few hours playing computer games until I was tired enough to fall asleep again. Craziness.

So I racked my brain to figure out what commercial a certain song was in. --Well with a little help with Yahoo-- sorry we don't *always* need to Google something. I have moved on to Yahooing it.-- I figured it out. The song from the Flaming Lips is in the Mitsubishi Gallant commercial. It is also my current user sound.
And so, I leave you with the lyrics. Hope everyone had a safe holiday.

With great affection,
Carey

Flaming Lips- Do you Realize

Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize - we're floating in space -
Do You Realize - that happiness makes you cry
Do You Realize - that everyone you know someday will die

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do You Realize - Oh - Oh - Oh
Do You Realize - that everyone you know
Someday will die -

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize

I am in the mood to eat some peeps. heh...

But the question is.. the marshmallow kind or the (e:strip) kind? ;)


Need to go buy chocolate and jelly beans and see whats goin' on today..




Happy Easter!





:)

I'm with (e:mrdt,32) --Its been too damn long.

I think its the general sentiment as of late..

so do I take a look through my "list"..?? make a call.. send an email..

or do I stay commited to my resolve to only get "invloved" with someone who is in love with me (and visa versa) ;)



The day is still young.. I'll think more about it over a cup of tea, Miles Davis and watching the rain fall..