01/30/07 12:49 - 18ºF - ID#37916
Use the left click to change colors. Simple amusment. Great for desk jobs!
tried to save my 'art work', but it didn't happen. Believe me, it was a masterpiece ;)
snagged Pollock work from Google images:
Location: Youngstown, NY
01/28/07 03:50 - 23ºF - ID#37901
Quantum: Ectoplasmic Rumination
I can't stop giggling over a girls reaction to my shaking her hand.
I came home last night to the immense pleasure of seeing (e:flacidness) , who's trip to B-lo I was unaware of. Yay! He came with his family of friends..
With introductions, I prepared everyone verbally that my hands are freezing as I had just walked in from the cold- not just from my car, but had also been walking around outside for a bit prior to that- and I had left my gloves in Sean's truck.
The shaking of hands proceeded as expected until the last one. How so? The girl recoiled her hand as if she had just been electrified by my touch and suddenly covered in ectoplasm, which she proceeded to wipe on her hip.
yes, i said, 'ectoplasm'.
I bust out laughing- finding such intense humor in it. Nothing negative, just an observation that I found to be really funny.
I hung out with the group- my beloved roomies and travelers- dancing to Kimya, Tony!Toni!Tone!, shaking my top and bottom to Beyonce, giving the men new 'hair dos', (floofy is SO in) playing 'dress up (e:terry) ' (he is such a doll!) and stealing sips of (e:Paul) 's screw driver. Just feeling light, feeling good, always enjoying time with friends.I wanted the evening to keep going as it was fun to relax with everyone. Instead, I grabbed a few belongings and headed back out into the night. I had some stuff to take care of, that out of responsibility, could not be put off. Coming in for an hour or so was a nice bonus to an already really lovely weekend. My needing to go back out wasnt a chore, as I new that shortly thereafter I would be able to go to bed- sleep that was much needed. I knew that my best choice of sleep arrangement for last night was to go back to Y-Town, so I could check in on my beloved furblobs, snuggle under a mound of blankets and get the rest needed to wake up fresh and ready to tackle some phone calls and bill paying. Mmmmm soft flannel sheets, a heated mattress pad and my stuffed turltle made for comfy and warm nocturnality. Indeed, I slept well, good dreams were had and remembered. It leaves me with a decidedly pleasant feeling... a continued effect of spending time with really wonderful people.
A weekend seminar was shared with new friends. Everything that was discussed has been a strong part of me for as long as I can remember. While some people went to learn or build upon what they know, I went for the experience, curiousity, the connection and to tweak some areas of my thought process. Bijan is indeed fun and informative, yet all that he says is all that I have long ago embraced on my own accord. tres cool..The absolute best part (which it was all good, even when literally running around Niagara Falls looking for lunch *wink*) is just spending time with friends and experiencing something so personal together. (e:inspiraysean) , (e:laurajean) and a few other most excellent people got together for this weekend. We had fun. fun. fun.
Meditations were deeply touching; I really like the guided variety. I am able to focus and follow someone elses words. When left to my own mental device- I go from meditating to another form of 'imagery" ;) or fall asleep. Right now is a time for me for sharing and strengthening a life time of observations and continuing with having a "can do" and "will do" attitude as opposed to the reality that many of us were brought up to beat down our abilities- whether by parents, friends, media, teachers, society in general. Much of this contemplation is infused in my writing- but it is not as overt as other writers.
In a speech by Nelson Mandela, there is a line that I have long ago thought to simply make sense. "...We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?..." exactly- really now, who are you NOT to be freakin' fantastic? Why wait for someone else to tell you or make you feel that way. You are and can be if you just allow it. Anything is possible, nothing is impossible- if you want something, if you want something more. That is why I keep at it- saying and doing things in a certain manner.,It just is. I just am. I will work on articulating my thoughts, as I have plenty of them :)
Right now I am just feeling through it all as opposed to being able to form words. I began this post to quickly jot some thoughts down as I down loaded some tunes off of Lime Wire, but I sense it going for a lot more than what I originally intended. I categorize posts that will have less than 500 words as "quickies satisfy"- which I typed in as I was only going to relay the humorous handshake. I have a few articles I am in the process of writing. Some pertaining to lessons learned early in life others relating to subjects that I havent written or read much about in awhile, such as Quantum physics, Quantum mechanics, chaos theory- fun stuff! (e:theecarey,133). I intend to use this post and accumulation of thoughts from this past weeked, as a spring board into writing about those topics.
While I have a few concerns, I am not a worrier- actually I am quite free spirited and laid back. And knowing this, I need to deal with it head on and let it go. I am very close to my child-like ways, so I never abandoned the fundamental need to have fun and to have a life that is pleasant and abundant in everything you want. Simple pleasures.. every day.. and each day is mine for the having.. and I like to share.
While my ruminations are usually subtle- occasionally I put it out there stronger. Yes, I am positive, but I am not deluded. I am well aware of the world and reality around us. There is no need to sugar-coat-- but there is a need to be kind to ourselves, to be grateful for what we have and who we are. Its easy to beat ourselves up. "I'm not good at that", "I'm out of shape", "I am always fucking up", "Drama always find me". Sometimes we put that on others, "S/He is like all the others, and will lie, cheat and be irresponsible, etc" If you have low expectations of yourself or others, you are usually correct in the outcome. If we can control just some of it- we can be better, feel better for it. Go ahead and tell yourself that you are a decent human being capable of anything. I figure, its all in my favor, so why not go for it?!
In the sociological and psychological applications, this is ground in the principle of 'self fulfilling prophecy'-a false definition of the situation evoking a new behaviour which makes the original false conception come true. This can be used to produce positive effects. With the Pygmalion Effect, this is directly applied to expectations set for another. Studies and literature primarily exemplify this in the form of student-teacher scenerios, where when teacher expectation of students were high, the students indeed tended to perform better. These studies were done to support the hypothesis that reality can be influenced by the expectations of others. In the 'spiritual' sense, you may find terms such as "manifestation" and 'power of the spoken word". There are many other 'effects', and hypothesis grounded in various fields of academic and life study. What they all aim to understand is how our perceptions- real or not will produce a very real outcome based on those initial thoughts.
So I choose, because it fits my life, to say and do things that support my attitude relating to this. I love my friends and family and all of the wonderful opportunities that come in to my life. I love making new connections and living in the moment. I have let go of a lot over the years and I understand that I accept me and you, right now, as is. Improvement will continue as I choose this. What I have said and done in the past that was shameful is just that: in the past. Awareness of areas that I want to improve is key. Before I open my mouth or make a move, I can decide if it is the best thing for me. Maybe it is, maye it isn't- but it will be my choice and ramifications good or bad are all on me. I am grateful that I often find humor and adventure in less than perfect situations. Not all great things will happen, but if I can get a laugh out of those other times, or use it as an opportunity to learn and grow- then I do. It may not be great while you are in it, but knowing that this will pass, and that you will get out of it- well, can be a profound experience. The last quarter of 2006 was a trying time of figuring out what the next step is. By reveling in my abilities and understanding where my heart and passion is, the situation I was dealing with dissolved and another door opened. That very night I was beaming bright with gratitude- (e:theecarey,356)
And so I am through that 'wall', that 'door'-- and I am not looking back. I am where I need to be and I am in a good place, for me.
Location: Youngstown, NY
01/25/07 11:25 - 6ºF - ID#37870
I realized that I drastically under ate today. I will certainly survive ;) Some veggies this afternoon then some yummy pomagranite green tea (thanks, Sean!) was it. I just sometimes forget, especially when I am super busy, such as today. However the effect of looking through a home magazine that almost every page had food pictures on it, worked its way into my having a voracious appetite by the time I got home just a short while ago. I needed a nibble of something. My bachelorette choice for 'nourishment' this late evening:
Sauerkraut and a little rice crispy cereal w/ vanilla soy milk.
Not my first choice, certainly not (e:mrmike) 's pot pie, but it sufficed. Dont like to eat late- but it is better than a growly belly in the night.
I found this odd- A small can of sauerkraut is broken down into 14 servings. really, 14? There isn't much in the can to begin with. So at 5 calories per serving, the whole can would be oooh 70 cals. don't go hog wild now. I always rinse the extra briney salt off. I just really dig the 'kraut sometimes.
Well, time for bed, so much good stuff going on tomorrow. ooh, but before I do, I must get the garbage out- there is a lot! brrrrrrrrrr!
Location: Youngstown, NY
Category: quickies satisfy
01/25/07 05:00 - 13ºF - ID#37864
taking out the trash
Immediately I realized that I have an abundance of material items that are no longer necessary in my life. I gave away what I could and threw out the rest. Bringing garbage out to the road has been a delightful work out. Tonight it will need to be dragged through the thick snow, but it will get there. It is so nice to see the extra baggage leaving my sight. I began to make room for better as opposed to holding on. Its nice. Energy is flowing.
What originally brought me to post is that it had also been atleast two weeks since I have vacuumed, as I could not see the floor until just recently (I said I made a mess in this process!). Tired and hungry I considered saving the vacuuming until another day, yet I felt strongly compelled to finish. As I pushed and pulled the vacuum back and forth across the floor, varying thoughts and scenerios played out in my mind. Most revolving around the last quarter of 2006. Picking up bits of dirt and rummage was like picking up bits of these past few months. They were no longer needed and served no purpose other than to clutter my spirit. My thoughts weren't negative but they were cumbersome. When I realized the vacuum in essence was sucking up the last bits of residual work-related matter, my vacuuming efforts were now enjoyable, as just minutes before I *really* didn't want to do it. Oh boy, I felt better by the time I finished. Looking around, I know things are better.
very cool, and as I have been saying for years- I am grateful for that.
stay warm, peeps
wow-- my neighbor just came up my driveway with his snowplow. Now my taking out my garbage will be so much easier!
Location: Youngstown, NY
01/23/07 11:21 - 30ºF - ID#37842
Niagara Falls- 1909
Other noteworthy ice jams have been recorded for 1848, 1890, 1899, 1912, 1938, 1956.
Imagine living around here in 1848, the first time that Niagara Falls (American Falls) completely stopped flowing. People thought that this signified the end of the world!. The more adventurous of the locals wandered out onto the riverbed to explore the new vantage point. Others found really cool artifacts dating back to the war of 1812. Among these items were muskets, bayonets and tomahawks. This visual phenomenon was all possible due to the occurance of an ice jam at the mouth of the Niagara River and Lake Erie. This ice jam stopped the water from running down the Niagara River to the Falls.
In the following pictures, the ice jam slowed the water, which allowed the outer portions to freeze, however, the deeper sections of the falls continued to flow. The effects of ice jams were a common occurance prior to installation of the "ice-boom", which is installed to hold back most (but not all) of the ice that normally forms mid December. However, with the milder regional temperatures of late, the lake and river have not frozen over. When the lake does freeze, as with the falls, it freezes the surface portion still allowing for water to flow underneath. This creates an ice bridge at the bottom of the falls. People were allowed to walk out on the "bridge" for many years until one horrific occurance, in 1912, when three people died after breaking through. Yikes!
"The American Falls have frozen over on six occasions since the keeping of records began. Each were attributed to ice jams that have actually curtailed the flow of the American Falls to mere trickles."
"Unlike the Horseshoe Falls (which has never frozen over), the American Falls are susceptible to freezing because of the small amount of water flow."
"The installation of the ice boom at the mouth of Lake Erie, the building of the International water control dam (which regulates water flow) and milder winters have all but eliminated the possibility of the American Falls ever completely freezing over in modern times."
"The American Falls water flow was reduced to such an extent in 1909, 1936, 1938 and 1949 that it froze over."
"The American Falls today receives only 10% of the total water flow. In the early 1900's that flow was much less, perhaps only 5%."
above qoutes taken from following link:
Stay warm, peeps!
Location: Youngstown, NY
01/23/07 01:39 - 30ºF - ID#37835
Two X Two Things
1. if your chocolate icecream is melting, you should probably NOT leave it sitting out. That is what a freezer (or the porch) is for. :(
1a. Melted icecream does not refreeze or do anything else well, other than being tossed in the garbage.
2. its SNOWING- time to go outside and play. woo hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!
2a. XC skiing will be the play of choice, as snowball fights by myself may not go over very well with the locals. It would be funny though. (e:vincent) , do you have skiis or snow shoes to join me?
3. I am not a vegetarian, although a majority of my diet would say otherwise. What makes me totally un-veggie is the occasional need to sick my teeth into a cow. Yes, its that time of the year that I highly desire a slab of beef-grilled medium- and nothing else at all. I prefer poultry/fish when I get my meat on and occasionally any other form if it looks/smells good. However, this ravenous-carnivore desire is undeniable. It began yesterday, and I thought perhaps my body just wanted protein- so I selected a chicken sandwhich at Cafe 59 although an Eggplant sandwhich would have been preferred, taste wise. That didn't do it. So later on, I had an egg for dinner (brunch held me over). Nope, still not satisfied. Thats when I concluded that a pitstop at Federal Meats is in my future. Just a little is needed to suffice.
3a. With my steak, a side of red wine and an action movie is all that is needed, wanted.
4. My car is back. It was the brake line. The cost was nothing that I couldn't handle. Glad to have wheels again! :)
Be well, stay warm, drive safe!
Location: Youngstown, NY
01/22/07 07:23 - 24ºF - ID#37822
Ready for your spankings, dahling??????????
we know how to spank on (e:strip) hehe
HAPPY 30th BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I totally stole the naked man pick from google images from a birthday card site. This card reads..
"what do you call a naked man in your back yard?....'ART' -Happy Birthday"
I could think of much more creative and delicious words and phrases to go with that image, so I will leave you to do just that.
again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
Love, luck and lots of whipped cream,
Location: Youngstown, NY
01/20/07 10:04 - 19ºF - ID#37798
Walking the Buffalo Divide
I bundled up in layers, tossed a backpack on my shoulders and headed out the door, no particular destination or time frame in mind. I love my strong leg and butt muscles. They take me anywhere I want to go and as far as I want to go. It is wonderful to just take off walking and eventually forget that my lower body is moving as my mind takes over and takes in my surroundings or takes me places other than my surroundings.
My ever reliable back pack contained a few essentials: ID, cash, shiny lip gloss and two books. A pit stop for a steaming cup of blackberry sage tea allowed me the time to finish reading, The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo- another source that is replete with ideas and messages that I have thought about already in the past. One paragraph brought a tear to my eyes; it is strange to feel things much more strongly than what I have in the past. I dig it. The second book, Sun Tzu's The Art of War, was started and abandoned back in August of 2006 (e:theecarey,228) . I had needed to amp up my academic efforts therefore suspended reading anything that was not school related. I read a few more pages before heading back out into the cold and icy January day. It is a quick, albeit occasionally complicated read. I love that I can catch up on my reading. I pulled out at least a dozen books from my collection that I fully intend to delightfully tear into.
I returned to the 24 with anticipation of curling up and relaxing on my deep orange body melting barcalounger. I lit a few vanilla candles, put on a full length sweater, added a blanket for extra warmth and turned off the lights. I laid back and closed my eyes, not falling asleep but not fully awake either. Thoughts swirled around behind my closed eyes; most were visual with an emphasis on delicious.
Having not paid attention to the time all day, I am not sure how long I relaxed in my chair. Ooh, that chair felt good- it has been such a long time since I just sat down like that. The primary effect was rejuvenation which was much needful after a very busy and late night prior. It was nice to shake off any lingering negativity and insecurities as well. yeh, it happens and I just deal with it head on. With newfound freshness, I stood up and stretched, went downstairs to make tea, then resumed my stretching in more purposeful manner. I am very flexible and work at maintaining a balance in this flexibility; it must be combined with strength and balance to be optimal. I should take a yoga class or buy a DVD to further enhance my abilities.
Considering that I am outdoors as much as possible (I go through a lot of SPF lotion all year long!) and immensely enjoy walking/hiking, it would do me well to incorporate it more with other fond activities such as writing and phtography. I love packing my backpack and heading out into the woods, usually without a destination, time frame or predetermined distance. Now, how about trying something different- having to carefully map out the destination with logistics pertaining to time and distance (and survival, hehe!) ? I would like to strive for hiking the continental divide one day. I am sure I have mentioned it before as it is something I think about on again, off again. However, I have taken an active approach to looking into it.
3000 miles. Come on, who's with me???Any takers?????????? hehe
yes yes yes yes!
update via p:mobl another pic trying to get the flower. Mirror image picked up me as well, when I looked at the whole image(accidentally and then purposefully). Still can't get in close enough for the flower as hoped. Sepia tone on Pocket PC.
Location: Youngstown, NY
01/19/07 08:03 - 26ºF - ID#37786
peacefully perplexed pt3
As mentioned, this year is all about me. mySelf. A focus on me, myself and I. This is a profoundly wonderful objective. It has always made sense to do so, and often it was the prevailing underlying current in my life. My posts of the past 18 months here and the other 22 years of writing depict this in the details. I had strayed away a few times and have been in situations that really tested my resolve; however, I continue to come out for the better, as learning, appreciation and continued awarness guides this. Now with a greatly heightened sense of awareness and a purely peaceful state of being, I am now operating in the most perfect way. Basically being that you have to treat yourself well, love yourself and be good to yourself before you can do that with or for any other. What is different in this phase of my life is that this objective has come in full tide- with magnificent waves, which I am riding baby, yeah!
I am open- I feel, I sense, I see, I "get it". I understand that now that I am connecting with and sharing with others all of what I have known through my life. It is only now that I am reading, listening, truly considering and seeking out other peoples words. There is more in the message than what is being said. If you are open, you just 'get it'- because it resonates within. And you are drawn to others and visa versa, relationships form and develop sweetly. It's a beautiful thing.
Another relationship that becomes attended to is the one between the mind and the body. My body is responding to my mind. My mind is treating my body better. I have known and experienced the effects of how I treat my body over the last quarter of 2006. I wasn't nice to it at all and I knew it. So many events and 'tides of understanding' led to the re focus on mySelf and my body is treated so much nicer. The effects of doing so are becoming apparent each and every day. My body is returning to its natural state. Watch out ;)
Having thought this all through recently, with clarity and detail, it perplexed me that just last night a message regarding exactly this was shared with me- deeply affecting me as I later reflected upon it. How strange that the thoughts that were going through my mind and heart are being spoken so eloquently by someone else-and to share that with wonderful people from afar and right next to me. Not one to sit still for long, I disconnected the call once the primary messgae was complete- I was not ready nor interested in hearing the static of others peoples voices at that point. Instead I wanted to think about the experience and therefore stood up and stretched. I proceeded to the porch door and looked out into the night. I looked all around taking in the new scenery. I was in familiar territory but not from this vantage point. All around me trees swayed in response to the evening zephyr. Would there be a storm tonight? In the distance a light flickered, its spikes of light shining in four distinct directions. I focused on its center. Soon, I was centered as well. The light eventually became steady and the breeze transitioned into a branch shaking wind. I could feel the energy around me increase in response to the strong gusts. My thoughts were in rhythm with the cold night air- questions to ponder such as: what am I doing,where am I going, how am I feeling, how interesting to feel so..comfortable.. and such a strong sense of deja vous.. wow..and I just let it all sink in- and this produced full body tingles, a sensation in my heart and a lump in my throat. I disengaged from my rumination feeling intoxicated. I could barely speak. What ever is that about??? Yet it felt fine in themoment. Slowly I gathered myself together and made my way back out into the night. Momentarily stopping to look up to the sky, I predicted that it wouldn't be long before the snow begins. A leisurely drive returned me to the mansion, where I would be all by myself for the next hour. After getting a bit more comfortable (kicking off my shoes, flinging my bra across the room) the effects of the evening continued to pervade my cerebration. I was not ready for sleep nor was I capable of reading a chapter from my book. I wanted to write, yet the words would not form. As this is all part of the process of focusing on me, I felt persuaded to try to capture the essence of the moment even if I didn't explain what it is.
Some of you asked if I was in "like" with anyone, perhaps even in "love". The comments, site messages and AIM messages were quite inquisitive today. too cute. I agree, my word choices made it sound like something specific is going on. And as it takes a lot for me to be even mildly interested, this would be a big deal. Carey in "like" woah! Well, you were right on and therefor my answer is yes! yes! yes!
Me! me! me!
And the rest.. will follow. It is just the natural course of focusing on oneself.
But it will take an equally self focused man to sustain my attention.
- sigh* a strange day after a strange night of dreams- details and revelations that hit upon major areas of my life. My imagination is intense and it is electrified during REM- fascinating when it seems to be just a story even more so when it seems to be showing me a few things about myself. Getting curious about tonights dreams!
a fortune quote:
"it is always darkest before dawn"
I shall make note of this. Today seems dark. There is a feisty energy in the air and I am feeling rather, sassy. I am in the mood to wrestle, to be blunt and take care of business, 'biznass'. I'm catching up on phone calls and making decisions about certain relations. It is a very social day and there is a sense of 'bad ass'. Such an opposite effect after last night. Old survival skills? Energy? A temporary dip below the line? This energy needs to be directed in a positive manner. Booty call could take care of it as much as a fist fight could (not that I would, I am a lovah not a fighter)- or unwantingly, exacerbate it. Some intense physicality is necessary. OR I can choose to refocus and continue my purposeful resolve..
we'll see :)
right now it is time to put on my warm jammies and have a drink with the peeps!
Location: Youngstown, NY
01/19/07 01:14 - 33ºF - ID#37772
peacefully perplexed pt2
Location: Youngstown, NY
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