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Last Visit 2018-12-15 14:47:37 |Start Date 2006-02-26 22:31:48 |Comments 618 |Entries 596 |Images 1,547 |Videos 113 |Mobl 2 |

Category: brainwashed

05/25/06 04:07 - 70ºF - ID#37109

Yea, I'm OK

Yea after working for 7 days straight I think my mind went a little loopy. The most important thing out of this is I think finally after years of being stubborn I think I may be finally experiencing a breakthrough. On my 7th Day I went early to see my "shrink" on my last day and afternoon shift. Something he said to me actually got through for once. The state that I am in currently is a bit uncomfortable, but for the longest time I actually logically believed that I could not do anything about it. So I just stayed where I was stewed and festered. Being restless and uncomfortable but unable to move, but knowing with that there is so much more potential out there. I guess it would be like waking up during a surgery consciously aware but unable to move or communicate.

I don't feel that way today and hopefully it was stay and resonate through my life.

Going to pick up my new specs if I can get away from doing a productive endeavor at the moment. I will take a pic as soon as I can.

Just trying to figure out if the weather is going to cooperate for TATS.

At least I know what day is actually is today!

EDIT I'm going, heading up to the Square now. Yea a bit early but I have nothing better to do at the moment. No sense of working out right before the show. I'm going to be standing for 3 hours.
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Permalink: Yea_I_m_OK.html
Words: 253
Location: Youngstown, NY

05/24/06 03:04 - 50ºF - ID#37108

Yea I'm really fun

So I make a deal and work a 7th day today. My relief never shows up and I'm there for another hour until they figured out what to do. So I get out of there at 12. I'm contemplating going out to a bar on 3rd street. I drive by and there are a few people out. Nothing special but nothing dead. I just come home and shy away from drinking from my crazy brethren.

I come home to an empty house. My Dad is not back from his Germany/Florida trip. He comes home at 2am. From my place of employment!!! At least he brought home some leftovers from La Cascata!!!

All I can say is I'm really exciting when my Dad is living it up and I'm home in front of the computer....
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Permalink: Yea_I_m_really_fun.html
Words: 134
Location: Youngstown, NY

Category: dating

05/23/06 02:29 - ID#37107

Oh it is way too late and I am just too blurry to be posting anything. Haven't been home in 2 days. This is not special in and of itself except for the fact that I thought it was spring and turned off the heat. Temperature when I returned home from work this afternoon in my house....54 degrees!!!!! Needless to say it inspired me to clean the downstairs since it the conditions would physically prevent me from breaking a sweat in cleaning, and it did! :-)

But back to the topic logged on to my much useless account to find that 3 people have "winked" or whatever they do to let you know that they have been checking you out. The first person was 19 and currently resides in Warner, New Hampshire...OUT and it also looks pretty fake.

The second is 4 years older than me and lives in NF Ontario. Not too attractive, but not a deal breaker...Kids and they sometimes live at home....Not too good, although not a total deal breaker...TV Show PRISON BREAK...........OUT, Totally.....Delete
That show caused way too many problems with my Ex. I can't stand sitcom TV drama. She loves that kind of stuff. That was the total deal breaker. Yea, I'm totally weird and harsh!

Third lives in Lancaster, quite a distance..Not good but not a totally out of the running. Not too bad in her pics. Looks halfway intelligent. Pic of her and her cat, same color as my Ex's......OUT
As a disc lamer I am most pretty sure I'm allergic to cats in the first place, but the same color.....Too close to home.

Yea I am probaly being weird and unreasonable, but deep down I know they just weren't for me at all.

As in the conversation I was having with someone at work this afternoon, "Where do people meet these days anyway?"

I'm not particularly looking at the moment but if I was I think I would feel really nervous right about now about any potential prospects or any kind of opportunity to have reasonable chance encounter.

Scary Stuff.
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Permalink: match_com.html
Words: 355
Location: Youngstown, NY

Category: numb

05/21/06 01:37 - 52ºF - ID#37106


So I am just updating for the sake of getting to the half century mark. This weekend was pretty much shot. I have been working like a total fool so far this week and will until Sat. All I am focused on right now is that Karma Police Show @ the brickyard on the 27th. Anything else right now is just something that is just getting me by until then.

What is really doing the job right now is the CD from The Twilight Singers "Powder Burns." Just what I needed, a nice soundtrack to the drama that I have been going through with my Ex's over the last month. I just love that man Greg D.

It is just way too late or early and I need to grab some more sleep before I head off to work at 7:30 this morning.

Another random though, why is my myspace page getting hits all of a sudden? For the longest time I was lucky to get 2 or 3 every 5 days. Now it's 15-20 a day! What is the deal?

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Permalink: cruisecontrol.html
Words: 176
Location: Youngstown, NY

Category: self observation

05/19/06 12:43 - 49ºF - ID#37105

Being Sick

So after 4 days off I return to work sick. I'm battling this viscous head cold that is just making my nose run, run and run...
The upside on this is that I have just zonked out when I have returned home from work and just slept for 6 hours. I wake up around 9 or so and grab some leftovers in my fridge and then try to go back to bed. Sleep to me is a comforting drug right about now. Nothing bothers or hurts me when I'm just layed out. In some ways I think that is how I have done a descent job in the effort to stay young. Yea, sleeping for 8-10 hours a day is pretty big luxury in today's world. Just for me it's a requirement not a privilege. If I find myself going for 2 or 3 days with only 6 or so I just want to crash on the nearest couch and take a cat nap. I know this is not normal or typical of people today. Does it give me a complex of being lazy of some sort? Yes, but at the same time a good solid sleep on a dreary, rainy, chilly day like today for 8 hours is like a good weed buzz.

Then again I have always felt like it's a coping thing. Just like the old Ben Folds Five song "Narcolepsy" I just can't post lyrics, for some reason I just can't stand it when people do it.

To sum up this post, I feel great when I get some killer sleep but feel quite guilty in doing so.

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Permalink: Being_Sick.html
Words: 265
Location: Youngstown, NY

Category: music

05/16/06 06:58 - 57ºF - ID#37104

Personally just blah, but Emotionally...

It's just one of those day's where it isn't good or bad but pretty much is...

On a more interesting thread, I AM PUMPED RIGHT ABOUT NOW!!!

band's website

Their Myspace

The Twilight Singers new CD "Powder Burns" came out today.
Just called New World Record in Buffalo and saved my copy.
Going to get my copy in 10 minutes.
YES, I am getting excited about a CD coming out.
I feel like I'm 17
That sick MF Greg Dulli takes me to a special place every time I play any of his stuff.

On another note I finally taken the initiative and got a new pair of glasses. It's going to be one of those trendy half frame things in bronze. I just need a change right now in just about everything about me right about now. Not a bad obvious place to start.
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Permalink: Personally_just_blah_but_Emotionally_.html
Words: 143
Location: Youngstown, NY

Category: potpourri

05/13/06 05:53 - 64ºF - ID#37103

glad to be back

Finally joined the 21st century and got high speed Internet. It was a real pain in the ass to get everything installed. The whole process took about an hour and a half. My house is a freaking mess and stuck in the 1970's. So he had to drill a hole from the outside :-/

This is really nothing to compared to the raw emotion I am still reeling from right now. My conscience got the best of me and I had to tell someone something. I'm not too sure if they will ever speak to me again, and I really can't blame them it they never do.

Just what the hell am I doing with my IRL friends lately? I am either breaking it off with them or doing something incredibly stupid to force the issue into default.

Could it be that the universe is telling me to just pick up my roots and get out of town?
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Permalink: glad_to_be_back.html
Words: 158
Location: Youngstown, NY

Category: hockey playoffs

05/11/06 06:26 - 63ºF - ID#37102

Game 4

Well feeding my Internet withdrawl I stopped by the Adelphia booth on the 100 level and found fellow e peep ((e:mrmike)) working!

Wow pretty cool stuff.

Just had a roast beef fix at the old "poor man's aud club" and now I am just taking in the pregame hype.

This is going to be a crazy night no matter what the outcome!

Go Sabres

I feel ultra cool right about now as I am wearing an old Sabres hat from the early 90's. It's 100% wool and I think I bought it during the 89-90 season and it has been sitting in my closet since they changed over uniforms. Thank God I never threw it out. These hats for $18 + tax are just ok.


Well the game isn't going as planned. I am fearful that wearing my authentic old school gear may have brought the negative ghosts from across the street (the old aud)

It's just that I want to see the Sabres advance when I am there. Too many times when I was a kic I would go to elimination games and Buffalo would be golfing after losing to Boston or Montreal.
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Permalink: Game_4.html
Words: 192
Location: Youngstown, NY

Category: feeding my addiction

05/09/06 01:27 - 72ºF - ID#37101

@ Cafe 59

Got an early out today at work, but I didn't make out so well since I went in at 5am. Feeling a bit groggy, but I'm ok. Again my guilt about being indoors on a day like today but this is only going to be for a short while. All I can say is that this whole experience makes me a bit nervous about how much the net means to me.

So as I am here I am ease dropping on a conversation between someone from Youngstown and her financial adviser. She is marrying the big local bartender j.b. Interesting.

Now back to something kinda important.

Well at least no Internet has given me a reason to catch up on the MTV show 8th and Ocean. Unfortunately I have been feeling much pain in watching "Teddy." It just hits too close to home with T.J. and I could see myself doing what he has done. It doesn't hurt to be from the same neck of the woods and have a couple of the same mannerisms

On another note, Am I am bad person for getting some satisfaction in seeing David Blaine "Fail" last night?
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Permalink: _Cafe_59.html
Words: 196
Location: Youngstown, NY

Category: tech support

05/08/06 04:44 - ID#37100


No home Internet service until Saturday!

I am actually having withdrawal. The only time I came close to this was when I was in Poland and for 2 weeks wasn't connected at all. Finally my cousin found me a Internet lab and I was extremely happy. The only person that could relate to my plight was my cousin in law if there is such a concept, cousin Bogdon that lived in Australia for a number of years and spoke fluent English. All the way in Eastern Europe I found someone that once had a M.U.D addiction as well :-) ah, the global connectivity of it all :-)

Well the day is just too nice to be cooped up in my local library all day.

I rotated my wheels and I am going rollerblading?

If anyone every wants to get together please let me know. Having a pace partner would be so sweet!!!!

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Permalink: ARGG_.html
Words: 153
Location: Youngstown, NY



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i'm glad you documented this. I was actually looking for a picture but came across this and am glad ...

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i'm glad you documented this. I was actually looking for a picture but came across this and am glad ...

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i'm glad you documented this. I was actually looking for a picture but came across this and am glad ...