"Simply Superb"-- that was the comment that I received on my term paper. This is the paper where I was concerned that I missed the mark in regards how to approach the paper. I wrote about this recently- (e:theecarey,152) .At first I felt ill over this potential mishap, then I stepped back and thought about my choices. I calmed my mind with the thought that, "I chose to take this risk, and by following through on it, I must be comfortable with the consequences".

I could have written out a new paper (I am resourceful like that), while class was in session, then snuck the paper into the hand-in pile later on. I work well under pressure and could have pulled it off..but there was something drawing me to the risk involved with putting something out there that I created and the chosen approach seemed best for the information I was tackling.

In past experiences where I have made a choice- either choosing another form of deliverables (like this) or choosing not to hand something in on the deadline (for example, interview with people as part of a project were cancelled/delayed and I wanted to work on it more) as it would not have been reflective of my work, I have dealt with the consequences. Although not always pleasant, it felt right at the time. Yet I havent experienced anything terrible other than the grade for the project knocked down a few grades, or only partial credit-- yet it was all redeemed with the class end grade.

Perhaps it is my attitude. I don't play the victim.. or feel bad for myself when things aren't going as I want them to. I hold myself accountable for my behavior. I have the ability to make good choices, and when I don't, I use the experience as opportunity to learn from and move on.

When something happens that wasn't in some way by choice, there again, it is about attitude. How I react, what I do with the situation, what I take from it, is my choice. In some way or another, it is about choice and attitude.

Formative years were shakey. In short, I raised myself from the age of 9 on.. It was during this time that I could see that I could only hold myself responsible for my actions. My choices, for better or worse, were all my own...

So, I look at the "A" on my paper, with relief, with amusement and with satisfaction. Not so much because the professor approved of it,(as anything was possible) but because my choice of action was reinforced, I didn't die from it and I knew that regardless of the outcome, I wouldnt have changed a thing.


Now, shall we get on to the pictures? Sure we will..

The view point that these pictures were taken have been captured before, although at different times of the year. I am always in awe and thoroughly enjoy being outside. My default stomping grounds is anything in the village that I live. I am drawn to the river and lake almost on a daily basis. My intentions for the next few months are to explore new areas of this region...whether by foot, bike, boat, plane, train or horseback. There is a lot to do out there..


Guess where I am at?


Lake Ontario- if you look closely, perhaps you can see what my camera failed to clearly capture.. the amazing Toronto sky line. On this day, I could see buildings for miles. I will capture an image to my liking sometime this year, in some way or another.




One of many piers that I select from when in need of a quiet place to think, read, write, eat lunch. Sometimes, I have the area to myself. When I take late night walks through the village, I feel that it is all mine. I like that..



View of the River. *sigh* I really want to be out on a boat.





Nice view, eh?





Like these boats. Anyone have a boat?? Although wooden planks tied together would suffice. I imagine laying on my back, drifting along the river on a hot sticky evening, feeling the ripples of water beneath me.
hmmm, I am up for some kayaking this summer as well; think I might need a lesson first, so I know how to get out if (when?) I flip over!




The trail I almost wiped out on going down to the river. It is steeper than it looks in this picture and even steeper than it looks while scooting my rump down the hill; not enough traction, but still fun. Hikers and sneaks are on my shopping list (do I *have* to go shopping?)


This next one must be included. I stole my neighbors kitten, well, borrowed the fur blob. He must think I am nuts. I turn to mush around most animals, even more so if they are of the fuzzy-baby variety. This kitten was no exception. I'm sure to have the same reaction to a llama. Yes, I am a big dork and took a picture... and an even bigger one for sharing. However, I know there are a few "animal-dorks" that will enjoy the pic as much as I. You know who you are.. haha



I thought of posting super recent pics of myself, ha, but maybe another time..Please, no tears. :P

It is late already.. I'm heading out for a short walk before bed...

I will leave you with these quotes. I tend to be full of them!

"Look deep into nature, then you will understand everything better." ~Albert Einstein

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes." ~Marcel Proust

Good night.. be safe.. take care.. be good to yourself.. and get outside!!

Carey

Neither fully clothed nor naked did I run wild though the woods.

Instead, I rode my bike during the day. The sunshine was a surprise, as it was supposed to be grey and the day started out that way, but hurray, it all turned out okay, I must say, for this early in May.

I elected for a quiet weekend.. I just needed a day or so to decompress. Dinner with a few friends Friday evening was just right. I returned home and veged out until I passed out.

It was nice to get up early on a Saturday..it meant that I had the whole day ahead of me, as opposed to going to bed at 6am and sleeping the day away.

Yeh, it felt good to have some serious ME time. I talked about it all week. Co workers had asked me what my plans were for the weekend, and I replied excitedly, "I'm doing nothing!!"-- then they reply, "yeh, right.. we'll see what your story is come Monday". They love my weekend stories, hehe. I'm sure to have one or two before the weekend is officially through... adventure is everywhere :)

I have a few nature pictures from around the river and lake, and a few recent pictures taken of me as well. We'll see if I get around to posting any pictures...I had to load the pics into another computer and once I did that, I got side tracked into oranizing picture files and copying them to disks. That took longer than I thought..

I listened to Cake all day.. which is always delightful. I loaded every CD I have of theirs into my cd changer and spruced up da crib, er, apartment. "Sheeps go to heaven, goats go to hell" is my current user sound.

A sudden desire to head out into the night prompted me to take a walk. Around 10 or so, I took off deeper into the village.. everthing pretty quiet.. a perfectr time to think, breathe and unwind; even if I was lightly panting. I felt like I was gliding, more than walking with the brisk pace.

Good stuff.. later gators..

If I was confident that I wouldn't completely pass out, I would sneak into Fort Niagara tonight and engage in a star-gazing session. There is a hill, in the middle of the soccer field that would be a perfect spot to throw down a blanket and just look up at the universe.

Once I have an idea in my head, I tend to perseverate on it unil I do it. I take a look every night from my front yard.. but something is drawing me to that hill. Now that I think about it, I did something similar, back in February. (e:theecarey,96)

I took a 'friend' on a late night jaunt through the village, eventually ending up in the Fort. There was just a little bit of snow falling, which helped provide the ability to see in the "closed after dusk" state park. After walking down to the beach, and treking throughout the park, I (only me) climbed up the hill and layed down in the snow.. looking up at the sky, seeing just a few dim stars and plenty of clouds. And I thought.. I need to come back to look at the stars. Funny, that my friend didn't care for this spontaneous adventure. So while there was someone (kinda) with me, it was singularly experienced.. and what an experience it was. I was tickled by it for days. Ahh, lessons learned.

I've fallen asleep plenty of times laying under the stars, although it was usually in the backyard as a kid...and no concern for getting up for work. Or when camping..

I love camping. Enjoying the warmth and glow of a bonfire, the smokey/earthy smells, the standard nightmare of a wild Carey-eating bear tearing through my tent, sub-par showers (if any), being lazy (as in, lay in grass and read a book from start to finish), hiking and eating strange concoctions...whatever food that can be mustered together. .or ordering a pizza to the site, just because you find out that they do that, lol.

I've gone during the summer, I loooove going in the fall, I really want to try it in the winter--ok, maybe not in a tent (but I would try it).. but a lone cabin in the middle of the woods during a snow storm. All I require is good company, a good book, a bottle of wine and gummie bears. :)

With the sunny, mild weather, more people have been out. I saw plenty of fishermen and boaters out this weekend. Getting on a boat is an absolute must this summer. The lake water was replete with waves. I think today would have constituted an ideal day for lake surfing. The waves were of considerable size and they kept rolling in.

The view of Toronto was clearer than I have ever seen it. I could see buildings/structures for miles. It had an eerie quality to it, as the shape of the building outline reminded me of stonehedge structures.. and it was just odd to see it so well, 30 miles across the water. There are plenty of days that I can see the main buildings with the light reflecting off the windows.. but this weekend.. seeing so much more totally changed the view of the horizon. My camera does not pick up any of it. However, I did take plenty of nature pictures. I need to be on my other computer to load them..Those will come soon.

A good weekend was had, although it wore me out. So, instead of going outside where I am sure to drift to sleep standing up yet alone laying down, I choose to crawl into bed with a school book, that I will read until I pass out (ok, thinking I won't make it past the dust jacket!). I wrap up this post like I wrap up the weekend.. plenty tired and easily amused...and ready to get back to work in the morning.

Have a good night, everyone.

Carey

Yes.. another post.


Upon return home from school, I step out of my car and into the crisp night.

I breathe deep the refreshing air..

I never tire of the sounds of the night.. frogs and crickets..and whatever other creatures in the woods...

I don't want to go inside yet.. so I don't. Instead, I walk up and down my driveway, staring up at the stars, breathing, listening..

The clarity of everything in the night is amazing..

Its just.. amazing.. yeh..

When was the last time you looked up at the stars?


Good night..


ps.. new song

I am in class.

I sometimes (often) have trouble maintaining my focus on the lecture portion of the evening. The class runs 5 hours... after a full day at work.. and I often come to class early (yeh, yeh, say what you must).. it all makes for a very long day. Not that I would change a thing ;)

Well, except for the paper I wrote today.

22-23 pages. I'm neither gloating nor complaining. I am..

FREAKING OUT! (well, thats an over statement.. let me continue)

I think I may have "missed the marK" on it. I interpreted the expected deliverables in a manner that is different than what the instructor expects. UH OH.

I've been known to take "artistic licsense" in my writing, research and eventual end product. I take risks.. I know what I am writing about, it is well organized and it has a point, really.. :) In the past, my work has been regarded as exceptional.. for taking those risks.
So, its one thing to purposely take the paper another route, quite another that I would have missed it without awareness. What is that?? How did I miss that?

Initially I freaked. Well, I began to get a little warm, getting all itchy--am I breaking out in hives? nah.. just need to get in the shower once in awhile.. ;) (if you are wondering, I am kidding). So, I feel a little parched.. heart is beating a little faster..

When I gave myself a moment to reflect on my actions, it came down to that fact that I am not deterred by ramifications that others impose on me. Whether I was aware of it or not, I chose this route. I had begun the paper utilizing a particular frame work, then I abandoned it. I thought my new idea was better than the original idea. (I didn't know that my original idea of how to set up the paper is what the expectation actually turned out to be). I had the opportunity to pull together another paper, during class if I had to. The task seemed daunting as I would have to abandon the information I had previously researched and written. Yet it wasn't that that stopped me from rewriting the paper. I decided to go ahead and hand in my creation. Not sure how it will go.. but I don't care. My only regret is not putting in as much time and effort as I should have.

This isn't a snag.. its a "wrinkle in my universe" to learn from :) Taking chances is good for character. The positives outway the negatives in my world. I'm not worried about poor grades, or external influences. Only the internal ones, in which, I will not allow myself to procrastinate to this degree ever again.

Anyhow, I would never do failing work. If anything, I sometimes do not perform to my own expectations. It is my work, I am taking what I want/need from the course and I test authority/expectations. Usually to the betterment of myself..

not to be a jerk :)

yeh.. 'cause I am sooo mean. arrrr!! grrrr!!

Anyhow...now I am super curious as to what the instructor thinks about my written creation, haha.

OoooOOOooohh class is about over..

got to go!

be good, friends..
Carey

Its so good to be back to work, although it will take awhile to get back into routine. Everything from sleeping, cooking, eating, cleaning, exercising has been off whille on break. I am working on the sleep schedule and trying to remember to eat and eat well. Cheerios and tuna doesn't cut it. I need to actually cook/prepare something. Everything else will fall into place within a few days.

I needed to clean my apartment.. and search for the missing spider-monster. It is still elusive.. bah Anyhow, I love the feeling of a freshly cleaned home. I lit some vanilla candles, added sandlewood oil to a diffuser, plugged in a set of patio lights (they were too nice to limit their use to outdoors in the summer), and set the iPod playlist to OAR and Morcheeba (oh, and a little Lords of Acid).

I did not attend to much school work today, other than working on an administrative problem (I am class rep for my program and do extra stuff as needed) . I will be doing all of the paper/project tomorrow after work. That is the only time I have to work on it.

This full time work-full time grad school- and class rep hat is making me feel a little fizzled. Partly because I am focused on the future and am concerned about my next step. I will be done in four months.. then what??? So instead of focusing my energy on class, I am burning out my thoughts on my impending time of transition. Now that I have written it and admitted this to myself, I can work harder at staying focused in the present.

So until tomorrow, I will rid myself of any substantial thought. I will just relax my mind, drink tea and allow myself to drift to sleep.

My deepest thought at the moment is this: Should I get bangs? lol.. yeh, I am actually asking about how to get my hair cut next. I told ya, nothing deep from here on out, tonight. So, on any given day it is long, wavy-curly-bed headish, parted down the middle or slightly to the side. Lightly layered/shaped for movement and remove heaviness. Sometimes I straighten it for a more polished look. Not sure how I came to wonder about bangs..

Oh and I want a PUPPY.. my biological dog clock is ticking or something.. I want a dog and I want one NOW. (I am not having children.. been planning on having a dog. Sounds like a good deal to me). This is what I have always wanted.. a yellow lab :)



It has come to my attention that I could have a dog of that size in my apartment. Now, its a matter of working on the landlord. I also have a lot to learn before I get a puppy.. but I really want one!!! NOW! :)

OK.. thats going to be it for now. Otherwise I delve into other, more substantial thoughts.. and this isn't allowed tonight.. besides, Im not up for writing three thousand words right now. ;)

So I end this with:

The lyrics to my user sound, which is, I'll Stand By You by The Pretenders. I like this song based on the lyrics. It has a nice sentiment... basically, you are there for that person no matter what..they are accepted as is, no matter what...

Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don't be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
cause I've seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you

So if you're mad, get mad
Don't hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well I'm a lot like you
When you're standing at the crossroads
And don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
'cause even if you're wrong

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you

And when...
When the night falls on you, baby
You're feeling all alone
You won't be on your own

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you

I'll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Wont let nobody hurt you
Ill stand by you

Take Care
carey

Never too early to start thinking about the weekend:

Ideas??

here's one (e:vincent,35) brought to my attention:

Broadway Joes (3051 Main Street)
This Friday, April 28th
10pm
The Karma Policee www.myspace.com/tkpmusic




In other news..

ahh. Nope, got nuthin'

other than one or two ruminations..but, thats the standard operating procedure of my brain/heart


Proudly, I managed to do a little school work tonight. I had to send out a part of a group assignment, so atleast that much is done. Other school work is preparing a paper/project for a final due this week. This one has me nervous..


Off to do some late night tidying up before bed..

later peeps and sweet dreams!

(delayed post due to computer issues..)


My fearless and fuzzy warrior, adventure seeker and Ferocious Bug (and marshmallow) Slayer. My Joe (Joseph, Joey, Jo Jo No Beans), the king of the apartment jungle...

When he is staring intently at something 30 feet away, I have learned to investigate, although occasionally to my great horror and distress...although, most often to my amusement (and occasional annoyance, "Joe, please don't pounce on my head at three am. My long tresses are not evil serpents of doom, really.")

This wasn't one of those amusing times.

"What are you looking at Joe?"



He's looking around, following something that I can't see, as lamps and curtains are in the way. But something is there, heavy breathing, licking its chops..

"Joe..?"




"ok, Joe.. what is it..?"


I was barely awake-- pretty much just rolled out of bed... so, rubbing my eyes, I go in to take a closer look..

OMG- Its HUGE! Kill it!! Kill it!!!!!!!!!

Ahh, its a giant, hairy, multi-legged fang baring monster lurking in my apartment. Staring, waiting..AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!





I get up on a chair, "EEK!".. no, that's not right..thats for mice. OK, I get up on a chair, to take a closer look at the hulking mutant. I'm scared silly but fascinated just the same.. Joe climbs onto the furniture and up onto his cat perch to try to see what *I* am going to do with the spider. "well, what are *you* gonna do about it, huh?"

Trying not to scare myself off the chair..




(it was looking at me, sizing me up and down- I expected it to fling itself at my face)



upon much closer inspection..

• shivers*

(found that spider on google, not on my ceiling)

so, I abandoned the spider, as there was no way I was going to mess with it. I was afraid hulking Big Momma spider would come out and kick my ass. So, Joe and I went and sat down on the floor next to the front door and relaxed for a few..

ahhhh, sunshine and fresh air..

Last night was quiet, overall.

I was tired and not terribly talkative. For those that know me, I am normally chipper and locquacious. I kept yawning even after two full cups of coffee..

A glass of Guiness almost sent me into a coma.. more yawning.

why so tired??

And so today, I fell asleep on my couch for almost three hours...I could keep on sleeping..

I should go outside even if it is a bit dark..

I want to do something but I don't feel like actually going anywhere. Maybe that will change.

I could grab a cup of coffee and hopefully have enough energy to clean/do laundry.

We'll see.., maybe it will just be another quiet night..

what does it say when you..


put the toilet paper on the kitchen counter..

..and the box of Cheerios in the bathroom..