I wish i could blame this round of insomnia on my RLS (Restless Legs Syndrome). This time, even though the RLS is there, i have to blame my restless brain. If i could turn off the "what ifs", then i might be golden...

I have things i am mulling over. Too much, really. And it can and should wait for the morning to think about. I also could have thought about it during the day. But i didn't damn it. For whatever reasons, it is when i am trying to rest my brain that it wants to exercise.

OK, brain, think it out now...

Do i take action even if it has the potential to make a situation worse? My usual would be to say yes, take action. That doesn't always serve me well, however, since i can make clumsy, false moves, or my action could be inappropriate. Often, i need to let something go and i just don't.

Does letting go mean i don't care? I feel like i have to turn off my emotions to let go. I want that middle ground i can't even see, let alone feel or do. I find that i might isolate myself so that i can turn off the emotions to have the ability to let go. Just so unlike me. I am a sensitive, caring person. I want to see success in others, even those i may not even like. I can find myself helping when not asked, offering when not wanted, volunteering too often.

What can be done with the feelings of hopeless frustration and restlessness if there really is nothing i can do or say? My mind isn't at ease with the inability to get up and go do something... to maybe patch it, explain it, try to see the side of both parties.

Is there a fault when things fall apart? Intentions matter to me. If someone hurts me, but didn't intend to, i find it so simple to forgive. If i have hurt someone else unintentionally, unknowingly, unwittingly i want to make amends. But i need to know i did it. And that requires action on my part.

.. but i can't help it. Ever since (e:Hodown) mentioned Cute Overload many moons ago, i find myself checking it regularly.

That site lead me to another site that i can't resist checking, My Cat Hates You dot com Funny faced cats galore.

And to another one, I Can Has Cheezburger? where i found these...

• giggle*

I'm the first to admit, my life is pretty boring. But, i like the lack of drama in my life. I had enough not knowing which end was up when i was younger...

My morning routine consists of watering all our outdoor plants not long after i have gotten up.

I couldn't help but smile while watering the tomato plants today. Every single one of them has a blossom on it. I am so looking forward to being overwhelmed with tomatoes!!!

As if my userpic isn't childish enough...

Yesterday, we went to Dollar Tree for something and i got a 3 pack of bubbles. Mint, grape and apple. Totally fun to sit on the porch and blow bubbles on a hot Sunday afternoon...

I feel disrespected. I don't want to. And i hate how it feels. There doesn't seem to be much i can do about it, either. Do i beg someone to treat me well? I know i am not perfect, by any means, but i always try to be upfront, honest and, just plain straight with people. Even when it is difficult for me, i try to do the right thing. It hurts that i don't get that back.

On a more positive note, we went to Canada today. Normally, we would try to see my dad on the Sunday of Father's Day. But not this time.

Every year for as long as i can recall, the family has a father's day golf weekend. I dispise golf and have refrained from the golfing part of it whenever i can. This time, like others, we met up with the golfers for dinner.

My father seemed to be in good spirits. He golfed well, thanks to a tip he got from a old pro he met at a tournament recently. That, i think, really made his day. I think, too, that he liked the gift we gave him. That makes me very happy. Dinner was nice. Shame my brother and his family couldn't make it.

When they arrived, i screamed "HI GRANDPA!" to my hard of hearing grandfather. Everyone in the room turned to look at me, and i gave a wry little smile. About 5 minutes later, startled, he said, "Oh! Lee! Didn't notice you there! When did you get here?"

Since the Peace Bridge was a parking lot on the way there, we opted to take the Rainbow Bridge. Was a lot less crowded. Wonder if it's always that way.

On the way home, going South on I-190, we saw a beautiful sunset.

The first ones, from the moving car, were a bit blurry...



So, (e:Uncutsaniflush) was kind enough to stop at the Harry's parking lot so i could snap this one...



Buffalo has some amazingly beautiful sunsets...

Why the fuck don't people just say what they mean and mean what they say? Why the social dances? So that i can be disappointed later rather than sooner? What's the point in that? Cowards....

That's what i call it when i take pictures of my lunch. I will always think of it as something (e:Paul) does.

Today, we ate lunch at Zhang's Buffet on Union, between Walden and George Urban. It used to be something else, and that place wasn't very good... this new one is much better. The parking lot was packed and we had to park down a side street. The second time we had to do that.

One of the main reasons i like this buffet is the stir fry grill... any veg i want, made to order. So, i don't have to worry about whether or not it's vegetarian -- i know.

Here's (e:Uncutsaniflush) 's half eaten plate of sushi



And here's my bowl of half eaten miso soup with tofu

Loo

As i mentioned in my two previous journals, spent last week painting and recaulking my parent's bathroom. It took 5 days. They even paid me, which was appreciated, but totally unecessary. The fed me and put me up for a week, so i figured that was all the payment i was going to get...

Before pictures:





And some nice yellow smoke stained caulking, half removed...



And here is the towel bar from hell. The most tiresome and frustrating (and ugly, sorry, Ma) towel bars in the universe.



Looks harmless, huh? Well, look at all the damn peices it has!! And it wasn't the only one....



We only needed to go to the paint store 3 or 4 times... and only had to change the colour once. Pretty good, eh?

I think both my parents like the result. My dad even does, and he usually wouldn't care about colour as long as the toilet and shower worked.






Music

While priming, painting and caulking, i had a radio to keep my mind from wandering too much.

Perhaps it is just because i missed (e:Uncutsaniflush) (he stayed here in Buffalo while i was in Hamilton), but i couldn't help but find myself singing along with this chorus,

I want, i want, i want my baby
I want, i want, i want my baby
I want, i want, i want my baby
Back.

Oh Yeah, By the Cliks

Cool band... cool cd. The mp3 is too big for a usersound, so here is the Gather info:

FILE NAME: The Cliks - 08 - Oh Yeah.mp3
TRACKING NUMBER: 0799243001181586527


Death

Our friend, Linda's mom has been really ill for a long time. The last set back she had was the day of the wedding we attended while in Tennessee. I am glad we met her a few days beforehand. On a lucid day. I wish i got to know her better, or under better cicumstances. I am glad her pain and anguish is over, though. I just wish it didn't hurt everyone else so much for her pain to be over.


PUPPIES!!!!

How can i not belive in reincarnation and not be in awe of the fact that Ava's last puppy was born mere minutes after Linda's mom, Barbara died? Kinda gives me shivers.

I didn't even know Ava was preggers.

The last time i saw Kirsten (shame that moving has meant we don't see each other as much!) with Ava and Nolan was back in April, (e:LeeTee,38980) . She may have been pregnant then.

I got a call from Kirsten just before i left for Canada asking if i wanted to go for a walk with her, Nolan and "big fat Ava". I returned that message asking if Ava was pregnant. I didn't hear from Kirsten all week and when i got back, i called her. She had the puppies the night before.

Of course, i asked if i could come over to see them. And of course i took my camera.

Nolan, the Proud Papa

I am ever so grateful for the turn in the weather. We more or less get the same weather in Hamilton and in Buffalo, with a few exceptions (Hamilton gets more snow, despite the "reputation for snow" Buffalo has).

Despite the cooler weather with the windows open and the wonderful cool breeze, i am still sweating with the old folks here.

Yesterday, i removed all the old yellowed smoke stained caulking from the entire bathroom. Around the tub and separate shower, all the seams in the corners, along the floors. Sure was a lot of it.

Then, i took off my mom's fancy shmancy towel bars, an old shaving mirror no one uses and some hooks. I patched holes.

Today, i sanded. The holes. Then, the entirety of the walls and ceiling. Then i cleaned the sand dust up.

Now, i am taking an early lunch, while waiting for the cleaning to dry. THen, on to primer.

Yay for cooler weather!!!

My parents needed their bathroom painted. When my mom asked me about it, i wasn't working, so we made tentative arrangements.

Once the estate sale at the tavern was over, i took a bit of time while (e:Uncutsaniflush) had some free days to hang with him.

Then, my mom came this weekend and took me back here, to Hamilton so i can spend the next week removing old caulking, patching holes and making repairs, painting and recaulking their main bathroom. Should be a fun week.

I will miss my husband. First time we have ever spent this much time apart. He has a pretty full week of work ahead of him, too, so we shouldn't have too much time to pine.