I should be writing a research proposal, but I can't concentrate. This little detail seems to be rearing it's ugly head non-stop these days. My mind spins in so many directions I can't see straight. I can't even hear straight! Nothing is physically wrong with my ears, I just have the memory of a gold fish and the attention span of jack russell terrier. I forget what I was even explaining just now...something to the effect that I can't hear because I can't concentrate, which is a prominent side-effect of the depression that is sucking my soul dry.

Actually the things I think I hear people say are quite entertaining. I should write them down and make t-shirts. That could be my fortune waiting to be made. I digress.....

I can't write, so I'll post photos of an outing instead. After my final yesterday our prof, aka the Dean of Students, had us over for beers and burgers. Pretty fly guy. So we got drunk and went to Goodbar to watch the Sabres win, and drank some more. I'm not gonna lie, self-medicating feels good right now. It frees my mind from its turmoil.

I'm not looking for empathy or advice, I'm just talking out loud. I've been seeing a counselor for almost 2 months now, and I start seeing a new therapist tomorrow. I'm tired of watching this other person live my life while I float aimlessly to the side. I'm tired of putting on a pretend smiley face in the presence of others because Timika is not allowed to be sad. Timika is not allowed to be depressed. Timika always has to take care of herself, no matter how broken she is.

I'm tired of people minimizing the severity of my mental prison. You think I don't want to be free? I'm dying inside, of course I want to be free! I claw desperately at the walls of my malfunctioning mind in hopes of reaching daylight. Yet in the last 8 months I have only succeeded in sinking deeper into the black chasm of my polluted world. I am exhausted. I am numb. My heart hardly feels anything anymore.

Again, I digress. Attention span of a jack russell...on with the photos.

Cinco de Mayo + cumpleanos celebrations + heart pounding car failures made Friday an action packed day in the life of Lady Croft. Our story begins with the obligatory pitcher of margaritas shared primarily by myself and (e:jenks), with a little help from (e:decoyisryan).



Since Cozumel was a bust due to overcrowding, Goodbar graciously fulfilled our need for beer and billiards.












The bouncer wouldn't let (e:paul) in the door, so the party moved to PMT, followed by cathode ray and pink, respectively.






(e:terry) shared a story which shocked and amazed (e:jenks)




(e:lilho) was not as impressed




(e:libertad) and (e:mike) were too busy smoochin' to care




but (e:tina) laughed




(e:terry) ripped up the pool table




then groped me as usual




prompting (e:mike) to begin his infamous self-exposure




(e:jenks) ended the night with this party trick - piercing a pepperoni through the heal of her shoe, twice... let me hear you say 'oooh ahhh'

I'm glad I'm not here:



Because this happened to me at 5:30am:



Basically my tire blew up and I have 3/4 of a piece of tread left to it. I was on the highway going 60 and BAM - my car turned into a psychotic missile on 3 wheels. I missed the concrete median by a fraction, shot wildly into the other lane, then back again- thankfully no other cars were around. I managed to guide the car to the side of the road.

I want to send my big shout out to (e:Mike) for rescuing me!!! You don't know how deeply I appreciate you! Also big thanks to (e:Libertad) for riding along. I'm sure picking up Lady Croft on the highway at 6:30am does not make your 'this is so cool' list...but I desperately needed help, and you aided me. Bless your hearts!

This will teach me not to procrastinate - I've been meaning to get AAA...

I have many photos from yesterday's festivities. For now I need to work on dealing with Aqua Mouse's recovery. Until then... be well my dear peeps. I shall post photos soon. Ciao.

Ok. So Happy 30th Birthdays go out to (e:Jenks) and (e:Codypomeray). Woohoo!

If you are in the Buffalo area and would like to join Jenks and friends in celebration, please head out to Cozumel (on Elmwood near Allen) starting at 7pm. Yep, it's early - but it's CINCO DE MAYO folks!

In personal news, my baby nephew Max is sick again. He had surgery to remove a lump on his neck last month. They have discovered two new lumps on his neck and he is back in the hospital again. Poor little guy. We are all stressed. If you say prayers, or well wishes...any would be greatly appreciated for the little man to get better soon.

So everything has been so up in the air lately I was losing my mind. Today I got the call I had been hoping for. I have been awarded a grad assist position with the International Office / Admissions. I'll be working between the two offices, assisting international students with the admissions process and welcoming them to Canisius. Best part is, 75% tuition paid! I SO needed that! Ciao.

We got an apartment! Yesssssssssssssssssss! (e:Decoyisryan), (e:Nejifer) and myself will be the new occupants of a lovely little 3 bedroom flat. This place is da bomb! The landlord seems pretty cool and he is renovating the place entirely! Beautiful hardwood floors, a gorgeous fireplace, granite kitchen counter with a new sink, appliances, basement laundry hook ups,updated bathroom...AND, he's going to let us paint the bedroom walls if we so choose. We also have a nice big front porch on which to enjoy warm summer evenings with tasty mojitos and friends. Ciao!

I was supposed to meet a friend for brunch at the Elmwood Lounge today. Well, let's just say this was another test for Lady Croft. My esteem is not exactly high caliber right now, so I felt like a pretty big ass the longer I sat there waiting for a friend that never showed.

So I had the choice of leaving in my embarrassed state, or eat, because I was really hungry. I've been wanting to check out this brunch for ages. So...I chatted things up with the waiter and decided to eat.

This is a testament to all those who have wondered if you would spontaneously combust when dining out alone. I'm not saying I enjoyed it immensely, but I lived to tell the tale.

I had a mimosa (is it bad to drink alone on a Sunday morning???) and spinach omelet, which came with toast, potatoes and tapioca pudding. All of this for $6 on the nose, no additional tax! I think it is a spiffy deal. I recommend you try it. Brunch is served every Saturday and Sunday from 9-3pm. Ciao.

Last night provided me with some much needed low stress entertainment. First (e:Decoyisryan) and I hit up Left Bank. I met up with David, the super mchottie bagpiper from Jackdaw, and a few of his friends.

Then we went over to Broadway Joe's. Karma Police were playing. Forgive me (e:Vincent), they weren't bad, but I didn't find them exceptional either. In the least, it was decent and provided good background music for playing pool and chillin with friends.

I met up with this guy that supposedly went to high school with (e:Theecarey), (e:Vincent) and myself. Carey says she remembers him, but I don't. It's odd, because I have pretty snazzy facial recognition skills. I suggest I simply didn't have a single class with him, therefore never saw him, so how would I know him now?

I think the most entertaining laugh of the evening came from (e:Decoyisryan) when he drew me a diagram of his #1 sexual fantasy.



Can you figure out what it is?

I went to see V for Vendetta with (e:Matthew), (e:Paul) and (e:Terry) last night. Seriously, I almost came home and shaved my head. If I had access to a buzzer in the middle of the night, I would have.

A friend passed me this in class the other day. I had to laugh.


Here are several random questions:

What would you do with 1,000 plastic spoons?
I have a sweet recycling book that shows you how to make a super fly outdoor chandelier out of them!

What did you do when you were in school in the 2nd grade?
I don't know but I do have one distinct memory of a spelling test on which I spelled OF, UV.

Where are you going on your next vacation?
It should still be Germany and Poland, followed by India.

Last book you read?
I think Deception Point by Dan Brown.

What is your favorite smell?
Pumpkin and Lavender.

Have you ever gotten a haircut so bad that you wore a hat for a month straight?
If I told you the story of what Fay Ruben did to me you almost wouldn't believe it . . .

Last song you listened to:
The Cedar Room by The Doves

Have you ever had surgery?
Hahahahahaha. Oh yah sure you betcha!

Drinking and driving is BAD kids! Don't do it. My friend came over to play some Mario Kart last week. We had a LOT of beer.



Resulting in piss poor driving skillz on my part!


that's me in 7th place going the wrong direction - oh the horror!

Right now I'm feeling a little bit like this:




I seek peace. I need peace. Peace of mind, peaceful sleep, peaceful dreams, inner peace, peace and quiet....peace. I know I'm not alone.

Join Croft's army in the quest for peace. You might liken it to Monty Python's search for the Holy Grail (speaking of Holy Grail...The Davinci Code premiers on May 19!) but I'm always up for an adventure.