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Last Visit 2013-12-31 12:00:11 |Start Date 2005-05-26 16:50:55 |Comments 1,821 |Entries 581 |Images 1,362 |Videos 10 |

Category: depressed

02/22/07 08:04 - ID#38249

120 hours

I'm back from Boston but I'll talk about it in a later post. There is something more pressing on my mind right now. The 'promotion' I got has bit me in the ass.

I was under the persuasion that I was taking on these responsibilities and would be compensated. Today I find out that instead of being paid the 2 grand, this job has been turned into a 3rd internship for me. I don't get paid and I have to complete an additional 120 hours. This means I'm going to be working full-time to the end of the semester and not getting one extra dime.

To say I'm disappointed is an understatement. I feel like I've just been given a prison sentence for a crime I didn't commit. I guess there is a reason I identify with La Femme Nikita.

Fuck me.
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Category: depressed

10/11/06 04:45 - ID#25448

Nil ann ach an marbh: updated

I feel like I'm in a dream where I am in a car. I am the passenger and also the driver. I see many obstacles in the road ahead of me but I have no control. I cannot direct the wheels to avoid colliding with objects. I yell but I cannot wake the self that is driving. Lost in time I will step into the darkness once more. There in the comfort of my night, the world cannot see me. It is the only place I truly feel safe.

Ta mo chroise go bron
Oiche' s me liom fein
Speartha dubh go domhain, a choich
Uaigneas mor, go deo, a choich
Taim bronach, buartha' s briste
Nil ann ach an marbh.

It is Gaelic, from an Enya song.
Translation:

My heart is grieving
Night and I am alone
Endless deep black skies
Great loneliness, forever, and ever
I am sad, sorrowful, and broken
Nothing is left except the dead.


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Category: depressed

02/18/06 04:24 - ID#25344

the black fact is, i was thinking of you

I've been feeling pretty blah shitty blah for a few days now. I feel like the chick that is always out in the lead on the snowboarding cross - setting the bar, clearing the path, doing all the work..... but I wipe out at the last minute only to be passed up by some other. It's a raw deal; one I find to be quite an unsatisfactory situation.

I had a great time tubing and I thought perhaps I was on the upside of this particular valley, but not so much. It appears it was only an illusion, a small hump in the valley floor. So I went and chilled with (e:Jenks) for a while. Thanks girl.

I came home to this little poem from my friend Jen which made me smile.

Are we friends, or are we not?
You told me once, but I forgot
Tell me now, and tell me true
So I can say, I'm here for you.
Of all the friends I've ever met
You're the one I won't forget
And if I die before you do
I'll go to heaven, and wait for you
I'll give the angels, back their wings
And risk the loss, of everything.
Just to prove my friendship is true
To have a friend, a friend like you

I still have a ways to go on this journey but the black fact is, all day I was thinking of you.
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Category: depressed

11/05/05 01:02 - ID#25250

lemons, lemons, lemons

So, my joy in only spending $200 to fix my car was short lived. Yep, you guessed it, Aqua Mouse won’t start. One start to get it home and now it’s dead in the parking lot. I could cry. I could scream. But I remember reading a quote by (e:Jason), that when life hands you lemons say, “Hey, WTF is this” and throw them at people!!! Yah, I think I’ll skip the crying, skip the screaming and just go straight into throwing. If you see a woman skillfully beaning people in the head with lemons, seek shelter.
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