I've been away for a while and to be honest I don't know how I would get 30,000+ views on here when I wasn't posting.

It's just that I have been sorting out what to do with my life lately. The topics of dicision range from 1. Shoud I quit my Job ? Mind you without having a place to land immediately afterward. Given this is almost suicidal since I've known people in this area that have done that and were sitting out in the cold for 6 month until they found another place to work. Then again that just could be a sign of WNY. I really don't want to whine and cry about the particulars but I just can't stand to work with the people any longer. Yes, a lot is going to change but I just can't stomach the individuals any longer and that is basically it.

In another thought I am starting to think I may be Fucked when it comes to "dating." I have to give kudos to (e:Carolinian) to his recent sucess. You still have the desire to go out there and try and make a go of it. For me I'm just like "Um..Ehh???" Basically when it comes down to it the way I'm wired sets me up for failure. If I elaborated it would be a long post and would basically frighten off any female that would read it. All I can say is that I know for a fact now that the people that drive me to show an effort in the end just are not what I want deep down inside. The people that fit my ideal just end up never getting anywhere near me by design or circumstance.

I've justified it to findout other qualities in a person and such, but in the end there are just certian laws of attraction that need to be there with relationshps and if they're not meet then you're just kidding yourself.

I'm going on a trip this week with an Ex. Basically I said you can come along if you just buy your own airfare and I'll take care of the rest. She took me up and her Mom is driving us to the airport. All I know is that deep down inside I'm taking her along as a nice thing to do since she has had a real tough time of thing lately.

When I get back I don't know what I"m going to do with my life. The thought of being free for the summer is quite appealing. Going down to D.C. and hanging out there or tagging along with my Mom to Poland sounds like even a better idea.

For the pics, I ended up going out Friday Night to Broadway Joes to see my boys play. What I noticed was someone reopened the old Mickey Rats. I suppose enough years has passed for a bar to open again on that premisis. It still has that scary feel to it as I walked by with the ghosts of White Baseball cap wearing dude past sizing me up. Missing was the trashy underage girls.

I'm just here on campus studying for my exam's this week. Of course I hear the conversations among the few senior acquaintances I have gotten to know by taking Accounting classes. Basically I just heard of the memories and reminiscing of all of those "nights that they can't remember." A part of me really wishes that I could go back to those days. Actually I had that Eve 6 song pop into my head: Here's to the Night.

I'm not one to post lyrics but the two paragraphs are basically the song itself

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to good bye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to good bye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon


Yea I wish I could still hang with these single minded kids. The hedonistic one track mind folk that actually are younger than Paris Hilton. These kids are born from 84-85.

So yea I wish I could still go to work and sip a mixed drink from a waterbottle, but the world just doesn't work like that you know.

Who knows, I'm not guessing it's a statement about all the people born during those years, but maybe it's this institution? I guess I have to ask this question to myself; If I had to have some accounting work done, would I feel good about these people completing the work, given that they somehow got the grades but only remember chugging the everclear on a eventful weekend?

All I have left to worry about now is an exam and I'm pretty much excellerating now that the weather is much nicer.

I just can't wait to get out to Vegas in a little more than 2 weeks. Through my past offers I think I may have thrown some drama into the mix, but at this point I'm just happy to be going out there soon. Really I'm more focused on the city and the couple of friends that reside/work there and not who is tagging along with me. Plus it is only for a couple of days not like the entire week will be spent with them. It should be interesting, but deep down I think we're making it more complicated that it really is going to be. The only fear is that the relationship will end when we get back into town. It happen once before to me, but I think it involved betting on a game in which a team blew a 14 run lead and losing a ton of $ on it. Never tell your friends who to bet on, not even if they ask.

Speaking of ghosts of the past I think I may have uncovered the reason why I have not been able to move out out of my current job. I did apply for a low interest credit card and was denied. This really confused me since my FICO score is in the low 700's. Then in the rejection letter a Tax issue was cited as the reason. When I called NYS Dep of Tax & Finance they basically told me that it will come off in July! It almost seems like it won't be worth the hassel of going through the 3 agencies to fix it. Then again it has fucked me for way too long. No wonder why I have been feeling the fustration of not getting hired at any place descent. Right now I almost feel as if a weight was been lifted off of me.

Well for not posting for a bit I think I should keep this semi short.

Just thank God the weather has finally turned.

May 23, 2007 thru May 27, 2007 @ Hard ROck Hotel Las Vegas
Mountain View King Wed. (Cheapest Room Offered)
23
$99.00 Thu.
24
$109.00 Fri.
25
$599.00 Sat.
26
$599.00


Total:
$1,406.00


I may possibly swing Thu/Fri but if I'm shelling out that kind of money for the weekend I better be getting laid by a porn star or something along those lines!!!

With spring finally here and women finally looking good in flip flops, the need to quench my Vegas moved into the forefront. I booked myself to be a week out there from May 23-30. The airfare only cost me 261 for a round trip!!! Now the only thing I have to worry about finding a hotel room for 3 nights Wed, Thurs, Fri. That right now is what is really giving me fits.

I looked and saw that the Hard Rock Hotel has rooms on Wed and Thurs but just out of my league on Fri $299 a night. Although when I stayed there back in Dec it was a fantastic room, and the ambiance was outstanding. I wish I could take (e:metalpeter) out there so he could play on that casino floor with awesome tunes blaring. I almost was sold when I went on their website and saw that Air and Interpool were playing there, then I realized it was this month and not next when I'll be there. To see those 2 bands I would have payed some outrageous amount of cash to catch eirther on them.

Right now I want to go and stay there but the only downside is that they don't have a poker room and my mission for this trip is to play more poker. I just didn't have enough time to play the last trip believe it or now with only 4.5 days. I would just get caught up in my fantasy of trying to get laid @ the Hard Rock in Vegas. That is something I want to do before I get too old to stay at that place.

So my choices seem to be spend the $ for a room @ the Hardrock or Palms for a couple of nights or Slum it up downtown at a local casino and try to make some money. I love downtown especially the Golden Nugget and there are a few bars down there that I really can get into, and the cost is very cheap. It's just that within the last couple of years I've just embraced the side of Vegas that I pretty much ignored as a kid/young adult, thanks to my friend Jeff.

I'm not talking about the strip clubs and those service fliers and ads that expolited illegal immigrants hand out on the strip. Heck, if you're into that sort of thing you have the best in North America for that kind of stuff right across the bridge. To me Veags and that "industry" are just totally obscene, overpriced and soft of a joke to me IMHO.

It's those nightclubs that charge $20 to get in after waiting in a line that takes hours, unless you slip the big dude at the door at least a $50 or you just plain young, skinny and hot. The $10 drinks, but the view oh the view :-) Last trip I just had a blast kicking in at a very slow Red Square at Mandalay Bay thinking I was inside the Kremlin hanging with a headless Lenin statue. It was there that I didn't even think about paying $12 for a vodka martini [oh which really was worth it].

So now I just have to mull me decisions. I think I have to book a place at the Imperial Palace on Friday night since the premium for rooms are just nuts. I have a connection there, a friend from LJ so I should be set. Although it is a very old and time warped hotel the location is very convient for what I want to do on Friday night.

I was just surfing online last night trying to figure out possible dates next month for my Vegas trip when I came across the new Perry Ferrell. Then it got me thinking of how much Jane's Addiction ment to me back in the Day growing up. So I just poked around myspace and found various pages for janes', porno for pyros, perry himself and of course lolla! It was in that moment that I decided that I just have to go this year. I remember a few years back when I wanted to go when it first came back and then the tour was cancelled. So I checked at work and put in for Aug 3-5 to be off. All I have to do is save some cash for the flight and hotel and I'll be set.

It's just that with this I do have a bit of a apprehension of going out there alone. I image if I did book myself into the Hard Rock I would end up having a good time anyway but I just want someone to tag alone. As much as I love Vegas I do wish that there was someone that could come along for the ride. It's not that I don't have any takers but for the most part they are eirther broke or can't get the time off.

I think I am setting some sort of masochistic milestone in the abuse that I take at this job. First off I think I gave myself a mild concussion on Friday when I hit my head. I have banged it before so I didn't think much of it. Except I sure felt it later Friday night when I went to see Aqua Teen Hunger Force. I had a hat on and when I removed it I had a red/grey steak running down my forehead along with a little sore spot where i made contact. I'm feeling blah today and I have been icing my head for about 30 minutes a day, but still I'm a bit in the fog.

On top of that I am getting bitched at by this crazy Falls Chick who is the shift supervisor on Swing. I'm being a nice guy working on my day off an a shift that I don't work on usally so the female contigent of my department can attend a baby shower for one of our co-workers. Then I get the untimate degregation like I'm a freaking moron. Why do I take this shit? Eirther I'm completely laid back beyond beilef or just stupid.

I think I'm calling in sometime this week, I deserve it...

That's what I get when I post about Kurt Cobain shooting himself and leave it as my last post for a week...

Yea, Kurt Kobain killed himself today 13 Years, OK now yestday. Wel you what I mean.




With that in mind when my Dad asked me if I cared to join him in going to Canada this evening I said sure, but only it it's the "old casino" being Casino Niagara. Why I guess since I spent the good part of the 90s there and spent wway too much $ there back then. So I went and spent 6 hours on level 2 the "non-smoking floor" Now the entire place in NONsmoking. I just didn't feel any vibe at all in any way for what happened. Heck, the hand in which I regained my chips back and secured a small profit I was being a "crazy man" and singing "Smells like Teen Spirit" The kids at the table thought I was from another planet. THen again I did go all in for $100 with 2-4 and hit two pair on the flop against KK and some other hand 9-9? and adding insult to injury hitting a 2 on the river for a full house. Sorry for the Poker talk but I did what I didn't do back in the day, leave a bit ahead.

So what did I get from this? On a spooky 13 year anniversary no one really cared about KC shooting himself. Casino Niagara is a dump according to my Dad. It did feel good tp play some 1-2 No Limit without being intimidated by the Agressive Betting Kids from the GTA. The Shrimp Cocktail Lucky's Steakhouse where my Dad had a snack hit the last spot on my Easter Things to do/traditional must experience list. With all of the Double Smoked Polish Sausage, boiled aggs with red horseradish, rye bread, peirogi, Shrimp as totally missing out of the picture until the last minute.

It was just a day that reinforced many things. But heck I was more a Alice in Chains fan back then anyway. Lane offed himself on the same day years later.

Yea, its more interesting time now but back then in the day in the "Dark Ages" I do miss the intense dreary darkness about those days. It's like Henery Rollins pointed out, "as Henry Rollins pointed out...
"but that fat fuck, Jim Morrison, once said.. Hold on to your depression, because its some of the most righteous and intense moments you'll ever have.."

Although for all the weirdness and whackiness of my life right now I can't really say anything bad at all.

I just can't wait to end this holy week fast that I have been on for the last week. I just got a glimpse of the good stuff that my Ex bought me from the broadway market and I'm quite excited.

- THE ORIGINAL LIST -
1. You or someone in your family owns a Nissan Maxima with a PL sticker proudly displayed on the back windshield and/or a custom-made European license place in the front (most likely with your name written on it)
2. You have relatives who aren't really your relatives
3. You sing the same song - “100 lat” - on every occasion (weddings, birthdays, baby showers)
4. You watch soccer
5. You know very well Pope John Paul II was Polish and his name was Karol, not Carol
6. You go to Midnight Mass every Christmas Eve and keep your Christmas tree up till February.
7. You drink your wodka straight
8. You listen to techno
9. You don’t feel the need to add an “s” to Pierogi because you already know the word is plural and it annoys you when others do. However, you still add 'y' to already plural english words... "chipsy", "dzinsy"
10. You are convinced your pets only understand Polish
11. You are forced to listen to Disco Polo by your parents
12. You can spot Polish people like Asians can spot each other
13. When others find out you're Polish, they tell you about every Polish person they've ever known, which is most likely followed by them mispronouncing common phrases such as “czesc” or “dziekuje”
14. Your name always gets slaughtered on the first day of school
15. The thought of eating cow stomach (flaki) doesn’t gross you out
16. When you're at a stranger's house, you expect their garbage can to be under the sink
17. Every window in your house must have "firanki", even in the bathroom
18. Once in a while, you do a big "przemeblowanie" at home
19. You always take off your shoes as soon as you step into someone else's house (even if the owner of the house insists you don't have to)
20. You celebrate your birthday AND your nameday, "imieniny"
21. You were extremely surprised to learn that American weddings last hours, not days

So I heard this morning as I was just coming back from my first break, "Someone shot himself in the Casino!" I heard it from my co-worker who is a cocktail waitress about 10:30 or so. Then some other dealers attempted to head over to the new hotel section, and it was blocked off.

As more details came out I found out that I knew of the guy that did it. He is a pretty well off local business man. A very likable guy that everyone knows that works here because he is a "highroller." I was just pretty much numb today after hearing the news and remembering my dealings with this person. I have been working straight poker for the last 2.4 years or so and I haven't had to pay off any of his markers, but he still made a very strong impression.

The truth be told knowing the "dirt" the whole thing is a mess. Although he is a married man with small kids he was having an affair with a blackjack dealer in this place for the last 4 years. She left her husband for him and for probaly financial reasons he couldn't leave his wife. So after a while I imagine a woman can become impatient with being the "other woman."

I guess they were sitting out on a bench in the main hallway this morning by the current car this place gives away. From what I hear she was going to break it off. Well things most probaly came to a head this morning as when he was sitting at her BJ table. Apparently they were arguing and creating a big scene, that's when he pulled out the gun and shot himself.The shreik of his girlfriend could almost make time stand still from what I heard. I knew at least one person that was a witness to this horrible event. It's pretty bad from what i hear. The people immediately involved were taken to some kind of counseling.

He didn't shoot himself in the head but in the heart. He was taken to Niagara Memorial and later passed away.

All I can say is it just makes me look long and hard at what kind of environment I find myself working in. I guess 3 out of 4 of the basic elements of sex. drugs, lies and money were at play here.

I do appreciate the couple of text messges and phone calls of which I could not answer when all of this was on 2,4 and 7. The crazy part was the local media was in attendance for some other press conference.

What a day.