That was one of the first things i heard this morning. Luckily, before the phone rang, i had a chance to pee, 'cause sometimes, when i wake up in the morning, the walk from our bedroom, down the stairs and to the back of the house seems like miles.

In this case, the desperate voice on the other end of the phone was a neighbour. Through my grogginess, i found out that she got to work and a co-working casually asked her "so what did you have for breakfast?", upon which she panicked. Yikes, her eggs were still on the stove cooking!! She wanted to know if i would run over to her house and see if her house was on fire! Thank goodness, (e:Uncutsaniflush) was awake longer than i was and was able to get over there. He looked in all the windows to make sure nothing was alight while i talked to her on the phone as she rushed home. When i saw her car pull up, i went out in my robe and slippers to see how the house was. Thank goodness everything was ok... other than a pan or frying pan or whatever the eggs were in. I reckon her morning was mulit-tasking gone wrong?

Made me think how glad i was that we were home and how, for those 5 minutes or so, our neighbour had someone to at least talk to while in her panic. Which sort of lead my mind in another direction....

In my lifetime, i have always been happy to help. I think of myself as a fairly reliable person. I could be full of myself, but that really is how i see part of who i am. It honestly makes me happy to help. Now that i am married, i tend to hesitate slightly because i have someone else to consider when i give away my time... and sometimes, it involves him. He always tells me i need to be who i am and that my desire to help is something he cherishes in me. Which is just so cool to be married to someone who respects who i am.

Yet, sometimes, my longing to help leads me into feeling taken advantage of. It's happened in my past. I used to time phone calls from a friend when i was in my early 20's. Every 6 weeks, about a week before her day off the following week. Would i cut her hair... for nothing... again? I always did. Eventually, after trying a few times to hang out with her when she didn't want a haircut, i gave up. I tried to explain to her how hurtful it was, but i failed at it and eventually, i just stopped answering her calls. I would like to think i have learned from those days. But have i? Do i still feel like a doormat from time to time? Yeah. Do i feel resentment? Yeah. But ultimately it is because i can't articulate how i feel without offending, or at least fearing to offend. Still, after all these years, this is a challenge for me. I don't know if it has anything to do with how i see myself, or how i value myself. Do i think i am only good for helping, but not for fun stuffs?

Through it all, i like doing for others. Yet i rarely ask others for help myself. Why is that?