Been feeling a bit blah lately. Spent too much time crying yesterday. My body and spirit feel downtrodden.

I either had/have a flu bug, or the heat was making me sick and i'm not getting better as soon as the heat goes away.

I wish people would say what they mean and mean what they say.

I feel like there is much i want to do but no energy to do it.

Positively, our tomatoes are doing very well. We picked our first one... but haven't eaten it. We picked it ceremoniously and thought we would eat it the same way, but my stomach wasn't ready for a tomato yesterday. Hopefully today...

Yep, everyone knows it's hot right now. My turn to complain about it.

Often, i think to myself that i am fortunate that i now live in Buffalo and not Knoxville anymore, where the heat is worse. But it's not too bad, Knoxvegas ain't the "deep south", where i am sure i would be seen on the news on a roof with a gun. Even this heat up here makes me feel like i'm gonna snap.

Yesterday, (e:Uncutsaniflush) and i went to a mall in Mississauga. So we could be in a/c... and see something and be somewhere we haven't been before. Went to dinner with my parents.

Today, it was a local mall.. and swimming with Kirsten.

Oh, please, how i hope the weather critters are right and it will be cooler tomorrow....!!!!

I have returned from my grand road trip (e:LeeTee,206) to Franklin Furnace, Ohio

I missed (e:Uncutsaniflush,242) . It's the first time since we have been together that we have spent the night apart. I told Kirsten to not mind me if i cuddled up to her in the night. But i was surrounded by puppy (and my teddy bear, Petey), so i didn't get a chance... lucky her.

We laughed a lot on the way there. I feel so comfortable with Kirsten... not as uptight as i can be with other people. We got really punchy near the end, though. And i got me some serious cases of the giggles. As did she. Particularly when i mentioned her glasses. She wears contacts, and i have never seen her with her glasses on. Now i know why. Damn, thems some glasses she has. Bent arm on one side, wobbly frame and no arm on the other side. I think it took us 15 minutes of recovery to stop that giggle fest. I think the dogs stopped playing to look at us in wonderment at some point...

I confirm that (e:Uncutsaniflush) would have found the trip to be torture. It was so all about the pugs.

As expected, i took pictures. Should i start calling them pugtures? I was saddened to see a lot of them were blurry. I need to experiment more with our camera when i'm in less of a hurry to see how i can get more from it. It's a good, but suffering thing, with me.

I don't know what the lil guy is called yet. We were searching for a name, but none have "clicked" with Kirsten yet. I thought she settled on Sebastian, but then a neighbour with a pug named Cosmo suggested Milo... and now, he's just the "lil man" again.

But here he is...



And here is this cool action shot of the lil guy and Ava, playing on the bed in the Days Inn in Wheelersburg, Ohio

On another, completely different note, i am glad for myself that i didn't burn my bridges with neighbour and Her Sailorness, Deb. (e:LeeTee,204) and (e:LeeTee,205) I felt then, as i do now, that i handled things the way i was meant to, like a grown up... despite the times i wanted to push her off the sailboat. But i digress...

Deb works for the state. I never knew in what capacity. When Kirsten and i were loading up the car, Deb was on her way to work and stopped to chat for a moment. She asked me if i was working. When i said no, she asked what i did or wanted to do, and would i be interested in helping people, in particular, the developmentally delayed. When i told her i would, she said she thought i would be great at it and could get me a job "in 24 hours" and to let her know when i am ready to go to work. I thanked her and told her i would talk with her more about it when i got home.

Kirsten let me in on what she thinks the job would be (Kirsten also works for the government -- as a therapist at ECMC) and where and what Deb does. We don't think she would be my direct supervisor... we think she is more in the administrative side of the organization.

Now, i would love love love to have a job as an aide working with developementally delayed adults. Working for the state would just be an added bonus. The more i think about it, the more excited i get... Trying not to keep my hopes up. I need to talk to Deb more about all of this before i go and get too much more excited.

Kirsten, Ava and i are headed off on a road trip to pick up a wee lil baby pug. All the way down to Franklin Furnace, Ohio, right on the Kentuky border.

(E:Uncutsaniflush) isn't coming along... he prolly thinks it would be torture.

Speaking of torture.... expect pictures when we get back, (e:peeps)!!

Thanks for the input, (e:Folks)! (e:LeeTee,204) and (e:Twisted,414)

OK, here's what i did. I called my mom. Moral support from my sweetie, (e:Uncutsaniflush) and my Mom was most excellent. Mom agreed with my gut about not going.

Since i know Deb had today off, wasn't at home and she was planning on seeing Al Gore today, i called her on her cell. She didn't answer. So, i left her a message saying, basicly, that i wanted to call her and give her plenty of warning that i would not be on her crew for Tuesday night's race. I just didn't see the point of explaining to her why on a cell phone message. Then, i told her i hoped she was having a good day and to have fun seeing Al Gore.

She returned my call when i was in a store laying on a mattress (my back is sore every morning and i know if i had a little less front i would have less back pain) in Carolina Furniture on Sheridan.

• Side note to (e:Paul). There's a store in that shopping plaza called Banzai. It's a Japanese and Dollar store that sells candy. If i knew what kind you liked, i would have gotten you some.**

Deb's message to me said, basicly, that she was disappointed i wasn't coming to the race on Tuesday 'cause she thought i liked it. And that Al Gore was actually funny... but the same stuff was said as his book and the movie.

Haven't seen her or called her back. If i see her and she asks, i will be honest with her about my reasons. But not if she doesn't. She lives next door and in general terms, on dry land only it seems, i like her. She and her husband are getting divorced, and i think she is moving out (she gets the ski chalet in Ellicotville)... but in the meantime, i do have to live beside her.

I can't sleep right now. I have something on my mind. I need to vent.

I take promises very seriously. Even ones that could be casual. If i say i am going to do something, i do it.... even if i sometimes change my mind or think it might not be in my best interest. My word means a lot to me.

As i mentioned in an earlier post, (e:LeeTee,203) i was asked to help out our neighbour, Deb, and be a needed body for her during an upcoming sailing race. We were supposed to go out for a fun sail Saturday, but it rained. So, we went on Sunday.

(E:Uncutsaniflush) wasn't really into it, but since i was and he wanted to support me, he came along. I'm glad he did, despite his sunburn (i still don't understand why my pale freckeled skin didn't get sunburned and his medium complected skin did... makes no sense, we both used the same sunscreen).

Before meeting Deb at the boat, i called her to ask her what i should wear. I don't sail, have never been out on Lake Erie, and i didn't know if i should wear a swimsuit, because she told me earlier we might go in for a dip. She said to bring a jacket. Puzzled, i asked if it would be cold, and she told me not to wear a swimsuit and bring a jacket. OK. I wore a pair of 3/4 length light knit cotton pants and a t-shirt.

Getting a sail boat ready to sail, i found out, can be work. I got sweaty. I was offered another, lighter shirt, which i declined. I don't like sweating, but i figured once we were out in the open air, i would cool off.

Seems Deb took offense to this somehow. Told me if i didn't like it and the amount of work i could get off the fucking boat. But shit, i wasn't even complaining about being too warm... which is so unlike me, since i hate being warm. I thought i was on my best behaviour.

She warned me that when we were sailing, she would be barking orders. And i have heard that people in charge of a sail boat (skippering?), have a reputation of being mean, cruel and nasty. So, i was prepared. More or less.

She barked a lot of orders, repeatedly, without explaining to me, or (e:Uncutsaniflush) (who has sailed before, but it was about 30 years ago) what some of the things she was barking at us meant. Yes, the night before, she gave me basic lessons on what things were called.... but i am not a seasoned sailor. Excuse the fuck out of me for asking what something is, or what she may have meant by something. So much for a casual fun sail.

Thank goodness there was someone else on the boat to soften her for us... and explain, politely and pateintly, what some things were and what we needed to do. I think he may have talked to her because she was soooo nice after we docked, telling both (e:Uncutsaniflush) how well we did.

Now, even though i made the promise to her and she took the time to teach me things and take us out for a "fun" sail, i just feel so put off and i am not sure i want to follow through with my promise to be "rail meat" for her race on Tuesday.

Barking orders at me during the race is one thing, even during our sail that was supposed to be fun. But yelling, swearing and disrepecting me for being sweaty... well, it just doesn't help me want to do her a favour. I thought it would be fun, but i didn't find it particularly fun. And not just because i thought she was being a bitch.

I know that i need to stand up for myself and give her a completely, but not necesarily cruel (just 'cause she was mean to me doesn't mean i should be mean to her), honest reason as to why i do not want to be "rail meat" for her race if i decided it isn't what i want to do. That's hard for me. Not just because i think my word means a lot, but because i don't want to offend her. Or maybe i am just a big wuss. I don't know.

I have no idea what i am going to do. It's a little thing. But my plan of "sleeping on it" just isn't working.

I like rain. I like to dance and play in the rain. But, today, i wish it weren't raining.

We had plans to go sailing with our neighbour, Deb. She wants Kirsten and i to be "rail meat" for a race she is in on Tuesday and wanted us to come see the boat. And maybe take a dip. And, just generally hang out. (e:Uncutsaniflush) was coming along and we were going to have some fun in the sun. We even thought it would be good that it wouldn't be so hot. But rain? *pout*

For now, we wait. Although based on the radar pics, i don't think we should hold our breath....

Your post got me thinking, (e:Krayner03,3) . I have thought about commenting, but i figured i might be too long winded (as usual) and opted for my own post with a link to yours.

I think that often happiness can be perceived as something the simple minded have. That anyone who has deep thoughts must have a hard time not being sad because the world is such a challenging place. Yet i think life can be a challenge and we can still find our happies in it.

I agree with (e:Terry) that anyone that is happy all the time might just be acting part of that time. But, is happiness always that giddy euphoric feeling, or can it simply be a contentment and a satisfaction with life and its ups and downs? Can't happiness just be a generally possitive feeling that the hard times won't last forever and we have the confidence and strength to overcome? Can we not be happy when we are sad?

Perhaps if we don't have unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others, and simply remember we are all erring humans, we might not find ourselves disappointed. Perhaps unmet expectations are allowing us to be sad.

Perhaps i am the simple minded one that thinks it's all possible. Perhaps it is all in the definition of happiness.

Recently, i have been hanging out a lot with Kirsten, my neighbour and now friend... i don't think i fully realized how much i have missed having a friend. Someone who actually gets me. Someone who understands my jokes, thinks i am weird and is ok with it. Boosts me up when i am down and doesn't understand why the whole world isn't beating down my door to be my friend. It feels amazingly good.

We were supposed to go swimming this evening, but the weather disagreed. We got kicked out of the water at Woodlawn Beach by a cop a couple of evenings ago because the lifeguard had already gone home. The night before that, we swam until dusk started. Got bit by skeeters something awful. Had a great time, even if it took me a long time to wash the sea(lake?)weed off my body and out of my hair. I had forgotten how much i love to swim... or, in my case, splash around in water. Damn fun.

Saw the neighbour that lives between us tonight. She wants us to be "rail meat" for a sail race she is in next Tuesday. Invited us to see and hang out on the boat with her this weekend. Looking forward to that. I don't think Kirsten, myself or (e:Uncutsaniflush) are seasick. I reckon we will find out, huh?

Making chalk sounds like fun, (e:Carolinian,21) ! I think my sister in law used to make chalk when her kids were younger. I found out tonight, that Target sells chalk.



They also have sidewalk paint. I wonder if that would be a good outing? Sidewalk painting?!



I didn't bring my camera to the show, so no pics of any Buzzcocks. Oh, i know how you all are so dissappointed. But, i did take this one of the ceiling of the lobby of the Holiday Inn Express we stayed at. Nice place.

Not that anyone but me gives a rat's ass, but I have a new usersound. I put it on gather before i uploaded it as a usersound... only to find out it was too big to be a usersound. Only now did i finally get 'round to asking (e:Uncutsaniflush) if he could help me rip it at... oh... a lower sampling rate (i sooo want to say at a lower resolution, despite me knowing that's wrong!). So now, i have a new usersound. And it's not a Buzzcock's song. But it features Pete Shelley...

Anyhoo, if anyone (other than me and (e:Uncutsaniflush)) is interested, here's the gather info:

Filename:
The_Adored___01___TV_Riot_(Feat._Pete_Shelley_of_the_Buzzcocks_on_Guest_Vocals).mp3
Tracking Number:
0973148001152931718

The Adored opened for Buzzcocks and we thought they were most excellent. Good enought to buy the cds at the merch table at the Buffalo show.

Which was great. As i always want to be when i see a Buzzcock's show, i was right up front where all the action is. Steve Diggle wasn't a complete wanker. A rare thing. The lads all seemed to have a good time... and Pete Shelley was hitting on the guy beside me, so i got next to a cute boy attention.

The next day, we decided that i really wanted to go to the show in Cleveland... not sure if (e:Uncutsaniflush) would have wanted to go if it weren't for me being such a rabid fan.

I'm glad we went. We had a good time.

The hotel was interesting. I took some pics, but i haven't uploaded them yet. I might post them if they turned out ok. It was a Holiday Inn Express a block and a half away from the House of Blues, so no worries about cabs or parking.

The show was good... young... rowdy.... lots of security. It's what i expect but rarely see at a Buzzcock's show. I didn't get too many boots to the head, but there seemed to be a fair amount of crowd surfing in a room that isn't much bigger than.. hmm... maybe a coupla rooms in our house. I was too intent on the stage and having my own fun to worry about the security trying to keep crowd surfers off the stage. Sadly, though, Diggle was a wanker, drunk off his head, unable to keep up or keep in tune, not sure of what song was being played closer to the end of the gig... and it appeared as though Pete Shelley was very annoyed. Or maybe it was just 'cause there was no cute boy beside me...

Last night's Buzzcocks show was great. I sweated up a storm, and the railing snapped the underwire in my bra. I still say it ain't a good punk rock show unless something comes home bruised. This time, it was my bra.

Kirsten needs someone to take care of her kitties this weekend, so i am waiting for her to come over and give me the lowdown on giving Maslow his needles (diabetic kitty).

After that, we will shower... i'm already packed.

We decided this morning to run off to Cleveland to see the Buzzcocks again tonight at the House of Blues. I'm so freakin' excited!!