Have ya ever had a mental image of something that is just a wee bit wacky?

Whenever we drive by the Ford Buffalo Stamping Plant, i have this well formed mental image: a huge room jam-packed full of buffalos, barely any room between them, backs still and unmoving, while their feet slam the ground below, up and down without any sense of rhythm, but a definate sense of purpose.

No, i am not off any meds....

Oh damn. Can't fall asleep because of this cough. How annoying is that?

Speaking of annoying... most times, noises and beeps and clicks and shit like that on computers don't interest me. I got used to the boing boing of the chat here, and the sounds that used to end abruptly when logging on or off. But, i tend to disable sounds. However, i am tres annoyed with flash right now. They don't want me to hear usersounds on (e:strip). Bastards!

Physically

As i have mentioned a few times before, i quit smoking. I smoked for almost 25 years. The hacking cough i got used to. The smell of smoke in my clothes and hair were normal for me. Both my parents smoke, and my mom started smoking when she was pregnant with me. So, in an odd sorta way, i kinda feel like i have always been a smoker. Just over a year ago is when i quit.

About 8 weeks ago, i got a cold. I really was hoping that my lungs were clear enough that it wouldn't sit in my chest weeks after the cold was gone. That was not to be. My dentist mentioned to me (when he was trying to work in my mouth and i couldn't keep a cough in any longer) that it may take up to 5 years for all this shit to clear out of my lungs. What fun...

This weekend, (e:Uncutsaniflush) and i were visiting my parents. Both my mom and my dad still smoke. They do their best to keep the air clear(ish) for us when we are there but the smoke sucking ashtray isn't quite enough.

Since we got back last night, my cough is like a smoker's again, and my lungs feel so heavy. Oh, how i hope it won't be like this every time i visit them!

Emotionally

I also hope that some day, very soon, my parents will both find the energy to be happy. I love them both so much, and think that they are both good people, but they both seem so unhappy.

This weekend, in particular, my dad seemed so... hmm... difficult, i guess is the best way to describe it. I felt like any discussion i had with him had to have a billion qualifications around it. No, dad, i don't think Uncle Cam is an asshole; i think he is basicly a good guy that can't seem to get his shit together. I merely use him as an example of predictable behavior patterns. And my dad became defensive of his youngest brother.

My mom was more chipper this weekend than my dad, but i can still feel the tension from an arguement they had a week or so ago. My mom wants to get rid of a very nice outfit she got one fun weekend in Toronto with a friend because of this argument. ANd if her side of the story is even half right, then i don't blame her one bit.

Sadly, i find both myself and (e:Uncutsaniflush) being sucked into the drama that is the life of my unhappily married parents. He and i, if we chose to, could sit and analyze all the drama for hours. Sometimes, it is so tempting to, since we both so want to find a solution for them. It pains me greatly to know that no one can help them but them. I am so sad for them...

Today, while we were eating dinner, (e:Uncutsaniflush) exclaimed, "Look!! A rainbow!" Out our back door we went. I did my best to snap a couple of pictures; it's nowhere near (e:Matthew) status and it's not as visible as i would want. But hey, it's there...

This started off as a comment to your journal, (e:Twisted,354). Then i got to rambling and made it into a post...

Thanks so much for the good luck with the job, (e:Twisted). Means a lot to me. It's been a while since i wanted to work somewhere. Always had to get a job because i needed a job.

Like you, i have always been evasive and presented in a possitive or neutral way with certain issues on resumes or job applications. Since i didn't graduate from high school, on a resume, i would list the dates i went to the high school, and have them assume that because i was there for 4 years, i completed grades 9 through 12 (in Canada, there used to be a grade 13, which was a separate diploma, intended merely for the purposes of university prep). But, i was in high school part time, trying to work 2 part time jobs so i could pay for silly things like food, rent.. oh, and drugs. So, i attended for 4 years, but gave up after completing grade 10, in the middle of grade 11, unable to handle all of that and even more dramatic issues of life at that time. So, i presented the truth, and let them assume the rest.

In this case, however, i didn't and don't have a resume (but i should.. i thought i had one, but it got lost in the shuffle of papers with the INS, i think, since i thought it was with them), so i filled out theirr application, which directly asked "Did you graduate?" within each of the education level segments. I felt i had to put in something, rather than have it filled out, with only one part missing.

OK, that was way more of a ramble than i intended...

I have been tossing around the idea of getting a GED for a while. I just have so little confidence in what i have between my ears that i fear anything nearish to failure will scare me away. I have looked into it. I have a booklet from some adult education school on my desk right now. The information is vague. They want people to pay for classes. But, i think the GED is free and the test is held once a month around here. All i need to do to write it is i.d. saying i am over 17... and if i don't tell them i am Canadian, all the better, since that complicates it all.

Your idea for me to write it and see what i need to study is a brilliant one. And i thank you profusely. Something i never would have thought of; using my failure to find out where i need to study. Brilliant! Thank you!!

(e:LeeTee,151) I lied. I did it. Bugs me. But i want this job. I will admit to lying if they ask me directly. Dropped off the application today. Hope to hear soon. Will keep you updated... if anyone cares to know.

Moments

(e:Imk2,54) i can't comment to your journal, so i will do it here.

I know exactly what you mean about sharing a moment. Maybe he will drop his young bimbo when he realizes you aren't taken! I would have assumed a hot chick like you was taken... maybe he did too?

I had a moment with Lux Interior. Who's that ya'll ask? Well, the one and only singer of The Cramps. (e:Uncutsaniflush) and i went to see them at Blue Cats in Knoxville. A small enough venue to get right up close. And i did. Lux was sweating on me... and performing some of his trademark moves looking right at me. Now who would not be impressed by a 50 something year old junkie able to deep throat a mic?

Right now, i am filling out a job application. In the past, i have always been totally, 100% honest. When i have mentioned it to others, they have told me to lie. I don't know if i want to. Do i say yes or no to the graduated high school question? The truth is no. But will that mean i can't ever get a part time job in the US? *sigh*

I switched my userpic to Eeyore today... feels like that kinda day. For me, at least.

I try to remain possitive.

Couldn't sleep well last night. I couldn't get a thought out of my head. Something i really shouldn't even dwell on right now. Something that i feel like i can't handle. (E:Uncutsaniflush), the sweetie that he is, keeps telling me i can handle it. That i have faced worse and that i have done well to face fears in the past. He's right... in my head, i know this. Now, if my heart could follow that, all will turn out great.

I picked up a job application today. Somewhere i think i would like to work. The Co-Op didn't want me, maybe this place will. The application asks if the applicant is a US citizen. Never been asked that before. Then again, this is only the second job application i have filled out in the US...

Funny how something so big can be so invisible..

Yeah, that is so you, (E:Twisted,346)...

Harmony In My Head is a great song. One of the 3 that i like by Diggle. As much as i love the Buzzcocks, i just think Steve Diggle is a weenie. He handed out Steve Diggle promo pictures of himself near the end of the gig at Lee's Palace in Toronto... he was throwing them out into the crowd. I think i threw mine back at him.

I dunno if i have those Pete Shelley signed tickets safe anywhere... i know they can't be in our current safe deposit box. I have moved at least three times since i got them signed. If we see them together some day, i will find a way to meet Pete Shelley... we will hunt him down.

You're welcome for the invite to stay here. We have plenty of room. And i would be pleased as punch to have you. I think i knew you like our house... i think (e:Uncutsaniflush) told me that when we first made an offer, back before i was an (e:Stripper). Should we not connect the back apartment to the rest of the house because you want to move to Buffalo? lol

And thank you so much for your offer to be a tour guide and a hostest with the mostest. Might take you up on that some day.

We sorta almost went to San Fran in February. I like to go away on my birthday, and we considered going farther than Toronto this year. SF came up in the convo. Then, the car needed repairs and that all went out the window. Our wee lil Prius hybrid is a good car, it saves us tons on gas, but when it needs repairs, they ain't cheap.

Today, when i emerged, (e:Uncutsaniflush) said i was smiling! Smiling?!?! After being in a chair at a dental office? The hygenist is really nice... she was quick and gentle. She even told me a few jokes and i left with a smile. To top it all off, i don't need a crown in a tooth i thought i may have, i only have 2 (or did the doc say 3?) cavities. Two?? Or even three!?! That is the lowest ever. Talk about firsts!!

The Weekend

We spent Sunday night/Monday morning at my parents place unexpectedly. We went to visit my mom and take her out to dinner. We thought about surprising her today, on her actual birthday, but she had to have oral surgery yesterday (surgical root canal sounds like the worst birthday pressie ever to me, how about ya'll??), so we didn't think she would be up for too much other than pudding... The place she decided she wanted to go for dinner was an interesting choice.... a good place to eat, but the service is rather slow. Not because it is high end, or because the staff isn't very good. But because it's homey and everything is done from scratch. So, my mom called and made a reservation, sometime between 6 and 6.30pm. I think we left at about 9pm... (E:Uncutsaniflush) didn't feel like driving home, so we crashed at there. Without any of the creature comforts i am used to... like clean underwear and deoderant. Ah, well, there is a first for everything.

Something that wasn't a first this weekend was the good time i had at an (e:Strip) party. Thanks for the invite. I am happy to hear you had a good time, (e:Matthew), since it was your birthday! I took some pics... but it seems as though i only thought to take the camera out of my pocket when there was drama. Got lots of you having your pants torn off, (e:Mike)! Sorry we didn't say bye to... well, anyone. We called a cab and they said it would take 20 minutes. Thought that would be enough time to make the rounds to say bye, but the cab was early. They called my cell and told me the cab was there, just as (e:Hodown) was coming back in to tell me the same thing!