Posts from December 2006

I'd like @theecarey's journal but i'm in a hurry. so just go look at hers for further readings on this adventure. meanwhile, here are some crayon renderdings we did while on our mental vaca.


the adventure begins in a dark red room by a cozy fire and a well packed vanilla 'enhanced' hookah


carey's fire depiction


my fire depiction

we decided to draw fruit baskets with our mouths


carey's


mine


i saw little ghosts coming out of the smoke flying at my head


i have no idea what carey saw although she kept laughing and yelling 'chainsaws!'


dinner


then came my merry-go-round ride. my legs were kicking away because i thought i was running the opposite direction of all the horses on it. the music was wack, and i think i saw paul.


self-explanitory


i began riding a horse complete with gallop motions


when i looked at carey she was wearing a huuuuuge yellow hat, like the 'man in the yellow hat' and her lips were covered in blood.


i did my party trick. write like davinci.
can't read it? print it out and hold it in a mirror.


carey and i will be attending the new year party as eddy and patsy!

Christmas Eve at Gramma's last night was hard. I cried a little bit in secret, but then I remembered this poem someone sent. I thought I would share it in memory of Irene, and to anyone else who lost a loved one this year. Happy Christmas peeps.

My First Christmas in Heaven

I see the countless trees around the world below
With tiny lights like Heaven's stars reflecting in the snow
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tears
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year

I hear many Christmas songs that people hold so dear
But the sounds of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here
I have no words to tell you the joy their voices bring
For it is beyond description to hear the angels sings

I know how much you miss me
I see the pain inside your heart
But I am not so far away, we really aren't apart
So be happy for me dear ones
You know I hold you dear
Be glad I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year

- Unknown

I shouldn't be at work. I should be off on vaca like all the others. But noooooooooooo, I had too much fucking work to do. This is what I felt like

Today's quote:


"Sleep. The death of each day, but a doorway to the map of humanity." - unknown



I'm helping my program director/professor/internship supervisor write a new textbook. It's about the function of Catholic colleges and universities. As we were discussing some things today during our meeting we checked in on the Cardinal Newman Society. If you're not familiar, it's a set of like minded individuals in the Cahtolic faith. You may also refer to them as the watch dogs of Catholocism in education, very conservative. Anyhoo, I came across this piece and thought, wow. That's something. Particularly look at numbers 5,7, and 8. I am in NO WAY saying all Catholics believe this for surely there are many that take a different approach. I'm just curious of other's opinions. If you have any. Ciao.

Embrace the chaos for when you least expect it, peace will be put upon you.

In Chaos I see: The Clint Boon Experience.

Interesting article. What do you think?

Women in the "Girls Gone Wild" Era:


We have this on in the office all the time. It's a live cam of a watering hole on a South African game reserve. Check it out:


The other night I had a dream. Reflective of my reality right now but odd how it played out:

Apparently a nuclear bomb was headed our way. Somehow through the mysteries of this ironic universe we live in, I ended up on a tour bus full of people I dislike. Sure it was a fancy bus with white leather upholstery and a well stocked bar, but wtf about the company? Not only was it full of those I dislike, I was also the guest of honor...(come on, can you smell that irony cookin?)...AKA the bus driver.

That's right, the bus driver. Not that I know how to drive an oversized tour bus or anything. The closest thing I drive is a 12 passenger van and that's plenty big for me thanks. Drive a big bus full of people I dislike away from a nuclear bomb. I was adamant that I'd rather die swiftly in a blast of radiant ash than to save these people.

An announcement came from the sky that there was to be an explosion at the quickie mart next to us. Everyone was screaming for me to drive away. I refused. Then a cargo van in the parking lot blew up all Hollywood style. 20 feet of vertical flames, 360 rotation, and a smashing drop. My passengers were freaking out. I was being stubborn. I didn't care.

I began to scream back at them that I was not their savior. Why in the fuck of this world should I always have to save others? Especially this bus load of others I could care less for. People who had betrayed me, hurt me, used me, abused me....I was their savior?

The theme song for this post is Eminem: Cleanin' Out My Closet

There is something on my mind that keeps rearing its ugly head at me. I've tried and tried to work through it but I can't seem to make any sense of it, therefore I'm having trouble moving forward.

I've recently been faced with facts. These facts changed my mind about several people in my life, their sincerity, and how much I've been used for my kindness. It gave me the motivation I lacked to do what I had to do and to be ok with it.

Why be ok with it? I feel for people. Deep down, everyone I have ever known, no matter what wrongs they have done to me, still has a place in my heart. Probably a very, very minute place, but they are never forgotten. So I have a hard time moving people to that remote part of my heart. More often than not I simply get used along the way, and continue to forgive and forgive. Lately the events in my life, though certainly not pleasant, allowed me the opportunity to shift some people over and feel good in the end.

I feel no guilt, not that I should. It was hard but I feel all the better for it. It was a real step in my personal growth. The confidence to know I don't depend on others for my happiness. Friendship is a circle created by two people. When one is holding on only half-assed with one hand, the circle is broken. I've gained the confidence to know I can let go too. There's no sense reaching for someone that doesn't want your hand. Let them fall. Let me fall. It's ok.

I've learned that most of my friends dislike each other. As a result A doesn't want to be around me because of the B, while the B 'won't allow' the A to come around. I don't really care if A and B get along however I will say I think both A and B SUCK because the person being punished for it is C.

My struggle to move forward is, do I let A and B go as well? Since neither wants to spend time with C because of their dislike for each other, there isn't much of a friendship left is there? Can I let go of this too, and be ok? That is the question I have to be able to answer yes to.

I just wanted to say thanks @jenks for really helping me out with the sweet potatoe casserole last night. My kiddos LOVED it. They were really excited to have the chance to try it, since we lost the other one in the fire and all. I just wanted to give a little shout-out, I really appreciate your help! Ciao.

awake again, stars are bright

watch tv to see people more messed up than me

smile :)

it's gonna be alright, no matter what they say


it's gonna be alright cuz I'm alright with me.

(jewel, new sound)

Stormed Toronto Wednesday night to see, you guessed it, 30STM, again. I love those guys so much, it's always a rockin good time at their shows. I think this makes show 7 this year? Didn't do any stalking this round because we had to truck back home after the show. Not to mention Kool Haus is right on the harbor so the whole place smelled like bad fish. Gross. New user sound clip from a live acoustic set. Ciao.



Jared



my favorite, Tomo