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Category: restorative

05/27/06 04:55 - 70ºF - ID#35945

a tale of two girls

Ahh, a day in the life of (e:theecarey) and (e:ladycroft)

The Mystery Adventure (TM) proved to be an exciting jaunt, as are all "Mica Mic and Kee Wee Mac" excursions.

hehe, those are our old nicknames. We have always been a pair of super sleuth adventurism extraordinaires. Our resume of experience and adventure goes way back.

So, Friday began with loading my iPod with select songs downloaded from LimeWire the night before and jotting down a few directions. The music was intentional. I knew we'd be laughing hysterically over it. I made sure not to listen to any of it until we were well on our way.

Music: check
Gas: check
Money: check
Nutritious lunch packed in cooler: check
Camera: check
Car ride munchies: check
Dr. Pepper for Timika: check

Anything else we could possibly need is in the trunk of my car. It is always prepared for adventure, or Armageddon, whichever happens first.

I was well aware of the weather a head of time. The rain was not a hindrance, and in fact (as predicted) is added to the quality of the trip. We ventured off to unknown territory (and it truly was unknown for Timika as all she knew of the day was that I was picking her up around noon and that all she needed was to wear clothes for being outside)

A delightful "wrong" turn here and there provided us an opportunity to see all sorts of fun things. Signs such as "Meat Raffle", "Humming Alpaca's" miniature McDonalds signs, "Posted" signs were everywhere; we were afraid of being shot when we jumped out and rummage through someone's garbage. Timika scored on a pair of super cool retro chairs. I am partial to their red color. We made a pact that I have visiting rights and that if she is no longer able to take care of them, then they would come live with me :)

Eventually we were on the "right" path. I place the words, 'wrong' and 'right' in quotes as I perceive getting a little lost and going off plan adds to the experience and does not take away from it. Be forewarned, if ever in the car with me, I never stop for directions. You can, but not if I am driving.

First place to explore is the Griffis Sculpture Park out in Springville (Ashford).

Once off the main road, we turned onto a street that made me gasp. Suddenly there was a steep hill ahead. That in itself isn't what made me feel in awe, it was the turning onto the street and the sudden visual of this road that just keeps going up.

Here I am trying to take a picture of the road behind us, backwards, while driving and while paying attention to the narrow winding road. Yeh, that's just a picture of my face. At least I look as amused as I felt.

Ahh, there we go: the descent of the road. Taking a picture of us going uphill didn't really look like much.

Eventually we turned onto a road that gave clear indication that we were getting close to the park. We were fascinated with the change in scenery. Giant metal sculptures intertwined with nature. My sense of awe heightened to jubilation as more and more sculptures appeared, of all shapes, sizes and locations. There were sculptures in the middle of a clear field along with ones that skirted the edge of the woods.

A small sampling of what we saw. For the rest, you will just need to take the trek out there :)




At one point, I pulled over, jumped out of the car, hopped over a ditch and gleefully bounded through the tall wet grass to find out what the enormous and shiny object was off in the distance. I began the journey early on with wet feet and jeans up to the knees. Wet jeans make it hard to keep them from sliding down the body. I was hiking them up all day.

spider with a beak? no thanks..

heh, this would be a nightmare come true. Eww..

Timika and I had the same sentiment at seeing this large pond; to float on a raft and relax (for me, daydream..). I can envision taking a paddle boat through that water, or a canoe, or an inner tube, or wood planks tied together!!

Whatever it was.. I climbed it. Anything that looked like it could and should be climbed, I did.
This one I really wanted to take home with me. I need one in my back yard. Forget clothes lines and birdbaths, I want a freaky metal thing to climb into!!


Like Mork and Mindy, "nanu nanu"

Who knew NY has smurfs??
More smurf sightings..


Um, this is a classic picture. Totally priceless and I will tell you why. I am afraid of heights. Yet I am the first one climbing a tree and heading up into crazy metal sculptures. I try not to think about my fear that much. I don't like to be in the way of myself. If something is hindering me, I will work at overcoming whatever it is. And so, I proceed to climb stuff as usual. However, with the continual rain, it made for dangerous climbing. The metal was slippery and i could sense the level of fear increasing the further I went up. I was actually doind fine until the sculpture shook a little. Then that overwhelming tremble took over my brain and body. I couldn't move. I stood a few rungs from the top and internally freaked out. Had I known that the sculpture shook a little (I didn't think to ask LC) then I would have been able to prepare my brain for movement. So as I stood inside the sculpture, I willed myself to go up two more rungs. I figured I had three to go, so just going up two more was quite a compromise. I was proud of my tenacity despite the shaking fear. I leaned over to look out and Timika snapped a picture. Priceless. hahaha

sha! this is nothing..

Lasted more than 8 seconds. woo!

Meet my new friend.





rainy and sweaty (e:ladycroft)

(e:theecarey) and her 30lb back pack. Just the essentials: 4 16.9 oz bottles of water, camera, two sweat shirts, latex gloves, red hood, box of crackers, bag of assorted nature munchies, trashbag, roll of toilet paper, two umbrellas, first aid kit, flashlight and bug lotion.
And don't forget the GIANT walking stick. LC had one, so I had to have one too :)


Sometimes it sprinkled, or a gentle rain and even a couple of down pours. Either way, this hair wont be dry anytime soon. I stand and take pics, as I climbed another scultpture. Timika went up one more level.


hehe, I love these pics of her:
Crazy girl locked away at the top of the castle.

Or, the regal queen up in her tower looking down upon her minions.


The metal maze. Oh no! I can see you, Timika, but how do I get to you??



What is this?! A random pile of rocks? I must climb you. (whats the deal with the large white spot?)





(yeh, that was quite a few of pretty much the same pic)

Another friend..

such a dream-like and surreal quality to the excursion. Fog rolling in, the Amazons in the bathing pond and not a single person besides Timika and I during the entire time we were at the park, which happened to be 5+ hours!




Taking a break on the picnic tables to breathe in the heavy air, listen to the birds, frogs, rain, and cows. Yes. cows. And I say they go,"moo" ;) (see LC post)

(e:ladycroft) looking and feeling worn out, but in a very good way!

This sign cracked us up.

Not bad for an out house.

We sat on a rock and dined in the misty rain. LC admist the pile of food. Hmmmm egg salad, wheat pitas, fruit (mangos, strawberries, kiwis, apple), wheat pasta/red lentil combo, swiss cheese from the laughing cow- not the mad mooing cows we saw on the hillside, green tea and some chips. Dig in!


My oversized walking stick not suprisingly did not fit in my car. Sadly, it had to be left behind. On a cool note, you can see the chairs we picked up on the side of the road in the back seat, well kind of.. just need to look closely :)

And so, we wrapped up the day. Another point in the days adventure would have included a hot air balloon ride, however, all of our fun at the Sculpture park left us with little daylight and I am sure the balloon rides would have been way over by the time we got there. So we drove around the area some more, getting a little lost (yay) and enjoying the strange look of the incoming darkness, fog, zero people sightings and random cows.

hehe, our use of Timikas compass was a nice taste of Orienteering.

A few of the sculptures reminded me of the game MYST, as they are somethng I am sure I would come across in that game.

A fun day. I wouldnt have changed a thing!!

moral of todays post?

Dont wait for so called perfect weather to get out an explore. Half of the fun is just to see how things can be experienced and perceived in the light of changing weather. Good friends, provisions, curiosity and a sense of mystery makes for a great day.

PS-- leave your watch at home.

oh and bring extra socks, shoes and pants... or a trip to Super Wally World will be a pit stop on your way back. :)

Later gators!

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Permalink: a_tale_of_two_girls.html
Words: 1730
Location: Youngstown, NY

Category: potpourri

05/25/06 11:44 - 71ºF - ID#35944

unfit for (indoor) plant care taking

This, that and the other

  • Co workers consumed left over cookies. yay!

  • A few co workers saw me graduate as they were there for people they knew. It was strange being congratulated a few times this week as I only told my immediate team of co workers. So I would hear from people that I havent really spoken to all year: "Congrats, Carey" me, "for what?" Then they proceeded to tell me that they were at the ceremony.

  • Made an interesting whole wheat pasta (elbows) and red lentil concotion. I havent tried it yet; the fresh herbs and seasonings need to blend for a few hours.

  • I love hearing from friends, especially when I was just thinking about them. Too bad it didn't work out that way more often...

  • Working on downloading more music. Some of which I would rather not admit to at this time, haha. I could use some suggestions!

I could very well be up all night although I am tired already. I also have a couple of assignments that need to be handed in asap. What are my priorities?
Right. Music ;)

  • I am definitely going for a bike ride this weekend and spending time cleaning up the yard. One must get ready for BONFIRES! This is usually the weekend I spend digging, raking, turning over dirt, planting and getting everything looking super fabulous. I love my outdoor "room" that I create. What I really want is a sense of a "secret garden". But what I have right now isn't so secret when my former middle school math teacher/neighbor is always outside chatting with me.

  • If you type estrip into a search instead of (e:strip), what comes up is "estrip poker lesbian". (ok, (e:strip) comes up as well.. first as a matter of fact, then estrip poker lesbian haha)

  • My Boston fern is about to die. I am a terrible indoor plant care taker. I do really well with the outdoor jungle. But inside is an entirely different matter. I was going to post a pic of the pathetic looking fern..its awful! I am hoping to resuscitate the poor thing. I should have given it to my mom when I first got it a couple of months ago. She predicited, "you are just going to kill it.. " bah!!

Well, thats about all the random tidbits I have to share at this time...

later gators

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Permalink: unfit_for_indoor_plant_care_taking.html
Words: 401
Location: Youngstown, NY

Category: food

05/24/06 11:54 - 59ºF - ID#35943



I kinda felt like I wanted something sweet today. But I wasn't sure..

then (e:salvatore) wrote the magic word, just one word- "cookies" in the chat earlier today. And left.

Which left me to thinking about cookies. Yup, mission accomplished, friend.

I thought to myself, I must have something in the apartment that will take care of my taste for sweetness. I proceed to poke through the cupboards.. seaweed, forbidden rice, lentils, wasa crackers, rolled oats, TVP, assortment of condiments, teas and honey. Nothing in there to satisfy my needs.

ah ha! I recall that I have a baking goods section in my basement pantry. I havent baked anything since Christmas ( I am still picking cookie dough off the floor, ceiling and cat). I thought maybe I will have a stray brownie mix or some spare peanut butter chips.

I found a lone cake mix (like I make cakes, and if I do, it will be from scratch), sprinkles, powdered sugar and.. a packet of sugar cookie mix. Not sure why I would have that either, as when I last made sugar cookies (at Christmas), they were from scratch as well-- hence the insane mess I made.

Alas, I didn't think too deeply about this. Instead, I took my good fortune up to the kitchen (thank you, Cookie Fairy).

I was surprised to find an egg in my refridgerator (also from Christmas-- hehe j/k.. ??) and a stick of butter. Nothing else was necessary. The packet of mix was small- "smart size" as Betty calls it. It pretty much gaurantees that no more than 12 cookies will come out of this packet. That works for me. I figured I would eat a few then dump the rest. Well, I'm sure I would find someone to eat them..

While cookies bake, a friend calls. We chat, the cookies are done. I consume two warm sugar cookies and I am done. The sweet tooth was taken care of..

hah, but that wasnt the only effect the sugar cookies had on me. I went from cookie to kooky. I was bouncing off the walls and became quite verbose in a few emails I sent out. "Rambled on" doesn't even touch it. I havent had anything sweet in awhile-- I really have to be in the mood for snacks like that.

Thanks again, Sal, haha.

I get an intense craving once in awhile. Scrounging for something sweet is occasional. However, one thing I almost never eat, is red meat. I am not a vegetarian, but most meals are considered such (vegan, even). I am not against meat consumption-- I just don't think about it that much. If you make it, I will eat it. There a bunch of wonderful meat-free products out there that I regularly purchase. However, I enjoy chicken, fish, turkey on occasion. I would consider those a semi-regular part of my diet. Just depends if I think to buy soemthing like that.

Now, for the craving that I get once in a great while is for a slab of beef. Just a steak, nothing else. I call that my "I'm feeling Ravenous*" craving. Ravenous is the title to a movie pertaining to canniblism. I don't remember much about the movie other than a story being told about people eating other people. I watched it with a friend and have since used the term "Ravenous" to label my sudden desire for a steak. It simply humors me. So see the movie:

heh, You are who you eat :)

speaking of which..

I was telling my co workers about "HuFu"; the human flesh alternative. (WIKIPEDIA - How and why we got on the subject of cannibalism, not sure. Probably because some of the kids we work with have tried to eat us. Oh the stories behind the scars.. (ah ha, I will bring left over cookies to the kiddos-- "eat these, not me, ok?")

But then, in class.. we were working on a team building exercise. We had to imagine that we were in a small plane that went down in the rain forest. The pilot died, we have some supplies and basically what to we do with them and how do we rank their importance and what is our game plan for survival. A sampling of items included: decorative candle, garbage bags, transistor radio, machete, loaded pistol, rum, first aid kit, insect repellent, granola bars, lighter, compass, jug, etc..

So we are thinking about logistics, rationale, and various uses for the objects. As people pondered what we should do with the Rum and Granola Bars... a solution came to mind: Marinate the pilot and sprinkle with granola bar crumbles. Feast!

I promise I will not eat any of you :) I am not a cannibal, really. I have an over active and very creative imagination. It is all part if my adventurous spirit. I also happen to find humor in an otherwise warped subject matter. (disclaimer: cultural death traditions excluded) Ever be in your car and you pull up next to someone and wonder what they are about? ever make up a story in your mind?heh, I can even create adventure at the DMV. Oh that place is replete of things to laugh at and about!!

so again, rest assured that I have never "had a friend for dinner"

if you don't believe me, well.. you can just bite me ;) har har

good night, peeps!

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Permalink: kookies.html
Words: 913
Location: Youngstown, NY

Category: environment

05/23/06 11:37 - 50ºF - ID#35942

Melting Snows of Kilimanjaro

When I have more time than I know what to do with, I shall write a rhyme about lentils in the form of Dr. Seuss. Why? well, why not? :) French Indigo Lentils are wonderful; I should have purchased more as I am running out already. YUM.

I went on a Lentil shopping spree, having stocked up at the Lexington Co-Op then again at Tops, where bags of red lentils were mere pennies a bag. Red, Green and Indigo. Score!


I am looking for a book. I remember picking it up at a local rummage sale. I probably read it eight years ago. I recall that it was falling apart and that the pages were randomly shoved back into the book. It was a fiction book (propaganda) about the effects of global warming and how might the planet look and operate as global warming takes its effect. It was fascinating, scary and real.

If my memory is correct, the book was written by a SUNY Buffalo professor. The title eludes me. Although I have held on to many of my books, there are some that just havent made it through the years, or I have lent out and never seen again.

So looking for the book reminded me of the film that is opening this weekend, "An Inconvenient Truth"-- which is about global warming.

Go see the trailer at You Tube:

Official Website:

Reviews at Rotten Tomatoes:


Plot Summary from is as follows:

Director Davis Guggenheim eloquently weaves the science of global warming with Mr. Gore's personal history and lifelong commitment to reversing the effects of global climate change. A longtime advocate for the environment, Gore presents a wide array of facts and information in a thoughtful and compelling way. "Al Gore strips his presentations of politics, laying out the facts for the audience to draw their own conclusions in a charming, funny and engaging style, and by the end has everyone on the edge of their seats, gripped by his haunting message," said Guggenheim. An Inconvenient Truth is not a story of despair but rather a rallying cry to protect the one earth we all share. "It is now clear that we face a deepening global climate crisis that requires us to act boldly, quickly, and wisely," said Gore.


List of theaters across the US where it can be seen:

Around here, so far the only theater that will be showing it is:

June 16th
Dipson Theater 3 (Amherst)

if you like to Google: (MAP TO: 3500%20MAIN%20STREET%20BUFFALO%20NY%2014226%20US%20)

Or if you are more into Yahoo!ing it, like myself and (e:ajay) then go here:

Anyone interested in going?

something to think about..

Later gators..

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Permalink: Melting_Snows_of_Kilimanjaro.html
Words: 516
Location: Youngstown, NY

Category: music

05/22/06 11:15 - 47ºF - ID#35941


Music can open doorways into what it means to be human beyond our limited cultural definitions. If the listener is open, music becomes a magic carpet carrying the participant on a flight of becoming.
~Michael Strearns

of becoming what? hehe

..anything I want, I suppose. hmmm..

Stearns created the soundtracks to Back to the Furture: The Ride and Star Trek: The Experience. Also Chronos and Baraka, two non verbal "global masterpieces". I have some music from Baraka, although not nearly enough. Which brings me to this post. I found a sampling at

LimeWire is limited in sources, although the songs are available. I may have to try another music sharing site.

And so, I roll out my new user sound:
African Journey- Dead Can Dance

I have off Friday.. I am thinking about a venture out to Letchworth..

I have a bunch of stuff in mind for the long weekend, weather permitting. Well, not that that EVER stops me.. but I am in the mood for some sunshine and calm air.

Who's up for some adventure??

be safe,
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Permalink: ambiance.html
Words: 201
Location: Youngstown, NY

05/21/06 11:05 - 46ºF - ID#35940

weather alert?

Yeh, I am posting about the weather.
I thought of how many of us have begun planting, etc.. and one frost will undo all that hard is a heads up..

Cut and pasted from Yahoo! weather:








I will eventually return to more thoughtful posts..

stay warm, peeps

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Permalink: weather_alert_.html
Words: 222
Location: Youngstown, NY

Category: ramble

05/20/06 11:30 - 53ºF - ID#35939


Grad ceremony was better than I thought. I was not nervous in the least. That seems to be the case..I work myself up over something (for months), then the actual event I pull through just fine.

With just 206 graduates, the Medaille ceremony was quick and did not require large tvs for everyone to see it, as UB graduation ceremonies often do. Paul noted/has picture in his journal about a friend who just graduated. (e:paul,4351) My undergrad is from UB.. I didn't go to that ceremony. I know now that I didn't miss out on anything. Yuck.. too many people.

The speaker (college President??) was fun and motivational. I might track him down at a later date to pick his brain.

My mom, Ashley(niece) and (e:pyrcedgrrl) (Dana) attended. Thank you! I needed the moral support :)

I had fun bantering with my classmates. We were a bit obnoxious at times..sometimes I am the ring leader in creating a laughing frenzy. I just find so many opportunities to make silly comments, that one of these days will be sure to get me into trouble. Anyway, it was a good time. I set out with that attitude in mind..

I'll look over the pics that Dana took and will eventually post some. When I do pictures, I have to be on a different computer. One of these days, I will install the software on this computer as well,so it wont matter which one I am on.

After the ceremony there was a reception of the sort. Cookies, juice, etc. I didn't go. It was mad crazy crowded.. so I chatted with classmates for a few then headed out the door. Dana had to leave for work, otherwise I am sure she would have joined us out for a late lunch. Right after we ate, Ashley took off. She had plans with friends to go to Grad night at Darien Lake (she graduates high school next month).

The rest of the evening was spent with my mother who took me shopping. I am not a shopper. I buy necessitiies when I absolutely must. And I enjoy buying books and techy stuff and a couple of girly things once in awhile. My mom can usually be found at Sears or Home Depot, as she knows how to do everything. Really.

So we went to Sears. hahaha

ok, she wanted me to look at an outdoor screened "gazebo". I had one last year, but it eventually fell apart. The day of my birthday party was spent duct tapping it back together as some freaky winds undid the welding. Remember, (e:ladycroft) ?? haha. Shortly thereafter, it came down and was trashed. Knowing that I wanted another (of better quality), she had been looking around for one for me. She liked one (of many) at Sears. I liked it too (I am easy), and she bought it for me (and some other neato stuff). Yay.

It will be delivered soon. OY, I think I have to put it together..

but bonfires, lazy summer nights and pitchers of lemodade/iced tea/mojitos will make it well worth it :)

I crashed early last night. I didn't want to go back out. It was a busy day. Once I returned home at 9:00, I knew I was in for the night. I was so hungry that I ordered food to be delivered. I just couldn't bring myself to cook anything or open anything. I didn't even have milk for cereal..

My food arrives, I watch the tail end of Close to Home (?) and then settle in for an hour of Numb3rs. I am really liking that show. I just never remember to watch it, or rather, I am often not home to watch it. Then I watched some Law and Order (hmmm, my long time favorite show-- the only thing I watch) and eventually passed out. The day wore me out and I slept well.

Forward to ---> 8 mile walk/hike this afternoon, conversations with strangers, shopping at the Co- Op, made a yummy dinner, late night 2 mile walk under the stars (super clear tonight..go out and look!) and now, finishing this post before playing a computer game for the remainder of the night.

Tomorrow: nothing definite.. probably homework, clean, bike ride if it isn't too windy. Maybe see who is out and about. Whatever happens..

Good night :)

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Permalink: stuff.html
Words: 735
Location: Youngstown, NY

Category: school

05/19/06 12:31 - 49ºF - ID#35938

winding down

the clarity of the sky makes for an ideal night to star gaze. I was only outside for a few minutes. I forwent my nightly walk. I feel unsettled. So here I am, trying to settle down for the night anyways..

a cup of tea, relaxing music and a computer game or two should help..

or just turn off the lights and day dream until I am pulled into sleep.

so.. graduation ceremony is in twelve hours. (1 pm)

I need to get up early...but I am not tired at all. Too much energy, too many thoughts. I could use a mental diversion..

If I wake up early enough, I would like to take a long walk before I get ready to do the "walk" across stage.

Afterwards, no plans.. some of my classmates want to go drinking/bar hopping; but that just doesn't appeal to me. At all.

Instead, I will probably come home and do some homework, heh.


Happy Friday :)


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Permalink: winding_down.html
Words: 164
Location: Youngstown, NY

Category: blurb

05/17/06 11:23 - 56ºF - ID#35937

coffee tea or me


I was telling a friend about this tea that I recently purchased.
Now I have to post about it.

Yogi Tea brand "Bedtime Tea"

its insane. or makes me feel that way.

it says, "natural sleep aid: promotes restful sleep and relaxation"

and "crazy ass dreams and other states of delerium"

ok, that last part I made up, but it should be on the packaging somewhere.

I drank. (chugged not sipped)

I put the cup down.

I fell over on top of my pillows and Bob (stuffed turtle)

and dreampt. kind of...

My body wasnt ready to sleep. I would awaken then get pulled right back under. Dreams were elusive but I recall some strangness.

I vividly recall sitting straight up at one point in the night with a revelation of the sorts.

made me think (again) how much stuff we have kicking around in our minds. "Brain Poo" (TM)

so here you go, Yogi Tea Healing Formula hahahahaha


on another note:
I walk in less than two days. I finally picked up my cap and gown. I have no idea how to wear the hood. Do I put it on or do they? I am nervous. Now I am beginning to think about what I will wear and how I will do my hair hahahahaha. I find humor in that. I think I will wear a dress... and straighten my hair...and... ahhhhhhhhhh

I officially took the day off from work, as it is at 1pm. Well, my team pretty much made me take the day off. "You are not coming in on your graduation day". I was going to do a half day, but now I am glad that I am not. I think I will need the time to mentally (and apparently physically) prepare myself for the ceremony. yeesh.. I'm 30, why such nevousness?

Alright, I am finishing my tea..

good night :)


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Permalink: coffee_tea_or_me.html
Words: 319
Location: Youngstown, NY

Category: stalkers

05/16/06 12:01 - 55ºF - ID#35936

graduation and slayer

I just came in from a short walk in the light rain. I felt a bit anxious and in need of getting some air. The thirty or so minute trek through town ridded me of most of my blah-ness. However, upon return, I felt a surge in feeling obnoxious. I want to wrestle someone. Or climb a tree. Or jump in my car and drive till morning, destination unknown...

instead I hop into bed and onto my laptop. My mind is too bouncy to read.. so instead, I write. Not sure where this is going to go.. please excuse all grammar, spelling and mental meandering..

I think my head and heart have been in a battle lately.

I have my graduation ceremony on Friday. The last graduation I went to was for highschool, and I didn't even want to go to that one. I skipped the Associates and the Bachelors ceremony.

Heh, I remember being on campus the day of my Bachelors ceremony. Know what I was doing? I was playing Vampire, a role playing game. My mom didn't talk to me for weeks. She wanted me to go and I didn't..

I can be really shy even though it doesn't really appear that way. I can get in front of people and do the public speaking bit, I am pretty outgoing and I will give anything a try.. but I am still shy. I am assertive, that isn't a problem either. I always work to get over the shy bit. I detest being in the way of myself.. (if that makes sense?)

.. And for some reason, doing the "parading across stage" in a cap and gown just weirds me out. Maybe it has to do with attention being placed on me? Not sure..
I know I am going this Friday (1pm Kleinhans), as I realize that it isn't about me anymore. My mom really wants me to go and my classmates expect me to be there as well. If my neice goes, it will be good for her to see a family member graduate from college.

But I still feel all anxious inside. Since I am open to trying anything, i have to be open to this as well. Come on, it is just a ceremony. If this is the least of my concerns, I am very grateful.

Ok, so this sense of anxiety leads me to having to face my next career step. I know not what to do. I regularly say that I have maxed out my postition. It bothers me that I have been saying it on and off for a couple of years now. But it has suited me while I have been in school. Good hours, benefits, awesome co workers, consumers, etc...and during this time I havent had to really attend to the process of making the next step.

But now I am approaching the end of my schooling (well, atleast with this degree, anyways-- I will always take a class or soemthing.. ) I need to figure what my next step is. Do I stay in the mental health field? Do I try somthing else, switch gears a little.. Do I begin the process of figuring out how to start my own business (whatever that may be.. I know its in the cards, my entrepreneurial spirit wont let me have it any other way.. )

heh.. or do i go onto another degree? Ofcourse it is something I think about.. but then I wonder, am I doing it for the challenge or for the "safety net" that comes with being a college student? I have to grow up sometime, right? I could go on for a doctorate (I've been provisionally accepted) or I could try a masters in something completely different, which is very appealing. I could wait a few years..and see where my life takes me... see so many options, choices, motivations to figure out.

so, although I think my head and heart have been in a battle, I don't think either knows what it wants (in regards to college/career stuff). Maybe I am squirrely on a bunch of things. I know that when I get to feeling like this, I need to just relax my mind/heart and from there what truly matters will surface. Then I can tackle whatver comes of it..

onto other stuff as of late..

My on again, off again stalker managed to make contact very recently. I jotted down notes during a conversation. I try to find the humor in it, but it creeps me out all the same. I find myself wondering if I am doing anything to lead this person on (not that there has been any contact in over 21 months-- even though he has persistently tried).

Now that contact has been officially made, I am disturbed. I am tempted to share the details of the conversation (again, I took notes because it was so creepy, odd, and such..), yet I am deciding against it at this time. Although I don't feel it is a serious matter, I don't want to make light of it either. Lets just get to the main point that I "tried" to make.. "no, i don't see us as friends, as I think you are looking for something much more than I can give you... I have reservations in talking to you.. or seeing you.. it isn't going to happen.. not interested in you.. no connection.. blah blah" Yeh, it sucks to put yourself out there and be shot down.. but then you move on. I mean, I was very clear then and I was clear this time as well. No need to read between the lines.. I said what was necessary, yet with respect and dignity...

Now I remember that firm wasnt good enough two years ago, as firm may not be working now. Back then, I had to get mean, which isn't me. I felt sick by it.. but it never stopped him from calling. ever.. and it still hasn't. I have always gone the honest approach.. but now it may be useful to try another tactic. Such as (e:pyrcedgrrl) suggested.. have a male be on my outgoing messages and/or have a male pick up the phone sometime under the guise of being my boyfriend/fiance/husband. I never seriously considered it before...

So again, I try to laugh it off.. it does have its humorous elements to it...but I am not comfortable with it, as I can't seem to get through to him. (e:pyrcedgrrl) affectionately refers to him as "slayer". Friends share..but you know what, he is all yours, hahahahahaha :)

  • breathe in, breathe out*... again, not at all the worst thing that has happened.

But from all this perceived craziness, I again, truly appraciate my family and friends (old and new). I am always learning from them.. and love that they are in my life. thank you.

heh, my dishes aren't done and eveything appears to be a mess. Tomorrow after work I will make it all look, feel and smell good again. mmmm, will also cut a bunch of lilacs to place around the apartment. Cleaning and organizing can be fun when I am in the mood. It is especially helpful when I have some great songs to dance to while I am doing all this.

So on that note, I have some really great songs added to my iPod. I spent a good part of yesterday downloading music. I will probably change my user sound once again. It is (or was) Art of Noice, Moments in Love (trance)... a pretty hot song. But now its time to try something else. I am very happy with a few specific new ones that a friend shared with me. It is great when a song makes me smile...

Its about that time.. good night, be safe, smell the lilacs.. and make time for yourself. Some things *can* wait..


if you are into drums as I am, you may appreciate the new user sound: japanese traditional - Kodo Ibuki Taiko Drums
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joe said to flyingdinosaur
Welcome to (e:strip)!...

paul said to joe
oh Jan Magnussen ;)...

paul said to tinypliny
I miss you too!...

tinypliny said to paul
Oh I see the sheep are there too. Is this the entirety of your flock? :D...